Mingyu slowly learned that after being frustrated and angry for quite a while, you start feeling tired. You start giving up and you become too exhausted to try and fight.

What did giving up look like for Mingyu?

It looked like him lazing around and watching TV all day; it looked like him laying in the sun, by that big pool of his, taking pointless naps; it looked like him no longer bothering to get up anymore from that living room floor every afternoon and make lunch for himself.

In short, it was just pure and utter, torturous boredom, and just losing the motivation to do well… anything.

He had stopped counting the days, when eventually on one particular evening Mingyu stopped to wonder if he was going a little crazy. The previous day, he had scribbled faces on the fruits in his fridge with permanent marker and had a lengthy conversation with them about life.

Yep, Kim Mingyu was probably losing it.

The memories about Wonwoo that had previously kept him some company had thinned away and rarely came to him nowadays. And though his strange behavior lately was quite questionable, Mingyu felt like he could justify himself that he was wasn’t crazy, just bored. Besides, he kind of very much missed talking aloud to someone else. And so, it was either that creepy frozen mirror of his, thin air, or the fruits. He would probably pick the last given those options.

Today Mingyu was feeling more motivated than usual so he actually got up and wandered into the room that led to the pool. Instead of exiting there like usual, this time Mingyu plopped himself down in front of the piano. He really needed to stop talking to inanimate objects, and decided that music might be the best choice to keep him occupied.

The only problem was, did he even know how to play?

When Mingyu lifted his hands, his fingers seemed to fall naturally onto the piano. He felt a strange sense of familiarity and immediately knew that this wasn’t his first time on the piano. Sort of like if you hadn’t biked in 10 years, but once your feet hit the pedals you were riding away without even understanding how you could still do this. It was as if the nerves of his brains were suddenly alight with a spark, threading and connecting in all the right places, Mingyu’s hand flowed seamlessly like ripples across the water as he played smooth cohesive arpeggios.

He shut his eyes and exhaled as if it was his first breath of fresh spring air after an endless winter; as if it was his first time laying on vibrant green grass after months of pasty bleak skies, and slushy snow that caked the world into an endless gray and white blanket. The feeling of the blocky piano keys and clear flowing notes made him feel more alive than he had in days or weeks- however long he had been trapped in this limbo.

He took a stack of books that were neatly compiled together at the side of the piano and shuffled through them. Most of them were classical pieces by all the famous composers Mingyu was all too knowledgeable about.

At the bottom of the pile however, he found a red folder that was different from the rest of the books. He flipped open the folder and was surprised to see sheets of handwritten music. The sense of familiarity with the pages of music was stronger than ever, and he abruptly stopped on one piece titled “Eternal”.

Mingyu squinted unsurely at the music, setting it on the stand in front of him, and just like that he began playing. At first the notes were soft and curious, an uncertainty within them, like a child’s first ginger and wobbly steps. Then Mingyu realized his hands were more or less moving on their own and he hardly needed to pay attention to the pages in front of him. The song felt all too familiar against his fingers and slowly but surely, it was as though the child was now breaking out into a clumsy run.

***

“What’s this song?” Wonwoo asked curiously looking up from his laptop.

“Eternal,” Mingyu answered after a couple beats. “I wrote it”

The two had been sitting in what he had deemed the ‘piano room’ for half and hour or so with Mingyu on the piano, and Wonwoo curled up in a blanket writing up whatever the hell it was that he was working on, (Mingyu still didn’t want to ask to read it).

Wonwoo said that Mingyu’s playing helped him focus on his writing, and so that was how they sometimes spent the evening after Wonwoo’s work ended. This was Mingyu’s first time playing his own piece in front of Wonwoo. He didn’t write a lot of music and was in no way extremely skilled with his compositions, but writing music sometimes kept his mind off of life when he needed it.

“Wow you wrote this?” Wonwoo sounded nothing short of amazed. He put his laptop down on the rattan chair, letting his blanket drop to the floor as he walked over to Mingyu, curiosity edging into every bit of his features as he stared at the sheet music.

“It’s really nothing,” Mingyu laughed. “You should hear my friend Jihoon play, now he’s impressive.”

“No no, shut up, your playing is beautiful ok,” Wonwoo tipped his head to the side in wonder. “But why is this music so…”

“Not happy?” Mingyu suggested with a knowing smile.

“It’s so lonely… and lost sounding,” Wonwoo stared at the piece with an intensity. “How come you wrote it like this?”

“I wrote it off of a dream I had.”

“A dream?”

“Yeah, well more like a nightmare honestly.”

“What was it about?” Wonwoo looked at him curiously.

“Well…” Mingyu started hesitantly, feeling a bit embarrassed to describe his nightmare that he could still remember vividly even after 4 years. “It was at my old house. In the dream I woke up one day to find that I was completely alone. Like every body was suddenly just gone. My family was gone, my neighbours were gone, everywhere was just deserted; it was as if the entire world just shut off and I was the only one left. When I tried to go off to find my family, I would just circle back to the place I had started, minutes later. I was completely trapped.”

Mingyu shivered picturing the dream again.

“Sounds ing bent.”

“Oh it was,” Mingyu frowned. “The scariest part about the dream was that it was so dark. Like there was no night or day, just a gray veil that covered the sky. It was like all the happiness was out of me the more I stood around in that place. I know it was only a dream, but it felt so real, and it was kind of terrifying. I forget almost all my dreams, but I can’t ever forget this one.”

“And so you decided to write a piano piece about it?” Wonwoo raised his eyebrows teasingly.

“It’s easier to write a piece that comes from stronger feelings you know?” Mingyu responded, waving around his hands to emphasize. “Even if it’s things like fear and loneliness.”

“Deep,” Wonwoo grinned which elicited an eye roll from him. “Hmm, well I think you should write a part two for this composition.”

“Huh?”

“A happier ending to that dream. Like you finally find someone else in that abandoned lonely place.”

Mingyu tilted his head in thought pausing for a bit. “Yeah… I could do that.”

Wonwoo shyly smiled and shuffled closer. Mingyu turned around from the piano to completely face Wonwoo now.

The two sat encased in silence and thought for a while until Mingyu wondered what exactly they were doing. Wonwoo wouldn’t turn away from him and had a strange look in his eyes.

What was is it in the way Wonwoo was looking at him?

It was a soft and fond look at the edges, yet somehow so unyielding… and there was something else... Mingyu couldn’t pinpoint what it was exactly, but it caused his stomach to flip nervously and anxiously, as if he was waiting or counting down to something.

4… 3… 2-

“I broke up with her.”

The silence was sliced cleanly in half as Wonwoo finally dropped his gaze.

“What?” Mingyu asked.

“Lydia,” Wonwoo said.

“Oh,” Mingyu nodded trying to keep both his expression and voice as neutral as ever. “How did she react?”

“Better than I expected actually,” Wonwoo shrugged.

“That’s good,” Mingyu genuinely smiled. A small part of him (a large part of him), still felt that sinking feeling at the pit of his stomach when he thought about how unreachable Wonwoo probably was even when they were both single, but he tried to shove those thoughts aside.

“Yeah thank god,” Wonwoo shuffled back to the chair, back to their careful distance, and sunk down in relief. “That’s one thing off my shoulders now. Honestly, I think she was actually just as done as I was,” Wonwoo said as he pulled up the blanket back over his shoulders and cocooned himself in it. “She was probably thinking about breaking up too. No guarantees we’ll remain friends, but it doesn’t sound like an impossible idea to me.”

Mingyu pursed his lips and absentmindedly nodded, barely paying attention to what was being said anymore. He could only focus on the way Wonwoo was burrowing into the blanket and curling up on the chair with his soft bangs (that really needed a trim) falling slightly over his eyes, and his lips pulled into a small cute pout.

Mingyu thought he somehow looked like a tiny cuddly cat, despite not being so much smaller than Mingyu. Immediately, he flushed at the thought.

What nonsense are you thinking of Mingyu? Jeez shut up, Wonwoo might hear your thoughts…

***

Mingyu stopped playing, his hands hovering over the keys not daring to press anything else. The sudden silence that wrapped the room felt suffocating, like he was sinking into an endless expanse of inky black tar.

The dream.

It was all he could think about as he stared blankly at the piano piece he had written. His own words to Wonwoo rang through his mind again and again.

I woke up one day to find that I was completely alone.
I would just circle back to the same place I had started.
I was completely trapped.

The words thudded against Mingyu’s heartbeat and crept through him like vines peering through cracks of a cement wall. He wondered if he could call this moment déjà vu. Well whatever it was, it turned Mingyu’s stomach inside out. Strange didn’t even begin to cut it.

How could he have had such a dream in the past, yet currently was experiencing almost exactly the same thing?

Mingyu had pondered over whether he was dreaming or not far too many times already, yet here he was thinking about the possibility again. Lately he felt like he was floating high up in space, so far gone among the scintillating stars. The only thing that pulled him close to the ground was Wonwoo, a man he barely remembered, but felt like he knew all too well.

Mingyu got off the bench, leaving the piece open on the piano stand and slowly made his way towards the kitchen to make some food for himself. That was enough piano for the day, maybe even for the week.

Another memory stirred into Mingyu’s mind only a couple hours later as he was sitting on the couch flipping through some channels on the TV, landing decidedly on the News station. Mingyu sometimes felt like the memories were weird friends of his that would simply drop by during random moments of the day without any warning. Even so, he welcomed them because they somehow kept him company, and his brain preoccupied.

***

It was an abnormally chilly Friday summer night, and Mingyu was curled up in the warmth of his house lazily watching TV with his microwave ready pasta. Of course he was perfectly capable of cooking dinner, but he simply wasn’t in the mood today. He kept flipping through the channels, disappointed to find nothing interesting on tonight. Still, he continued flipping through when a couple of words on the screen suddenly caught his eyes.

He quickly went back to the channel that had his attention, and turned his eyes to the corner to see that it was the local news station. The headlines he had wanted to take a closer look at were now big angry red letters glaring back at him.

“Breaking News: Shooting at Erin district, 3 dead, 2 injured”

Mingyu just about choked on his pasta. He quickly set down his plate and moved closer to the TV… the news reporter was standing in the area, with her back to bright yellow police tape covering the apartment complex where the shooting likely took place.

His throat closed up and his mouth suddenly felt unbearably dry. He swallowed hard.

That apartment… wasn’t that where Wonwoo lived? He had only been there once because Wonwoo had forgot some important papers for work, and Mingyu offered to drive him back to get them. He had only stayed in his car and waited, but even so, he could still faintly recall the grungy, beat up looking complex.

Mingyu swore under his breath and rushed to grab his phone.

His fingers hesitated to go send a text, but he quickly decided it would be better if he just straight up called. Maybe he was overreacting, but right now in this moment, nothing seemed more important.

Without any more thought, he pressed dial.

“Hello?” Wonwoo’s low voice sounded strangely rough and put out.

Still, Mingyu breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hey Wonwoo. It’s Mingyu”

“Oh Mingyu…” Wonwoo spoke sounding slightly muffled and distracted.

“I just saw the news and I was worried,” Mingyu quickly said. “Hey, you’re ok right?”

“Yeah I’m fine Mingyu, don’t worry,” something in Wonwoo’s voice slightly cracked and Mingyu frowned at that.

“Are you outside right n