^Play it

 

‘You know you have to let it go when it is not going ever to be work even though how much you are trying to hold on it.’

These words are accurate yet it is hard for me to acknowledge of it.

Who would happen-ly to just letting go of this kind of feeling you had been sealing inside the hearts without giving a try at least?

 

Kim Wonpil,I’m 20 years old and have this unrequited love towards this girl,Shin Miyoung who had been my closest friend since we were young.We are those who are with a childhood friendship.Miyoung is nice,that’s the only word I can thought of her.She had that brightest smile ever which will always cheer you up.She always listen to whatever I said even though I knew that she assumed and highly doubt about it.

I,once told her that I can built a tent of bed using my blanket.It was back then when we were just 9 years old – the age where I started to little by little developed feelings towards Miyoung.She was such a pure and innocent girl who believed of what I said.

“Oppa,tell me how did you do the tent stuff?Why can’t I built it myself?”

I was rather found it was funny than startled when Miyoung asked me about it back then.I really never thought she will believe what I said,I was just teasing her about it yet she totally believed of what I said about building a tent like in summer camp by just using a blanket on the bed.

From that day onwards,this kind of feeling began to grow without knowingly that I fallen for my childhood friends.It was not supposedly to be like that for falling to her yet as my childhood since I was 7 years old,we had met and she was the first friend I had.We studies together,go to school together as my mother fetched us to school together due to Miyoung’s mother who was busy with her work and her father as well,we played together as well whenever we were on the way to school.

We imitated my mother inside the car of how to drive.Unlike other girls,Miyoung actually more boyish,lively and easy going girl who always had that short bob hair with her two ears protrude out like a monkey,she once said she disliked her ears for being look like monkey and being make fun by others.However,I didn’t mind ,I never laughed of her ears of looking like a monkey because for me,everything about Miyoung was beautiful.Miyoung never hesitated to play with me of the driving games inside the car while we were on the way to school.

With the imaginary we had,we imagined to have a race inside the care,imitated my mother of how to drive.It was actually the happiest moments for me.Miyoung always smiled happily – seeing as her smiling just make me happy as well.

I am quite simple,seeing as Miyoung smile,I am happy and will smile with her as well.

As this feelings in my heart kept on growing when I was 10 years old.I was once getting green eyes over a boy who flirted over Miyoung in the class.It was during the exchanged subject whereas we had to move to other class for the lesson.The fact that,Miyoung and I didn’t really sit together in the class ,we sit separately ,Miyoung always sit behind the class as she was counted to be the tallest in the class while I was always being placed to be sit at the front row.

Miyoung had always be that girl who was the tallest in the class among other students.I hoped I was growing taller too to accompany Miyoung.Yet,for boy in 10 years old,a girl will always growing taller than us.In which,I didn’t have any ways as well to grow taller.

During the exchanged class,I was hoping to sit next to Miyoung as it was only temporary .The teacher wouldn’t be placing us with orders in fact just let us sit where ever we wanted.I thought I would had chance to sit next to Miyoung.However,it was not as this one boy from the other class came first and sit next to Miyoung.

Getting my way to sit next to Miyoung,I could only sit in the behind row while witnessing of how the boy flirted over Miyoung.He kept telling some jokes of making Miyoung laughed.It was sour to see how Miyoung smiled that time of the boy’s joke.

That was the first time of me to feel this jealousy.Seeing as Miyoung was happily playing with the other boy instead of me.Miyoung rarely to play with boys as she always being with the girls only.

At that moment,I hope I can grow taller and had the courage to get Miyoung from them yet I was just an pathetic coward back then who just looking at how the boys flirted over Miyoung.Miyoung was just an innocent girl who didn’t know what did the boy doing to her.She was unaware about it.

I was only 10 years old boy yet I was getting jealous when I saw Miyoung with other guys.I,once read my noona’s love novels about it.It was just normal for a guy to get jealous when seeing the girl he loved to be with other guys.The only way to solve was ,the guy should have courage to tell the girl of his own feelings.

I was 10 years old back then and to think that what I read from my noona’s love novel might be accurate,I should perhaps tell Miyoung of how I felt about her.

It was after the mid term ,I didn’t want to distract Miyoung for her academy as she really care of her academy so much.Despite of her playful-ness everytime,Miyoung was actually very cared of her academy score due with her mother was a teacher in a school,Miyoung always had that intense whenever the examination was around the corner.

After the examination,I made up my mind to tell Miyoung of how I had developed a feeling towards her.She was in the class with her friends during the recess period.The girls were chattering while I was about to enter the class as they didn’t aware of me.I had eavesdropped their conversation as they mentioned my name,I hid behind the doorway immediately;

“Wonpil -,”

“So,Miyoungie,you and Wonpil ,are you two together?”

“What are you talking about?Wonpil is just my oppa and my best friend.We would never be together.”

My heart sank back then when I eavesdropped their conversation and found out what exactly Miyoung felt about me.All the time,I thought Miyoung had the same feeling as I did yet it was just all misunderstanding.I was just pathetically had an unrequited love towards Miyoung while she didn’t feel the same towards me at all.

That was the first of my heart feeling throbbing back then.Yet,I started to seal this feeling inside my heart instead of letting Miyoung knew about it.

Distance also grew between us as I started to distance away from Miyoung as I didn’t want this sealing feeling to grow deeper and it should not grow either.It was a no resulting if this continued either.

Eventually,the distance grew between us and after 11 years old,Miyoung and I rarely played together.Even while we were on the way back home,we rarely talked,I started to sit at the front seat instead of sitting next to Miyoung.Miyoung was at the back seat while on the way home,we didn’t talk at all like we used to be when we were young.

Awkwardness started to grow as well between us.Miyoung no longer lively as she used to be when we were 12 years old instead she grew to be quiet .The moments when we used to be go upstairs to my bedroom when we were 7 years old,I was showing her around my room and watched cartoon together as well while Miyoung was waiting for her father to come to fetch her home .Due with the long distance of Miyoung house from the school,I lived nearby school,Miyoung always waiting for her father at my home instead.

In our 12 years old and so on,we were no longer talked to each other.It shouldn’t be blaming Miyoung as I was the one who started to distance away from her.It had many times when Miyoung attempted to approach to me and talk to me I always ended up getting rid of her by going upstairs to my room or going to toilet or something.

After eavesdropping the conversation,I hardly to approach Miyoung as I didn’t want this sealing feeling I had towards her to grow deeper and it will only causing a deeper pain to myself.I was just so selfish.

However,this selfish-ness who would thought had led me to be a coward afterwards.When we were in the high school,Miyoung and I happened to be in the same high school as well.However,at that moment,she seldom talk to me and the same as well to me.Instead of short bob hair,Miyoung had grew prettier and her ears that she always complained back then wasn’t that as obvious as well.Even though,I never really mind about that as she was lovely as who she was.

17,the age in which all young man would like to be in love and wanted to confess their loves to the one they loved especially during the spring time.I was in it as well,through these years,the feeling I had towards Miyoung had never changed,I had been sealing this feelings for 7 years to be exact.

Seeing as Miyoung recently looked like had into Spring as well.I though I might had chance as I was aware that she always looking to where I was sitting.As when I turned my gaze to her,she will avert her eyes fromme.I thought it was all that Miyoung finally felt of what I feel.

Just as the day before Spring almost come to an end,I decided to once again confess my feeling towards Miyoung.As I find the best place to be sit next to Miyoung in the school library together with Jinyoung ,my buddy and with the group of friend of Miyoung.

“Hey,Jinyoung-ssi,our Miyoung would like to read your palm for the prediction.”

“Ah,sure.”

Back then,Miyoung was so into some horoscope books and other stuff related to personalities and stud like that.I thought she was just drew interest towards astronomy course ,yet it wasn’t at all .It was actually she was trying to approach to Jinyoung by it.

“Pardon me.”

“Omo,look at you ,Shin Miyoung,finally able to touch Jinyoung’s hand.”

I heard Miyoung’s friend,Mina whispered to her – not even seeing me right there after Jinyoung leave. Miyoung’s friends had never really noticed of me,I was just like a wallflower to them,they talked about secrets everywhere even I was there.

Just right in front of me,Mina whispered out to Miyoung about Jinyoung.I knew afterwards,I’d mistaken it again.

I was unaware about it all this time of where did Miyoung actually looking at.Instead of me,she had actually caught her sight towards the guy sit next to me also my best friend in the class,Jinyoung.Park Jinyoung who was the president of a club and active in judo.He was black belt in judo.

It should be as to be compare to Jinyoung,I was just a small character beside him.I can’t to be compare to Jinyoung.He had that face of an idol,Ok Taecyeon and every girls’ ideal type.

It was hard to seal this feeling inside my throbbing heart,seeing as Miyoung actually liking someone else instead of me.Someone who I can’t even to be compare with.

It was such an agony feeling,I suffered from this unrequited love for all these years.

 

Exactly a week after that day,I fall a sick and had a high fever .The emotional directly influenced of my physical from wanting to have any meals.In hunger state for a few days and high fever afterwards because of this agony I had after finding out Miyoung had a feelings towards other guy and that had to be my buddy.

Jinyoung,even once told me that he simply drew an interest towards Miyoung too and many times asked me about her as he knew we both were friends since our childhood.My heart sank to tell Jinyoung about it yet I was so a coward to tell him that I was actually loving Miyoung as well.

Never to be expected that ,when I returned to school,something virals going around the school.Just a week I hadn’t went to school,yet everything changed.

Mina,Miyoung’s best friend told me that Miyoung finally did it.

I was wondering what did she mean at first before Jinyoung approached to me with that happy face and told me that he finally succeed.

Succeed of confessing his love towards Miyoung and Miyoung had already accepted him as well.

One was my best friend since childhood and one was my buddy.Mixed feelings I felt back then after knowing that Miyoung and Jinyoung were together.It was too late,everything was too late.

Just a week,everything changed.

The two was starting to go out together.

That hurtful feeling inside,it was indescribable.

 

What’s more,due with Miyoung’s mother was strict parents who didn’t allow Miyoung to be in any relationship during a young age especially still studying.Jinyoung asked me to camouflage for them wherever they went,like a third wheeler I was to follow them when they were going out to date.

My heart deeply being stabbed with a sharp knife,the striking hurting feeling that will never be understand.

It hurts me the most to see Jinyoung holding Miyoung’s hand.Instead of me who was holding it.

It was all too late,I was a coward who never had the courage to confess because of scare to losing a friend.I was just too selfish and in the end,I get nothing yet I lose someone I loved instead.

I know I should let go of this after Miyoung and Jinyoung being together ,however,I was still holding on the result-less feeling I had towards Miyoung.

I hardly to let go of her.

 

Until today,seeing Miyoung again after 3 years of never meeting her again after she dated Jinyoung.

With hope that I thought Miyoung was finally breaking up with Jinyoung,however,instead of that Miyoung was actually calling me out to tell me that she is getting married with Jinyoung.

I don’t want to run anymore.I don’t want to seal this feeling anymore.I’d make up my mind to tell Miyoung about this feeling for all these years since our childhood.

I’d told her that I’d sealing this feeling towards her when I was 10 years old.

It was hard at first yet I don’t want to run away from it anymore.I just wanted Miyoung to know this feeling of me towards her and even though she didn’t accept me,at least I had told her at last.The feeling I had been sealing for all these years.

 

 

 

“Hey,Wonpil-ssi,what are you humming just now while laying on the couch just now?”Younghyun hyung pop out nowhere as I was laying on the couch humming something out from my mouth while thinking of the past with my childhood friends.

“What is it?”I startled by how the hyung pop out nowhere and just how long he had been here while I was daydreaming on the couch for a while.My eyes almost bulge out when seeing Younghyun hyung is right in the living room of the dorm as I thought it will be no one in the dorm – I thought I was alone before this hyung popped out nowhere.

“I heard something like ‘no-ah,no-ah’.It sounds pretty good,perhaps,we can make it to a song for our comeback next month?”this hyung had such a sensitivity towards music with just a humming sound that I did – he can simply get inspire for our new song in the next album.

 

Eventually,Younghyun hyung and I worked together to compose a song just simply by the humming I was hum back then.Ridiculous?yet it was true.

“Wow,the lyrics is kind of sad yet seem to be real like something like this was happened before?”the song editor asked as Younghyung hyung and I had decided to compose a song regarding to the humming I made out without intentionally during my daydreaming in the couch.

It’s all unplanned until hyung thought it was a great melody for a song concept we would be having in the next month comeback album.

“Fictional to be honest,”I insist – instead of telling the truth,”Younghyun hyung helped me as well for some part,”referring it to hyung eventually who complete the song and give it a soul and melody for this song whereas my part was just humming of the melody unintentionally before Younghyun hyung get inspired with how the song should be turned out.

“Holding on to you

Will do you no good

I know, so I struggle to get you out

The times we had together, our dear memories

I let go, let go, let go

So you can smile someday,”the song editor said out one of the part in the lyrics ,it was as well the lyrics written by me.

“It somehow felt sad and empty for struggle to get out from the dear memories and have to let it go as it had sealed inside the heart for along while.This could be the point in the song,”he added .

“That’s written by Wonpil-ssi.He was just so good,his lyrics really something bringing some life in it,”Younghyun hyung referred to me.

“It isn’t just some fictional,”in fact my heart started to sank as the part was reading out.

 

 

The fact that I had struggled to get out from this unrequited love even though Miyoung had getting married .We both already had our own separated pathway of life.

After being apart from Miyoung in age 20,I participated an audition in which I became part of a K-band in Korea under JYP agency.I had became in a group DAY6 which a band who played instrument in specific.

Perhaps,letting go is what I should be doing after all these years of struggling through to get out from the feelings.

Seeing as Miyoung had living happily with the one she love,I should had been letting it go instead of stubborn-ly holding this unrequited love which never will never had an good ending as well.

With that,I dedicated this song ‘Letting go’,’Noha’ instead of No-ah at first as I still hardly to let go of this memories we had been shared together since childhood.

I made up my mind finally to let it go.I’d been holding for this so long but I must let go because there’s nothing I can do for it,it is the only way to make this to be end happy instead of struggling for something never had an end.So I let it go through this song.

 

Words Counted: 3100

A/N: Hence,this is it,a raw story from me in which I simply just write it randomly without any draft like the previous one as this one is something un-fictional story...

Hopefully,you all enjoy it..

More DAY6 fics will be coming up soon..