“Should I apologize?  Or should I confess?”

……

She could still taste him. Despite the days that had gone by since that all too brief kiss, she could still remember the taste of him on her lips, the warmth of his mouth and the sweet urgency in the way he kissed her. Even in the kitchen at night it was still warm, and the rain drummed a beat on the roof and walls, but it couldn’t compete with the way her heart pounded at feeling him so close to her. Si Jin was a man who never had any problem going after exactly what he wanted, and that she was the target of this ardor thrilled Mo Yeon as much as it unnerved her. The part of her that was thrilled wanted to lean into that hand that cradled her face, tilt to his and show him just how he made her feel.

But reason took control, and the part of her that still wanted this man despite everything screamed in frustration as she made herself turn her face away. He was too good, too honorable a man to play with, and the worst thing she could do to him was to give him hope that they could have a relationship when she was still too unclear about everything, mainly herself.

She’d wanted more time, to know him better and to know herself better, to decide whether she could risk her heart and mind by loving this man. Neither of them were people who did things by half measures; sharing a love with Si Jin would consume her, and to find something like that only to lose it someday on a battlefield, she didn’t know if she could survive.

But there was no more time. He stood before her now, urging her to a quick decision. Well, he was used to that sort of thing, soldiers had to be to survive, but Mo Yeon preferred to think things through and have all of her facts in order to make a decision. Fine. No more time. Make a decision, Mo Yeon. What’s it going to be, jump into the fire and share the heat of his love all the while knowing you may be burned, or stay safe and unharmed but live to regret what might have been?

The answer burst from her lips in a rush of emotion before reason could prevail.

“Confess.” Mo Yeon said, the word feeling like it was taking all the breath out of her to say. “Confess. Whatever crime you’ve committed, I’m guilty of too.”

The look in his eyes…whenever Yoo Si Jin looked at her he always had such an intensity in his eyes, and she felt trapped by his gaze, but in a way that she never wanted to escape. One step he took, two steps, and the next thing she knew she was wrapped in his arms. His mouth brushed against hers, seeming to still question despite her words, and this time Mo Yeon responded, wrapping her arms around his neck and yielding to him everything she’d held back before. There was joy in the way he clasped her to him, and Mo Yeon thought that she couldn’t regret anything if it allowed her to have this moment…

“…Sunbae…Sunbae wake up.”  Mo Yeon heard a voice through the fog of sleep, and opening her eyes she saw Nurse Choi standing over her. “What is it?” she groaned.

“You overslept. We saved you some breakfast, but if you don’t get up, you’re going to miss the doves.” The younger woman said with a twinkle in her eye. She knew Mo Yeon loved watching the men on their morning run just like her and Nurse Ha did.

Urgh, what a dream. So lovely, that she’d said the words in her heart last night instead of turning him away yet again. Mo Yeon froze. Perhaps it wasn’t too late. He wouldn’t have left already, right? Maybe she could still go to him, let him know what a fool she was and how there was no need to apologize for something they both wanted…

Mo Yeon exploded out of bed and ran.

…….

“The company commander left last night.”

Mo Yeon stood in shock and disappointment as Private Kim hurried off to his duties. He was gone. He certainly didn’t waste any time, did he? Probably couldn’t wait to leave here after she’d shot him down yet another time. It wasn’t like there wasn’t any way to ever see him again. She knew his number, knew where the base was; she could certainly find him again once she returned to Korea. But what would be the point? No matter how she felt about him, the fundamental problems in their relationship remained. And after being rejected so many times, maybe Si Jin decided that she just wasn’t worth it. Who could blame him? He was a man of courage who put his life on the line for his country, he deserved someone who could embrace him for everything that he was, no matter the risk. And while Mo Yeon was brave enough to take the lives of her patients in her hands every day, she didn’t know if she was brave enough to love him.