the five stages (of us)

at first, we were strangers

At first, Hyukjae was only a handsome stranger that Donghae got to share the lift with on some lucky days. It was maybe once or twice a week, always early in the morning, when Donghae would still be half-asleep from a troubled night. Donghae would step inside the elevator of his workplace with heavy steps, blindly pushing the button that would get him to his floor. Then, someone would hastily ask him to stop the lift. Donghae would comply absentmindedly, until—until he looked up.

Hyukjae was—God. He was like a dream come true.

Hyukjae was a charismatic and terribly attractive man. He carried elegant briefcases and wore black neat suits at work, stealing breaths of anyone that dared looking. Dark locks of hair fell messily over his forehead, like a caress that Donghae felt secretly envious of. Hyukjae was only a bit taller than Donghae, but every time it felt like Donghae had to look up and up and up, just to catch a glimpse of his handsome profile. Hyukjae had beautiful single-lidded eyes that made Donghae blush all the way down to his neck; pink plump lips that managed to distracted Donghae almost every single time; and a round nose tip that Donghae thought to be the most adorable thing ever. Hyukjae was just—Hyukjae.

It was all so odd. Because at the time, he’d only been a nameless someone who happened to work in the same company as Donghae. And yet, he made Donghae feel so many things, in such a short amount of time. It was only a few minutes, but it felt like getting hit by a thousand fireworks. Or maybe swarmed by countless butterflies.

Whenever Donghae saw Hyukjae in the morning, he’d start blushing madly. Hyukjae would nod at Donghae distractedly, and it felt like being a teenager with a crush all over again. Hyukjae would step inside the lift, sleepy and looking so very soft, and Donghae would ask, which floor? Hyukjae always replied, sixth, please, and Donghae would mumble the words along under his breath.

Donghae felt a bit like a creep, frankly. But then, Hyukjae would step out of the elevator with a small yet genuine grin in Donghae’s direction. And he’d think, gosh, he makes it so easy.

One day, Hyukjae stepped in the same lift as Donghae’s, just as Yoona was there as well. They all greeted each other with polite nods. Donghae pushed the sixth-floor button without prompting.

Surprised and looking oddly pleased, Hyukjae sent Donghae a bright smile. It was all pink gums and white teeth, and oh. Oh, , Donghae swears that he lost his breath for a second there. He started to feel a bit light-headed, and so hot, and—and—

And then, Hyukjae got down at his floor. Yoona gave Donghae a knowing look.

“His name’s Lee Hyukjae,” Yoona said, finally putting a name on the stranger’s handsome face. “He’s the head of the Finance Department.”

“I—… I didn’t ask,” Donghae mumbled.

Yoona laughed, patting his shoulder indulgently. Donghae could only blush harder.

*

            we slowly became friends

They talked for the first time on the morning of Hyukjae’s birthday.

It was a chilly yet bright fourth of April. True to his habits, Donghae stepped inside the lift of his workplace with his eyes half-closed and dragging his feet. It wasn’t even nine o’clock, and he already wanted to go back straight to bed.

Donghae released a long yawn. He pressed the button to his floor, trying halfheartedly to blink the sleepiness off his eyes. It didn’t do much of a good job, as expected. Instead of feeling more alert, Donghae only found himself wanting to slip back into slumber for the rest of the day. Perhaps even the rest of the whole week.

Just as the doors of the elevators started to close, Donghae contemplated maybe curling on the floor and taking a quick little nap. Or he could just rest his eyes for a second, Donghae thought hopefully. No one would ever know.

Oh, how the idea was tempting.

Donghae glanced at the doors of the elevator. They were almost completely closed now. Then, suddenly, a hand slipped abruptly through the gap to hold the doors open.

Donghae shrieked in horror.

“Oh, ,” Donghae cursed loudly, “!” Donghae pressed himself into a corner of the elevator with a terrified squeak. Instinctively, he hugged his briefcase tightly in front of him as a rather useless makeshift shield.

The doors of the elevator opened slowly again. The mechanism whirred dully, and it felt like the terrible promise of a very bad horror movie.

Donghae gulped nervously. He hated horror movies. As much as he didn’t want to believe that he was about to die at the hands of some kind of—of scary human-eating creature, Donghae still felt like he should be on guard. For once, he regretted not carrying that pepper-spray that his mom got him a few months ago.

Little by little, the gap between the two doors revealed a lean figure.

Donghae held his breath in apprehension. There it came, he thought wildly. There came maybe the last moment of his life—

But it wasn’t a monster—not at all. It was—, but it was—

It was Hyukjae. Hyukjae, who stood right in front of Donghae, slightly sweaty and panting.

Donghae yelped. He wasn’t sure whether it was out of relief or because of another shock, but it was frankly a rather pathetic sound. A rush of embarrassment washed over Donghae. His face had heated up furiously. Even his heart was still beating too-fast, too-hard inside his chest from his earlier fright.

God, it was almost hard to breath. Donghae felt, he felt so flustered, and still so scared by that hand—

Before he could stop himself, Donghae was snapping at Hyukjae, “don’t ever do that again!”

Startled, Hyukjae tilted his head around to blink at Donghae. His left hand hovered awkwardly in mid-air, as he had just pressed on the sixth-floor button when Donghae had spoken up.

Well, now Donghae felt a bit like an idiot. He could only curse his own lack of mouth filter in stressful situations, really. Heat was still blotching Donghae’s cheeks like a terrible curse, and it was hard to hold his grounds. Still, he forced himself to look up (and up, and up) at Hyukjae.

And Hyukjae was staring. At Donghae.

Donghae gulped nervously. He held his briefcase a bit closer to his chest. “You—uh. You scared me,” Donghae mumbled under his breath.

Hyukjae blinked again, looking bewildered. An amused and slightly confused grin then started to tug at the corners of his pink, plump lips.

Donghae swooned a little at the sight. God, but Hyukjae was so—he was so beautiful, and his smile was literally blinding, and—

And Donghae needed to stop, before all his feelings spilled out of his mouth like a waterfall.

“Oh, uh.” Hyukjae bit down onto his lower lip. He looked like he was holding himself back from laughing out loud, although the humor flashing across his face didn’t look unkind. Still, Donghae couldn’t help but blush even harder under the pressure of Hyukjae’s wondering eyes.

“I’m, uh. So sorry,” Hyukjae said a little awkwardly. “I didn’t meant to scare you.”

“It’s, uh. It’s fine,” Donghae cleared his throat. It felt dry, like sandpaper, and it was hard to swallow comfortably. “I’m not—it’s just that—it’s, you know, it’s early, and. And, it’s, uh.”

God, just. Just shut the up, Donghae begged inwardly.

“I had a, a nightmare last night, with ghosts, and—… I was really surprised, because suddenly you and your hand, you—… It looks like it was a hand without a body, okay! A ghost hand! A flying ghost hand!”

This time, Hyukjae didn’t even make the effort. He burst out laughing, leaning a shoulder against a wall to hold himself up. And, as much as Donghae felt terribly embarrassed, hearing Hyukjae laugh, so loud and happy and warm—it felt—…

Damn it, but Donghae felt like he was already done and gone for this man.

“I—I’m so sorry,” Hyukjae stammered in-between two laughs, “I—I just—”

Hyukjae did his best to calm himself down. He closed his eyes for a short moment, sighing slowly. Then, Hyukjae sent Donghae a too-bright, too-beautiful smile. “I’m really sorry about