###

AUTHOR'S NOTE: WHADDUP Y'ALL LONG TIME NO SEEEEEEE

I'm not back back, but I just really miss writing angst (HATE's extreme angst is finally over *cries*) SO HERE I AM WITH ANOTHER ANGSTY- CHAPTER OF THIS SEQUEL AYYYYEEEEEE SURPRISEEE Y'ALLLLL

Like chapter 5 (004), which was completely 2jae-centric, this chapter is completely markjin-centric (I got too many markjin feels these days lol especially after that car in HATE lmfaooo send help) 

Though, do enjoy and leave feedbacks~

I'll see y'all precious lil beings again after HATE ends~

Stay safe and healthy~

###

    “Take him back home,” Chairman Park ordered the driver. He smiled and waved at “Mark,” who just nodded back. It’s been such a long time since they last seen each other. But somehow, Jinyoung still felt cold. The usual warmth wasn’t there. Shaking it off, Jinyoung blamed it on the stress and headaches he’s been getting. 

    “Sir,” Jaehwan called, “I’ve put in extra guards. Hyungnim will be safe, please rest assure.” 

    “I know. But get back to the problem here. I need to find out why Daniel took Mark in the first place.” 

    “And how did Daniel even managed to get hyungnim…” 

    “That English . He dares to step back into Jeju and threaten me?” 

    “We don’t know what his intentions are, so please, be careful.” 

    The Chairman scoffed, “don’t worry. He can’t lay a finger on me. You know that.” 

    “I do. But, sir, just… Please, lay low. And… And d-don’t do anything like be-before…” Jaehwan hung his head low, afraid to look at his master’s eyes. 

    Patting Jaehwan’s shoulder, Chairman Park forced a smile, “I won’t. But if the time calls for it, I will. If it means getting my hands dirty again to keep the world safe for him, then I’ll make sure I’ll see red whenever I look down.” 

    “Sir…”

    “I tried. Jaehwan, out of everyone, you should know how hard I tried. Since the day I’ve finally found my anchor, I’ve done nothing but try and try. Even with the world against me, I didn’t care. Because I have Mark. And I tried so hard for him. I tried staying clean for him. I tried turning back for him. I even tried living for him. I did everything for him. Because to me, only Mark matters. I don’t give a about everything else. I…” Breathing out slowly to control his emotions, Jinyoung choked back a cry. He can’t break. At least not here on Jeju. He can’t afford to show any weaknesses. “I just want to protect him. And I couldn’t even do that.” 

    Listening quietly, Jaehwan cried for his master instead. He’s been with his master for so long. He witnessed so many things. But Jaehwan has a soft heart. “I’m-I’m so sor-sorry..”

    “Oh, God, don’t start now, Jaehwan-ah,” Jinyoung chuckled, ruffling his most loyal servant’s hair. “If Mark has a mashed-potato heart, then yours is just water. You guys… So damn sensitive.”

    “I’m sorry for feeling sad for my Master!” 

    “It’s cute. But please, you’re grown now, not the little teenager from years ago. Stop crying whenever I talk about my feelings.”

    “Then stop talking about your feelings!” Jaehwan cried harder, daringly using his master’s sleeve to wipe his tears.

    Jinyoung cringed, but didn’t pull away. He smiled softly at the younger, thankful to have Jaehwan by his side. What will he do without Jaehwan here to cry in his place? What will he do without Jaehwan’s sacrifices just to stay by his side? What will he do without Jaehwan’s warmth of a beating human heart? What will he do without this idiot who’s too damn pure for this cruel world… 

    “Thank you, Jaehwan-ah.” 

    “Master, I love you so much. You know what, right? You and hyungnim are the only family I have. If anything happens to any of you, I-"

    “Shhh. It’s okay,” Jinyoung made the move and hugged Jaehwan, “nothing will happen to Mark as long as I’m around. And I believe nothing will happen to me as long as you’re here.” 

    “I swear! Over my ing dead body!” 

    “Okay, okay, I got it. Now, drive me back to headquarters so we can figure this out.” 

    “You’re… You’re not going back to Mark-hyungnim?” 

    Jinyoung pulled them apart and turned his back to Jaehwan. He didn’t want Jaehwan to see the sadness in his eyes. “No… Not right now… It’s… It’s too cold…” 

    “Master…?”

    “I don’t know why,” Jinyoung wanted to cry his heart out. Something was wrong. Something was picking at his wounds. Something was screaming at his face. Something didn’t feel right. He just doesn’t know what yet. “It’s just too cold.” 

    Those questions drilled into his brain over and over again. 

    Why?

    Why doesn’t it feel the same? 

    Why…

    Why does it feels so cold? 

    Cold to the point Jinyoung didn’t want to go anywhere near him…

===

    Another day with no food? 

    Great. 

    Mark laughed quietly to himself. He was going insane. Everyday’s been the same. It’s like they made it their hobby to whip him and torture him everyday. At the end of their fun, they wouldn’t even feed him a grain of rice. ing heartless bastards. 

    Dragging his own body up to lean against the wall, Mark felt a headache hitting home. The chains around his wrists and ankles roared through the emptiness as he tried to fight off the parasite that’s eating its way through his brain. But he kept quiet. Didn’t want to make a sound that would possibly attract those bastards back again. They won’t solve his problem. They’ll just beat him up again. 

    He rested his head against the wall for a while with his eyes shut tight. His thoughts trailed to the only thing that’s been keeping him alive these past agonizing months. 

    Jinyoung. 

    “. I miss you so much…” He whispered, hoping somehow the air would carry his message to the love of his life. 

    It’s so lonely here. 

    So cold. 

    All Mark wants is to see Jinyoung again. Even if it’s just for a second. That’s all. He won’t ask for anything else. He just wants to know if Jinyoung’s doing well. Eating well. Sleeping well. Handling everything well. Mark just wants to know. And he’ll know for sure once he sees his husband. 

    Covering his face with his hands, Mark cried quietly. The pain was unbearable. He doesn’t know if he could do this anymore. He doesn’t know how long he’ll hold out. He doesn’t know. For the first time in his life, Mark doesn’t know. He’s helpless. His hands were tied. There’s nothing he could do. 

    Nothing. 

    “Please…” his lips shivered in overwhelming hopelessness, “someone just please… Please… Bring me back to Jinyoung…”

===

    Like usual, the pair sat at their favorite table near the window in their favorite coffee shop. Youngjae’s sipping on his iced Americano while reading a college-level med book, while Jinyoung’s stabbing at the piece of strawberry shortcake in boredom. The young master would look up occasionally to see if his best friend would finally take notice of him. Too bad. Youngjae was too into whatever the an artery was. Groaning out-loud, Jinyoung laid his head on the cold surface of the table. 

    “Hey, don’t do that,” Youngjae kicked his best friend’s leg from under the table, “you don’t know what people do to these tables.” 

    “Oh, so you finally decided to talk to me?” 

    Youngjae rolled his eyes, “hyung, you have homework. Do them.” 

    “Boring~” Jinyoung lifted his head and straightened out his leather jacket. “What’s so good about school anyways?”

    “You need to graduate.”

    Rolling his eyes, Jinyoung forced a tiny piece of the cake into his mouth. “Whatever.” 

    Youngjae shrugged, taking another sip of his drink before nosing into his book again. His goal was to at least finish this chapter about the heart and arteries before they had to leave. Can’t blame him for being the nerd out of the two. But also, can’t blame Jinyoung for being the dumb delinquent out of the two. 

    Starting to feel bad for his best friend, Youngjae sighed and read one more of those long paragraphs. When he looked up from his book, Jinyoung’s head was on the table again. Youngjae was about to do another kick until his eyes caught something quite intriguing. 

    “Look, that’s so cool,” Youngjae pointed out.

    Jinyoung followed his best friend’s finger and looked behind. Immediately, Jinyoung knew what Youngjae was looking at. But he decided to tease his friend a little, since there were two guys. “Which one? The red or the black?”

    Youngjae rolled his eyes, “don’t start with me.”

    Smirking, Jinyoung eyed the back of the redhead a little longer before turning back to face his best friend. “So? He just has red hair.” 

    “That’s so cool, though. I’ve never seen anyone who has red hair in real life before.” 

    “Youngjae, that’s obviously dyed.” 

    “I know. I’m just saying.”

    Unable to resist such a stunning fiery red color, Jinyoung glanced back over his shoulder. Youngjae’s right. That dude’s hair was pretty damn rockin’. “You should dye your hair, Youngjae-ah.”

    “What? No. That’s crazy,” the younger scoffed and took another sip of his afternoon iced coffee.

    “Why not? I think strawberry blond would look so good on you.” 

    “We’re high school students, Jinyoung-hyung. The school doesn’t allow that.” 

    Jinyoung rolled his eyes, “you’re such a goody-two-shoes. What are you scared of? They’re probably high school students, too.” 

    Now, Youngjae rolled his eyes, “no, they’re not. Look, you saw those books on their table?” 

    “Yeah. And?”

    “Those are college books. They got the little university seal on them. More specifically,” Youngjae craned his neck a little to see better, “oh. Wow. The redhead’s a Law major. Those are books for Law students.” 

    Not even surprised anymore, Jinyoung just swirled his fork around his plate of mushy leftovers of the strawberry shortcake as he rested his chin on top of his palm. “You would know.”

    “I wouldn’t know. I’m going to be a doctor. Not a lawyer.” 

    “But you did anyways.” 

    “It’s basic knowledge, Jinyoung.” 

    “No, it’s not. Who has the time to look at books for college students? Only you do. You’re the biggest nerd I know.” 

    “I just pay more attention to things than you do. Stop being salty.” 

    “How am I salty? I could care less.” 

    Yougjae sighed, “anyways, the guy sitting across from the redhead is also pretty cool. Look at all those piercings on his ears.”

    “Since when are you interested in college kids?”

    “First of all, they’re not kids. They’re adults. Second of all, it’s pretty cool to see college people around here. They don’t hang around here.” 

    “So? You want to make friends or something?” 

    “No, I’m just saying.” 

    Tired of his best friend’s subtle bull, Jinyoung decided to just save some time. He was about to stand up when Youngjae quickly reached out and stopped him. “What?” 

    “Where are you going?” Youngjae looked alarmed. 

    “Making friends with college people. Didn’t you want that?” 

    “Sit down for God’s sake! You look like a thug. Don’t embarrass me,” Youngjae eyed his best friend’s usual ripped black jeans and leather jacket with despite. 

    “Well,” Jinyoung sat down, “they look like a bunch of broke asses, so it doesn’t matter how I look. My entire outfit probably costs more than their tuitions combine.” 

    Sighing, Youngjae shook his head, “a typical Park.” 

    “No, don’t you ing say that. I don’t want to be associated with those people.”

    “Doesn’t change the fact that you’re a Park. In fact, you’re Park Jinyoung, the only son of Chairman Park, who is the most powerful person in South Korea up-to-date.”  

    “I don’t ing care. I don’t want to be related to them. They disgust me.” 

    “Jinyoung-ah, you know you’re taking over soon-"

    “ that. I’m not taking over. Park Group can ing burn to the ground for all I care. Because of this stupid Park Group that I…” Jinyoung paused, swallowing the urge to cry back down his throat. “You know what, I don’t care. That Chairman position has already been decided. Kris is going to take over. Not me. Those rats I called ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ preferred their adopted nephew over their own blood anyways.” 

    “You know that’s not true-"

    “I hate it when you try to sugarcoat s to make me feel better. But do you understand, Youngjae? It’s a written fact that I don’t matter in their eyes. They don’t ing care about me. So I won’t ing care about them. I wish they would all just die somewhere already!” Jinyoung ran out of the shop in anger. There were tears threatening to fall against his cheeks. But he ignored it. The truth hurts him so much. 

=>=>=>

    “Can you stop staring?” Mark snapped his fingers in front of Jaebum’s face.

    “No.”

    “…”

    “I can’t believe you went for red. Seriously, Mark, red? RED?”

    “It was a bet, okay?!” Mark rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his newly dyed bed of fiery red hair. 

    Jaebum groaned, “no! Bring back the blond! You looked so ing hot in the blond. I’m going to cry.” 

    Mark raised an eyebrow, “you’re being dramatic. It’s not even bad. I think I kind of like it.” 

    “It’s not bad, because you’re Mark Tuan. Everything looks good on you. But the blond! Justice for the blond!” 

    “You’re ridiculous.” 

    Jaebum sighed, eyes staring down at Mark’s Law textbooks, “what if the clients don’t like your red hair? Because as far as I know, those fancy people are really fond of a certain young-and-hot-blond-haired-race boy. We’re going to lose clients, Mark!” 

    “Oh. We’re going in tonight?”

    “Yep. This semester’s tuition is due by the end of this week. And we’re both empty as . So I called us in. You’re free, right?” 

    Mark scoffed, “even if I’m not, you’ll drag my anyways.”

    “Sorry, bud.” 

    “Should have taken a couple of villas with you if you decided to run away from home. Those could have been sold for good money. How dumb can you get, Im?” 

    “My bad for not wanting to rely on those ers’ wealth. Those villas are theirs. I don’t want it.” 

    “Jaebum-"

    The sound of chairs scraping against the floor interrupted the redhead. And the next thing was the rushing of two kids out the door . The one with glasses seemed to be chasing after the one in a leather jacket. Mark raised an eyebrow at the backs of the youngsters. He turned back to Jaebum, who had an amused expression on his handsome face. 

    “Holy . Isn’t that Park Jinyoung?” Jaebum grinned. 

    “Park who?” 

    The raven head simply smiled, “of course you wouldn’t know. But anyways, that’s Chairman Park’s only son. Wow. Never would have thought I’ll see him here. He’s the one the media been dissing about. The delinquent son of Park Group.”

    “Okay?” 

    “I’m just glad he’s not taking over Park Group. Oh, man, imagine that kid? As the new Chairman Park? The business world would be devastated.” 

    Mark tilted his head in question. He’s never one who pays much attention to anything business related. But out of curiosity and the image of that kid in leather jacket and ripped jeans, Mark couldn’t help but wonder what’s so bad about a brat who’s living off his rich parents’ fortune. Wasn’t that a common thing? Well, not in the case of Im Jaebum. But still. “Is he that bad?” 

    “Oh, Mark, he’s hella bad. I’m talking about leading gangs to fight people every day, partying every night, spending tons of money, wrecking his father’s reputation. And just... He’s bad. Like BAD bad. Bad beyond your imagination,” Jaebum explained, shaking his head in disapproval. “And he’s only a high school kid. Damn. I can’t even imagine what’s he’s capable of when he grows up. Probably drag the entire Park Group in deep debt with the way he’s throwing money around like it’s free food.” 

    “I mean that’s a typical spoiled rich kid. He’s being stupid. Like every kids around his age. What’s the deal?” 

    “Ugh. You don’t get it. Park Jinyoung is literally the worse. Sure, he’s still a kid, but goddamn. I feel sorry for his parents. Like how can they handle such a wild child like him. Everywhere he goes, he breaks stuff with no remorse. He’s a demon, Mark. A ing monster.” 

    Laughing, Mark found it hilarious how much hate Jaebum already had for this random spoiled brat. “Chill. You’ve never even met him.” 

    “Just did.” 

    “You mean a glimpse of him running out of this coffee shop? Yeah. Sure.” 

    Jaebum rolled his eyes, “Mark, you’re perfect. Like so ing perfect. But sometimes I wished you were into business. And stop being such a damn nerd.” 

    “You know I hate business with a passion.” 

    “Yet you still accept dinner dates with a bunch of CEOs, Chairmans, Presidents. The list goes on.” 

    “Yeah, but you’ve seen me ed any of them yet?” 

    “…”

    “Exactly,” Mark stared at his best friend, feeling himself getting defensive, “those dinners happened because we needed the money, Jaebum-ah. But I strictly don’t ing mess with those kinds of people. You know this. They’re not my type. And it’s never going to work out in the long run. Also, the more powerful they are, the more dangerous. I don’t know about you, but I’d like to keep breathing without having to worry that someone’s out for my blood just because I’m involve with those business people. I’m not stupid.” 

    Sighing, Jaebum nodded. This wasn’t the first time they had went over this. And probably not the last. It’s a sensitive topic to Mark. Even more sensitive after that break-up with, unfortunately, a son of a Chairman. Mark wasn’t really hurt after that break-up, since he was the one who broke it off. But it did opened his eyes to a lot of things. 

    “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have…” 

    “It’s okay. I get it. You just want me to change my perspective. But I can’t, Jaebum-ah. I hate spoiled brats who’s going to inherit their parents’ company one day and just lavished in all that wealth they don’t deserve. And most of those business people thrived to success from that. They don’t suffer, you know. And they’re so ing selfish. Always wanting more than what they can have. God, I hate them.”

    Jaebum knew his best friend was a guy with a gentle heart. It takes a lot for Mark to hate something. A lot. 

    “Mark… This isn’t because of him-" 

    “No. I moved on a long- time ago. You should, too. You’re still angry at him that you’re determined to show me that not everyone in such a high position is as bad as he is, right?” 

    “I… I just…”

    “I know. You’re a great example of one.” 

    “I’m sorry.” 

    Smiling, Mark knocked his best friend’s head, “it’s okay. Not your fault.”

    “On the bright side, that’s good that you don’t meddle with the business world. s’ complicated. And there’s a lot of politics involve. You’re better off being a nerd.”

    “Ironic,” Mark finished up his strawberry shortcake, “I’m a Law major, though.” 

    Jaebum laughed and grabbed his iced Americano, “let’s go, you prick.” 

===

    Jinyoung didn’t come back to his villa until early next morning. He had Jaehwan dropped him off, because his laptop was here. And some works needed to be done. Although it’s not his usual time of the year, but since he’s here now, might as well. Besides, the Board of Directors sort of ed up some contracts with a bunch of smaller companies. Which doesn’t sound too bad. But when those smaller companies banded together to hurl a nasty mess at Park Group, things escalated a lot. It wasn’t to the point that the Chairman himself had to step in. The President and CEO could handle it easily. But Jinyoung needed a distraction. And being in Chairman Park’s skin was the best distraction here on this brutal island. He has to be a lion to play with other lions. 

    For some reason, Jinyoung felt relief washed over him when he stepped inside his villa and wasn’t greeted by the person he’s been unconsciously avoiding. It’s a bit unsettling to know that the inner voices in Jinyoung’s head refused to see him. How was that even possible? And why is it happening? Why doesn’t Jinyoung wants to see his husband? They’ve been apart for so long. Shouldn’t Jinyoung be happy that he’s back? But why wasn’t he? Is it because he’s tired of dealing with all the other things? That has to be it, right? Because there’s no ing way… 

    There’s no way Jinyoung would feel like he needs to get out of this place. The moment he stepped inside, every single nerve in his body screamed for him to take off and run. Just run far and far away from here. Because something’s not right. 

    Shaking his head and blaming his migraine for all these unbelievable ideas, Jinyoung made his way upstairs to grab his laptop. Unknowingly, every step he took was as quiet as it could be. He didn’t want to wake that person up. He went downstairs and sat at the dining table. Silently sitting there, Jinyoung opened up his laptop and began working. 

    His focus never wavered as time continued ticking by. Soon, about two hours passed. The sun rose to greet a new day. Jinyoung yawned, stretching out his arms and starting to feel exhaustion hitting him hard. But he still has a long way to go. Blinking a couple of times, he started typing away again. 

    “You’re back.”

    Jinyoung almost typed the wrong numbers into the official reports. He looked up. Speechless. He didn’t know what to do. And it hurts. Because the villa’s temperature was perfectly fine until “Mark” showed up right in front of him. Now, it’s cold. Freezing cold. “Um… Good morning…”

    “Mark” smiled, moving into the kitchen, “when did you came back?” 

    God, Jinyoung missed that smile so much. But something was weird. “About two hours ago? Sorry, did I wake you up?” 

    “No. But hey, did you even sleep?” 

    “Not really…”

    “That’s not good, you know.”

    “I know…” Jinyoung looked down at the screen of his laptop, feeling the urge to throw up for no particular reason. He just felt sick. 

    They didn’t exchange anymore words. The air around them turned musty and uncomfortable. Jinyoung could feel it in his bones. As if someone’s choking the life out of him. Turning his attention back to his work, Jinyoung released a huff of air to calm himself. This whole situation confused him. Why was he like this? Why? He don't understand… 

    “Calculating stocks?” 

    Jinyoung’s fingers froze on top of the keyboard. “What did you say?” 

    Stealthily, “Mark” moved behind Jinyoung’s chair and looked down at the laptop’s screen. “It went down so much. What happened?” 

    Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Jinyoung remained composed, “just some contracts stuff. You wouldn’t-"

    “Try me.”

    With his eyes closed, Jinyoung wished this nightmare would go away. “Small companies that Park Group made contracts with were angry at the split of profits for the projects we led.” 

    “Hmmm.” 

    Jinyoung’s blood boiled. This was wrong. So wrong. His brain was shouting at him to wake up and realize that this was awfully wrong. That coldness just started spread all over him. He shivered, unable to fight this frost that he’s not used to. 

    “Why don’t you split it by the percentage of stocks those companies put in the project?” 

    The more he talks, the more Jinyoung wants to get the out of here. Because every word that comes out of his mouth was what Jinyoung was planning to do to solve this mess. 

    “Then they wouldn’t complain so much about the distribution, since they all knew how much they were willing to sacrifice.” 

    Jinyoung just wants this to stop. 

    “I mean you decide. You’re the Boss,” he chuckled, leaning in a bit too close into Jinyoung’s personal space. 

    Releasing a soft breath he’s been holding, Jinyoung forced a smile, “wow. I didn’t know you knew this much about business?” 

    “Well, my husband is a business person, is he not?

    Jinyoung felt his skin crawled in disgust. 

    “I learned a thing or two from living with you.” 

    Looking up at the face that looked so much like his husband, Jinyoung’s lips strained a fake smile. “Right.” 

    No. That’s a lie. Mark hates business. He hates it so much that I would never talk to him about it. All these years we’ve been together, not once have I ever mentioned anything business-related in front of him. Because I know how much he hates it. Whenever I would go into the home office to work, Mark would leave me alone. He only comes in to give me fruits and drinks. Otherwise, Mark never stepped a foot inside. He doesn’t understand how business works. The only thing he knew were stocks. And that’s because Jaebum would briefly talks about it back when they were in college. But that was it. Mark knew nothing else regarding business. Because he hates it. He hates it so ing much that he would never… Mark would never… My Mark would never… 

    “Want to have breakfast with me?” 

    The Chairman closed his laptop, “no. That would be unnecessary. We never had breakfast with each other. So don’t start now.” 

    “Mark” was taken back at how cold those eyes were staring at him. It actually gave him the fear. Just seconds ago, they weren’t that cold… 

    Smiling in hope to dissolve the sudden change of mood, “Mark” reached out to touch Jinyoung’s arm, “we haven’t seen each other for a while. Don’t you miss-"

    Quickly shrugged the hand off, Chairman Park glared, “I have work.” He stood up and pushed past “Mark” to grab his suit jacket lying on the couch. Holding his laptop tightly, Jinyoung started to feel the Beast within him stirring awake. It was getting harder to ground himself. 

===

    “Sir, we’re here,” Jaehwan said to his master for the tenth time. He peered into the rearview mirror and noticed the uncertainty on his master’s face. Shifting his gaze towards the villa, Jaehwan tried to find what’s so strange about it that his master was staring so hard for. “Hyungnim hasn’t left the villa the whole day. Not even out to the yards. He just stayed in there.” 

    Jinyoung visibly cringed, “I wasn’t asking about anyone.” 

    “I just thought I should let you know.” 

    “Okay.” 

    “Sir, is something wrong?”

    Scoffing and tearing his gaze from the villa, Jinyoung looked down at his lap, “everything’s wrong.” 

    “What?”

    “Jaehwan, find out if Mark has any twins.” 

    “What?” 

    Rubbing his temples tiredly, Jinyoung sighed, “just do as I said.” 

    “You’re his husband. Shouldn’t you know?” 

    “Stop ing talking back to me! Just do the damn thing!” 

    “Y-yes, sir!” 

    Silence poured in. An uncomfortable silence. Jaehwan kept glancing at his master through the rearview mirror. He’s worried. Just last night, his master was fine. Even early this morning when Jaehwan dropped his master off, he was fine. But that started to change when his master came back to headquarters after two hours, looking like he had witnessed his entire family murdered in front of his face. Then throughout the rest of the day, Chairman Park was a walking bomb. If he was hard to please before, he was ten times more harder to please. In other words, the whole day was Hell for everyone. Even Jaehwan was somewhat relieved that it’s finally nighttime. He could only handle so much of the Chairman’s gloomy mood. 

    Getting out of the car, the Chairman didn’t say another word. He made his way up the steps and into the villa. In all honesty, Jinyoung’s been trying to stall. Trying to stall until “Mark” went to bed. But Jinyoung felt bad for Jaehwan and decided to just face this himself. Immediately, he headed upstairs to his room to shower and change, treasuring that alone time before he faces that elephant in the room. When he was done and walked down to the kitchen, Jinyoung caught the sight of “Mark” just standing there and cooking peacefully. 

    And just like that. 

    All kinds of emotions flooded his head. 

    Whatever he was angry about this morning seemed to have washed off, as soon as he saw such a familiar sight that he misses so much. 

    So Jinyoung stood there and watched. His heart was rejecting the idea and keeping his feet to the ground. But his brain was begging him to take steps forward and let go. Jinyoung didn’t know what to do. Which should he listens to? 

    “Oh. Hey. Welcome back.”

    That smile. That goddamn smile. Jinyoung wanted to cry. He misses that smile so ing much. Even when everything felt so wrong, Jinyoung couldn’t help but be drawn into that smile. Because it looked so alike. So ing alike. And Jinyoung couldn’t help it. He misses Mark to the point he’s going crazy. 

    Walking towards “Mark,” Jinyoung tried to genuinely smile. Didn’t work much. But he knew his heart fluttered a little. Maybe he shouldn’t have let his emotions took over. “You’re cooking.” 

    “Yeah. Don’t I usually?” 

    “You sure? You just got back-"

    “It’s fine. You didn’t eat breakfast this morning. So I don’t want you to skip dinner, too.” 

    “That’s…” Jinyoung trailed off. What should he say? That it’s nice? But he doesn’t feel… 

    Chuckling, “Mark” wiped the sweat on the side of his head with the back of his hand. “Go sit. I’m almost done.” 

    Maybe Jinyoung really shouldn’t have let his emotions decide his actions. 

    Reaching up to help wipe the beads of sweat, Jinyoung wasn’t thinking. He disregarded how wrong this was. He just. Just. “You didn’t have to…” And he smiled. Actually smiled. Everything, for a second there, felt right. Or maybe because it’s his emotions that were ing with him. 

    Stop. Stop this. This isn’t… Stop, please!

    The voices in his head screamed and screamed, shoving profanities in his face and running their nails down his back. They were trying to protect him. They were protecting him from falling on his knees in front of his own emotions. But Jinyoung was stubborn. He ignored them. He was too tired. Too damn tired. He just wanted to feel that warmth again. 

    “Mark” turned his head and bit back a huge grin, “but I want to, babe-"

    Everything fell into a blur. Time suddenly slowed down. Jinyoung felt dizzy. He couldn’t hear a word the man in front of him was saying. He couldn’t see anything around him. But what in front. What in front ignited his eyes. What in front struck him like lightning. 

    Jinyoung ran his thumb across “Mark’s” left cheek to the place under his ear and above his jaw. A small mole rested at the tip of his thumb. Just there laughing at how stupid he was. Just there to remind him… Remind him… Jinyoung bit his inner cheek to suppress a curling scream bubbling up his throat. Somewhere in the back of Jinyoung’s head, he prayed that his vision was failing him. Or that he was just too tired and started imagining things. He prayed and prayed. Repeating the prayer like a witch’s mantra in his head. He-

    Running out of his own house, Jinyoung felt like he couldn’t breathe. 

    He felt like throwing up. 

===

    Mark woke up to an empty side of the bed. Weird. Because he’s always up before Jinyoung. Reaching for his phone, Mark squinted his eyes as the light of the screen shined in his face. It was barely two in the morning. And Jinyoung wasn’t here wrapped up in his arms like usual? 

    Pulling himself out of bed, Mark grabbed some sweats and a thin hoodie before he headed downstairs to check if his husband was just going to get water. But the house was quiet. A little too quiet. Jinyoung was no where to be seen. 

    Then it hits Mark. 

    He ran out to their garage. Just as he thought, one of Jinyoung’s car was missing from its parking spot. Running back inside the house, Mark grabbed his keys. There could only be one place Jinyoung would be at this hour into the night. And there could only be one reason why he’s there. Because this definitely wasn’t the first time. 

    Mark was never one to break traffic laws. But  that. He was in a hurry. Pressing hard on the accelerator, Mark sped through the empty roads. The drive that would normally takes two hours took becomes less than an hour with the speed Mark was going. If it was broad daylight, he would have run over so many innocent drivers and pedestrians. 

    But it was two in the morning. 

    And Jinyoung needs him. 

    Didn’t even bothered parking properly, Mark rushed out the car and ran towards the ocean. The summer winds smeared his face as he whipped his head around. “JINYOUNG!” He shouted at the top of his lungs, desperation and panic seeped under his veins. He begged the Gods above to forgive. He begged them to forgive his idiot of a husband. He begged for forgiveness for Jinyoung’s suicidal personality. He begged and begged. Because it can’t happen yet. Jinyoung can’t leave him. Mark needs Jinyoung as much as Jinyoung needs Mark. 

    Looking further into the dark waters, Mark saw Jinyoung’s figure heading out deep into the ocean. Quickly, Mark took off running into the waters. He stretched his arms, immediately wrapping them around his husband to stop him from advancing further. They were already waist-deep into the waters. “Jinyoung… Jinyoung-ah. Don’t. Please, don’t do this.” He held on tight, afraid that once he lets go even just a little, his Jinyoung would dissolve into sea foams. 

    Shoulders shaking. Hands shaking. Entire body shaking. Jinyoung covered his mouth with his hand, sobbing into it. He shook his head, feeling the warmth he loves so much enveloped his sense of self. “Mark… Mark, why-why didn’t y-you? Why didn’t you just… Just… Kill me… Mark, I’m sorry. I can’t live like this anymore…” 

    “No! Stop it! Jinyoung, stop it! Please…” Mark spun Jinyoung to face him. “You’re stronger than this. Jinyoung-ah, please, you have to live. At least live for me. Don’t do this to yourself, please.” He pulled his husband into his arms again. Mark could feel Jinyoung’s body shaking violently as he kept crying and crying. This wasn’t the first time. It happened again. Mark cursed those damn nightmares for breaking his husband like this. Those ing nightmares that Mark couldn’t stop. He wishes it was him who gets them instead of his husband. 

    “I’m so sorry…” Jinyoung said through his tears, hands gripping tightly onto Mark. “I’m sorry for being like this. Mark, you don’t deserve this… I’m… I’m so sorry! Why! Why didn’t you ing kill me when you had the chance?! I just… Mark, I just want to die. Why can’t you give that to me? Why are you so selfish?! Mark! WHY! I ING HATE YOU!” Balling his fists, Jinyoung hits Mark’s chests repeatedly to thrash out his anger at himself. 

    Mark didn’t let go. He held on tighter. “Sshhh… It’s okay, Jinyoung-ah. It’s okay… I’m here now. I’m always here. Jinyoung-ah, we can get through this together. Remember what I said on out first date?” Mark could feel his own tears rolling down his cheeks. It hurts him a thousand times more to see Jinyoung’s trying so hard to fight the demons within. “Remember I said we’ll figure this out together? Please, Jinyoung, please, let’s figure this out together. You don’t have to do this. I don’t want you to do this. Because… Jinyoung-ah, it hurts me to see you like this than it hurts you. You’re hurting me, Jinyoung-ah…” 

    Jinyoung cupped Mark’s cheeks and placed soft kisses all over his face. Wiping the tears away, he pressed their foreheads together, “I’m so sorry. Mark, I… I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry… Mark, I’m so sor-sorry.” Apologies poured out his mouth nonstop. Like it was the only thing he knew to say. 

    Jinyoung cried more, eyes turned glassy, lost of the sparks that Mark always loves. Holding his husband close, Mark cried in silence. Why couldn’t he be the one suffering this? Why couldn’t this horrible punishment be upon him? Why couldn’t he share the pain? Why? Why does it has to be Jinyoung? Mark couldn’t stand it. They can tear him to pieces, step all over him, rip him off his sanity, but God forbids, if they try to lay even a finger on his Jinyoung, he’ll kill every last one of them. He’ll kill them. He’ll kill them all. 

    Mark could tame that Beast living inside of Jinyoung.

    Mark could cure Jinyoung’s cold heart. 

    But there was only one thing he couldn’t cure. 

    He tried and tried. Years after years. It never went away. 

    There were times he wanted to give up. 

    But he loves Jinyoung too much. 

    He has to save Jinyoung. 

    But it’s a dead end. 

    Mark could cure anything. 

    Except one thing.

    He couldn’t cure Jinyoung’s cruel self-hatred. 

===

    He ran and ran all the way where he could finally breathe. The ocean stretched in front of him. Even at night, Jinyoung could see the beautiful turquoise waters spreading like a warm blanket on a cold winter night. Jinyoung held a hand over his beating heart. It hurts. It hurts like mad. It hurts like it never had before. His head spun wildly. Looking down, all Jinyoung could see was blobs of musty colors of the rocks. 

    The nasty feeling stuck at his throat, mocking his existence. How could he be so stupid? How could he let them play him like that? How could he not recognize it at first? How could he betray his love like that? How- 

    Jinyoung lunged forwards and threw up. 

    He felt like dying. 

    The thoughts of-

    Jinyoung emptied his stomach onto the rocks. 

    How could he-

    Mark is waiting for him. Yet he-

    Holding his head with both of his hands, Jinyoung wanted to scream. The migraine attached to him and on his blood as he staggered back against the wall of rocks behind him. He threw up again and again, forcing the disgusting feeling he had just moments earlier towards that- 

    Tears streamed down his face unknowingly. 

    Jinyoung thanked the waves for shielding his painful cries. 

    Mark. 

    Where’s Mark? 

    Where’s my Mark?