Please forgive me for being stupid.

Daehyun thought he had perfected himself to be immune to the world.

He thought he had created the best defense for himself to never get hurt by anybody, he thought he was protected by a strong unbeatable shield from the shards of love.

Daehyun was a man who was intelligent for his age, and he knew better than most to fall in love. He had deemed love as a threat to his existence and happiness, he knew love guaranteed hurt, and he was unwilling to step near love.

He knew what was best for him, to look and not remember, to hear and not believe, to never love because it was human’s greatest downfall.

But on a rainy stormy night, Daehyun woke up groggily to find his greatest weakness at his doorstep, and Daehyun felt his perfect defense he had scrupulously build falling to shattered pieces, gazing at the man who was weeping  pathetically with the heavens as Youngjae fell into Daehyun’s ready embrace, crying his heart out into the man’s shirt.

~

“Don’t ever fall in love Jae-ah. It hurts. It really does.” He had whispered pain-stakingly, eyes watering as he wrapped an arm around his propped up legs on the park bench, other hand holding the phone, heavy rain pelting his already drenched body. Accompanying him was only the dim light that shined from the tall lamppost, rain showering down on the man.

“Daehyun, where are you!?” Youngjae had screamed back and Daehyun smiled. How was it that this man could tear his heart and yet make him smile?

“Daehyun, I’m serious, where are you?! Don’t you dare do anything stupid! Whoever that guy was to make you like this is crazy, who wouldn’t like a guy like you!?”

Daehyun chuckled softly. His eyes glazed with hurt contrasting the ironic wry smile, as he gazed up painfully at the drops of rain falling onto his shivering figure.

“You.” He had whispered almost inaudibly, voice drowned out by the harsh tirade of the sky’s tears.

~

“I told you not to fall in love, didn’t I, Youngjae? But you still did, didn’t you?”

Daehyun soothed, a tinge of remorse evident in his voice as he held Youngjae in his embrace, cradling the petite man who kept sobbing into his chest.

“It hurts, Dae-ah…It really does…”

Daehyun simply stared aimlessly and emptily at the wall across the room, feeling his own words play like a broken recorder stuck in his head.

“It’s going to be okay. I’ll be there.” He whispered into the smaller man’s ear, hands wrapping around even tighter the man’s petite waist and no matter how much he tried to hold back, he felt himself nuzzling into Youngjae’s hair, breathing in the sweet scent.

Daehyun let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head gently, laughing at how stupid he was. He thought he had gotten over this man, he thought he could outsmart love but love had already ran a mile past him ever since a certain Yoo Youngjae had stepped into his life.

The perfect armor Daehyun thought had encased him for these 5 years just crumbled to the ground, filled with chinks he never knew about, and his dead heart revived ever so painfully as if it simply woke up from a blissful yet empty slumber.

And Daehyun found himself realizing he had been living a total lie for the past 5 years, thinking he had the world in his hands, thinking he had gotten Youngjae out of his mind, thinking that he had everything under control, thinking that he was never going to get hurt again.

As he watched Youngjae sleeping quietly in his embrace, sniffing every once or twice, he smiled, feeling his own tears trickle down his cheeks. “He really doesn’t know my love, he really doesn’t know.” And a part of him whispers back, “and he will never know.”

His hands trailed to gently caressing Youngjae’s tear-stained cheeks, gently feeling the softness of his skin. Eyes were latched on Youngjae’s innocent sleeping face, something so gorgeous that it struck Daehyun in the heart so painfully, and Daehyun basked in the warmth of Youngjae, even if it was momentarily.

Laying the sleeping man on the couch ever so gently with a pillow propped up, Daehyun stood up, eyes refusing to roam to Youngjae.

But he could never resist.

Gazing at the man who looked so peaceful, Daehyun felt himself swallow as he kneeled on the couch, edging his face closer. It was sinful, it was absolutely wrong, but what could he do?

His hands interlocked with the younger’s small ones, leaning in to press his lips on those plump ones, and Daehyun never felt a more overpowering plethora of feeling suffusing his entire body.

And as he pulled away, he gazed down at the still sleeping man, tears trickling down his face and dropping on the younger’s.

He never wanted to let go of his small hands, never wanted to stop kissing his sweet lips, but he knew it was wrong.

“I will never love like this again.” His voice cracked, laying a blanket over Youngjae as he slumped himself onto the couch, allowing his tears to freely fall.

----

And during the wee hours of the morning Daehyun stepped onto Jay’s doorstep, sending a harsh fist to man’s perfectly shaped face.

“Ever hurt him again and you will pay an even bigger price.” He snarled and spat in the man’s face, before turning and walking off.

“You like him, don’t you?”

A stop in tracks.

“Jung Daehyun, I suggest you stay away from him if you don’t want to get more heartbroken.” Jay said monotonously before shutting the door.

Daehyun looked down to his feet, a wry smile plastered on his face as he felt his fists clench at his sides, trembling violently.

“I’ve already tried.”

---

Daehyun returned home quickly, only to find Youngjae standing at his doorstep, a broken smile on the man’s face.

Youngjae had his arms wide open, giving him a farewell hug, thanking him for being there for him, thanking him for being such a great friend.

“Am I just a friend to you?” Daehyun whispers back, voice dangerously soft, and Youngjae blinks in confusion, before smiling and wrapping his arms around his ‘friend’ again, beaming, “You’ll always be my best friend, Dae.”

And hearing Youngjae’s gentle footsteps down the corridor, Daehyun tilted his head down, turning as the door clicked shut. Once he heard the footsteps cease, he lifted his head, tears streaming down his cheeks, never feeling more pained in his life.

He found himself slamming the nearest vase at the television set, turning into a crazed frenzy as he tore over the couch, destroying the nearest object he could find. Slamming over the dining table that crashed with a loud shatter as glass shards from the mirror scattered onto the floor, Daehyun didn’t bother surveying the destruction he had caused as he fell to the ground on his knees, tears flowing uncontrollably out as his hands fell in front and hit the smithereens of crystals, painfully wounding them.

The fragments that resembled the broken heart of Jung Daehyun.