The picture of the smiling boy hadn’t seen the light of day in forever. Johnny not wanting to see his smile ever since he left him. Ever since the person he loved left him. When he looks at the picture of the Thai boy a smile forms on his lips. He hasn’t seen that smile in a long time.

The days when he was still beside Johnny seemed like they would last forever, but one day he was gone. One day suddenly he left his side. Tears start to well up in Johnny’s eyes, but he won’t cry for Ten’s sake. For his loves sake. He doesn’t want Ten to feel bad, wherever he is.

When he had left Johnny had promised himself he would live without him, but as he looks at the photo he wants him back. He can’t have him back though. The more he thinks about their past together he loses it. Tears start to stream down his face. No matter how much it hurts, even if tears keep coming down his, he doesn’t stop smiling. He wants to think of him and smile.

No matter how much he tries to tell himself that he forgot him, that he is okay now the tears keep flowing. He was never good at pretending. Especially if it had Ten in it. He lets out a small laugh as he remembers the time he and some friends were going to have a surprise party for Ten, but he accidentally told him. He couldn’t lie to his face. He was too cute.

Johnny tries to dry his tears; he doesn’t want him to feel bad. He will go back to living normally now. Forgetting the picture again. Not looking at it for months. As he puts the picture back where he found it he smiles. Reminding himself he will always smile when thinking about him.

Turning his back to the now hidden picture he thinks about when he first left. When his heart was aching and hurting. How many people comforted him, but that’s not what he wanted at that time. All he wanted was him. He wanted Ten, but he never came. He never hugged him when he cried.

He hopes to himself that Ten too had that wherever he was. He hopes that he too is happy. Even if he can’t see him, he hopes he is happy. He hopes he is happy with all his friends, that also left Johnny that day. Those friends Johnny could think about without crying, but Ten was different. He was so much more than just a friend.

The last tear falls from Johnny’s left eye. He quickly wipes it, and smile. He will smile for Ten even if it hurts. He will smile even if he can’t see him, because he is sure Ten can see him. Wherever he is.

When he leaves his room Johnny decides he is finally doing what he has put off for months. He will go to his grave. He will look at his beautiful name written on the big stone above his burned body. His beautiful body, burned. Gone. He doesn’t like to think about that. He isn’t gone, no. He is alive and well. He is only visiting his family for a long while. For forever. Never coming back to Johnny ever again.

Again Johnny loses it. This time not caring if Ten sees him and feels bad or not. He should feel bad. He should feel bad for getting in the car even though the driver was drunk. He should feel bad for sitting in that car as the rain was pouring down. He should feel bad for leaving Johnny like that. For leaving him on his birthday. On his special day. The day he had waited for. The day he was going to take Ten home. Take him to Thailand, but he found another way. Leaving him behind. Never to come back.

He is sitting on the floor now. Memories of the night flooding in. Him having fun at home. Him getting the phone call and running to the hospital. Him being told it’s too late. Him crying on the floor in the hospital. His friends crying with him, but none quite as hard as him. At that time there was still a chance that the others could survive. That the others could smile and run again. They never did run or smile again though. The other two also died. The only survivor being the driver.

The day they had gotten the words of the other’s death it was Johnny’s turn to hug somebody and tell them it was okay. It wasn’t just him that lost him love because of that accident. He was the only one that lost a love that night that was still alive though. His