Every single cell in my body reacts,

From my head to my toes,

everything reacts

“Your posture is wrong,” Jieun said coldly. “How long are you going to dance with your legs? I told you, swing your hips. Your hips are up here, for your information! You look like a grandmother, what’s even y about you?”

The other girl stiffened but kept shut. Jieun was one of the best dancers around. She could curse at the other girls and they would all take it silently, because they needed her. The university’s annual cultural festival was coming up. Dance performances were a huge part of it, and it was a fact that Jieun’s team always went home with the prize.  Not to mention her performance attracted all the male attention.

“Sorry, unnie-“

“Let’s do it again, from the top. Watch my hips. It’s not y if you’re stiff as hell.”

Jieun played the music and stood at the front of the dance studio, facing the mirror. She could feel the eyes of the other girls on her, watching as she re-did the dance move perfectly. They had chosen AOA’s Miniskirt to cover for the performance. It was one of the iest choreographies of the year and most of the male students were already anticipating watching their female classmates dance to it. Jieun pushed her long hair out of her face coolly and then went back over to the speaker.

“I’m playing it from the beginning, one last time. Forget all the other motions, let’s focus on hip movement, that’s the highlight of the whole song,” Jieun ordered firmly. She knew the girls would obey. They didn’t want to embarrass themselves by messing up such a y dance in front of the whole university. “Then we’ll call it a day. Last one, girls.”

All the girls looked relieved. Jieun led them through the last song coolly. She could tell that the other girls were staring at her in envy; she knew that she looked unbelievably y when she danced. Jieun had been an idol trainee at an entertainment company in high school. She’d quit training, for reasons that many speculated about but nobody knew. There was a rumour that she’d gotten kicked out of the company for sleeping with a male trainee. There was another which said she’d beaten up another girl in school.

None of the rumors dared claim she was kicked out because she lacked talent.

“Are you coming to the party later today?” one of the girls asked Jieun once practice was over. They were all grabbing water and wiping off sweat with their towels. She sounded excited. “It’s at Jackson Wang’s house; you know him, that guy who keeps winning all the athletic champion-“

“I know Jackson Wang.” 

“Right. Of course. So are you going?” she asked eagerly. “His parties are usually awesome, and there’s usually a lot of hot guys there. He’s friends with almost all the guys on the football team. Do you know that guy called Jaebum? He’s so sexy, I swear it’s like he-“

Jieun cut her off. She was tired of the girl’s rambling. “I’ll think about it,” she replied simply. Then she picked up her bag and headed out, so that she wouldn’t have to talk to her anymore. Jieun knew about Jackson Wang’s parties. They were wild, in every sense of the word. She had been to a couple of them before. Jieun wasn’t certain if she wanted to get drunk so close to the dance performance. Then again, maybe she just needed a break. There would be plenty of alcohol, and plenty of hot guys. What more did one need?

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I know that the sweeter it is, the more dangerous

The more dangerous it is, the sweeter

But I didn’t want to lose you

“Whoaaa! Score!” Bambam whisper-yelled as he ran into the living room where the older boys were playing and failing at a game of beer pong. He grabbed Jackson’s arm and tugged excitedly; his cheeks were drunkenly flushed. “Hyung, you’ll never believe it, but about half of the girls from the dance club just walked into the party!”

Jackson grinned. “Sweet! I invited them earlier.”

“How do I look? Is my hair okay?” Bambam demanded, smoothing down his hair that was slightly sticking up in the front. He was bouncing on his feet nervously. Youngjae chuckled and turned Bambam so he could press down the offending hair. Poor Bambam had been trying to score with a girl from the dance club since forever.

“There. You look great,” Youngjae reassured him.

“Thanks, hyung! Waah, I feel good today!” Bambam pumped his fist in the air. “In fact, I’m feeling so good, I think I’m going to over and talk to Jieun-sunbaenim.”

Jinyoung, standing nearby, scoffed into his drink. “Don’t be stupid. Kang Jieun? Go for one of the freshman, Bambam, they’re more your level. You’ll humiliate yourself if you try to hit on Jieun. You didn’t hear how she turned down Suho-sunbaenim? The Student Body President?”

Bambam pouted. “Maybe she likes younger guys.”

“Yes, Bambam. One of the iest women in college prefers hormonal, freshman frat boys to the handsome Student Body President who has top international companies battling to recruit him once he graduates,” Jinyoung replied. He turned to Youngjae and nudged him. “Yah, will you please say something? This idiot is going to make us all look bad.”

“Jinyoung-hyung is kind of right,” Youngjae admitted. He flushed and rubbed the back of his neck. Jieun was extremely talented and attractive, but she also had a certain coldness about her that made her unapproachable. “In high school, she dated our Class President for over a year. He ended up going to Seoul University, he was that smart.”  

“I forgot that Youngjae-hyung went to high school with Kang Jieun,” Bambam mused. He grinned. “Is it true she used to be an idol trainee? With one of the big companies?”

Youngjae blinked. “Uh, yeah.”

“Why did she quit?”

“I don’t know. It not like we were close or anything,” Youngjae muttered. That was an understatement. Youngjae had been an extremely quiet and invisible person in high school and Jieun had been among the most popular girls. He had probably spoken to her a total of three or four times throughout high school. ‘She was popular back then, too. Although she was kind of different.”

“Different, how?” Bambam asked curiously.

Youngjae shrugged. “She was… nicer, I guess? Everyone liked her. This one time she got a modelling job, and she bought chocolates for the whole class with some of the money she earned. She seems colder now. I don’t know why she quit being an idol trainee. There were way too many contrasting rumours.”

Jinyoung smiled and nudged him. “You seem to remember a lot about her. Is there something you're not letting on?”

Youngjae flushed and laughed nervously. “What are you saying? She was just really popular. Don’t you remember the popular kids from your high school? Everyone does!”

Bambam pouted. “I think it’s a pity, hyung. If I had gone to high school with Kang Jieun-sunbaenim then I definitely would have used that as an excuse to talk to her in college. She might have remembered you, you could have actually gotten close to her! What a waste of an opportunity.”

“Yah. Weren’t you going to go hit on the dance club girls?”

Bambam’s eyes widened. “Oh, that’s right! Okay, wish me luck, I’m going over to those freshman girls there. Phew.” He smoothed down his hair again and took a deep breath, before squaring his shoulders and walking off. Jinyoung and Youngjae watched him leave, amused. He was probably going to embarrass himself but they decided to leave him be.

“Yah, we’re out of plastic cups!” Jackson called out loudly, as the guys finished their round of beer pong. “Can someone get some more? I’m going to decimate you, Mark Tuan, just wait and see. We just need new cups.”

Youngjae volunteered to get them. He pushed his way through the crowded living room, past sweaty bodies dancing wildly to the loud music, and reached the kitchen. It was relatively empty in here. Most of the food was set out in the living room, anyway. Youngjae reached up to open a few cupboards. He could have sworn that there were extra stacks of plastic cups here. He’d bought them himself and put them in Jackson’s kitchen earlier. He was rummaging through Jackson’s boxes of muesli and protein bars, when he heard footsteps.

“Uh, excuse me?” a soft female voice asked.

Youngjae jumped, knocking over a few boxes of muesli. They fell to the floor and he turned around quickly, hurrying to pick them up as he looked at the figure standing in the doorway. It was Kang Jieun. His eyes widened at the sight of her. Jieun was standing quietly in the doorway, leaning slightly against the frame.

“Uh-sorry- hi-“ Youngjae mumbled, nervously. He wondered why he was turning to complete mush in front of her, the way he used to in high school. Youngjae had gotten a lot more confident and relaxed since he started college, but the sight of Jieun made him feel like the invisible class nerd again.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” Jieun said calmly, reaching down to help pick up a box and setting it on the counter. As she moved closer to him, Youngjae could smell fruity shampoo and a faint whiff of alcohol coming off her. His cheeks burned as he stared at her dark hair brushing her shoulders.   

“Uh-thanks-“

“I was just wondering if you knew where the bathroom was?” she asked, once they had picked up all the boxes. “It’s my first time in this apartment and I can’t seem to find it…”

“Oh. Uh, it’s down there, to the left. It’s in a corner so you wouldn’t notice it at first,” Youngjae explained, trying to cool down his beating heart. Stop it! She’s literally just asking you for directions, what are you so excited about? As Youngjae looked at her more closely, he noticed that her eyes were slightly unfocused. She was drunk.

“Thanks,” Jieun mumbled. She stumbled slightly as she walked out of the kitchen. Youngjae reached out to help her, but Jieun had already caught herself on the doorframe and managed to make her way out unsteadily. Youngjae stared after her for a few seconds, before shaking himself out of it.

Plastic cups, he reminded himself, hitting himself lightly on the side of the head. Jackson wants plastic cups. Find them, you idiot. Youngjae hurried to put the boxes of muesli back into the cupboard, silently wondering how Jackson could eat so much of it, as he hunted for the plastic cups again. He finally found a large stack tucked into a corner and pulled them out triumphantly. He was unwrapping the plastic wrapper around them, when someone entered the kitchen again.

“Um… sorry,” Jieun said as she leaned against the doorway again. One hand was clutching it tightly to keep herself upright. Youngjae nearly dropped the stack of cups, but managed to catch it again quickly. “Is there maybe another bathroom? There’s a couple having in that one and they’ve locked the door. I don’t think they’re coming out anytime soon.”

Youngjae made a face. “Jackson’s going to kill them. Uh… there’s actually just one bathroom in this apartment.”  

Jieun closed her eyes and leaned her head against the doorframe lightly. “Great,” she mumbled.

Youngjae cleared his throat as he looked at her nervously. Her cheeks were flushed pink and she seemed to be having trouble standing upright. He fumbled with the plastic cups in his hands. “But, um… if you really need to go… I live just down the hall, you could use the one in my apartment.”

Jieun opened her eyes to look at him slowly. “Really? It’s not a problem?”

“Of course not. I’ll come unlock my apartment for you.” he clutched the plastic cups tightly in his hands as he slowly walked out of the kitchen, gesturing for Jieun to follow him. She did, but she ended up tripping over her own two feet and clutching onto the wall to support herself again. “Are you okay?” Youngjae wondered, eyes widening as she straightened up slowly.

“Fine,” Jieun mumbled. “My legs turn to jelly when I get drunk. I’m fine.”

Youngjae nodded, but paused as they reached the crowd of people in the living room. Was she going to be able to weave through all these people when she could barely walk? He turned and looked at her doubtfully. “Uh- if you need help walking through here…”

Jieun silently grabbed hold of Youngjae’s shoulder to support herself as he pushed through the crowd of dancing people. He was extremely aware of her touch. Her slender fingers were gripping onto his shoulder and when someone pushed her, Jieun’s other hand came up and grabbed Youngjae’s t-shirt. By the time they had made it to the front door of the apartment, his face was flushed red. Jieun slowly let go of him.

“Are you okay?” Youngjae asked once they stepped out into the hallway. It was surprisingly cooler out here and much emptier. The smell of sweat and alcohol and the loud music was gone. He turned to look at her face, checking if she was fine.

Jieun nodded. “I’m not as drunk as I look,” she reassured him calmly. It was true. Her speech wasn’t even remotely slurred and her eyes seemed fine. “I only drank a little, but it just goes straight to my legs somehow. My brain is fine, but my body just loses balance.”

“Surprising for a dancer,” Youngjae said quietly, as he led the way down the empty hallway. Jieun followed him slowly, one hand against the wall to balance her shaky footsteps. Part of Youngjae wished she would grab onto him again, but he knew it was a too much to hope for.

“You're Choi Youngjae, right?” Jieun asked suddenly.

Youngjae whirled around, eyes wide. She knew him? “Uh-“

“Why do you look so surprised? We went to high school together,” Jieun replied. She pushed her hair out of her face lightly, looking down at her own shaky steps to balance herself. “We were even in the same class. You played piano once during the school play.”

Youngjae’s heartbeat was thudding. “Yeah, I just… didn’t think you would remember. I was kind of invisible back then. We didn’t really hang out with the same crowd.”

Jieun smiled bitterly. “Some crowd. Half of them stopped talking to me once I quit being a trainee. They probably just hung around because they thought I would be famous one day. Must have been a disappointment to them; they wasted all their time with me.” She turned and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “I thought you would at least come say hi, since we joined the same university.”

Youngjae cleared his throat. “I… I didn’t think you wanted me to.”

“Hmm. People must think I’m a real , huh?” she mumbled.

“What? No, not at all-“

“It’s fine. Forget it.”

Youngjae found himself feeling flustered as they reached his apartment door and he fumbled with his keys to unlock it. He had never even thought of approaching Jieun because he was confident she wouldn’t care about him. Yet, somehow, there was something in her eyes that looked almost hurt. He fumbled with the lock a few times before finally managing to open the door. He grabbed for the light switch and clicked it on.

“Uh- come on inside…”

Jieun followed him quietly. His apartment was slightly messy, and Youngjae flushed as he quickly pointed her towards the bathroom. “It’s right through there.”

“Thanks,” Jieun mumbled.

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“Youngjae-ssi! Can you get us some extra paper from the storeroom?”

Youngjae bit his lip as he hurried down the school corridor to fetch whatever they needed from the storeroom. Their class was preparing for the school festival and he was often stuck doing mundane tasks like these. It was a result of his lack of any particular talent, as well as his inability to say no to people. 

He reached the storeroom, but noticed that the door was already slightly ajar. There was smooching noises coming from inside and Youngjae’s ears turned red as he heard a female voice let out a slight whimper. Was a couple making out inside? What had he just walked into? He took a step back. 

“Oppa- oppa, stop. I told you, we need to talk,” the girl whispered faintly. Youngjae's eyes widened. There was no mistaking that voice, it was Kang Jieun. She sounded a little strained and there was more smooching sounds. “Oppa, please.”

“We can talk later,” the male voice whispered. There was no mistaking that either; it was the Class President and Jieun’s boyfriend. Jieun and Min-jun had been dating for over a year; everyone knew about them. It was hardly a secret, they were one of the most popular couples in school. “I haven’t seen you in so long, you’re always practicing at your company-“

“I know,” Jieun mumbled. “But I need to talk to you about this.”

Min-jun sounded slightly annoyed. “Okay, hurry up then. The teacher’s going to start looking for us soon.”

Jieun took a shaky breath. “I… I don’t know how to tell you this,” she whispered quietly. “But the company’s been putting a lot of pressure on me lately. This one freshman girl told my trainer that I’m dating someone from school. They want me to break up with you. The trainer says I won’t be considered for the debut team unless I end my relationship.” Her voice was cracking. “Oppa, I don’t know what to do, it’s been driving me insane-“

Min-jun was silent for a moment. “You must have known this was going to happen.”

“I didn’t think it would happen so soon,” Jieun admitted. “I thought I could hide it from them for a bit longer. Oppa, if we manage to convince people we’ve broken up and stay away from each other for a couple of weeks then maybe we can start seeing each other again-“

“Forget it,” Min-jun said with a dry chuckle. “Let’s just take this as a sign and stop it here. I need to start focusing on my college entrance  exams too, so it’s for the best.”

Jieun sounded unsure. “Exams… but those are months away. You want to take a break for that long?”

“No, I’m saying let’s end it here.”

“End…” she trailed off. “But until when?”

Min-jun laughed. “Yah, are you stupid? End as in, end. We would have broken up after graduation anyway. It’s not like we would have lasted. I’m going to Seoul University and you’re either going to debut as an idol or model or whatever you want. It wasn’t as if this was serious, we were just fooling around.”

“Fooling around?” Jieun repeated.

“Don’t tell me you thought we would last beyond high school!” Min-jun exclaimed.

“I did,” she said firmly. “We’ve been dating for a whole year-“

“So, what? It was fun, I like you. But there was never any future here, Jieun. It’s not my fault. You’re the one that wants to debut as an idol, expose your body on tv for men to lust after. Things like that are only cool in high school, Jieun-ah. People at Seoul University will laugh at me if I tell them my girlfriend is an air-headed idol that uses her appeal to get famous.”

Jieun sounded angry. “I thought you supported my career choices.”

“I do. You’re talented.”

“Then how dare you-“

“At least develop some self-awareness, Jieun,” Min-jun said sharply. “Half the guys here might want to sleep with you. But find me a single one that would be willing to introduce you to their mothers. You did this to yourself, don’t blame me.”

There was a long silence.

“Sorry, Jieun-ah. Good luck with your career.”

There was a noise from inside the storeroom and Youngjae froze. He quickly ducked around the corner and hid himself as the door opened and Min-jun walked out. His footsteps disappeared down the corridor and faded away. Youngjae came out from behind his hiding place and paused in front of the storeroom door.

He could hear quiet sobs from inside. Youngjae peeked in through the gap in the door and spotted Jieun sitting on the ground, knees pulled up to her chest and hair covering her face as she sobbed silently. He stared at her for a few minutes, fingers frozen on the door handle, before silently deciding to walk away. It was none of his business.

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My entire body reacts, it reacts first,

When I see you, when I hear your voice.

It keeps reacting, it reacts again

I really don’t want to, but what do I do?

I can’t control myself.

Jieun splashed water on her face in the bathroom sink and looked at her reflection. Her cheeks were slightly red from the alcohol, but she looked fine otherwise. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She hated thinking about high school. Why did this Youngjae person have to show up in front of her today? He was only bringing up unpleasant memories.

Youngjae seemed to have changed too, though. Jieun remembered him as a quiet, shy guy that sat in the back of class and somehow got taken advantage of by all the other boys. He’d really hit the jackpot in college. He was friends with people like Jackson Wang and Im Jaebum. Not to mention, Youngjae seemed to have attained some sort of late puberty and become surprisingly more handsome after high school.  

Jieun shook her head and wiped her face dry before stepping out of the bathroom. The cold water had sobered her up a little and she felt confident enough to walk home.

She found Youngjae sitting in the living room. He was cross-legged on the couch, making kissy faces at a tiny little white dog that was yapping at his feet. It was adorable and Jieun couldn’t help but giggle at the sight of it. She approached the couch quietly and the little dog broke out of Youngjae’s grip to come over and sniff at Jieun’s feet suspiciously.

“Ah-sorry-“ Youngjae apologized.

“It’s fine, he’s adorable,” Jieun replied, reaching down to pick up the dog in her arms. Deciding that she was still a little unsteady on her feet, she quickly sat down on the couch and placed the sniffing dog on her lap. “What’s his name?”

“Coco,” Youngjae replied. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “You like dogs?”

“To be honest, only the small ones. Big ones scare me,” she admitted with a shrug. Jieun smiled as Coco pushed his nose into her hand. “So it’s a little presumptuous of me to claim to be a dog lover. This guy’s cute, though.”

Youngjae nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. He looked nervous and he bit his lip. “Actually, I want to say something to you. Earlier… when you were saying that I didn’t come and greet you once we started college? I wanted to apologize for that. I honestly didn’t mean to offend you. I realize now that it was kind of rude of me not to greet a classmate.”

Jieun smiled bitterly as she patted the top of Coco’s head. “What are you apologizing for? It’s not as if I bothered to come up and talk to you.” she shook her head. “That’s not true. I probably avoided you on purpose. High school is just bad memories, I wanted a new start. I wanted to hang around with people who knew nothing about me.”

“Ah… well, it’s not as if I knew much about you to begin with.”

Jieun sighed and turned to look at him. There was something about Youngjae that instantly made her feel comfortable, like he was trustworthy. Youngjae seemed like the kind of guy who couldn’t hurt a fly. People like him made Jieun feel ashamed of her own selfishness.

“Well, as long as we’re being honest,” she said quietly, “I guess I should thank you for not spreading rumours about me. In high school, and in college. I’m sure a lot of people would have been interested in hearing about how Min-jun and I broke up.”

Youngjae blinked. “What?”

“You were the one listening outside the storeroom the day he dumped me, right? I saw you. You paced around outside for a bit while I was crying, and then you left.” Jieun sighed and Coco softly. “Waah, it’s still humiliating no matter how much I think about it. Thanks for not telling anyone.”

“It’s not…” Youngjae flushed and cleared his throat. “It was none of my business.”

“If only everyone thought like you.”

There was a brief silence and the only sound was Coco yapping happily as he tried to climb further up Jieun’s chest. Youngjae sat frozen in his seat, fists clenched and palms sweaty. He turned and looked at Jieun firmly, a burst of confidence coming over him. “I don’t think you should have felt humiliated, though. Min-jun was the one who was wrong.”

Jieun laughed harshly. “He wasn’t wrong. He was an , sure, but he wasn’t wrong.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because,” she replied with a sharp glance towards Youngjae. “I’ve yet to find a guy to prove Min-jun wrong. Did you know that there’s a video of me performing Sunmi’s 24 Hours circulating among the freshmen frat boys? I’m told some of them use it to e.” She laughed and shook her head. “And you know the worst part? I don’t even care anymore. I’ve gone beyond the point of shame. They can do whatever the hell they want.”

Youngjae was silent.

“I’m worse than you thought, aren’t I?” Jieun asked with a dry chuckle. She slowly set Coco down on the floor and stood up. “Anyway, I think I’ve overstayed my welcome. I’ll head out now.”

“If they’re using it to e, then they’re sick,” Youngjae replied firmly. “I don’t see how it reflects on you in any way. I don’t think your problem is how other people see you. I think your problem is how you see yourself.”

Jieun turned and glared at him. “And how do I see myself?”

“The same way guys like Min-jun see you,” Youngjae replied quietly. He stood up and stepped closer to her. Jieun’s eyes were sharp, but there was something that wavered in them as he moved nearer. “But I don’t think you should. I think you should see yourself the way I saw you,” he said quietly.

“And how did you see me?”

“I saw that you were willing to risk your career to be with him. I saw that you loved him a lot, and that no matter how much attention you got, you were always faithful to him. You weren’t as cold and bitter back then. Even now, I think it’s a front.” He took a deep breath. “Because when people are accusing you of something, it’s sometimes easier to give in and accept what they’re saying than take the efforts to prove them wrong.”

Jieun looked up at him silently. She could see Youngjae’s lips trembling. He was clearly nervous, he wasn’t used to speaking to people this way. Even now, there was a flicker of doubt in his eyes as he wondered if he’d gone too far, crossed some sort of line. Jieun stepped closer to him and slid her hands up his chest slowly. Youngjae shuddered as one of her hands slid to the back of his neck, fingers grasping gently at his hair. His heartbeat was thudding.

“You say all that,” Jieun whispered softly. Her other hand fisted in his shirt near his collar. “But you’re just as physically attracted to me as any other frat boy here. I can feel your heartbeat thudding.”

Youngjae closed his eyes. “I never said you weren’t attractive.”

“Then?”

“You are attractive and y. But I think there’s more to you inside than you let yourself show. You’re nervous too. You’re not as cold as you look. My words are affecting you.”

Jieun moved closer until she could feel his nervous breath against her skin. Her fingers the back of his neck consistently and she looked up at him. “Are you sure?” she asked quietly.

“I-I’m sure.”

“Are you willing to risk it?” she asked again. “You might regret this.”

“I won’t.”

To prove it, he leaned forward and kissed her first. Jieun’s lips were soft and warm, and she let out a soft gasp as his arms wrapped around her and pulled her closer. Youngjae felt his head spinning. Part of him couldn’t believe this was happening, but he forced himself to stay calm. He kissed her softly, gently. Jieun felt her heartbeat thud. She had never been kissed that way before. I’m going to love you, his lips told her soundlessly. There was something pure about his embrace that made her feel warm inside.

“What if I change my mind tomorrow?” Jieun asked quietly, as she pulled away. Youngjae’s lips were pressing against her jawline softly, leaving butterfly kisses that made her skin tingle. “What if I leave in the morning and never look at you again?”

Youngjae looked down at her softly.

“I don’t know,” he said quietly. “But for now, I’m going to believe that you won’t.”

But, I still had a small belief that you will love me,

So even when I gave you my all,

It didn’t feel like a waste.

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A/N - I'm sorry this took so long! I swear, GOT7s comeback was awesome but hearing about Jackson being sick and stressed somehow made me not want to write. The lives of celebrities must be horrible and difficult in so many ways. I hate thinking that the same people who relieve my stress are stressed and depressed themselves. 

Anyway, I'm back! Sorry about the iffy ending to this. The song itself doesn't end on a positive note, but I just couldn't bear to break Youngjae's heart (Find me somebody who can write angst about this sunshine without feeling like an awful person, I dare you! ) so I decided to leave it up to the reader. 

Thanks to everyone who subscribed! Leave a comment and let me know which member I should work on next!