“WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?”

Nicole screamed—literally—as I entered the room this morning. I prepared to smack her head—literally­—as people in the classroom started to look at us. “What did you do to my friend Gwiboon? Who are you?”

“Why are you being so exaggerated?” I asked, getting really irritated. Everybody’s attention is practically on us, even though most of them are pretending not to eavesdrop.

“I’m being exaggerated? Gwiboon, you had your hair—your wavy, silky, almost-near-the--hair—cut, you have no lip-gloss and blush on, and you’re wearing loafers with guy blazers! What happened to your stilettoes? Who are you?”

I covered with my hand as I nervously looked around. “Will you please shut up? Pretend this is normal! He might overhear you.”

Nicole spat on my palm, making me retreat my hand in disgust. “He who—oh. The new guy, Kim Jonghyun. But what is with this get-up, girl friend? Shouldn’t you be wearing your latest killer dress and your brightest lipstick instead of this, this manly attire?”

I sighed. “I think I am in love, Nicole.”

“So? You’re practically ‘in love’ with all the cute guys in the campus, yet you do not dress like this for them. What’s up with you, Gwiboon?

“No, no! You don’t understand. This time it’s different. Trust me, okay? Don’t give me that stare.” I know she doesn’t believe me, but I feel in my heart that this time it’s real.

I first saw Jonghyun during the program orientation last week. I heard he was a transferee from another college. Saying he’s handsome is like stating blood is red. It’s a fact. I immediately fell for those eyes, for that chiseled jaw… and don’t get me started with his biceps. His biceps are practically bulging under the sleeves of his tight-fitting shirt, and so are his pecs. The whole Jonghyun package screams: I’m one hot daddy.

He has a good fashion sense too. Nicole says he might be gay but my gaydar isn’t really working on him. I know I should be backing out at this point, for I have decided not to involve myself with straight guys, but I can’t help it. He’s so gorgeous.

The sad truth is some guys seemed appalled by my iness. I don’t know, but South Korea’s still conservative like that. They can’t seem to stand being in the same room with a fabulous transvestite like me. I usually do not care. However, with Jonghyun it’s different. I don’t know how he reacts to that kind of thing and I figured it’s best (safe) not to test the waters.

“And don’t call me Gwiboon, okay? Call me by my real name.” I added.

“Eew. Are you serious?” she replied. After giving her a deadly glare, “Okay, okay. Kibum. Happy now?” Her eyes looked past me and I saw something naughty glimmer in them. “Here comes your hunkalicious prince, Kibum.”

I saw Jonghyun enter the classroom wearing a rich red knitted cardigan with a white v-neck shirt underneath. He’s carrying his usual swag—his y attitude. One corner of his mouth turned up in a y, slight smile, possibly captivating all the girls (and closet gays) inside the class. The professor arrived after him and we have to sit on our assigned seats.

I thank God I have Kim for a surname, or I won’t be seated here right now, beside Jonghyun. He smelled of a delicious, manly wooden musk. Gathering all my strength, I thought: this is it. I’ll talk to him.

“Yo, ‘sup?” I tried my best to imitate that Western gangsta accent that cool guys seemed to use in Hollywood flicks. I can feel the sweat on my underarms as I wait for him to reply. Did I sound manly? Convincing enough?

And then he smiled. It was all I can do to stop my face from blushing (I am not sure if I succeeded, though). “Hey, I’m Jonghyun.” He held out his hand for me to shake. So polite! I took it with my own. His hands looked rough and tough, but it felt soft to the touch.

“I heard you’ve shifted from another course.” I actually know this. He’s a Psychology major.

“Yep. Psychology.” See? I was right. “I figured out I wanted to be a video game programmer though, so here I am.”

I laughed. I can tell my voice is actually tinged with nervousness. I looked at Nicole few seats from where I am and saw my evil friend watching us intently, a grin plastered on her face. I became more anxious. “Well, welcome to the world of C++, C#, Visual Basic and the likes.”

He chuckled. Then, “Hey, do you play video games?”

I hesitated for a split second. “Umm, sure.” Let me see, the last video game I played was Final Fantasy VIII. And that is because I have this huge crush on Squall and I love Sorceress Edea’s fierce headdress. “Final Fantasy… and oh, Halo, Call of Duty. You know, those—those bad boy games.”

 I think I sounded silly, because I swear I saw Jonghyun raised an eyebrow for a brief second. But then he smiled and suddenly I felt reassured. What is this sorcery?

“Hey, do you want to come over and play?” he asked.

My heart skipped a beat.

I THOUGHT IT’LL ONLY BE JUST THE TWO OF US. I planned it on my mind, how I’m going to seduce Jonghyun. But then these monsters showed up right after I came in. He never told me his other friends were invited, too.

An all-guy get together can be really nasty. They’re loud and they eat chips like pigs. They shout curses while playing and hit each other as if they’re all boxers and punching bags. I know I’m biologically a guy, but I don’t think I’ll act like this if I’m straight. Nevertheless, I went on with the flow, doing my best to blend in by shouting my fair share of curses as well. If only they knew it was out of frustration for not being able to execute my plan to get dirty and make out with Jjong.

“Hey want to play Tekken one on one with me, Kibum?” Jonghyun asked me. Oh my, he asked me to battle him. I’d willingly lose if it pleases him.

"Why did you choose Lili? I don't think she stands a chance against King." Jonghyun teased.

"Duh, can't you see how fashionable she is with that white Victorian dress and high boots? And her hair! Oh, I'm so envious--" All the guys in the room are looking at me now, their mouths gaping.

WHY CAN'T I JUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT?

"I-I mean, look at her s, man! So bouncy! And those curves. Ugh! I'll really bang her." Never have I sweated this much before in my life.

Pretending to be straight is so difficult; I can’t wait for this day to be over.

“DON’T YOU THINK THIS IS GETTING STUPID?” Nicole asked me three days after the gaming get together at Jonghyun’s. We were eating at the school cafeteria. “He should accept you for who you really are, Kibum. And I actually prefer Gwiboon. I miss Gwiboon’s tights and headbands. If you’re not going to use those clothes anymore, I am more than welcome to have them.”

I didn’t reply. I just don’t feel like saying something in response. The truth is, Nicole’s right and what she said hurt. Jonghyun has to accept me for who I am, and yet we’re starting to really bond now. Can I risk this budding friendship?

As if reading my mind, Nicole added: “Any friendship formed out of all this is fallacy. You’re not being you, Gwiboon. This is crazy. Besides, don’t you think he already knows by now? You being gay is not that secret in this campus, girl friend. Everyone’s actually surprised why you’re pulling a lesbo stunt lately.”

“You-- you think he knows?” I asked nervously. If she’s right, then all my efforts will go down the drain.

However, if she’s right and Jonghyun shows no sign of avoiding me…

“He probably saw you wearing that sequined bra in that video where you danced to Katy Perry’s Peacock during last year’s acquaintance party. It’s on your Facebook, remember?”

“But I added him using another account.”

Nicole sighed. “There’s only one way to find out, and you know how it can be done.”

IT FELT GREAT WALKING IN HEELS.

Of course, people are staring at me again like I’m from outer space. I missed even that. I missed being the center of attention. I missed being fabulous.

Nicole shrieked with glee as I entered the room. I tossed my long, curly hair aside á la Beyoncé (thank you so much, wig) and made my way onto my chair. Nicole approached me and kissed me on the cheek.

“My best friend is finally back!” she said. “I’m happy for you, Gwiboon.”

“I’m not sure if I’ll be happy for myself later.” I replied, sarcasm present in my voice.

“But I am proud of you. And if he cannot accept you as a princess, then he’s a douche. Good riddance.”

I raised my eyebrow at her. “Princess? Oh please, I’m a queen.”

Nicole sensed my tension. She held my hand and said, “Are you nervous?”

I never got to answer her, because at that exact moment Jonghyun entered the room.

I’ve thought about this scene over and over again yesterday. I knew he would look my way and he’ll be shocked. Shocked followed with confusion, then confusion with disgust. He would sit down feeling awkward, and I won’t talk to him. I just don’t want to make matters worse for him if he is to feel that way. After class, I’d walk out with my head held high, never to talk to him again. Then I’ll go straight to Nicole’s to cry and drink barrels of soju all night.

But it’s the complete opposite of what’s happening now.

He looked at me and smiled. He smiled. It was a genuine, warm-hearted smile. He sat down on his chair like it’s the most natural thing to do in the world. I swear I could feel tears in my eyes. He looked me in the eye and said:

“You look pretty today, Gwiboon. Do you want to come over and play after class? Just the two of us.”