Warning: It's gonna be a long chapter ahead. Get yourself comfortable and hopefully you'll enjoy the ride. It's my first time writing such a long chapter.

Thanks for those who upvoted, commented and subscribed. Please do leave a comment to tell me what you think of this story too, I'm ready to accept any criticisms. And yes, the title is inspired by that BTS song but the chapter is not. I just feel like the song fits the chapter. Enjoy xo.

Sad moments that made a sad person.

Seulgi missed Wendy.

She missed Wendy when someone who knew both of them asked her about Wendy’s absence. She missed Wendy when she walked past a bakery and smelled freshly baked breads. Wendy used to bake batches of breads for their group of friends and she would always let Seulgi had one first. She missed Wendy when she was feeling sad, moments when she did not feel like talking to anyone. She would then get reminded of how Wendy used to be the first one to notice her mood change and comforted her with her knowing smiles and calming touches. She missed Wendy when she went in the karaoke room with her other friends and remembered how they would make an impromptu trip; just the two of them in the karaoke room and they would sit for hours until they both lost their voices and got scolded by Irene when they met up with the older girl the next day. Wendy was her best friend, her partner in crime, the only person who was true to her when everyone else was putting on a mask.

When Seulgi went to see Wendy on that fateful night, breaking down and apologizing for her feelings towards Irene, Seulgi thought Wendy would have slapped her or at least chased her out but Wendy just stared at her in shock and hugged her soon after, mumbling of how hard it must be for Seulgi to keep all those feelings inside. Wendy apologized to her for not realizing it sooner. How could she let innocent, sweet Wendy be the one who apologized when she was the one who was at fault? Wendy calmed her and sent her to her house that very night with her car. She seemed to be in a hurry and left as soon as she was sure Seulgi was fine and safe in her own house. Seulgi knew then that she was going to check on Irene. Somehow, the thought assured her. Wendy and Irene. Irene and Wendy. WenRene. They were like two people with one soul that could never be broken, no matter what happened to them; especially not because of Seulgi’s stupid feelings. But she was wrong.

She wronged Wendy but she missed Wendy, so much. She missed Irene too but what she felt for the older girl was mostly guilt. It had been months but she could still hear Irene’s phone call as clear as day, with Irene sobbing brokenly while saying that Wendy and Joy had left Korea. Seulgi remember rushing while shouting on the phone, trying to get to the airport in her dishevelled state of just waking up. If she was to be honest, she could not even remember what she was shouting, probably something along the lines of seeing Irene at the airport. Her eyes were puffy from crying throughout the night and she was feeling disoriented but she still ran out of the house, trying to find a transportation that would take her to the airport but Irene’s whimper in between her sobs stopped Seulgi in her track.

 “It’s too late, Seulgi. They’re gone. The flight to Canada departed two hours ago.”

Seulgi stopped breathing for a moment and dropped her phone. She fell down to her knees and started to cry. She cried loudly, unabashedly without a care of being seen by her neighbours. She cried for her stupidity, for her selfishness, for breaking the bond they had formed and for being such a total failure to herself and her friends. Seulgi cried without restraint, because crying was the only thing she could do then. She was still crying when her older brother came out of the house, bewilderedly looking at his broken sister but he still scooped Seulgi into his arms and hugged her in a bone-crushing hug. He was the one who helped the limping Seulgi to her room some time later and did not push her to answer any questions before she was ready, something Seulgi would always look back at and be thankful of.

When Seulgi finally pulled herself together a few weeks after, she distanced herself from Irene. It helped that Irene never texted her throughout the weeks she had been living practically as a living dead. Seulgi attended class like she usually did, albeit the absence of Wendy in some of the classes they were supposed to share became a glaring, hurtful hole that would eventually settle as a minor ache in her heart as time passed on.

Seulgi missed her best friend, she missed her childhood friend, and Irene’s mischievous younger sister. But what had taken her aback was the hole that a certain someone had left, a hole that became more and more obvious as days went on. She would look at the crowd surrounding her and felt her heart made a little lurch when she saw a tall figure with short, brunette hair, only to find out that it was not her. She would eat at her favourite chicken restaurant when suddenly tears fell down from her cheeks without her noticing it. She would laugh at funny jokes and turned to share it with someone who had a gummy smile and twinkling eyes only to find an empty space beside her. It did not take long for Seulgi to realize what those feelings meant and noticed who she had taken for granted all these time.

Now Seulgi can only pray she had another chance to win the girl’s heart back; but till then, she would work on cleaning up her act and be someone the younger girl can be proud of. She would try to understand her own feelings until the day she could bravely said it in front of the girl she loved with conviction, with not a single hesitation.

“Joy, let’s talk.” Seulgi was the first one to recover from the shock of Joy’s announcement and she pulled the younger’s arm and dragged her forcefully from Irene and Wendy. Joy tried to struggle from Seulgi’s clutch but she knew that Seulgi was stronger than her, so she just followed the older girl helplessly. She kept on turning back to look at Wendy while mouthing ‘help’ silently but Wendy just watched the duo that was walking away before she shifted her look at Irene who seemed to be in a daze.

Irene did not notice Wendy looking at her, so Wendy took the chance to ogle at the face of her ex-girlfriend. Wendy thought that Irene aged beautifully. The woman she left back then now looked more mature; yet she still managed to retain her child-like face. Irene was as beautiful as ever. She also noticed that Irene was wearing the coat that Wendy had given to her and Seulgi long ago. Wendy realized then that Seulgi was wearing her gift too.

A pang of loss and nauseated hit her again. These used to happen a lot, especially in the early months after she moved to Canada. She made excuses when someone asked her about it, saying that she was not used to the change in food and weather but she knew that it was really the feeling of missing someone.

Of missing Irene.

Wendy used one hand to cover and another to gently massage her stomach. Her figure became hunched and her face was paler than she normally looked. The change in Wendy’s stature appeared to snap Irene out of her dazed state and she quickly approached Wendy. She raised her hands, seemingly wanting to touch Wendy and help her but she hesitated and quickly brought them to her sides again. Wendy, even in her state noticed this and scoffed in frustration.

“Wa...Wen-Wendy. Are you alright? There’s a bench there. Let’s go and sit there if you’re not feeling well.” Irene sounded so nervous and Wendy could have laughed at the panicked look in Irene’s face. She nodded and started walking slowly to bench when she felt Irene’s arm around her shoulder, gently helping her. Wendy did not know that a simple touch could make her feel like she was on fire.

She had almost forgotten the effect Irene had on her. Two years she was gone, Joy was the only person she allowed to give her comforting touch, aside from her parents and older sister. Now, Irene came and it felt like Wendy had never left. It was as if Joohyun was still Seungwan’s and Seungwan was always Joohyun’s.

They reached the bench and as Wendy sat, she felt Irene’s light touches helping her before leaving her completely once Wendy was fully seated. Wendy closed her eyes, trying to hide her feelings from Irene as she felt Irene putting her handbag as a barrier between them. She heard shuffling and muttered words before she felt the pressure of the handbag beside her left and replaced instead by something, or somebody warmer. Wendy bowed her head a bit, trying to hide her smile before opening her eyes and looking at Irene with an expressionless face. The older girl seemed mesmerised just by looking at Wendy and Wendy confirmed then what she had already guessed.

Irene had never stopped loving her.

Good memories could make a sad person too.

If someone asked Park Sooyoung who were her favourite people, she would not hesitate to answer that they would be Bae Joohyun, Kang Seulgi, Son Seungwan and Bae Yerim.

However if she was asked who she liked most, she would choose Wendy Son Seungwan as her most favourite person. One would argue that her favourite was Seulgi, whom she dragged everywhere she went or Yeri, the person who would gladly assist her with any pranks or weird plans she had in mind (but not Joohyun, never Irene. Joy was too disgusted by her oldest unnie display of affections to Wendy. And perhaps Irene always scolding her for her pranks contributed a bit too, but Joy would never admit that). Her reason for choosing Wendy were simple reasons.

“Why Wendy unnie? Duh! Wendy unnie said she’s my biggest fan! Of course I need to grace her with the feeling of importance by being chosen as my favourite person. Granted, I’m the prettiest among all of us so it’s normal for her to feel that way. What else…? She bakes mean cupcakes. Oh oh! She would also report…I mean share whatever Seulgi unnie does every day because they are in the same year at uni and she could tell me whatever trouble the dumb bear gets herself into that day, haha, funny right? RIGHT?”

That was the answer that she would give to everyone who asked her that question two years ago. She had a suspicion that Wendy actually knew that she liked Seulgi and was trying to get Joy to make her move and confess to the bear of the group. Joy would always be grateful for that, even if she did not show it. However, if someone were to ask her now why Wendy was her favourite person, she would give a completely different answer.

Two years ago, after Seulgi ran to her house, looking basically like a train-wreck, Joy got to know the feeling of heartbreak for the first time in her life.

“I confessed to Irene unnie, Sooyoung ah. I confessed. What did I do? Why did I do that?”

Seulgi was shaking and shivering and although all Joy wanted to do was to run away as far as possible from Seulgi, she stayed there and listened. She listened until she felt her ears would bleed, she listened until she felt as if her legs would not hold her weight anymore, she nodded to all of Seulgi’s words and kept quiet throughout the older girl’s whole outburst. She remembered Seulgi’s eyes were red and she wanted to hug Seulgi, to wipe her tears but how could she let herself touch the girl who just said she was in love with someone else? She could not risk falling any deeper than she already was. So, Joy did not do anything.

Joy was pretty sure when Seulgi left her house soon after to go to Wendy’s house (or something, her mind was a bit fuzzy at the time), Seulgi left thinking that Joy hated her. She was not completely off the mark with that thought but the hate did not come then, it came much later. It came and hit Joy one day when she was so far away from Seulgi. The hate did not come in small pieces and creep slowly but it hit all at once, punching Joy’s gut until she could not breathe, could not do anything else until Wendy came and helped her to tiptoe her way out from the burning house inside her heart.

She hated Seulgi as much as she used to love Seulgi. Probably it was wrong to say that. It would be more accurate to say that she hated Seulgi so much because even after all the girl had done to hurt Joy, Joy still loved her with everything she had. She hated Seulgi for being so oblivious of her feelings when everybody else around them noticed but she hated herself more for never being brave enough to speak of her love to the person who held her heart in her hands.

But back to that night. Joy did not remember how she walked back to her bed after Seulgi left. She laid on her bed and just stared at the ceiling for what felt like such a long time. She was not even sure she thought of anything at that time. It was as if a defense mechanism was triggered in her, making her numb to all sorts of feelings swirling in her. She probably would have stayed that way longer if the sound of her phone ringing did not disturb her. Joy wanted to just ignore her phone and stayed in her safe zone but it kept on ringing, over and over again – breaking into the barrier that enwrapped her safety bubble. Joy was getting annoyed, so she chose to answer the phone without even checking the id of the caller.

When Joy heard Wendy saying hello at the other side of the line, she was snapped back to reality, immediate and hard. She remembered what happened before she entered her numb state and all the hurt and pain her brain was supressing came rushing at her, and she started to bawl so hard and she could barely hear Wendy’s worried voice at the end of the line. She cried for what felt like hours until even breathing suffocated her.

Even when she was doing the act that would keep her alive, she was being killed by it. How could she get up the next day and just be Park Sooyoung that everyone thought they knew?

There and then, she made a rash decision that would change her whole life. The decision that would change everyone’s lives.

“Unnie, I want to move to the US.”

Wendy went silent although previously she was murmuring comforting words to Joy, trying to assure the younger girl that being heartbroken did not equate to the end of the world. Meanwhile, Joy was already opening her laptop and looking for the earliest ticket out of Korea that she could find. Her mind felt strangely calm and focused, as if her brain decided to mute the noisiness in her heart for a moment while she was finding her way out.

“Listen, Sooyoung. Let’s think about this more rationally. You just want to run away while you’re upset and you might regret it later. Don’t do this, Sooyoung.” Wendy sounded like she was pleading and Joy felt bad; but she was filled with an intense determination and no one would be able to persuade her to change her mind.

“Unnie, I am thinking rationally now. This is the best time for me to get out of the country. I have to start filling my university applications now and I could just move first and looked for schools later. I could find a job while waiting to be accepted anywhere. I knew an unnie there, Tiffany unnie. I bet she won’t mind letting me crash at her place for a while before I could get on my own feet. Don’t worry, unnie. I can do this.”

Wendy sighed. Anyone with a brain could see how flawed and risky Joy’s gamble was but it would be pointless to try and reason anything with Joy right now. The girl could be headstrong when she wanted to and Wendy knew that better than anyone else. Wendy tried to think of a better solution but her mind kept directing her back to the faces that she missed, to long distance phone calls that were always cut short by time difference, to hot chocolate during long winter days and Wendy arrived to the conclusion she had been dreading.

“Sooyoung. Instead of US, let’s go to Canada.”

“Sooyoung, do you wanna go and eat some fried chicken?” Seulgi finally turned around and beamed at Joy, who was trying her best to avoid looking at Seulgi. They had walked quite a distance from Irene and Wendy now and Seulgi had let go of her arm a while back; since Joy agreed to follow her without a fuss if she let go (Joy thought that it was a very adult-like and mature decision to make and Seulgi was amused because she could still read Joy like a book, even by looking at her expression).

“What makes you think I still like fried chicken, unnie?” Joy tried to sound cold and frowned at Seulgi although her heart was leaping at the mention of fried chicken.

“Well Ddoyoungie, did I say you still like it? I was just asking if you want to go and get some fried chicken.” Seulgi grinned cheekily and Joy felt a blush was creeping on her face.

Joy cleared and huffed, walking away from Seulgi while muttering, “Yeah, whatever, let’s go get chicken.” Seulgi laughed to herself before trailing behind the younger girl, a smile never leaving her face.

Seulgi and Joy ended up not eating anything at the chicken restaurant. They both ordered milkshake and sat opposite each other at one of the corner tables. Warm sunlight was shining through the glass wall, falling over the faces of the two girls and both were sneakily admiring each other. Joy grew out her hair longer compared to two years ago. Her hair now fell just below her shoulder and the parting of her hair was done carefully, unlike the usual messy hair that would nestle on top of her head before. She seemed to carry herself with more grace too, even if Seulgi knew her too well and could see the rare bouts of awkwardness that she tried to hide. It was when Seulgi finally caught Joy staring at her for the fifth time before quickly flitting her eyes away that she cleared and initiated conversation.

“So, how is Canada? Hayoung told me that you enrolled in a university there?” Joy nodded at this and looked outside the glass wall of the restaurant, staring at the people who were walking by without really seeing them.

“Canada is great. I am coping moving there better than I thought. Wendy’s parents and her unnie are treating me nicely, I think I can just marry Wendy and move in their house after graduation.”

Joy smiled fondly while she was talking. She genuinely liked Wendy’s parents and older sister. Seunghee was always busy but when she was around, she treated Joy like a younger sibling and Joy was thankful to find a family away from home. They all helped her to nurse her heartache caused by…the person in front of her and made her felt homesick a little less. In Wendy’s house, she was a part of the family, not a stranger unlike what she had felt with her own.

“Come on, Joy. You should notice by now that I don’t buy that act.” Seulgi muttered, loud enough for the person who was sitting opposite of her to hear. Joy looked surprised initially at this before her face hardened and her eyes turned fiery and angry.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t believe that you’re dating Seungwan.”

“Then are you saying I’m a liar now?!” She raised her voice at Seulgi, causing the older girl to flinch. The younger girl glared at Seulgi but the kind bear returned the glare with a calm and soft look.

“You and Wannie…You guys didn’t act like two people in love.” Seulgi wanted to continue her words but Joy cut off before she could add anythin