How did I joined Asianfanfics? It's not a hard question at all. I was searching for some Eunhyuk facts when suddenly Asianfanfics appeared right on the searching engine. It was weird at first. I didn't know what it was at all. Well I started to read one of those fanfics and got hooked into it here, so here I am where I am.

What should I say more? I joined roleplaying later after a few months. To be honest I didn't have any idea what it was. It just sounded so funny so why not. I joined clearly as Jennie, since I was a big fan of her since predebut. I was never active. I did meet some friends, but we all grew apart from eachother. Later on I joined the wave - that was the only roleplay I started becoming active on and met my very first close bestfriend ever,Nikolett.

The wave turned inactive after a few months, so I decided to make a roleplay on my own, because I thought it would be fun. It was really fun, but it became stressful and tiring too. I met my first internet crush there for real and for now I'm still talking to him, but I feel horrible holding him back and making him guilty. I hate it so much. I hate this feeling and I hate how I always wait for him.

Anyway, my life is ty. Only one person know about this and that is Nikolett, but since I don't want to tell her more since I don't want to make her worry so I decided to rant in here instead. I was born in a poor family, actually not quite poor, but for my dad - we are. What I can say is that we have enough things to live and we have it much more better than many people but for dad, we aren't anything else than loser. That's because we don't have a house and we are renting an apartment. He hates it so much and of course I understand him, but he complains about it almost everyday. He also is very strict against me. It's not fair at all since he is more easier on my brother.

Since childhood, I have never gone out with friends to hang out with them since I know my parents wouldn't like it. I gave up my childhood for them. I didn't have a normal one like the other, I envy them and yes, I was very jealous.

Everytime I came home from school, kindergarden or what so ever I was afraid. Dad was scary that's what I can surely say. He can get angry and starts to throw different things like vase etc. He was someone I looked up too, but also scared of. I remember I always hid from him when he was angry.

There was nothing I could do. I was weak I could only listen.

Once in my life I was afraid the most was this one time where my parents almost divorced. They techinically fought so hard that they later left my brother and I at home alone, and didn't came home before midnight. That day was one of my nightmare day.

School is the only place I can escape from all of this. School was the only place I could "fit" in or I tried so hard to fit in. I was an angel kid when I was young. I did everything they told me and never said no. I never broke any rules either and always did my homeworks on the right time. I tried to fit myself with the other girls, the "real" girls. I wasn't like them at all. I was me, a weird boyish girl. They even thought I was lesbian somehow.

I changed after middle school. I realized I hated to be a person like that. Everyone knew I changed. Everyone knew I was having a hard time. They could sense it. How I started to become so emo and depress. I changed all because I couldn't handle more. I hated my life. This didn' fit me. It never did and will never do either.