“Chaeyoung-ah, let’s break up.”

I woke up with beads of sweat covering my face. That nightmare, that I thought could only happen in my sub-consciousness, had hit me. It was my reality now.

I heavily made my way to my bathroom to prepare for a day of torturous learning and yearning. Yearning for you.  As I look in the mirror, I noticed how thin I’ve gotten. The bags under my eyes were even darker. I sighed trying to hide everything with a concealer.

“Yah! Chaeyoung-ah!” I heard footsteps behind me. I didn’t bother turning as I noticed the sound getting louder.

“Hey, Dahyun.” I answered nonchalantly as we walked side by side

“How have you been, buddy?” She asked with those eagle-like expression of hers.

“Fine.”

I wasn’t.

She halted her steps. I felt a soft grip on my wrist causing me to face her. Before I had the chance to retaliate, I was engulfed in her embrace. “You know I’m always here for you, Chaeng-ah. You can talk to me about anything.” She whispered delicately. Pity evident in her voice.

“Dahyun-ah, let go. People are staring.” I tried to pry her away but that only caused her to tighten her hold of me.

“Let them. I don’t care about them. I care about you.” She eventually let go and looked me in the eyes. She was dead serious. I sighed.

“I’m serious, Chaeyoung-ah. Please stop being like this. You have to start taking care of yourself.”

I nodded to at least ease her worry.  She pouted, clearly frustrated.

We were now sitting in the school cafeteria. My friends, Tzuyu and Dahyun, are acting like lunatics while throwing random pieces of food at each other. I was always thankful for having best friends like them. I may not show it that much, but I hope they really know.

A small smile grazed my lips as I watched their interaction. But that smile soon disappeared as I caught a sight of a particular someone with rays of sunlight hugging her body like an angel. She walked elegantly to where her friends were. My eyes shamelessly following her.

I can feel my heart pounding just by the mere sight of her gummy smile, even though I know it’s not for me. I miss you.

I averted my gaze when I felt someone rubbing circles in my hand. It was Tzuyu. “Let’s go for a walk, Chaeng. Our class doesn’t start for another hour or so.” She carefully dragged me out of the cafeteria with Dahyun trailing behind us.

We were aimlessly wandering around the campus silence accompanying the three of us. No one wanting to break the comforting solace. We arrived at the back part where people barely go to with a big majestic tree shading most part of the space.

“Guys, let’s sit here and relax.” Dahyun sat at the trunk, closed her eyes while we followed her. I closed my eyes but regretted it soon after. All I see is her.

All I see is her…  with me.  All our precious moments, now forever kept away in my memory.

“Chaeyoung-ah, let’s go on a date! I wanna watch a movie.”

“Chaengieeee! I passed my ballet audition!”

“Babe, wake up. I made you breakfast.”

“Chaeyoung-ah, let’s break up.”

Without knowing, uncontrollable tears made its way on my cheeks. I was sobbing.

“Yah Chaeng! Are you okay?” Dahyun asked frantically while trying to awaken me. I wasn’t really sleeping. I just had my eyes closed.

She’s hugged me once she realized I was conscious; her hands rubbing my back to soothe my unstable breathing.  I continued to sob on her shoulder, Tzuyu joining on trying to calm me with sweet nothings.

“It hurts so damn much, unnie. I don’t know what to do.” I said in between sobs.

“Shhhh… Calm down first, Chaeyoung-ah.”

After a few more minutes of crying, the tears subsided. Tzuyu handed me her bottle of water. I chugged it down not realizing how thirsty I was.

“Tha… thanks.”

“Chaeng-ah, what really happened between you and Mina unnie?” Tzuyu questioned not understanding our sudden separation. Dahyun nodded, eager to know as well. I guess it was time to finally talk to them about this. I’ve been avoiding this topic for 3 months now. I can’t run from this talk forever.

Sigh

“I honestly don’t know.” I answered their questioning gaze truthfully

“What do you mean, cub?” It was Dahyun’s turn to ask

“I mean, I thought we were doing great. We fought at times but we always resolved it. But then after our first anniversary, she started distancing herself from me…” I was trying so hard not to let out the water works; stopping mid-sentence to regain my composure.

“I thought she was busy with her ballet practice so I didn’t look much into it.” I continued

Dahyun and Tzuyu were listening attentively. Both pairs of eyes urging me to go on with my story.

“She just turned cold towards me. If I text her about wanting to go on a date, she’ll say I’m being clingy. If I would wait for her practice to finish, she’ll say I’m annoying or If I surprise her at her house, she’ll ask me to leave. For some reason, she’ll find an excuse not to be around me.”

Telling them all these things hurt like hell. Well, the truth hurts. But after those words left my mouth, my chest felt lighter. I’m in pain but the burden evaporated.

“What? How could Mina unnie be like this?! I thought she loved you.” Tzuyu can’t contain her anger anymore. This was the reason why I don’t want to tell them this. I don’t want them to change their opinion of Mina. I don’t want them to hate Mina.

“I thought so too…” I chuckled bitterly. “But then I received a text from her one day, saying that she wants to meet at the park.” I sad smile formed in my lips as I remember the bitter memory.

“I was excited to finally hang out with her properly. I put on my best clothes and met her there. She was already sitting in a bench wearing her beautiful sundress. I made my way to her.”

“Wait… was that the time of your birthday? When I asked you to hang out but you said you were meeting Mina unnie?” Dahyun questioned with disbelief

“Yes.” I answered inaudibly but both of my friends heard it. I can see their face stiffened.

“Well, to make the stories short, she wanted to meet me so she could break up with me… on my birthday. And what’s worse is that she didn’t even remember it was my birthday.” I breathed heavily as the scene flashed in my mind.

“Chaeyoung-ah, let’s break up.”

“What? Why, Mina? Why are you like this?”

“I don’t love you anymore. There’s no other reason.”

My two friends were now leaning their heads on my shoulder as we looked at the vast clear sky. I can sense one of them was crying due to the wetness I felt on one of my shoulder. I’m guessing it’s Dahyun.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Chaeng. It hurts, I know but you’ll be okay.” Tzuyu comforted me with our fingers intertwined. “We’ll always be here for you.” She added

“Ye… yeah. Forget ab… bout her. You deserve someone be… better.” Dahyun joined in through her hiccups.

“I want to move on, guys. But how can I forget someone who gave me so much to remember?”

They both were mum. Contemplating on how to answer this question that’s been hunting me ever since that day.

“I don’t know.” Both answered in unison

I chuckled bitterly. Me too

She left me broken with no intention of ever fixing me.