Vernon was sitting at the beach alone, his arms wrapped around his legs as he rocked back and forth. He loved seeing the sunrise in the early mornings and catching the strong sea breeze. It used to be something Joshua loved doing even when they were staying in the dorm but ever since he went AWOL, Vernon started to do things that Joshua used to do alone in the past. He deduced that it could have been because of the ache he felt in his chest so often, hence tried to imagine Joshua with him whenever he did something Joshua loved. One example was the sunrise and the sea breeze, another was watching the entire Twilight Saga - Vernon had actually sat in bed and completed it in two days.

The more Vernon thought about it, the more he realised just how much Joshua had suffered from the loneliness; Joshua never showed it because he thought it was burdensome. Joshua was always trying to spare a thought for the members because he carried the name 'Seventeen' around, yet they were the ones who were throwing him under the bus.

“A penny for your thoughts?”

“Hyung.”

Brandon took a seat beside Vernon and took a deep whiff of the fresh air; he too liked the mornings more than any other time of the day. If anything, he learned it all from Joshua too, perhaps because they had lived together before he went to Korea to pursue his singing career. It was silly, really, because Brandon was the one who persuaded Joshua to go overseas so his talent could be recognised. To think that the only person who was afraid for Joshua was him now; it was all too ironic for Brandon to digest right now. 

Vernon’s soft chuckle broke the silence between them, and he had intrigued Brandon’s curiosity very much. He did notice the tight grip Vernon had on his hands and he cocked an eyebrow, “what’s wrong?”  

“Everything. I had him right in front of me for so many years, but I backed off when he started telling me about his crush on Jeonghan-hyung. I don’t know why I did, because I’m not one to give in so easily when it comes to relationships… I’m starting to regret it though. If I tried harder, we might be together now and Josh wouldn’t be going through this either.”

This kind-hearted yet completely devastating reasoning once again reminded Brandon of why he chose to trust Vernon more than the other members; although there was always such media-play about the 95-line being closer than ever, Brandon always found it hard to believe. He only tried to know more about what was going on behind the scenes when he saw the video of Joshua being forgotten during one of the group’s reality shows – and when he did, Brandon almost caused an uproar with how angry he was, with the group and Joshua himself.

How could Joshua let people walk all over him like that?

“I SAID GET OUT!”

“DON’T FORCE ME, JEONGHAN!”

Brandon and Vernon made eye contact at once, both dashing to the house worriedly; the house wasn’t too far from the seaside but the volume of Joshua’s voice was worrying them.

The reason why Joshua was being so loud a while ago was clear to the two guys now; all eleven members were standing right there in the living room with unreadable expressions on their faces. Joshua’s eyes were bloodshot and his fists were shaking by his sides uncontrollably; most probably because of the shameless daring angelic-looking member who was standing out from the entire group of boys. Don’t talk about Joshua, even Vernon was getting quite pissed off at the expression on Jeonghan’s face. It seemed as if the older guy thought Joshua was obliged to treat him nicely even after all he had done to hurt him. 

Vernon rubbed the back of his neck and tried to break the tense atmosphere as best as possible, “what are all of you doing here? And how did you know where we were staying?”

“Took some top-notch stalking.”

Joshua rolled his eyes in annoyance and entered the kitchen instead, not wanting to see any of them; he had been doing fine the past two years without them by his side. He wasn't going to give in to any of them this time; showing his vulnerability towards them was like showing the wolves that he was a harmless prey. He had already suffered so much when he was with them; it would be really ridiculous if he were to go back of his own accord. Now that Joshua had managed to get himself together and stand strong on his own again, he was going to prevent toxicity from coming near him again.

To say that Joshua didn’t feel a single ounce of guilt in him or ache in his chest was rubbish, because he did; to members who noticed that he was lonely and tried their best to keep him included in group activities, especially.

“Josh?”

“I’m fine, Hansol.”

Vernon sighed in slight frustration and moved forward, snaking his arms around Joshua’s thin waist, “no, you’re not.”

Before Joshua could even deny any part of it, he was turned around and pushed into Vernon's arms without hesitation. Vernon's embrace was warm, welcoming... and unbelieveably comforting. Joshua had never felt this secure and serene ever since he had left the group to heal his own heart from all the pain that was bestowed upon him. He felt a moment of realisation hit him, and he wondered why he was such a fool instead. Joshua had never paid Vernon any excessive attention like he did Jeonghan, when Vernon was the one who genuinely loved him for all his worth. 

Vernon was like his guardian angel, always opening his arms for Joshua to reside in comfort whenever he needed. He was the one who was there for Joshua behind the scenes; the one who had also made sure Joshua didn't dwell too long in his own sad bubble... to put it in a short way, Vernon was Joshua's motivation to live his life to the fullest.

Why hasn't he noticed at all? 

“What are you doing?”

The pair broke the embrace and Joshua turned around first, wanting to see who it was. He almost hit the roof when he realised it was none other than his good-for-nothing ex-boyfriend. “I’m hugging my best friend, can’t you see? I'm pretty sure you have a pair of eyes with average vision right there.” Joshua sneered. He was done playing nice when all it ever brought was pain and heart-ache to him; and from the most unexpected person at that, it made Joshua devastatingly furious. Whether he was angry for trusting Jeonghan or for not loving the right person in the first place, Joshua wasn't too sure. 

Joshua tried his very best to ignore the hurt and pained expression written all over Jeonghan’s face, going to the fridge so he wouldn’t have to stand in between the two guys like piggy-in-the-middle. He already knew who was a better friend and who had the capacity to heal his broken heart but with Jeonghan here now… Joshua was so afraid that his feelings would waver. He had a relationship with Jeonghan for two years; some things just couldn’t be forgotten over time even though he wanted to – it felt like yesterday that he had left the dorm, if he were to be honest.

“What are you doing here, by the way?” Joshua asked as he took out a bottled drink from the fridge; he rested his back against the counter top and gulped down the contents. “I thought you were content with your life back in Korea with Seungcheol.”

The two guys watched as Jeonghan's face washed over with guilt at the mention of that very name; how ironic things could get at this point, neither Joshua nor Vernon could tell. The sarcasm was boiling in Joshua's blood and he could barely hold onto the little self-control he had at the moment; it would be a joy to burst out at the person who broke his heart but Joshua didn't want to make things worse, not when the other members were here and didn't know anything about it. Well... they had some idea that Jeonghan was neglecting Joshua for Seungcheol but they didn't know the one thing Joshua did: that he had been sleeping with the leader as well.

“Jisoo… I just wanted to tell you th—”

Joshua cut Jeonghan off before he could finish, “if you came to explain, I don’t want to hear it. There shouldn’t be an explanation for cheating because if you really loved me, you wouldn’t have cheated.”

“Cheating?”

Oh no.

This was exactly what Joshua didn’t want to happen. He palmed his face when he saw that it just had to be the one member who didn’t know about it, and happened to be close with the leader as well. Joshua knew who exactly knew all about the leader and who knew the least; he had absolutely no intention of damaging the members’ impression of Seungcheol because that would be a low blow. There were two people Joshua couldn't breathe a single word of this to, and it was clear: Woozi and their precious maknae; Dino might be smart and all but he shouldn't have to live with that mindset of their leader being so irresponsible and tactless.

Joshua gulped audibly when he came face to face with the shorter guy; the latter might be short but his gaze could cut when he wanted it to. He didn't like confronting Woozi because he was afraid of what might ensue between them, and it wasn't a nice feeling.

“Repeat what you said, Jisoo,” Woozi asked, trying to keep his cool. He couldn’t decide on whether he was angrier or more upset with the fact that a group member could be hurt by another like this; it was even more disappointing because he had expected a lot more from the group leader aka his best friend. “I just want to know what you said… I… I don’t think I heard correctly.”

Woozi stared hard into Joshua's eyes; it was his method to tell whether anyone was lying to him or not. It was an even bigger advantage this time because Joshua couldn't tell lies well, not that he was encouraging the latter to lie but it was a well-known fact that he couldn't. The moment Joshua had to avert his eyes from his own, Woozi felt a part of him break inside. He had always been so insensitive to Joshua's needs even as a friend, and he didn't check up on him when he had the chance to. The one thing he never expected was for two other members to be cheating on Joshua like this... 

Where was their basic sense of respect and brotherhood? Or for the lack of it, moral values and promises before they became a group?

“Hyung…” Vernon intervened and stood between the two, gently taking hold of Woozi’s forearm, “can we talk about this privately? The other members are not going to know about this…”

There was a strong sense of injustice that Woozi was feeling, and all he wanted was to hit both the leader and the angelic-looking guy standing here. He could feel tears burning in his eyes and an uncomfortable churning in his stomach. The entire world came crashing down in an instant for Woozi; how did Joshua feel when he found out about this? No one knew because no one ing bothered to notice anything or even ask if he was okay. It was no wonder why Vernon was so angry and frustrated when everyone suddenly became concerned after that day in the practice room.

It was as if they all needed a wake-up call before realising that one of their members needed help. What else did they need? For someone to die before realising or what?

Jeonghan was left alone in the kitchen with Joshua now, and he could literally feel the hate radiating from Joshua’s structure. He could only imagine what it was like to hug him to sleep now… Jeonghan was never going to be forgiven. Joshua has never been angry in front of the members before; annoyed, frustrated, maybe but never to the point where he blew up. That was also the problem with knowing Joshua; he wouldn't open up if he could help it unless he was at his breaking point. Ever since they've gotten together, Joshua has always given in to Jeonghan's wants and needs.

It was almost as if Jeonghan was dating himself, hones