“Last performance in 5 minutes!” I heard the stage manager scream in her lapel.

At that moment, I felt my nerves coursing through my body. My stomach churned while my breathing started to thin. Probably if I took deeper breaths, I would feel better. Honestly, I should be used to this. How many years have I been standing on stage to perform? It’s not like I’m alone to sing the song.

“Dara noona!” I saw Young-bae a couple meters away from me, wiping the sweat off his forehead. He seemed to be in a hurry to his changing room, which was questionable because I knew he had nothing left to perform. He just got off the stage performing his hit Eyes, Nose, Lips making everyone in the crowd cry and wail when he left the stage. “Good Luck on stage. Fighting!”

I stood on my place, fidgeting. Words seemed to have been forgotten by my brain so I nodded my head to acknowledge him. I know I’ve been on the stage for years but it has been months since I sung. I was practicing the song for a whole week making sure my voice won’t crack when I do sing it live but what made me nervous was my dancing. I wasn’t really known for my dancing skills. The steps were undeniably simple but I’ve received harsh critiques of not being able to dance and that set off the bile slowly rising in my throat.

Chaerin patted my shoulder, knowing how nervous I was. “You can do it unnie!” She already finished her portion, singing ‘We The Leaders’ with Jiyong, obviously setting the fire on stage. I did notice how the stage screamed when she approached the stage, also the banners of Skydragon in the crowd. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous, but I know that both of them are close friends and nothing more.

“Thanks, Chaerin.” My teeth chattered. I tried shaking my nerves off by flailing my arms around and walked back and forth, but it wasn’t working. “God, I can’t breathe.”

“Sandara Park on standby!” I heard the stage manager screaming, making me jump on my place. “Please follow me Dara shi”

Oh, hell no! It’s already my turn. I can’t do this. Maybe I should ask Chaerin to dance with me. I’ll just stand at the side without having to dance and let Jiyong and Chaerin do the romantic moves. I won’t have to dance. That seems like a great idea!

“You’ll be fine,” Chaelin reassured me, pushing me slightly to follow the stage manager. I nodded in response. I wanted to persuade her to dance with me, but knowing Chaerin, it would take a long time to convince her, and I didn’t have the time.

Despite the wobbling of my feet from my heels, I forced myself to walk and followed the stage manager to the side of the stage. She slowly helped me up the stairs then ran away, looking for my background dancers.

Where I was standing, I could see Jiyong perform. He was sitting on a block that went up and down throughout the whole song. There were constellations at the background but the light was focused only on him and Sungha Jung playing the guitar at the side. To say that the set looked amazing was an understatement.

What does that bastard have that I don’t?

Exactly why can’t I have you?

That bastard doesn’t love you

Until when are you going to cry like a fool?

He was singing “That XX”. As usual, whenever he sings, I was standing there out of words. He left me breathless as I watched him perform. I was so into the performance that I didn’t notice that it ended and how my nerves fizzled out into nothing.

There it was. The intro beat. He stood up from the block that was already on the ground. The background dancers ran to his side and started stripping him, showing his Dress shirt, a vest, and pants. They removed his leather jacket and assisted him in wearing his black blazer. He already was wearing a very formal outfit with the necktie and all that, except the leather jacket. So that’s all they removed.

Let’s Go!

Jiyong screamed into the mic as he removed his shades and tucked it in the pocket of his blazer. The audience screamed as a response too. He really knows how to energize the crowd.

If you ain’t got a girl right now

Well ‘cuz you ain’t got no game

Imma show you how to do it real quick GD Style

There’s some rules though

One put on something nice

Two, don’t be nervous

Three, just be yourself

Follow me now

I was waiting for my turn to enter the stage and while waiting, I was drinking in his outfit. To be honest, his outfit seemed too formal for the song. We used to sing this song with really casual but bright clothing, now it was a really weird concept. Especially since I was wearing this white flowy Bardot dress with a diamond tiara on my head, making me think that I was too overdressed. I knew he looked amazing no matter what he wore but I think I looked too funny.

Maybe because this was the final song for the last day of his concert. He probably wanted something different to end the day.

“Sandara Park cue!”

I quickly entered the stage, taking solid steps as to make sure I won’t trip. When I stepped out, the first thing I noticed was the bright lights coming down to me, then the screams of the fans that increased as soon as I stepped out.

Gone were the nervousness. It was replaced by the adrenaline of standing in front of so many people and the beat of the song echoing in the concert hall. A smile quickly washed over my face.

It seemed that everything was in slow motion when I raised the mic to my mouth and opened my mouth to let out the first note of the chorus. It went out fine. I was pleased that everything was going so well as I sang. I didn’t really care about my dance anymore because once I sang, I forgot about everything except the exciting feeling of performing.

I miss this. I miss performing. I miss singing. I miss dancing despite not being the best at it. I miss standing in front of a cheering crowd. Last I performed was back in the Philippines for the Pinoy Boyband Superstar Grand final and that was my first performance when 2NE1 disbanded.

Jiyong seemed to have noticed that that’s why he added our song to the list of performances. I could have performed at the other venues but my schedule was really packed. He found a way to convince Sajangnim to have me perform on the last day which was shocking. I talked about this to Sajangnim myself and he was really against it. I didn’t know what Jiyong said but whatever it was, it sure got me here.

I’ll be sure to thank him in the after party later.

Lately, we barely met up for our planned dates. With his upcoming concert and my constant filming, we would always cancel the meetups. We barely even had time to call each other on the phone because either one of us would be too tired to even call or one would travel abroad and the time difference would ruin our plans.

The after party is actually the only time we could meet after a long time and I’m really thankful for Sajangnim to free my schedule the day after to spend time with Jiyong. It’s probably a congratulatory gift of Sajangnim to Jiyong for successfully finishing the concert. According to Jiyong, he’s been requesting a free day for both me and him to spend time and Sajangnim accepted.

Again, I don’t know how Jiyong does it.

The song is nearly at its end. It’s the part where Jiyong hugs me but again, he wanted something different. He wanted something different where a chair would be present for me to sit on. Once I sit, according to the practice, he would roam around me and then one of the backup dancers would cover my eyes. When it ends, the dancer would remove their hands from my eyes then I would find Jiyong kneeling down with a flower on his hand for me to accept.

A different and cute concept, I know but it is his concert, so I’ll just go with it for it to be a success.

When I sat down, as practiced, someone covered my eyes with their hands. I smiled despite the darkness, waiting for the song to end. But when it did, the dancer removed their hands from my eyes for me to find no one there. I blinked in confusion.

“Sandara noona!” I found Seungri appear from the side of the center stage, wearing a white formal suit, carrying a rose in his hand. I sat there in confusion and shock. Why was Seungri holding a rose? When the hell did he get here? I thought he was too busy.

What was happening?

I noticed the people in the crowd were also as silent as I was. No one spoke and screamed, even the crown glow stick stood still.

“Good evening mina-san!” Seungri screamed into the microphone. That seemed to bring everyone out of their reverie because they screamed in response. “Before we begin, I would like for Sandara noona and everyone to look at the screen beside the stage.”

I moved slightly