By fatenumberfive

He is exhausted. It has been a very long day, between finishing filming in India and the journey back to Korea. The only thing that Song Mino wants to do right now is sleep. And maybe sees his favorite hyung again; talk to him, know what he was up to during those days he wasn’t around.

He had missed him a lot while filming, he used to have Jinwoo beside him all the time. He has tried to calls him for the last couple days, but it wouldn't  get through. Is he busy? Mino doesn't recall that they have any other schedule apart of Japan fansign and, if they do, Seunghoon or Seungyoon would have tell him right away. Did he get another individual schedule?

Mino remembers how happy he was when he heard that Jinwoo had gotten an offer for Dingo. Finally he can show to the world his hyung’s handsomeness and hidden talents. He deserved it, to appear in lots of commercial, or even a drama, with that genius face that he has, that perfect oval, all dark and white, with earing eyes that can capture the sunlight, beaming under it even when they try to hide under a cap, that craved nose, perfectly designed, and those soft pink lips, always parted in a bright and warm smile.  After Dingo broadcasting the video, however, Mino got mad with jealousy.

He doesn't like how Jinwoo seemed to enjoy his date and how people keep commenting about how cute and suitable they - his dating partner and himself - are for each other. As if a girl could steal his hyung, Mino was utterly sad because he has to admit it, they look so couple-like together, with their themed clothes, having dinner, feeding each other…And  Mino wants that, too, to have Jinwoo all for himself. And maybe going on a date, shopping together, choosing colorful outfits for the other and wear them proudly.

Mino opens his dorm room, mumbling “I’m home” with unexcited and tired voice, only to be greet back by a loud sound. Mino’s ears might been deceiving him but, isn’t it Jinwoo’s pretty laugh what he is hearing from Seunghoon’s room? He goes there, just because he is polite, he has arrived home, the normal thing to do is to greet his roommates. He doesn’t want to check what are they doing or to stalk them. He is not like that.

He opens the door and peeks in the room and, what he sees leave him freeze. What on earth does that mean? Why is Jinwoo sitting between Seunghoon’s crossed legs, in his bed, with Haute’s snout rubbing Jinwoo’s tights? Jinwoo’s laughs now change into an excited shout and Seunghoon looks solemn, apparently he was on the verge of losing. Despite Seunghoon pouts, they look like they are enjoying the moment. Jinwoo stares at the bright screen and press the right combination of keys, because Seunghoon turns to him to congratulate him and, then, both start grinning at each other wich so much fondness.  

He squints his eyes to get a better picture from the scene in front of him: they are on a messy bed, crawled together, legs and arms tangled around each other, a soft light coming from the screen, bathing them with a pale veil, as if they were using a filter, giving it a patina of irreality. He can recognise the soft music so easily, he has spent lots of times listening to it, he can point what are they doing just by hearing one specific sound, but right now, been able to do so is not something that makes him proud, because they are playing OverWatch together and he has enough.

Jinwoo’s back is glued to Seunghoon’s chest and Seunghoon’s left hand, sometimes, wander into Jinwoo’s stomach, leaving his controller behind. Jinwoo lets him do sp, relaxing under his touch as if it might be usual for them, to get that close with each other, to sneak hands under the covers that are their shirts, to be so connected that they grin in sintony,  but it’s too much for Mino. He closes the door and leaves them alone.

He is so tired, his mind can’t deal with that kind of feeling at the moment. That kind of feeling that he knows just mean one thing. But he needs to rest so, instead of thinking about it, to bury himself into that agony, he closes his eyes and lets the darkness surrounded him and cradle him to sleep. But his bed feels empty and cold and, even when his body is itching and sore, his bones melting with tiredness, he isn’t able to sleep. His mind keeps playing with him, replaying that scene over and over again: Jinwoo laughing, Seunghoon hugging Jinwoo, touching him with so much intimacy, Jinwoo been close with Seunghoon instead of with him.  His heart starts beating loudly, so fast that it might break his chest, like the beats in a hiphop song, trying to escape.  He needs to do something or he might go crazy, he needs to stop his mind, stop thinking, stop feeling this disenchantment, this disappointment against Jinwoo. He did nothing wrong, just stealing Mino’s heart. But, again, he didn’t do that on propose. He doesn’t even know it, so he shouldn’t be putting the blame on him.

Thinking about Jinwoo apparently takes a lot of his night time. Mino picks up his phone from his bedside table to check if he has some message and, suddenly, it’s already 2 o’clock in the morning. It’s late but he is still wide awake, his mental state a blur of Jinwoo’s voice saying things that he doesn’t want to know, because they aren’t meant to him but Seunghoon.

Then, a sound of a door opening comes to his ear. The louds steps that follows that are coming from outside make him curious. What’s going on? He wonders. He doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but the gentle knocks against someone’s door in that odds hours makes him want to know, and what he hears is the sweet and sleepy voice that belongs to his hyung and, after him, another one replying something he doesn’t want to hear but, still, he finds out.

“Seunghoon-a, are you asleep?” his Jinwoo hyung says, sounding small and cautious.

“Just come in hyung, I’ve been waiting for you” replies Seunghoon, with more kindness than ever. Seunghoon is not the romantic type, but he sounds so much like one of them right now.

Seunghoon have been waiting for Jinwoo? What does it mean? More questions make their way through Mino’s brain. Questions without answers, just silence comes following them. After a few seconds that feel like an eternity to Mino, the door gets closed and stillness fills the night, paralyzing Mino, who keeps staring at his hyung’s door, that entry that has engulfed Jinwoo, carrying him to another arms, to another bed. The lasts words they have shared between them, a secret mean for only them, but that now Mino knows, fall hard in Mino’s chest. Sinking like stones, they make of his pain their home.

“Why is Jinwoo sleeping with him? And, since when?” with more question than before , Mino spend the rest of the night wondering.

The next morning comes with rays of bright sun hovering over him, and Mino wakes up by a loud sound coming from the kitchen. He just dozes from last night, which feels as if it was a second ago, he can’t remember the moment he has fall asleep, if that has even happened. He wants to go back to dream, to have a little more time to rest, catching up with his lost sleeping time, but the noise that comes from somewhere and leaks through his nearly open door is too loud for him, too annoying.

He heaves a sigh, pushes back his comfortable blanket, rubs his sleepy eyes and puts on his sleeper. His can’t barely open his eyes and he is sure about how big and awful the bags under them will look.  Mino clumsily walks to his door and lets it open, head peeking outside, ready to scold whoever that is disturbing his beauty slumber that he much needs. He is ready to yell but his words died on his throat.

In front of him, Jinwoo and Seunghoon are standing very close, Jinwoo’s back joined to Seunghoon’s chest, while one of his arms is circled around Jinwoo’s body and the other is on top of Jinwoo’s hand. They seem to be cooking something, judging by the smell that follows, and Mino believes that  Seunghoon is  just trying to teach Jinwoo how to cook - which is a hopeless case because Jinwoo can't even differentiate between pot and stove - if not for their intimate position; they are too sticky, skin against skin, laughing sweetly , as if they were a newly married couple enjoying their honeymoon with no regrets.

Mino keeps staring at them, at how they seem to be in their own world, giggling so loud and he is feed up. He hates seeing them so touchy, so chummy - more than before, more than he can remember they have been - so looking at each other adoringly. He is sleep deprived and tired as hell, he wants to go back to bed, to the black nothingness of his nightmares, which are better than what he is seeing in front of his eyes;  but he knows he won’t sleep after witnessing those acts.  Mino unconsciously clenches his fist tightly, feeling his nails scratching his palm, smoothing his anger, shooting dagger from all the way across the room, using Seunghoon as his hateful target.

He feels like his heart is breaking when he sees Seunghoon picking a small piece of meat from the pan with his finger and putting it into Jinwoo’s mouth. His finger still linger on his lips, even after Jinwoo starts to chew and humming a delicious noise. Jinwoo’s eyes lit up in delight, he grabs Seunghoon’s hand and the remaining juice out of them. It’s obscene, Mino thinks, and he can’t take it anymore. He has have enough. He is about to come back to his room, silently, when someone spots him and greets him aloud.

“You already awake Mino?” it’s Seungyoon, who is smiling at him, glad to have the four of them together again.

Seungyoon’s voice startling the  couple in the kitchen, who break away from each other embrace and turn their head into their leader. Jinwoo, however, immediately spots Mino, too. With one of the most precious grin that he has to offer, he turns toward Mino, brightening for a second his mood.

“Oh, Mino-ya, you wake up already? You must be tired. Come here, let's eat together” says Jinwoo, smiling and happy, nodding at him, while holding a big plate of Spaghetti Aglio Olio that smells divine. But then, like flashes, he sees them together, cooking it, hands holding hands, clacking at some inside joke Mino is not longer invited in. And his stomach switches in disgust at that dish in front of him make with so much love; he can’t have that, he will be sick with resentment and annoyance. He just wants to run away, escape that situation, go back to his room, confining himself there for the rest of his life.

“No, I’m not hungry” says Mino, and it’s a lie, he is starving, but he doesn’t want to have that, those spaghetti filled with awful and painful images. He wants so bad to retreat back to his bed, but Seungyoon thinks different, and he is faster than him: he grabs Mino arm, pulling him into the dining room.

“Sit here! You need to eat or you will feel unwell” He already is, he wants to tell, but Seungyoon pulls a chair and pushes Mino’s shoulder down, forcing him to sit and stay.

“I said no!” he protests harshly. He slaps Seungyoon’s hands away, standing up from the chair, ready to go back before he will explode, but Seunghoon grabs his arm again, stopping his motion. He looks a little concern.

“Why are you so cranky this morning?” says the culprit, taking a sit beside him. “ It’s not like you to refuse food. Just eat, ok?” he puts the pasta bowl in front of Mino, inviting him to eat it. “We are very worried about you and your health, you have been so busy lately... Beside, today is a special day, because it’s Jinwoo the one who has cooked for us all”. And, with that, he puts a big amount of spaghetti in his mouth, slurping them with an enormous pleasant smile.

“Are you sure that this” Mino points at his dish, with some revoul “is eatable?”

    If glances could kill, Mino would be death right now. Not only Jinwoo, who has come to the living room with the remaining breakfast, is staring at him in disbelieve, as if he has said a profanity instead of some kind of true, but also the others two. They all look at him, standing very still.

Is then when he decides to take his change and going back to his room. He doesn’t care about hurting his hyung’s feeling, not when he has witnesses all that, all those little things that pricked his heart like thorns of fear, red and hot and stings. It’s a pain he is never going to been able to go through, because whenever he sees them, he will feel it, over again. And he doesn’t want that, he just wants a moment to rest, a moment alone, away from them and their too much closeness for his likes. But, then, again, he is caught by Seunghoon, who is judging him.

“Mino-ya, what’s wrong with you?” he inquires, in a pissed tone. But Mino is the pissed one, the person who is been driving mad. Seunghoon doesn’t have any right to be angry, not when he owns Jinwoo, when the person he is in love with loves someone else, someone against who Mino can’t fight.

“I don’t want to eat that, ok? And, please, mind your own business” he replies, cold and indifferent. He rummage the room, his eyes focusing on Jinwoo, who looks so worried, more than angrily, at him. That’s bothers Mino a lot, because it’s like hunting a deer, watching those starling eyes filled with tears. But the pained one here is him, and so he lets them know.

    He leaves them, before they can come with a way to talk him down and make him eat what the lovely couple has cooked and gets poisoned by the mere thought of it. He also leaves behind his hyung’s eyes, that follows him on every step he takes, and his heart leaps, skipping some beats, itching and stinking, longing to be with him but knowing that that is impossible. 

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