Summer in December

The airport buzzed with life, perhaps, it doubled compared to normal days since it’s December and most people are going a holiday trip. People rush in here and there, some are on the phone while others are tending for their things. To my right, a family of five rush in, seeming to be rather stressed, I assume they’re about to be late for their flight. The guy in his fifties – who I assume is the patriarch of the family ­– effortlessly swung his 5 year old baby girl over his shoulder while telling his other kids to hurry up.

I in a deep breath as I fixed my duffle bag over my shoulder. I’ve never travelled overseas alone. I was used to having the company of that one girl who’s been with me since our childhood days.

But then here I am,

in the middle of the busy airport,

alone.

A young couple passed by me, it reminds me of the time when we used to be that way. How we would go without a care in the world, laugh as if we were truly happy.

Were we happy?

Truly happy?

I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if we were even real. If what we felt was love, or was it a mere illusion of it,

born out of convenience and fear of leaving our comfort zone.

Realization hit me at lightning speed. I didn’t see it coming, I wasn’t aware. There wasn’t even an incident that led me to that moment, to that realization.

I just felt it,

it just happened.

But I guessed it was the same for her, seeing as to how she agreed easily when I offered for us to go our separate ways. Maybe she even realized it sooner than I did, but chose not to act on it out of consideration for the naïve me.

She’s considerate alright, I’d give her that. Looking back, I realized how wrong it was, both for her and for me. She was nice, the nicest girl I’ve ever known.

She was so nice to the point that it was almost cruel.

Deciding to end things wasn’t hard. Nor was it easy.

But it needs to be done.

I felt a buzz on my right pocket, setting down my luggage, I fished out my phone. Her name blinked in bold black letters on the screen. For a second I contemplated whether to answer it or not, but then decided to do the initial.

“Hey” I said in a low tone.

“are you at the airport now?” came her soft voice, she sounded sad. I’m guessing she’s overthinking again. I’ve known So Hee since we were toddlers so I know how she feels with just the sound of her voice.

“hey, Yoon So Hee, listen to me okay,” I said in a quiet voice. “I’ll be fine. Stop worrying about me and just focus on reviewing. Board examination is just around the corner. So you should focus on passing it”

“but even so… I can’t help worrying about you” she said almost sounding like she’s about to cry. “I kept thinking maybe we shouldn’t have broken up before our planned trip. I promised I’d accompany you, that we’d go around the world together but then….”

“Yoon So Hee” I cut her off. “look, maybe breaking up was the best for the both of us.” I can almost imagine her hanging her head down low almost on the verge of tears. “think about it. You won’t have to postpone your board exam and I would have enough money for better lodge. Right?”

So Hee have always been the type of person who feels responsible for everything. It’s one of her traits that I like and hate at the same time.

Her end of the line was quiet. All I can hear is her shuffling and the sound of her rugged breath. “maybe.” She said finally and I smiled. “don’t forget to keep your passport in your bag at all times. Don’t bring it out if it’s not necessary –

She went on reminding me of the do’s and don’ts when travelling. She never even missed to point out the fact that I can be messy and forgetful most of the time. I’ve always been so dependent on So Hee, maybe part of the reason why I’m so messy is because I know she’s always there to clean up after my mess, to remind me of the things that I forget.

– don’t forget to eat. Don’t just walk around aimlessly with your camera all day. I know that taking pictures is important, but so is food” I laughed lightly at her.

“Yes mom~” I teased. “now, that you’re done going over the do’s and don’ts why don’t you focus all your energy to studying? I don’t want you to blame me if you fail.”

“seriously,” she scoffed. “I can’t help but worry about you.”

I smiled at the thought of her pouting. “now stop being a worry wart. I have to hang up I have a plane to catch” after saying our goodbyes, we hang up. I slipped my phone back to my pocket and picked up my luggage.

There was a smile playing on my lips as I sailed across the airport, my shoe laces swaying with the wind as I stopped in front of the check in counter. The Lady greeted me politely which I reciprocated. After checking in my luggage, I decided to take some shots here and there. Fishing out my camera from my bag, I turned it on and bring it up to my face. I peeked through the viewfinder and started clicking away, doing a few necessary adjustments here and there.

I panned my lens from one person to another capturing them as they do their thing. Other photographers captures landscapes, sceneries, but for me, my scenery are the people,

their daily lives,

their stories.

Those are the shots that I want to share to the world.

Some people didn’t even notice me capturing them, while some turned their heads to me and smile, I capture them anyway. I captured a shot of an old couple sitting at the waiting area, affectionately sharing a bag cookies, a mother teaching her child how to read airport signs, a group of young adults who seems to be going on a group vacation somewhere.

I panned my camera from one person to another, capturing their moments,

their laughers,

their arguments,

their life.

I kept on clicking away until my lens settled to a lone girl sitting on one of the benches. She had a book in her hands, earphones plugged in. I removed my eyes from the viewfinder to look at her and then back in. My index finger hover over the shutter button, I didn’t know what I was waiting for, why I was watching her from the viewfinder of my camera, why I can’t seem to bring myself to pan my camera and look for another subject. 

I just can’t seem to stop myself.

I lost control.

I can see the corner of her lips twitch at the slightest, whatever she’s reading, it makes her want to smile. I smile to myself and as if finding the right moment, I click away.

I kept on clicking and clicking,

I can’t stop.

I captured her every movement, her shuffling from her seat, the way she fixed her hair, I captured her as she smiled.

The way her hair drapes on the side of her head, matched with the back drop of the huge airport windows and planes speeding across the runway getting ready to take off, everything about her screams of warmth, the kind of warmth you’d wish in the middle of winter. She adjusted her jacket around her, feeling a bit cold I assume. I continued capturing her movements until such time that she slowly turned her head towards my direction and looked me in the eyes through my lens.

My breath hitched in my throat, I became breathless, my thoughts a mess. Her eyes pierced me through my camera lens, I was impaled. Through my messy thoughts, there is one thing I’m sure of, the moment her eyes landed on me, I knew that it was summer in December.