Dahyun could sense the fluttery excitement in Byul’s eyes, the soft shimmer with lips drawn back at their corners. It’s a sight she hasn’t seen in a while and Dahyun doesn’t miss the moment to bask in her child’s light happiness, taking in every minute detail. That is, until she notices the reason for her child’s cheerful mood. It was Sana in the flesh, right there across the road from her, standing with their daughter. She flinches slightly at the realisation, shuffling back a few steps. It was almost like déjà vu, except Sana was different. Once honey brown tresses, now stripped of colour frayed of sorts clumsily tucked beneath a tattered cap. Eyes, lifeless eyes etched with haunting shadows that foretold of sleepless nights. But the most lingering feature was her cheekbones, protruding from sallow skin, which was mostly hidden beneath a woollen knit three sizes too big. It was Sana, but at the same time it also wasn’t. She was like a broken vase, shattered and poorly put back together. But all in all, to Dahyun she was still beautiful, bathed in the sun’s light.

Unlike Dahyun, their daughter didn’t seem to notice the dreadful state of Sana’s appearance, or perhaps she was too stunned by her mother’s actual presence. Petite legs charged forth, propelling at immense speed into the needed embrace. Sana stumbles backwards from the sheer force of the hug, wincing slightly but manages to recover with a loving chuckle. “Hey baby,” Sana sings as Byul’s little arms tangle themselves around a shrunken figure. “Mama it’s really you. You came back.” Byul chokes, tears spilling into Sana’s shoulder, wool tickling her nose as she buries her face into it. All while her body trembles fighting back a greater cry.  It’s a long hold, both quietly hugging tight, the sort of hug that pleads apologies and regrets without the uttering of words. “I’ve missed you so much,” Byul mumbles warm voice reaching Sana’s ears. Sana pulls her daughter closer breathing deep, brushing a kiss to her cheek, whispering, “I’ve missed you too.”

Dahyun wants to confront Sana. She’s wanted to see her for so long now. There are so many things she has to say, to ask but she doesn’t know what overcomes her, but she just can’t step beyond the footpath. The flooding of air in her lungs depraves her of breath, as her churning stomach cramps her movements. She’s shackled in her own body, paralysing fear twitching underneath skin perfectly seizing its victim. Rather than approaching her wife, she remains hidden in the shadows, heart pounding against cold brick. Fingers trembling as the world drained of colour to only see Byul in light before her. Dahyun’s too distant to hear their voices, but her eyes are fixated on reading their lips. It’s not enough to satisfy the nights of constant fear, but it has to do for now.

“I have so many things to tell you mama. I’m a big girl now. I can even tie my own shoelaces... well sort of. Mum is going to be really happy to see you too!” Byul giggles