Laying in his cramped bed, trying to sleep but failing or just forgetting what sleep even was, surounded by Yijeong's smell and arms wrapped around bodies Kyungil wondered when this happened.

He tried to remember when he stopped questioning Yijeong.

He tried to remember when 'Yijeong, why are you sleeping in my bed?' turned into 'Yijeong, won't you sleep in my bed?' and with an added of 'Is something the matter?'

He hadn't even noticed it. The sudden change.

Though thinking back on it now Kyungil realizes it wasn't that sudden and how could he had even missed something like it. It was important. Or was it not?

It made him want to remember what else had he missed. What else he had forgotten about Yijeong or which wasn't supposed to be normal, but was. What was casual, but wasn't supposed to.

Kyungil wanted to remember it all, but all his mind could make out was Yijeong.

Yijeong's face. His smile he's reserved for their fans. His laugh when Kyungil joked. How his eyes glistened so innocently when he had thought of lyrics for their songs. How his body felt against Kyungil's chest and how his hair tasted in Kyungil's mouth when he had just woken up with Yijeong for the seventh day in a row.

He can smell it even now, his hair. It's smells like mangos. Like apricots and melons, like a caught blow of wind from their opened bedroom window. Like a pretty word written in messy hangul. Like everything at all Yijeong.

He thought if it wasn't even important to remember. Kyungil forgets a lot of stuff. But maybe this time he shouldn't have.

He probably shouldn't. He's the leader of an idol group. He's an entertainer, he's not allowed to forget.

But he doesn't forget anything important. Their new and old songs, their new and old dance moves, their fans' faces he smiles at in meet and greets.

He doesn't forget Yijeong when he dozes off. He hasn't forgotten Yijeong when he's woken up. Yijeong's always there, somehwere in Kyungil.

He hasn't forgotten the way Yijeong couldn't stop laughing that one time during an interview and they had to stop shooting for precicely eight minutes and fourty-one seconds before he had calmed down. Before Kyungil had kindly smiled all his laughs away admiring Yijeong. And Yijeong had stared back at him, tears at the corners of his eyes, his eyeliner smudged ever so slightly.

The way someone nervously commented on how Kyungil was staring for a minute too long when Yijeong was doing absolutely nothing of importance.

That time they were practicing the hair pull in 'Psycho' choreography and Kyungil tugged too hard and hurried to apologize only to notice Yijeong's expression which looked like Kyungil could've pulled harder and Yijeong would've thanked him for the privilage.

Maybe he hadn't forgotten it, after all.

Maybe he hadn't forgotten anything.

Maybe he doesn't want to admit to anything, and forgetting is easier.

But maybe he should.

Because maybe the way his heart races sometimes isn't because of health issues.

Maybe it's all Yijeong.

Maybe it's always been Yijeong.

Even when their hugs became a routine, or every night they've slept in the same bed, limbs tangled, breaths mixed. When Yijeong started giving him good morning kisses anywhere on his face but shying away from his lips.

When had it all become so normal.

When was it that Kyungil thought it was always like this. That he thought this was how it was supposed to be.

"Kyungil? Are you alright?" Kyungil hears Yijeong's groggy voice and all his thoughts are suddenly gone and Kyungil forgets what they were even about.

"Go back to sleep, Yijeong," Kyungil says, soft, and brushes Yijeong's hair out of his now opened eyes.

He needs to think about it.

"You started tugging at my hair suddenly, it felt weird," He crunches up his nose cutely and Kyungil wonders for how long has his hand wandered trough Yijeong's hair without Kyungil noticing.

"I didn't mean to wake you," Kyungil says in an atempt to apologize. "Sorry," He adds after a couple seconds deciding it wasn't enough.

He draws his hand back in it's place around Yijeong's waist.

"It's okay," Yijeong smiles, trying to snuggle closer to Kyungil and finding no space to do so. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Kyungil nods. Was he okay? "Just thinking."

There's nothing not to be okay about. Everything's perfect.

"About?"

"About," Kyungil says, trying to rememeber what he was just thinking about.

"About?" Yijeong repeats, a yawn following his question.

"About you," Kyungil remembers and doesn't catch his brain before it decides this was completely fine to say. "I was thinking about you." It's not fine to say. But maybe it is.

Maybe Yijeong's been thinking about it too. About him. About everything Kyungil.

"And what about me?" Kyungil can faintly see Yijeong's smile in the dark. "I hope it's all good."

"It's all good," Kyungil nods. "If it's about you it's always good."

"I am so flattered." Kyungil smiles at the teasing tone. "I've been thinking about you too." He adds, not unexpected, but Kyungil still finds himself smiling into the dark.

"What about me?" It's Kyungil's turn to ask.

"Good," Yijeong smiles. "When it comes to you it's always good."

Kyungil squeezes Yijeong in his embrace just a little.

"Don't be so cheesy," He asks weakly.

"What? Hyung started it," Yijeong blames with a giggle, now pushed up against Kyungil's chest.

"I've been thinking a lot about you lately," Kyungil says, and it's true.

Yijeong's all Kyungil has been thinking about. He doesn't know, though, for how long.

It's honestly been more than just lately but Kyungil's kind of forgotten how times works for this specific moment.

"Mhm," Yijeong hums into his chest. "Your heartbeat's really fast. Are you dying?" He asks curiously.

"With you I've died a lot of times," Kyungil says and wants to slap himself over how dumb that sounds.

"Hyung should start writing song lyrics," Yijeong giggles.

"So I would spend even more time with you?"

"That's exactly what I was thinking," Yijeong says, his voice just barely above a whisper.

He could keep quiet and Kyungil would still probably hear him. But for now he's not about to try to find out if that's true.

For now it's words.

Though the lyrics writing is only a joke Kyungil doesn't think it's that bad of an idea, really.

"I'll think about it," Kyungil smiles into Yijeong's hair which will probably end up in his mouth by next morning.

"You do that," Yijeong nods, content.

And it's weird, really, how Kyungil's reminded and forced to forget everything Yijeong at the exact same time. But he doesn't hate it.

Like anything else Yijeong, Kyungil loves this feeling he always gets when they talk like this. It's special. It's just so Yijeong.

"Yijeong?" He tries, because maybe Yijeong isn't asleep yet and maybe he hasn't forgotten something which Kyungil wants to remember now.

"Hm, yes?" Comes in a slur and Kyungil pokes Yijeong's side to get his attention. Yijeong squirms a little and giggles. "Yes? Yes?" He says quickly, not wanting this to turn into anything more drastic, like a full tickle, to get his attention.

"There's something else I want to tell you," Kyungil says and Yijeong kicks himself up to lay his head on Kyungil's pillow, to meet his eyes in the darkness.

He can guess what it is Kyungil wishes to remember so he shuts his eyes and feels Kyungil's lips to set on his own and stay there quietly for a second or two.

Kyungil pulls away and Yijeong opens his eyes to meet Kyungil's. Full and happy, the lips he just felt against his own graced by a lazy smile.

Because it's all feeling and no words.

"Yeah," Kyungil decides and doesn't know exactly what it is he decides. "It's something," He nods to himself like he's solved the reason behind their existance.

Yijeong chuckles, letting himself be pulled closer and tucked under Kyungil's chin.

"It's not just anything," He says into the man's neck. "It's you," He says. "It's always been you."

"That's weird," Kyungil comments. "And random. And not what I was thinking," He continues and Yijeong wants to laugh again. "But yeah. It's there."

"What is?" Yijeong asks because he's genuinly curious and though he already knows he's not about to spoil it to a half sleeping Kyungil.

"You." And Kyungil should probably stop acting stupid because he knows precisely what it is but he forgets the word. "Something else. Eh, who cares. Forgot it once, remembered it twice. It's there somehwere," He says and it doesn't make sense, but it doesn't really have to.

It's quiet for a minute or two and they're both almost asleep when Kyungil quietly goes 'Ah!' and Yijeong knows he's found something.

And they both know what it is, Kyungil remembers and Yijeong's never forgotten, but they don't need to talk about it.

It's all feeling.