"I want to be with you. I still love you, but I think we should just stay friends. It'll be better this way, trust me."

    I waited until my sister had gone to bed, leaving me alone in the living room. It was only 9:47 at night, but I knew my best friend would be sleeping already. Even with that knowledge, I pulled my knees to my chest, took a deep breath, and sent her a message. 

"I shouldn't have let myself fall so hard...."

    I didn't know what had hit me, the desperate need for someone to know what emotions I was going through or the fact that I had just lost the person who gave me purpose in this world. All I knew was that my vision was blurred with tears, teardrops wetting my cracked screen. The next thing I knew, my fingers were typing away.

    I feel stupid...for believing everything that he said to me. For believing his promises of taking me on my dream trip around the world, for believing him when he said that he'll love me for as long as it takes him to travel to Pluto and back, for believing him when he said he wanted and saw a future with us, or when he said he wouldn't hurt me in any way, for letting me defend our relationship from anything bad that was said about us, only to have it be broken because he was moving....I believed him when he promised me that he would come back to take me to Homecoming, prom, and come for my graduation, for promising that he would come back on December 4th and New Year's so we could have our New Years kiss, I believed him when he said that he'll wait for me to graduate because that's when his plans start, when he said that we'll make it work because distance was nothing for us, and for when he said the best day of his life was meeting me, getting to know me, having me....I feel so freaking stupid now, especially when he listed his reasons for liking me, loving me, telling me his favorite things about me, remembering the little things that fascinate me, promising to take me to look at the stars because he knew how much I love looking at the stars and how he knew I love fireworks or anything with light in a dark sky, telling me how he wanted to take me to his hometown to meet the rest of his family, taking me to his family reunions, his cousin's wedding. None of it makes sense....He said he still wants to be with me and that he loves me, but then he breaks my heart. Why would he hurt me....why would he make promises without the intention of keeping them, why would he get my hopes up?

    I hated the way he would take forever to message me back or forget to respond back, that he was afraid to message me because he felt like he was going to disturb me or distract me from work, that I had to message him first to let him know that I had free time and that he didn't have to feel like he was intruding on my me time. I hated the way he would always me because he knew that I hated the feeling of saliva on my skin, that he would purposely blow on my skin to make fart noises, or when he sniffed my feet while massaging them because he knew that I wouldn't kick him in the face even when I said I would. I hate how he knew that I would never slap or hit him no matter what he said or did to me, how he wouldn't let me win at a game because he wanted me to work at beating him, how he wouldn't even try in arm wrestling because he knew how weak I was and that him not even trying was already difficult for me, or that he would always eat my leftovers no matter how full he was because he didn't like wasting food. I hate that he would always do my whole math assignment for me when I just asked for help on one question, that he stresses out when he sees me struggling with anything, and how he would bite my phone case to leave his teeth mark....I hate how he would never try to do romantic things because he felt it was too cliche, or post about me on Facebook, how he stressed out about his hair style, how he procrastinated, and how he would always stick his fingers in my nose and then put them in my mouth. I hate that no matter how hard he or I tried to stay mad at each other, we would always make up before we go home and that he doesn't have a job or a working car....

    But honestly....even with all of that, I can never hate him. I can't even dislike him a little bit...I know he wasn't the best or ideal boyfriend, but he was everything that made me happy. He always made my day no matter how bad it was. I didn't care about what he gave me, the fact that he didn't have money, or the fact that he wasn't romantic....I love him because of everything I hate about him. The only thing that I ever needed and wanted from him was his attention, time, and love.

    If he asked, I would take him back....And I know everyone would tell me no, but I would. I miss him so much and I miss everything about him....I just want to hear his voice again and feel his arms around me again.

    I'm sorry if these messages are long. I just needed to let somebody know that he's all that I've ever wanted in a guy....He was my perfect guy and now he's not mine anymore.

    I locked my phone and wiped my tears away. Who knows how much I've cried these past two days. I threw the blanket that was full of my tears in the washer and made me way upstairs, hoping that I would at least get to see him in my dreams. I love him and he loves me, but he chose to give me a chance at finding someone better. I want to slap him for thinking that, for thinking that he wasn't right for me. I'll always love him because he was my first love, my first kiss, my first everything. 

    Jungkook rolled on his side to pick up his phone. He went onto Messenger and looked at her name. 

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    He began to type something, but quickly deleted it. He locked his phone and prayed that he made the right choice, not for him but for her.