Ever since the SMTM4 incident, Hansol hasn’t been himself. He talked less, smiled less and wasn’t up for the usual antics with the other members. He would sit in front of the computer, staring blankly at the screen as frustration slowly build up when he realized that he had nothing.

He would spend hours sitting in front of the mirror in the practice room and stare at himself after telling the members that he would stay to practice some more.

What an idiot

He has no skills whatsoever

He can’t even rap

The only thing he has is his pretty face

Talentless

Why did they even let him win a few rounds when he obviously

He shouldn't even be a part of Seventeen

Disgusting

He just destroyed his groups' entire career

He's not worth anything 

Hansol bit his bottom lip and the tears slowly slid down his cheeks when he kept reading the comments on his phone. He was relieved that he was alone in the practice room. It was late and most of the members were probably asleep at the dorm. Hansol sighed deeply and buried his head into his knees with his phone still in his hand. 

This was the worst thing that could ever have happened and he hated himself for going on to SMTM. He hated himself for so many things but the worst thing was the hate the whole group got because of him.

It hurt of course that people hated on him but he learned to live with it. It tugged at his heart when he read the hate comments towards the group. None of the members deserved any of this because they had nothing to do with it. It was his own decision and it was a mistake on his part.
He was too greedy and this is what he got for his own selfishness. Hansol just wished that people would stop dragging the entire group down with him.

This was his fault and no one else’s.

Hansol took a deep breath and slide the phone onto the ground, away from him. He couldn’t bear to look at any more comments. He laid down on his back and put his arm under his head. Sometimes he wondered if the members resented him, maybe even hated him because of the backlash the entire group got because of him.

Just thinking about it made the tears fall even faster and he bit his lip to stop any sounds from coming out. The thought that the members might hate him for this made him feel unimaginable pain and it made his heart hurt.

Hansol had his hand clutched at his chest as he stared up at the ceiling. He laid there until he decided that he wouldn't be able to get any sleep and he really didn't want to go back to the dorm.   

He stood up and took the phone into his hands to send a quick message to Seungcheol that said that he wasn't coming home. It was just so they wouldn't worry about where he was and what he was doing. He didn't want to burden them any further. 

Hansol ignored that quiet voice inside his head that told him that they would never worry about a failure like him. 

As soon as he was done writing the message, he threw the phone away from him. Hansol ignored his growling stomach and drank some water from his water bottle. He threw the bottle to the side when he was finished and walked up to the music stereo and turned the music up, as loud as he could. He knew that no one would be bothered by it. 

Hansol put his full focus into the dance moves and he danced and danced. He kept going with no intentions of stopping because he had to get better. He had to show people that he was serious about this. That this was something he lived for and he didn't want to disappoint the group any more than he already has.  

He never noticed his phone lighting up a couple of times in the corner of the room.

Hansol never saw the sun rise up nor did he hear the door open.  

"Hansol-ah?"

Hansol stopped dancing when he heard a voice behind him and turned around.

"Hyung?" 

It was Hoshi and Hansol sighed in relief when he saw that he was the only one there. 

"Did you spend the whole night practicing?" Hoshi asked with a frown."Who do you think I am, hyung? Of course, I didn't spend the whole night practicing" Hansol smiled and lied trough his teeth. Hoshi's frown turned into a smile and he smiled back but there still was a lingering worry in his eyes.

"Come on. Take a quick shower and change to this. Our schedule is starting soon" Hoshi told him softly and that's when it struck Hansol. They had an early schedule today and he had forgotten all about it. 

"Oh my god hyung, I'm so sorry. I-I didn't realize" Hansol whispered and he looked at the ground. "You're an idiot Choi Hansol" he thought to himself. 

"It's fine. Come on" Hoshi reassured him and motioned Hansol to come over to him. "Yeah, yeah okay" Hansol exhaled and took a step forward but his legs were shaking. Having practiced for more than four hours took a toll on his legs and they gave up on him. If it hadn't been for Hoshi's quick reflexes, he would be laying on the ground right now. 

"What are we going to do with you, Choi Hansol?" Hoshi shook his head and had a small fond smile on his face. Hansol flushed and turned his head down. He didn't really know what to answer to that.

"Guess we just have to do it like this" Hoshi mumbled and before Hansol could ask him what he was talking about, Hoshi had already put on of his arm under his legs and the other around his waist and started to bridal carry him to the bathroom. 

"Hyung, I'm not a child" Hansol whined and buried his head into his chest. Hoshi chuckled but didn't say anything back. He let Hansol take his shower alone and put the clothes on the bathroom seat while he waited for him outside the door. 

Hoshi's smile fell off his face and the frown came back. He was worried about Hansol but pushing the younger for an answer would only make the walls around him grow stronger and he would retreat back into his shell again. That was something Hoshi couldn't afford to let happen and he thought about talking with Seungcheol about it. 

The door to the bathroom opened and Hansol came out. He was wearing an oversized hoodie and some ripped denim jeans with his usual black Timberlands. "Let's go," Hoshi said and pushed it all into the back of his mind as they walked down the hall. Hoshi intertwined his hand with Hansol's and told himself that maybe he was just overreacting when he saw Hansol being his usual self.