I couldn't trust him anymore. He left me alone, he betrayed me and now, what is left of our friendship, is just a memory, a happy one.

I don't remember how and when things turned out this way, but one thing is sure: he was the first one who let go our bond. The one who hurt me first.

FLASHBACK

“Hyung, I'm home!”, I yelled from the entrance. No one answered and that was strange because he was always there when I got back home from work.

I walked into the kitchen, maybe he was there cooking while listening to music with his headphones on but the place was empty, there wasn't any trace of dinner.

I went into the living room but again, there wasn't anyone. I scratched the back of my head, confused about the emptiness of the house. I didn't remember him telling me he wouldn't be home that night.

I walked to our shared room, where we spent almost every break hour together in each other's arms. I could hear some snoring coming from the bedroom and I smiled, imagining him laying in the bed, sleeping while waiting for me.

I opened the door, dying to see his sleepy face. And indeed I saw that. But he wasn't alone. My boyfriend was laying in the bed with a blonde guy, one I've never saw, and they were sleeping peacefully. From the door I could see they were and hugging, while the stranger had his head hidden in the crook of my boyfriend.

I stood there frozen, I couldn't move nor saying anything. And when the two of them woke up, I realized I was standing there for one hour already. I saw their eyes grow wide as they reached for something in the bed, maybe their shirts, while my boyfriend tried at the same time to speak, to explain what was happening. But I couldn't hear anything. It was as if I was deaf.

Without saying anything, I my heels and stepped out of the bedroom, going to our guest room where we kept some extra clothes. I took everything I needed, put it into a luggage and then went out from the room, without sparing a glance to the main bedroom.

While I did all that, I began hearing his voice, telling me not to go, to stay and let him explain. But I was way too hurt to stay with him. My heart was aching and all I could feel was betrayal, hate and loneliness.

As I was opening the door, he grabbed the hem of my coat and started crying, whimpering to hear him out, that he loved me. But as he was speaking, my heart broke into pieces and the only thing I wanted to do was to escape, to leave him alone so that he could feel the same way as I did. And that was what I did. I shook his arm off of me, turned my head to spare him a look full of hate and then I left my house, the home where I spent the most beautiful three years of my live, with the love of my life.

END OF FLASHBACK

“Kyuhyun, come out! It's been days since you last had dinner with us!”, my sister Ahra yelled from the other side of the door to my bedroom.

After leaving alone Jongwoon, I came to my sister’s house, choosing to stay with someone that loved me. I could have gone to my parents, but they were having a holiday abroad, so I went to my brother-in-law’s apartment, which wasn't far away from mine.

Ahra, when she saw me out of her main door, knocking on the wood, didn't question me and let me in without saying anything and for that, I was grateful. I've always loved deeply my big sister. She is my best girl friend, if you can call her that. She married his husband Sungjae like, seven years ago and now they have two children. I love my nephews and how they can lift up my spirit.

“Uncle Kyu, you eat with us?”, asked Minah, my sister's eldest daughter, from the hallway.

How could I ever refuse my nephews? Ahra was playing dirty by using them to make me go out of my bedroom. I sighed and stood up from my bed while watching my reflection on the mirror. Man, I looked like hell! I stepped into the bathroom and washed my face, hoping to look presentable and not like someone who has locked him up in his room for four days in a row.

Then, I went back to my room and picked up from the floor a T-shirt that I had brought with me. When I noticed I was looking better than ten minutes before, I walked to the door and exited my room, wondering where was my niece Minah.

“Uncle!”, shouted Minah from behind of me while hugging my left leg.

I laughed and pretended she was not grabbing my leg and started walking to the kitchen, where the others were waiting for me.

“I'm a koala”, Minah explained as soon as we entered the kitchen. “And he's my tree.”

Everyone burst out laughing as I reached the two empty chairs and started shaking my leg. My niece laughed and lost her grasp around my muscle, falling to the ground still smiling.

“Now now, it's time to eat”, reproached my brother-in-law while grabbing her daughter and placing her on the chair.

I thought that eating with my sister and her husband would be awkward because they still didn't know why was I there. That wasn't the case. They were very kind with me, and didn't questioned me and my red eyes.

When we weren't still together, he would come everyday at my university just to see me. He thought I didn't see him but I always realized there was a raven haired guy waiting for me at the lamppost outside the campus, with a backpack on his shoulder and a goofy smile on his face. He was pretty recognizable. So I acted surprised every time he would approach me in the coffee shop where I worked, knowing well that he wasn't a threat nor someone I couldn't not trust. Weird, isn't it? I could easily trust someone I didn't even knew.

So why I couldn't still do the same? Maybe I should give him a chance to explain himself and his actions. But how could I know he was saying the truth? And also, his true words could hurt me, and I wasn't sure if I could go on so easily with my life.

Too much thinking was bad for my health and I was ready to go for a walk in the park near my sister's house, but as I was approaching the door after everyone left the apartment, someone rang the bell so I had to see who it was, in case it was something important.

I opened the door and in front of me, wearing black jeans and a black sweater, looking broken, there was Jongwoon, playing nervously with his hands and keeping his eyes on the floor.

When we started going out, little by little, I managed to make him wear colored clothes, assuring him that he looked good with them and that he shouldn't feel ashamed for his physic. So why he was sporting all black clothes? Why did he looked like he had spent days without closing his eyes? Why he was the one on the verge of a breakdown? I should be the one who's suffering, who couldn't sleep and eat because of him.

Without sparing him another glance, still angry for what he did to me and feeling betrayed, I closed the door on his face and run to my door, shutting it without a care and crumbling in front of it, hugging my knees.

Was I really a man near his thirties? I looked like some kind of high-school girl whose crush broke her heart. I wasn't a teen but I couldn't trust myself. I knew it was easy for me to fall for his charms again and forgive him.

I heard his footsteps coming closer to my room and then, he knocked on my door, begging me to let him enter and explain the misunderstanding. I almost reached the knob but I refrained myself from doing so.

“Go away”, I almost whispered, not caring if he could hear me. I could care less.

“Just open the door and let me explain, please”, he said and I could recognize the shiver that went down my spine.

When we were dating, every time he spoke, a shiver run through my whole body, awakening desires I thought I could take care on my own. But when I tried to release myself from all that desire, I couldn't do it. There was the moment I realize I couldn't live without him.

Why, a boy of twenty years, accostumed to e when he had the chance and the desire, couldn't do it anymore? Why would I become hot at the mere thought of him in my bed? What was the real motive I kept seeing him, despite knowing we were of the same gender?

I heard him knock again, crying while saying continuous loves you. I couldn't open the door. Not when all I wanted to do was to embrace him and never let him go. Not when I kept thinking about us, about the start of our relationship.

“Get the out of here”, I murmured, hearing him hitching his breath. He heard me. And he would leave me alone, just like I wanted.

I heard him getting away from the door still crying. I thought he would leave after my not so sweet words but he was still there, waiting for me.

“Please Kyuhyun, open the door. I beg you”, he pleaded in tears.

Without waiting for an answer, he stepped closer to the door again.

“This is a huge misunderstanding. He… I…”

“See? You can't even explain yourself! Save your words for someone else, maybe someone stupid you can play with”, I spatted, trying to suppress my urge to hug him and shower him with kisses.

I heard him sighing before taking a deep breath. “Yes, I was but he was fully clothed. Yes, we were laying in the same bed, but he's hetero. Yes, I was on the bed with a stranger to you, but he's my best friend. Before I went to bed, I showered and you know that when I sleep, I don't use t-shirts. When I got out from the bathroom, he was in our bedroom, crying because some hot chick dumped him. I was dead tired, work exhausted me, so I lay down on the bed and made him do the same. I just tried to confort him, but we both fall asleep. I know I shouldn't let that happen, but I couldn't deny my friend the help he needed in that moment!

“…”

“Please, say something. Curse and yell at me, just do something!”

Should I forgive him? Even if his words weren’t true, it was the first time during this years that he had betray me.

I missed everything about him, about us… I just missed him. He’s my whole world and without him, I’m lost. I couldn’t stay angry with him for so long; it was unthinkable. It’s true that I’ve never seen his best friend but I knew he existed. Jongwoon had always told me about this childhood friendship that had helped him during his hard times.

I took a deep breath and stood up, reaching the knob and opening the door.

As soon as the door was opened, he hugged me and started kissing softly my face.

“I’m really, really, really sorry babe. I’m the worst boyfriend one could ask for”, he murmured tightening the embrace.

“Yes, you are. But I’m worst than you as I’ve already forgiven.”

“Don’t say that. You are a splendid person and partner”, he tried to assure me.

“You know what?” He raised an eyebrow and waited for my next words. “Shut up. And use your lips for something else”, I said while smiling naughtily.

He quickly caught up with what I really wanted and gave me a breathtaking kiss.

Even though human relationships are difficult to maintain and full of doubts and uncertainties, there’s nothing that could equal the feeling of being loved and cared for.