ALL I ASK.

MARK – JINYOUNG

   “If this is my last night with you.”

        “Please hold me.”

          “Like I’m more than a friend.”

Life was supposed to be easy. Just like what they said. It should be similar to a book. With all the pages written in detailed context on how each and every day should go. It’s like everything’s planned. From the day you were born to the day you die. How precise you can die, how precise your death was all planned out. It’s sometimes ironic to say at least. What is the purpose of living if we’ll all still die anyway? It’s like we’re being fed some taste of living but that’s it, nothing more, just an appetizer to a beautiful life ahead. Sadly, that’s the furthest you can go.

It’s similar to what they say when everything feels just right, everything feels as if it’s made to be perfect, but when it’s the time that everything starts to feel amazing, right and oh so wonderful, it’s robbed off just like that. If only there was a warning signal to every human that getting attached to them first, even being platonically, it will develop into a longing. It will develop into a desperate unrequited love that someone would yearn it’ll be returned. A warning signal that we should have never met them in the very first place, and Mark, should have known.

May 4, 2017

“Mark! Look at that one!”

Everything was hazy for a while. It felt like you’d go numb for a millisecond until your soul would zap back into your body and you’d be left shocked.

“Hey Mark? You okay there?” Jinyoung waved his hand in front of the elder who is currently staring at him like he’s the most beautiful gem in the world.

“Ah. Yeah. Sorry. Was I staring?” Mark asked, pointing his index finger to himself.

“Yeah, I freaked out for a while though.” Jinyoung laughed, without covering his mouth and Mark swore, if only he could take a photo of it, he would. Mark could only emit a chuckle out of his embarrassment though.

“Now where were we. Oh! Right! It’s that star. It’s the biggest one and brightest one so far.” Jinyoung told him, nudging him by his shoulder as he placed his index finger and thumb on Mark’s chin to tilt his head to the dark starry night. “Woah.” Was all Mark could say. Honestly, even a normal person could say he was faking that expression because what he was here for wasn’t really the fact that they’re stargazing and fighting to point out the biggest star.

“That sounds so fake, Mark, stop.” Jinyoung scoffed at him, playfully shoving Mark in his peaceful sitting position and Mark indeed rolled on the grass, laughing softly.

What he didn’t expected was Jinyoung would laugh back at him though. If staring was considered a crime, Mark would be one hell of a criminal.

He just couldn’t help it. He couldn’t help staring at Jinyoung’s eyes. The way his eyes crinkle and when it fades, it leaves a beautiful view of deep brown orbs and Mark is smitten, he’s ing smitten just by seeing his best friend laugh.

“Mark, you’re dazing off again.”

“That’s hyung for you.”

With that night, they shared comfortable conversations about anything really. How Jinyoung scowled at Mark for sleeping in his bed with a dog and Jinyoung gave him an hour worth of lecture not to put the dog on the bed because it’s highly unhygienic and all, but Mark wasn’t listening to any of that bull really. He was far too lost in Jinyoung’s eyes to decipher the words coming out from his mouth.

May 13, 2017

And if Mark only realize, that beforehand, he was also a puppet to this earth. Anytime, his life ready to be taken away from him, anytime, anywhere and specifically in unknown ways. He should have held onto Jinyoung’s hand that night. Tell him how he truly feels. Tell him how much he needs him to give him strength to fight for his current problem

Which is why Mark ended up on Jinyoung’s doorstep. A small smile greeting him as Jinyoung’s oh so sweet mother opened the door for him. Yet, Mark waved off the offer, instead, he gave the elder woman a polite smile, kindly explaining that he just needs to talk some matters with Jinyoung.

But then, he sees Jinyoung trailing off from upstairs with a huge luggage and Mark had to squint his eyes to believe if it was real or bluff.

“Oh look, who’s here.” Jinyoung beamed at him, a luggage in his hand as he stormed towards Mark’s direction.

“Jinyoung! I need to talk to you, right now, as in right now.” Mark was pleading, honestly, his eyes desperate just to talk to his best friend.

“I was about to go to your apartment though, to tell you that I’ll be heading to Canada in a few hours. It was urgent so yeah.” Jinyoung gave him a sheepish smile as his hand reached out to close the door knob.

Mark found his soul departing to his body, though. With heavy clenching heart, Mark turned towards Jinyoung and asked. “For how long?”

“For 2 months.” With that, Mark calculated the days, the number of hours, how much time he’s left to spend with him.

“Are you sure you’re gonna be back in 2 months?” Mark asked, his tone serious and if voice could kill, Jinyoung was probably bleeding right now.

“Yeah, why?” It was Jinyoung’s turn to face the elder, curiosity dripping in his voice with every syllable. “I’ll tell you when you come back here then.” Mark forced a smile. Well, I don’t want to burden you while you’re working. Mark thought to himself before Jinyoung gave him a pat to his head.

“Be a good boy, hyung.” Jinyoung laughed, which earned him a smack from the smaller guy.

“Shut up. I’m supposed to be the one telling you that.” Mark retorted and as sad as it might sound. Mark wasn’t aware that everything he built up with Jinyoung for 4 years, was gone to a waste. He let him go, and it literally has 2 different meanings. Mark allowed Jinyoung to go to his travel without telling him the reason why he exactly needs Jinyoung to be back for exactly 2 months. Secondly, he let Jinyoung go because it should have been the only day he was finally able to confess his feelings for the younger. To confess to Jinyoung how much he wanted to be in his arms, how much he wanted to give him the kisses he’s been dreaming off for years now. How much he wanted to share his final moments with Jinyoung because he was slowly dying.

Literally.

May 12, 2017

“Mark. Are you okay?” Youngjae’s concerned voice could be heard but it was too hazy and Mark was having a hard time biting through his bottom lip as he clutched desperately on his shirt, the pain in his stomach never ceasing.

“Guys! Call 911! Mark’s losing it.” Youngjae shouted through the office. Alarming the other workers as they rushed off to call the emergency services and Youngjae, Mark’s fellow worker was currently clutching onto Mark’s free hand.

“Hey Mark. Hang in there. you’re turning pale.” Youngjae cursed and that was the last thing Mark heard before he completely out.

Waking up in a hospital room was a completely different feeling though and Mark just wants to scream. To tell them he’s fine. He doesn’t need medication because he was doing fine. He’s not sick, and most importantly he’s not a person who gets sick often. So when Mark opened his eyes to the sight of his worried father, frowning as if he’s having an argument to the doctor. His mother bawling his eyes out, hands laced in a pleading manner and Mark heard it.

“I’m sorry. Mr. Tuan. It was severe and if only he’d been taking medications for this it shouldn’t have to be in this place. Mark can barely survive 5 months and the longest we could assume is 3 months. I’m sincerely sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Tuan.”

With that, the doctor left and Mark’s father was close to punching the glass window to his room and Mark even worried they’ll have to pay more for destruction of property.

On the same day, he ended up on a situation where his mother was sat next to him, chin pressed onto the mattress of the hospital bed as she clutched tightly onto Mark’s hand. Also on the very same day, Mark discovered that well, he indeed had a pancreatic cancer and the doctors are even shock why he’s still breathing by now. All it took was Mark’s decision to stay at the hospital for treatment just for him to reach 5 months, or barely 3 months.

Mark took the latter though. What do you have to do within the 5 months though? Which was why Mark found himself on the doorstep of Jinyoung’s house the very next day.

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