She opens the door and was greeted by the chime of the bell telling that someone just entered their shop.

Nayoung looks around the shop; she hums whenever she sees a beautiful flower. Everything in this flower shop is beautiful, so she can’t seem to choose what to get.

“Can I help you young lady?”

Nayoung looked at the lady who seemed to be at her forties and smiled, “Yes, please,” she replies.

“Giving it to your special someone?”

Nayoung nods smiles.

“Ah, young love,” the lady cooes and also smiles, “mind telling me what she looks like?”

Nayoung's smile grew bigger when suddenly a picture of her special someone pops in her head, “Well, she has long black hair, high nose, dark brown eyes, long eyelashes, and uhmm... she have a perfect smile,” she utters her wide smile never leaving her face.

“She looks perfect, what about her personality?” the lady asks again.

“She’s honestly childish,” Nayoung chuckles “she gets mad when I don’t answer her texts and calls, she doesn’t like gray socks, weird I know. She gets jealous easily, she doesn’t seem to run out of energy, and she really loves pink.” she pauses and clicks her tongue when she finally found the perfect word to say, “she’s the complete opposite of me, honestly.”

“You really love her, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I really love her..” Nayoung bluntly cooes. She didn’t even hesitated for a moment, but why should she? She’s honestly just telling the truth.

“I hope you guys last forever, and wait for me here. I’ll just arrange your flowers for your beautiful someone,” she says before leaving Nayoung alone.

“Last forever, huh?” A bitter smile founds its way on Nayoung’s face, “I also wished for the same thing,” she whispers to herself before chuckling.

A few minutes have passed but it seemed like a lifetime for Nayoung – she really isn’t patient you see.

The lady walked out holding a bouquet of flowers, it was undeniably beautiful.

“Here you go,” The lady hands the flowers and Nayoung couldn’t help but to smile. It was so beautiful, it reminded her so much of her.  

There were pink roses and white ones with a little bit of peach colored flowers, she doesn’t know what it’s called – after all Nayoung isn’t a flower connoisseur.

She paid and left the shop. She was satisfied with the flowers. It is really beautiful but, Kyulkyung’s beauty is still her favorite and forever will be.

-

She stops her car and gets out, she held the bouquet of flowers with such care, almost like she was afraid of losing it – it is definitely quite pricy but she can surely buy another one. But the real reason is she’s just afraid.

She’s afraid of losing something so beautiful.

She walks towards her destination. As she gets closer the more her heart ached, which led Nayoung holding the flower tightly but not enough to destroy it.

She didn’t know walking could be so hard and painful.

She finally stopps and puts down the flowers besides Kyulkyung’s tombstone, when she put down the flowers a cold breeze instantly brushed her skin, but she didn't budge. After all Kyulkyung's skin was colder when she last held her.

It’s been 6 months, but to Nayoung it felt like everything just happened yesterday. She vividly remembers what happened. How the loud ‘bang’ noise pierced her ears, how she held the bleeding beauty tightly in her arms, how she shouted her name, how Kyulkyung’s life slowly slipped away in front of her. She remembers everything, and she wants to forget everything – because as long as that memory stays with her, the pain and sorrow will continue to live, and it will surely linger in her pitiful life.

Nayoung lost Kyulkyung. Her lover. Her soul-mate. Her bestfriend. Her Goddess. Her precious Gem. She lost her everything.

 “I’m sorry, N- Nayoung.. I couldn’t fulfill my promise of.. marrying you someday.” Kyulkyung’s words echoed in her head.

The vision of Kyulkyung in her arms bleeding, and unconscious it keeps on hunting Nayoung. At that time, Nayoung couldn’t feel her lower body but she thanked God that it wasn’t her upper body. She was at least thankful that she got to hold, see, and talk to her for the last time.

But that alone isn’t enough to heal the pain and agony of losing someone – but to Nayoung Kyulkyung isn’t just ‘someone’.

Kyulkyung is someone who had always been there in Nayoung’s darkest times, someone who held Nayoung when she was about to give up, someone who made her feel loved. She was someone who Nayoung called ‘hers’. Kyulkyung is someone who belonged to Nayoung, she was her everything.

“Jieqioung.. It’s been 6 months and I still can’t pronounce your Chinese name right,” she looks down at Kyulkyung’s tombstone and chuckles, “It’s been 6 months since you left, 6 months of suffering, 6 months of living without you,” she wipes her tears the bursted out like a broken dam that no amount of fixing can fix.

6 months, yet nothing changed. Here she is, still so deeply in love with Kyulkyung, still so scarred for what happened, still so broken. Ever since the younger left, Nayoung felt nothing, but complete numbness.

How can life take away Kyulkyung so easily from her? The Kyulkyung that brought colors in her black and white world, the girl that breathe Nayoung back to life, the woman that saw the scars deep within Nayoung's heart. How can life take someone so perfect?

“It’s so hard, a day without you is so hard..” She chuckles bitterly, “do you know how much I want to see you? It’s hard when I have to act like I’m happy and I’m doing great when in reality I’m broken.  I’m so broken without you, Kyulkyung.. I’m so broken," she is now crying mess; she didn’t ever bother wiping away her tears, because what’s the point? It will only be replaced by another batch of tears.

Nayoung didn't want to cry, but she just couldn't help it, she kept all her emotions bottled inside for so long that she just couldn't take it anymore.

“I’ll do anything to hold you again. Even if that means that I’ll have to go to hell and back, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything, Kyulkyung, anything..”

“Why do you need to leave me alone? You were supposed to marry me, have kids and live a happy life. What happened?”

“I want to see you, talk to you, hold you, kiss you, and tease you again. You don’t deserve to go.. you should still be here, by my side. Here, telling me that everything will be fine. Here, cheering me on in everything I do. Here, beside me..”

How stupid does she looks right now? Talking to herself, crying her eyes out for someone that isn't even there anymore. But she didn't care, because this is her only solace in this cruel world - with Kyulkyung.

Kyulkyung's voice replayed in her mind like broken record, all her broken promises that are left in the dirt, all of her 'I love you', all of her laughs, all of her blaberring. It was taking every single piece of sanity left inside Nayoung - it was slowly killing her.

Nayoung’s mind was filled with ‘what-if’.

‘What if I didn’t speed up? What if I didn’t force her to come with me? What if took the short cut?’

“Kyulkyung I feel like you took a part of me with you, I feel so incomplete.. Kyulkyung come back to me, please? A-am I being too selfish? Is loving someone selfish? I j-just want you back, is that too much to ask for?”

Her eyes suddenly swam with tears and she hurried to scrubs them off  her face. She knew that tears won’t bring her lover back. Hell, even the doctors can’t do sh1t. She wanted to be mad at everything and everyone, but she can’t. After all she’s the only one to blame.

“Do I look pathetic right now? Are you laughing or are you crying? Are you hurting like I am?” She looks up and wipes her tears with the back of her hand, “I wish you’re happy up there. Don’t do anything stupid up there, okay?  Don’t worry too much about me and your family I’ll take care of your family for you.”

A few minutes later the place fell into silent as Nayoung stopped crying, she squats down and places her hand on the tombstone where Kyulkyung’s name was written.

“I really miss you.”

She smiles and wipes away a single tear that managed to escape her eye.

“I love you so much,” she wants to hear Kyulkyung’s reply, voice, anything, but she knew she wouldn’t get any.

"I guess we were destined to meet, but never destined to be together," she utters lifelessly to the wind before turning around and walking back to her car.

I guess it’s time to let go.