Namjoo first met Sungjae when they were both still in kindergarten. Namjoo was clumsy (she still is now though) and somehow accidently threw her chocolate ice cream onto Sungjae’s shirt. It remained stain until now, based on what Sungjae’s mother said to her when she visited.

What made Namjoo thought Sungjae so special, so unique, so different, that despite him being a child like any other kids around them, he could keep smiling back then and without even bother the stain on his shirt, he asked Namjoo instead, “Are you okay?”.

Since that, Namjoo kept trailing behind him and waited for him to ask her to play together.

It just happened that evidently Namjoo’s house was in the same street as his. They went to elementary and junior high school together. Well, Namjoo thought they would be apart during elementary because other kids are just so fun and more worth to be friend with than Namjoo, but Sungjae stayed around her.

Somewhere when they were 10, they made a tradition to go to karaoke whenever happy or sad things happen to one of them or both. Like when Namjoo’s or Sungjae’s birthday. Like when they finished exams. Like when summer holiday was about to end in barely a day. Well, they both got nice voice since born after all.

When they got to junior high school, lots of girls tried to get Sungjae’s attention. Only then, Namjoo realized that her best friend was good looking. Only then, Namjoo realized that the girls are attracted to Sungjae like bees attracted to honey. Only then, Namjoo realized that she didn’t want anyone to have him.

Only her.

But that was clearly stupid. She can’t do that to Sungjae. She just a friend.

Just.

A.

Friend.

But, when they’re about to graduate junior high school in a few weeks, when they went to karaoke to celebrate the last day of exam, she spitted it out.

“I don’t want anyone to have you,” she said, staring to Sungjae’s eyes without shame. She held her glass of juice like she held a beer that she saw in those movies she watched with Sungjae, pretended like she knew how it feels to be drunk. Pretended like she could erase this memory when she woke up tomorrow. Pretended like today is the last day she had with him.

Maybe, for the last sentence, it might happen.

She continued anyway.

“I like you.”

Sungjae kept silent for a few minutes. She got more nervous with every seconds that passed. Eventually, it was dim, but Namjoo could see the guilt in Sungjae’s eyes. Namjoo was trembling and she couldn’t blame the AC in the room. She was scared.

He might be gone from her life the next time she wake up in the morning.

“Namjoo-yah…,” he hated me now, Namjoo thought, I’m freaking stupid. She forced herself to stare at those eyes. The most beautiful eyes she ever seen in her life. “I think….”

Sungjae sighed. Namjoo thought her heart might burst and she might be dead before she could hear what Sungjae’s been thinking about.

“I think….” He looked away, brushed his bangs from his eyes. Then he looked back at Namjoo’s eyes again. “I think I’m gay.”

Namjoo choked on her own spit.

She totally didn’t expect that.

Then it made sense. That Sungjae never accepted any confesses from the girls in school. For a split moment, Namjoo had thought about what if he likes me…? but quickly erased the thought from her head since it was cleary not the case here but hearing that it was really not the case from Sungjae himself made Namjoo felt so ing broken she could hear her heart broke into pieces right there.

“What?”

They were only 15 for ing sake and Sungjae already admitted that he’s gay? Where the hell he learnt that?

Namjoo remembered she awkwardly took the remote and chose the next song while saying, “Sungjae, we never had this conversation.”

 

Maybe Namjoo was too attached to Sungjae after all and they went to high school together. They really pretended that they never had that conversation and be friends like nothing weird had happened between them.

Until Hyuk came in 2^nd grade and Sungjae brought it up.

“I think I like Hyuk,” Sungjae said during their walk home. It was spring and the cherry blossoms were so pretty. One of the petals fell onto Sungjae’s hair. The color was so pretty, like Sungjae.

Namjoo stared at the cherry blossoms a minute to long before responded. “Romantically?”

“Yeah,” Namjoo hoped he would sound unsure or something, but he didn’t.

Eventhough it felt bitter in her tongue, she had to accepted Sungjae whatever his condition was. Being gay was kind of accepted in the country now. And Namjoo was glad that Sungjae didn’t keep it a secret to her. That he came out to her.

“Good to know,” Namjoo smiled at him. “Good luck.”

“Thanks, Namjoo.” Sungjae grinned and reached Namjoo to ruffled her hair.

Namjoo stopped at her track and automatically Sungjae did too. He looked at her curiously.

“Am I the only one?” she asked, stared at his dark chocolate orbs, like she always did when she’s serious.

“The only one of what?”

“That knew you’re gay.” She said after looking around to make sure no one heard her.

Sungjae smiled and nodded.

Well, she was glad that he thought of her as mutual.

A best friend.

 

“Do you know what Sungjae did yesterday during basketball practice?” Hyuk whispered during their Math class together.

Namjoo shook her head. She got even more curious when Hyuk sighed deeply. She was a bit shock to see a tint of pink on his cheeks.

“I fell yesterday and my knee was bleeding. He went all furious because Changkyun accidently tripped me, well Changkyun really didn’t mean to, and guess what Sungjae did next? He took me to the infimary with bride-style! That- that was embarassing! The kids kept bugging me with it.”

Namjoo almost couldn’t held back her laugh. “Really? Wow, he’s so manly.”

“What the ?” Hyuk snorted. “That wasn’t the point. He made me so embarassed, I swear!”

“What,” Namjoo rested her chin on her hand, stared at Hyuk’s eyes. “You don’t like it?”

Hyuk looked confuse. “What do you mean?”

“When he took care of you. You don’t like it?”

“Of course I like it, he’s my friend! That what’s a friend would do, you know?”

Namjoo shrugged. She scooted closer to Hyuk, looking around before she asked, “Have you heard the gossip around?”

“What gossip?” Hyuk looked terrified. Namjoo pitied him a bit.

“That Sungjae has the hots for you.”

Hyuk sighed. But Namjoo couldn’t ignore those shade of pink on his cheeks. It was funny to see him like this.

“Well, I heard that joke—“

“It wasn’t a joke. It was a gossip. They’re different.” Namjoo didn’t know why she threw clues like this to Hyuk. Was she helping Sungjae?

“I didn’t take it to mind—“

Namjoo chuckled. “Maybe you should.” Then she turned to take notes from the whiteboard.

 

Namjoo wasn’t the type to seek for details.

So she didn’t know how Sungjae asked Hyuk out.

Their relationship was open and it seemed that everyone was okay with it (minus their fans who want to get into their pants now know that they have no chance on both of them). But it went smooth. Sungjae and Hyuk didn’t leave her out. Eventhough she felt like a third wheel, they never left her out from their usual trio traditions. Like getting ice cream every Wednesday.

Namjoo smiled whenever she watched Sungjae and Hyuk being affectionate to each other. They were so cute. And totally  looked good together.

But it was that no one caught Namjoo’s attention during her high school years. She stuck with the couple and everyday she imagined about how great it is to have someone to treat or get treated lovingly like Sungjae and Hyuk did.

She said she was ing bored to see Sungjae everyday, but they went to the same college anyway. Well, three of them did. Sungjae and Hyuk went to Music Department while Namjoo went to Business.

Eventhough they were in different major, they still met up pretty often since they weren’t so busy yet. In college, a few guys caught her attention and she actually talked to them only to found out every single of them were gay.

Was she cursed or something?

But since she found out before she could flirt to them or something, she was glad. Her almost crushes became her friends.

There was Jeonghan, the Gossip King, from her Calculus class. Then Johnny (well, he was hot as , Namjoo was almost crying when she found out Johnny had a crush to a boy named Ten) from her English class. Then Taehyung who was Johnny’s friend. He was weird but he was so handsome and his boxy smile was really cute and Namjoo really really thought she could like him but in the same time Taehyung talked about his roommate who had this delicious thigh and Namjoo sighed  deeply because her expectations are crushed in just a minute. (okay to much ands but who cares).

In a few months, Namjoo’s circle of friends increased.

In Thursday, everyone will gather in one table during lunch. Jeonghan always sat beside her while Sungjae and Hyuk across her. Taehyung brought his delicious thigh roommate, Jimin, too. And also the Jo twins who joined them since Sungjae and Hyuk brought them along. Namjoo still didn’t know which were Youngmin or Kwangmin without asking Sungjae.

 

Namjoo was simply happy. She had friends, she was doing okay with her study, and she got a nice roommate.

Until it wasn’t feel so normal anymore.

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author note:

hello this is ryu. hope you enjoy the first chapter. i dont know how long this story will be  but i hope we'll make it to the end. i swear i still love namjae so much and 95liners kids. eventhough some of them are not friends in real life, they are get along well in this story. thank you so much for reading anyway!