Hongbin had been beginning to worry about Jaehwan. It had been weeks since he last saw the other. He’d tried ringing, at first he would pick up, but as the days went on, there was no response, and as someone who had known Jaehwan for so long, this was a red flag. Jaehwan practically thrived off of social interaction. His other friends hadn’t had much luck either. According to Hyuk, he had stopped showing up for their weekly anime catch-up, something which deeply rattled the youngest and even Hakyeon couldn’t coax him out. Hongbin understood that Jaehwan would want some time alone, they all did, but it was like he had disappeared of the face of the earth.

 Hongbin decided the best thing to do now was visit in person. He didn’t know what to expect as he pulled up into the Jaehwan’s drive. The house looked like it always did, quaint and painted a beautiful shade of amber. All the lights were off apart from one on the second floor, the bedroom. Hongbin hesitated. What if Jaehwan was really doing fine and just needed more space than the rest? It would make sense; after all he’d been through. It was late as well, what if Jaehwan was just getting ready to go to bed? He shook his head and approached the door; he didn’t bother knocking and instead went straight in using the spare key. Almost immediately, he was hit with the stale smell of leftover food and unwashed dishes. Locating the light switch, he the lights, revealing a mess that looked like it had been caused by a tornado. “Jaehwan?” Hongbin called, standing at the bottom of  the stairs. “Jaehwan, it’s me.” Steeling himself, Hongbin began to climb the stairs, passing by photo frames that had been knocked askew

A slither of light from the bedroom illuminated the hallway, which was just as messy as downstairs had been. A horrified gasp escaped him as he noticed what looked like dry blood on the carpet and a broken photo frame lying shattered next to it. The two faces in the picture alive with happiness as they gazed at each other. With shaking hands, Hongbin carefully picked up the photo and placed it back on the side table. Jaehwan would be beside himself if it got ruined. As he got closer to the bedroom, he froze. He could hear whimpering. He gathered his courage and stepped in. whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t this.

The bed was unmade, blankets strewn all over the place. All the mirrors and photo frames were shattered, glass lying jagged on the carpet. The wardrobe stood half empty, the clothes from the left side had been ripped out and thrown on the floor. In the middle of this, sat Jaehwan, curled into a tight ball, rocking slightly, and sobbing something unintelligible, both his hands bloody and bruised.

“Jaehwan” Hongbin croaked. He didn’t know what to do. He’d never seen his friend like this, doubted anyone had. This wasn’t the Jaehwan he had last seen. Taking slow steps towards him, he softly called out, “Jaehwan..Come on” Hongbin said, crouching next to him. He timidly wrapped an arm around him hoping Jaehwan wouldn’t react badly. “I’m here, come on”. Jaehwan let himself be embraced but continued his murmurs. Hongbin could hear what he was saying now. His name. He was saying his name. The name that had been on the death certificate. Wonshik. The love of Jaehwan’s life.

Slowly, Hongbin took Jaehwan’s hands and guided them away from his face. It was a pitiful sight. Tears slid down his cheeks, eyes bloodshot. He had finally stopped murmuring. Hongbin could feel him shaking in his arms. He looked almost childlike as he stared down at his bloodied hands. “It’s okay,” Hongbin said. “It’s okay Jaehwan –“

“Stop!” Jaehwan yelled suddenly, clambering away. “It’s not okay so stop telling me it is, that’s all anyone’s been telling me!” his fists were clenched and trembling. “He’s gone, dead, buried. I’ll never see him again!” he tugged at the ring on his left finger and threw it across the room. He slumped onto the floor, broken, “It’s not okay” he whispered.