It wasn't supposed to happen. The things that occurred after you came in the picture weren't supposed to happen. But you took that pencil that I used to draw the painting of my life and you added your colours like it was nothing. The thing is, YoonGi, that changed everything. It wasn't supposed to happen. But I fell for you.

Hard.

And it hurt really bad.

And I wasn't prepared, see, I haven't fell for anyone before. I was a stranger to all those sort of emotion you made me feel. It was all new.

And for a first time, let me tell you it was terrifying.

I was completely and utterly lost, and for me, you were the cause of this. I blamed you. I hated you. I thought you would only bring chaos when it was the contrary. You would bring me light. And happiness. But I didn't know that. I didn't know anything.

And that first time, when I met you, in the corridor of my new high school, you were for me the biggest in the universe. You were there, full of yourself, bragging about your last vacation with all your court listening to you. It made me sick, I thought you were just a boaster, a spoiled kid without anything in your head.

Boy, I was wrong.

They said first time is extremely important. It is. Because it's in that corridor that you decided to change my life forever. I was passing by you and your group. Then you stopped talking. Seriously, me, walking in that corridor, and then meeting your eyes, with you smirking at me, and me, me, just like an idiot, blushing madly at that million Watt smile and with everything in slow motion would be so cliché right ?

Well that's exactly what happened.

That was electrifying to be honest. First time I’ve ever felt that in my entire life. And, as I learned after that, you would took a lot of my first times.

The first time I talked to you was quite disappointing though. I was at the library, reading and trying to understand the nonsense that the author of that damn book our teacher wanted us to read had wrote, when I heard your voice. I didn't know it was yours, of course. I just heard a beautiful raspy voice and at that moment all I could think was that I had never heard such a deep voice.

"Is that seat taken ?"

Such a simple question, really. I just looked up, and as I saw you, your eyes were smiling, and your beautiful sun kissed skin was almost glowing. And damn, I sound so cheesy but it was exactly how I witnessed things at that precise moment.

Without waiting for an answer you just sat down right next to me. You weren’t taking no as an answer anyway. You asked me what I was reading. Simple approach. Everything was so simple with you. Then you asked me my name.

‘’Ho-Hoseok.’’

I was a stuttering mess. I didn’t even know why, I was supposed to despise you. But as you started to talk to me about that book I couldn’t care less about, I started to understand why so many people loved you. You were giving your opinion so passionately, so vividly that I could only smile, listen and nod to whatever you where saying. I said our first discussion was disappointing. It was, but not because of you. Because of me. I couldn’t say anything that would be constructive, I was intimidated by your presence, and I let the conversation die. I was disappointing. But you smirked. As if you knew. You knew what you were doing to me and it was frustrating. You stood up, saying :

‘’I’m feeling as if I am disturbing you, I’m sorry, I’ll let you finish that book.’’

I wanted to yell and tell you that you weren’t. You weren’t disturbing me but what could I do ? I just adverted my eyes and let you go. I thought you would never talk to me again.

You did.

It was funny how you find any opportunity to have a small chat with me, anywhere, anyhow. I was amused by your capacity to find a topic in any circumstances. And as time passed by, I also found the courage to answer back. And we created a very tender relationship. Sometimes, as we were laying on the park of our high school, talking about everything and anything, you would take my hand and caress the delicate skin on my wrist. And I craved for this contact. It was the only physical contact we had until that day.

It was almost fall, trees were starting to die, painting themselves with beautiful colours. We were on the rooftop, the wind playing and messing with our hairs. We were talking, as usual. We only talked, I was getting used to it. I was getting used to you. That warm feeling had begun to took place in my chest.

Slowly, but surely.

And I had no idea of what it could have been. Now I know. I was falling for you.

Slowly, but surely.

You kept blabbering about that friend that went to China and you were so disappointed not to be able to see him again when you abruptly stopped. I looked at you, unsure of what to say, of why you stopped talking. You were watching me. Intensely, and to say I was confused would be an understatement. Again, everything was so cliché, the wind, the colours, the sky, you, approaching me, step by step, grabbing my chin and then landing your lips on mine, oh so tenderly. It was all like in a movie, it was all so perfect. And after that kiss I would live this perfect life with you, and it was all I could dream about. It was all about cuddling, talking, laughing, kissing. Making love. We were very passionate, and I would always remember when we did it the first time. When our flesh would merge and became one. When our skin was burning along with our hearts. When the word intimate took all its sense. I would, I will always remember.

We had a lot of moment of pure happiness. Of pure bliss, moments that I wish would have last longer than it actually lasted. Longer.

I remember that time. A rainy day. I loved rainy days. Because it’s so relaxing to hear the sound of the rain pattering against the window, to see the sky cry and wash the land, to see the grass becoming greener afterward. It was one of those day I used to love. We were supposed to go and see a movie, it’s the best activity to do during a rainy Sunday right ? You came, we watched it, our hand never leaving each other. And when the movie ended, when we had to go on our separate, you kissed me. Again, but it wasn’t just a brush of lips, it was intense, our tongues swirling around each others, it was almost desperate.

As if you knew.

And people were starting to give us disapproving looks. You didn’t give a . And, as long as I was with you, I didn’t either. When we separated, I was almost panting. I was blushing madly, and you kissed my forehead before, going away. Before you disappeared from my sight, you gave me that smirk that I had learned to love. That usual smirk, always plastered on your face. And I wonder if I have ever seen your real smile, during our relationship. But it doesn’t matter, now. Not anymore. Because I know I won’t see it again. Never.

Because the next day, you didn’t came. I was worried, and then I learned that you were hit by a car on your way back home, because the road was to slippery. All of that because of the rain. Because of that ing rain that ruined everything. You had no right to do that to me. You couldn’t just make me live the best days of my life, and then die. You just can’t.

But you did, anyway. And it wasn’t supposed to happen. Everything, wasn’t supposed to happen. I should not have met you, you should not have talk to me.

But, love, I regret nothing.