Obsession: an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.

 

 

It was a rather cloudy morning. The sky was covered with dark grey clouds which were stubborn enough not to let any sunshine pass through for the last three hours. I was expecting a downpour by 8 in the morning but it looked like it was taking it’s time. I covered myself in a thick coat and scarf to protect myself from the cold. I’ve always hated rainy season. It not only made the streets muddy and slippery but made me extra lazy because of the lazy nature of the weather, thus resulting in me being late for everything. Just like today. So, I was already in grumpy mood and concentrated on not getting involved in a hit-and-run case as I drove towards the television broadcast building.

 

“You’re finally here. Hwang PD is looking for you ,” my co-worker Jimin said to me as soon as I entered the office and dragged me to the PD’s office. I didn’t even get enough time to process or protest on the way as he dragged me across the corridor like a child who stole candy from the candy jar. Within a few seconds I was standing in front PD with confusion consuming me.

 

“You are usually early. What happened today?” he said in a strict tone and I muttered an apology.

 

He waved off my excuse and leaned forward on his desk. “We have a serious problem. Assistant Producer Jung called in sick today and he was in-charge of airing today’s interview of Im Jaebum. Since there’s no one to fill in for the position, I want you to do his work instead.”

 

What?

 

I blinked at him and he huffed a sigh. “Pay attention to what I am saying! It is very important to air Im Jaebum’s interview today. We need you to-”

 

“I get it,” I interrupted, “You mean actor Im Jaebum, right?”

 

“How many Im Jaebum are there in the entertainment industry? Use your brain. Now go and start working on it.” He shooed me and Jimin out of his office.

 

“Wow, you were great at making yourself look like an idiot,” He said and went off, laughing to himself. If I were in a normal composure I would have said that there were exactly three Im Jaebum in the showbiz world: one being a director, one being a record label owner and another being an actor. But I was too immersed in my own thoughts to come up with a good remark and give him a piece of my applied knowledge.

 

Meanwhile I stood in the middle of the corridor and replayed whatever Hwang PD said a minute back. Im Jaebum was coming today. And I have to air his interview, meaning I have to meet him face-to-face. Wanna know something? Because of this Im Jaebum, I decided to pursue a career in media and entertainment, hoping that I would at least get to see him. I was a huge fangirl… not that I’m not now. But unfortunately I wasn’t lucky enough. He would usually come to the building for interviews or radio broadcasts but since I was a junior back then, I couldn’t even catch a glimpse of him. At first it was my extreme desire to meet him but slowly that wish left my very system and I was more concentrating on proving my worth and skills in the media world. I hadn’t thought about him properly for the past two years. And now I’m getting a chance to meet him; that to in person.

 

“Assistant PD, you are here,” Yugyeom, the camera-man called to me and I nodded, “Hwang PD told me to hand you this files.”

 

I took the file from him and went through it. The interview starts at 1 pm, so I have at least three hours to prepare everything.

 

 

 

After giving the directions to the others and re-checking the whole set myself, I sat down for a little break and looked at the clock. It was already 12:25 pm. Time sure does fly fast, I thought and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. I was excited to meet him. But the excitement is not like how it used to be when I was a dreamy teenager; dreaming about getting married to him. I chuckled at the thought how I consulted my friend that five years was nothing since him and I have the five years’ difference. My friend used to call me stupid back then for thinking such stuffs and honestly, I admit it now. It was pretty idiotic.

 

“Ma’am, Im Jaebum is here,” a crew member informed me and I got up, putting down the water bottle. Wasn’t he supposed to arrive ten minutes after? He’s too early and I just started my break. However, I had to introduce myself as the substitute assistant producer since I heard he was quite close to Jung. I went to his green room and knocked on the door.

 

His manager opened the door and shook hands with me, inviting me inside.

 

“You must be Jung-ssi’s substitute for today. Please take a seat. Jaebum is in the washroom and will be out soon,” he said, as I took a seat and he offered me a cup of tea.

 

We spoke for a while and then the Im Jaebum came out. He looked devilishly handsome and with his hair swept behind him, made him look ten times better than he usually did. He was tall and for a 5’3 girl like me, I had to literally look up to him. I realized how less attractive he looked in the TV because he looks more handsome in person.

 

I stood up to shake his hand and introduced myself. He smiled at me and introduced himself, to what I laughed. Everyone in Korea knew him. He was bit taken aback, asking me why I was laughing.

 

“Everyone knows you. No need to introduce yourself.”

 

I don’t know how I am handling myself so well because just three years back, I used to fangirl over him like no man’s business and even dreamed once that I got married to him. I know, it’s cringe-worthy.

 

 

 

Exactly at 1 pm the show started and the interviewer threw questions after questions. I was really impressed at how he managed to answer them all so professionally. And as usual, the interviewer asked his ‘ideal type for this year’. I didn’t know why but I got curious and so did everyone in the room. He smiled slightly and glanced at me for a few seconds and turned his attention towards the interviewer.

 

“I like calm and career oriented girls. I prefer short girls over tall girls now… and I think this ideal type will be the one with me for the rest of my life.”

 

The interviewer literally blushed. And he is a guy.

 

Everyone in the room cooed and whistled. It’s kind of funny how he said he liked tall girls with nice long legs and a bubbly personality. He even said he wouldn’t mind if his wife preferred staying at home and looked after the kids.

 

The interview finished at 2:30 pm and the director declared it an “all success”. After speaking with the director, I was about to leave when I heard him calling me.

 

“I was thinking… maybe you are up for coffee?”

 

I was dumbstruck. Im Jaebum asked me to go with him for coffee? Oh wow. I would have gladly accepted but calculating the amount of work I had today, I had to turn his offer down. He seemed… sad (?)

 

“After work maybe?” he asked.

 

“Sure, no problem.”

 

“I’ll come pick you up?”

 

“Jaebum-ssi, we have a cafe down in the building…”

 

He chuckled. “You know you are the first person to turn me down.”

 

“No, no,” I said quickly to clear the misunderstanding, “I’m not turning you down. I’m just say-”

 

He laughed again and tilted his head backwards. “I was just kidding. I know a good place. How about we go there?”

 

I bit my lower lip nervously. I’m not sure if I wanna be seen with him by general people. They have a tendency to jump to conclusions even without knowing the real thing. They’ll assume that I’m dating him and will make not only mine but also his life a living hell. Although, who would not want to date Im Jaebum? It would be pretty great. I mean look at him, he is smart, good-looking, educated and the most eligible bach-

 

“Hello? Come back to earth.” I snapped out of my daze and he chuckled for the third time already. I think I heard him say ‘cute’ but it could also be my imagination as well.

 

“Sorry, I was just… thinking what time I’m free.”

 

“Lie,” he said, smirking and took a step closer to me, “You are just worried that people will get the wrong idea.”

 

Okay, what the hell? How did he know? Does he have this ability to read minds?

 

“It’s nothing like that,” I lied, trying to look casual.

 

“Okay, if you say so but I’ll still pick you up. Around 8. Sounds good?”

 

I smiled a bit and nodded. After that he shook hands with me and left.

 

 

 

 

Around 19:55 I got a text from an unknown number which said: “Ready? IJB”

 

It was obviously from none other than Im Jaebum and I could only stare at the screen. How did he get my number? I don’t recall ever giving it to him. I can tell he obviously has a thing for me and shouldn’t I be over-joyed? I mean he used to be my hot male celebrity crush once. How come I’m not even half as excited as I used when I was a teenager? I guess this is what reality and adulthood does to you. When I didn’t reply back immediately, he sent another message:

 

“Miss, it’s not nice to ignore people.Specially someone who has been eager to meet you since 3 pm. IJB”

 

Unknowingly I smiled and blushed and sent him a reply. By the time I was done, I was smiling like an idiot. How did someone like Im Jaebum come to like me? This is not happening! My 17 year old self would die to be in my position right now.

 

 

 

 

When I reached the garage, I saw him standing next to a black BMW Benz. He was wearing a simple white shirt with a denim jacket on top and black pants. It looked good on him and just by seeing him my heart was beating faster than a racing car. I just hope I don’t become nervous and mess up stuff.

 

“Hey,” he said smiling as soon as he saw me and I smiled back. “Ready to go?”

 

“Uh,”I said unsurely, looking back at my car. He must have gotten the sign because he added that he’ll “take care of it”. After that I got on his car and we went to this really nice and decent coffee shop near Myeong-deong. I learned the coffee shop is owned by his friend and thus he comes here often to get a free time of his own. We spoke for as long as I can remember because, honestly, we got along well. I at art and so did he but we both admired it. It’s a gift to not be jealous over something you know you can never be good at… unless, you are trying really hard.

 

“It’s quite late,” he said, around 10:20, “I bet I’ll get your boyfriend upset.”

 

Stupidly, I giggled. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

 

He looked surprised and asked, “You’ve got to be kidding me. A beautiful and talented girl like you doesn’t have a boyfriend? Please.”

 

I blushed furiously because 1) he called me beautiful and talented and 2) he is indirectly showing interest in me. I just smiled a bit and sipped on my coffee. He still didn’t believe though and kept on bugging me to tell the name of my “boyfriend”during the whole ride to my home.

 

“I don’t have any,” I said, laughing as I got out of the car.

 

“Did anyone ever tell you that you a beautiful smile?”he asked suddenly and looked straight into my eyes, like he was staring into my soul.

 

How many times does this man intend to kill me with compliments and his handsome features? I stuttered a bit but regained my composure quick and said no. He looked astonished again.

 

“All those people might have been blind,” He said with a shrug and smiled afterwards, “Anyways, I’m just happy that Jung wasn’t the one producing the interview. I’ll see you soon again. Bye-”

 

I never got the chance to say bye and just kept looking at the moving car until it faded away from my view. I took a deep breathe, slowly sinking what he said just a few seconds earlier. He was actually happy that Jung didn’t show up for work; and what I heard from people he always preferred Jung’s work over anyone’s else. I even over-heard my colleague say today that he seemed upset about the fact that Jung wasn’t the one to produce the show. But right now, he just said that he was glad that Jung couldn’t come... is this his way of saying that he kinda likes me? Nonetheless I was on cloud nine and walked to the elevator with a huge smile plastered on my face. I could feel the giddiness I felt as a teenager coming back to me. Back then it was delusional... but now it’s more practical?

 

As I was walking, the building guard called me from behind and handed me my car keys saying that someone “dropped off” my car around 20:30. I knew it was Jaebum’s work and I couldn’t help but smile. How can someone be so humble and sweet at the same time?

 

 

 

 

“I like you,”Jaebum said suddenly. I knew he liked me but I didn’t expect him to confess this early. We’ve only known each other for more than a month and we occasionally went out together to have lunch, dinner or coffee at his friend’s cafe. Since he told me about his feelings, it shouldn’t harm if I told him mine, right?

 

“I like you too, Jaebum,” I said. Like? I don’t like him like he likes me. I freaking love him. I started developing a crush on him again. But this time I actually talk and text him like a friend instead of creating scenarios in my head and sighing deeply. No, he texts me all the time asking how I am or what am I wearing. Sometimes when I don’t text back, he calls me just to check on me. He freaking flirts with me time to time!

 

“I know,”he said and winked at me.

 

I blushed for the nth time and sipped on my coffee to hide it. I bet he saw through it because he laughed and whispered ‘cute’. I was about to speak but he beat me at it.

 

“Be my girlfriend,”he said and I pretended to reject him. He looked worried as hell when I started fidgeting in my seat but when I said ‘yes’,he broke into a smile and I swear to God, it’s the most amazing thing I’ve seen till this day.

 

“Finally!” he said joyously and calmed down a bit, leaning closer to me, he added with a sly smile, “You should know something, sugarplum, don’t even bother looking at other guys or else you’ll get on my bad side. And it won’t be pretty.”

 

I chuckled. “Oh really?”

 

 

That was the first ing sign. It screamed dominance but did I pay heed? No, I was still delusional and “so in love”. If I realized it the first time, I wouldn’t be here today suffering and living in a shadow.

 

 

 

“Why did he call?”Jaebum hissed at me and I could only quiver, “Are you cheating on me? Huh? Tell me!” He grabbed my arm and I yelped in pain.

 

Jaebum had always been over-protective since the time we started dating. He kept track of who I spoke and interacted with. He hated it when any guy even got a 1 mile closer to me. Once he got into a fight with a waiter because he simply stated that I was ‘pretty’. I didn’t think it was abnormal. Boys seemed to be jealous of any guy who got close their girlfriends. Honestly, I found his over-protective mode quite cute at the very beginning and I didn’t mind... well, until now.

 

“J-Jaebum, I’m getting hurt,”I whispered and held back my tears as his nails dug into my skin.

 

“Oh, of course,” he said bitterly and roughly pushed me away from him, “You only think about yourself. You’re getting hurt physically but I’m the one who is suffering emotionally. Why did he call?!”

 

Angry Jaebum was not good. He didn’t think analytically and always preferred to jump into conclusions.

 

“Jaebum... he is my cousin, for god’s sake,” I said and he laughed. And it wasn’t friendly.

 

“He is your far distant cousin!”he shouted, “If it was Jungkook or Mingyu it would have been understandable because you are related by blood. Now this guy!! He is your 13^th cousin or something. Anyone can date or marry a cousin like that, okay?!”

 

“I-I’m sorry.”

 

“I work with girls and women 10 times prettier than you but do you see me even looking at them? I’m trying to stay loyal with you but you’re making it impossible!”

 

I started crying but he scoffed and told me to “get my together”.

 

“You need to stop ruining our relationship. If anything happens, just know it will be all your fault,”he said angrily and left the house slamming the door harshly.

 

 

He left me and I was left alone in the house. I cuddled up into a ball on the floor and cried for which felt like hours.

 

But he was right. If our relationship falls apart, it’ll be all my fault. He works so hard to keep this going. He stars with so many beautiful actresses yet he is staying loyal to me. I don’t look at my far distant cousin in any odd way. We grew up together and played together as kids. When I introduced my cousins, I thought it would be better if I introduced Minhyuk too since we were pretty close. But Jaebum didn’t even like him. He told me that Minhyuk had a “thing for me” which I refused to believe.

 

“I’m a guy. I know better,”he told me back then.

 

I don’t know if any of that was true but Minhyuk and I drifted apart. Every time he would call or even greet me, I would panic and leave immediately. So, he recently called me to ask everything was alright. Right when I was about to hang up, Jaebum caught me and got the wrong idea.

 

“It’s all my ing fault.”I whispered to no one in general and wiped my teary eyes. “I should stop talking to him. If Jaebum says he isn’t good, then he isn’t.”

 

Jaebum came to my home the next morning and I didn’t bother talking to him. I ignored him like he was just an ant.

 

“I’m so sorry the way I reacted last night,”Jaebum said to me softly, as I sat down on the couch. I refused to look at him and moved away. Even though I accepted that he was right, I was still upset at the thought how he hurt me. He sighed and sat down next to me.

 

“Look,” he said, “He was trying to get too close to you. You might not know. Guys like him act like a good person when the fact is that they take advantage of you. You’re just lucky that he didn’t try you.”

 

“Jaebum!”

 

He held my hand and played with my fingers. “I’m sorry. But this is the truth.”

 

“He would n-”

 

“Stop defending him,” He said a little harshly but lowered his voice as soon as he saw my face, “I’m sorry for shouting. Just... listen to me, okay?”

 

I nodded and he hugged me. “I’ll make up to you. Promise.”

 

I apologized for the second time and he just smiled.

 

 

 

“Yo, did I say or do anything that offended you? I mean, we pretty much insulted each other everyday since we are friends but you seemed to have... I don’t know, moved away,” Jimin said one day out of the blue as we were arranging some files.

 

I chuckled dryly. “Really? I didn’t notice,” I made an excuse.

 

He frowned suspiciously. “You sure?”

 

“Yeah,”I added, “By the way, I’ve gotta go. Need to get some work done. Please finish this work for me. Bye. Thanks!”

 

He called after me but I left hurriedly. It’s not like I became distant from him just like that. Apparently, Jaebum had a problem when I interacted with any males except from my family members. Though he didn’t mention about not mixing with Jimin, I didn’t want to take risk. Jimin is a sweet person and I wouldn’t want him to unintentionally get on Jaebum’s bad side just because of me. Again, I didn’t disclose our dating to any of my colleagues so I couldn’t possibly explain my problem to Jimin either.

 

 

 

“Happy 2^nd month anniversary,” Jaebum said cheerfully as he handed my a box. It was elegant gold in color and gave off a luxurious vibe. I wasn’t really into expensive gifts but ever since we started dating, he started showering me with way too many expensive stuffs. Every week or so he would arrive at my door-step with a bouquet of roses or lilies or Swiss imported chocolates and many other high-priced gifts. I don’t know why but I feel like I owe him something. Something equally expensive and worthy in return.

 

“Open it.”

 

I slowly opened the lid of the box and was met with a beautiful watch. I was awestruck.

 

“I know you’d love it,” He said smugly, looking at me, “I ordered it specially for you. It’s diamond. 24 carats.”

 

“Thank you, Jaebum but there was no-”

 

“You deserve it. You listen to everything I say. Though at times you protest unnecessarily but... I forgive you.”

 

I wanted to hear that for so long. You deserve it. For the past 1 month, he had found faults in me, be it small or big and I learned from them. I was a better person in front of his eyes now. Though my best friend Saera said it was a sign of dominance, I didn’t agree with her. It’s just how he was. He wasn’t called “The Perfect Prince” for no reason. If he wants to me to improve, I don’t have a problem. I’ll do it.

 

“It’s beautiful, Jae,” I said as he put it around my wrist.

 

He chuckled and glanced at me. “I don’t want any gifts from you this time. But in the next month anniversary, I expect something from you.”

 

I smiled and he hugged me.

 

“To celebrate this occasion, we should go out this Sunday! What say?” he asked me.

 

“Jae, you see. I made plans with Saera. It’s her birthday, so-”

 

He gave me a small yet sharp look and I felt like my heart dropped. “How come you didn’t ask me before?”

 

“I, uh, I didn’t know you’d plan something. I’m sorry.”

 

He stepped back from me and glanced away. “You should be,”he told me and sighed, “Okay, have fun with her. After all, she’s your best friend.”

 

I had to call Saera later that day and cancel the plan. As soon as he walked out on me, I felt guilty of my actions and decided to go with him instead. I was sure Saera would understand since I always celebrate her birthday with her. Not that I don’t want to; but Jaebum is special. He works hard and has to maintain the relationship in secret, so I don’t get in trouble. He deserves to be spending more time with me.

 

“Don’t confuse obsession for passion,”she told me and hung up without saying a bye. Again, I was torn between Jaebum and another one of my friends or family.

 

 

 

“I don’t like the way you dress up.”

 

I’m sorry. I’ll wear something more revealing in front you and conservative in front of others.

 

“If only you used your brain for something worth reading, maybe you wouldn’t be so dumb in analyzing politics.”

 

I’m sorry. You were right about the political situation. Please, don’t be mad at me.

 

“Only I’m dating you, understand? Do you think anyone else will? Imagine how patient I am, trying to deal with an idiot like you!”

 

I’m so sorry that I’m not worth your love or time. Don’t leave me. No one else can tolerate me, other than you.

 

“You have a weird hobby. How can someone find braiding hairs so interesting?”

 

I’m sorry. You’re right. My hobby isn’t real. I’ll change it.

 

“I’d tell you to hit the gym but I’m not sure if the treadmill will be enough to cut off that fat.”

 

I’m so sorry for not having the perfect body you want me to have.

 

“How can your father talk to me like that?! I would never be such a er of a dad when I have kids. I’d teach them respect, unlike yours... is that the kind of morals you received from home?”

 

I’m sorry that my dad was mean to you. He just has a different view point of life. I’ll even cut down my interaction with him, if you want to.

 

“Personally, I think your sister is more gorgeous.”

 

I’m sorry, I’ll try my best to be as gorgeous as my sister.

 

“I’m not snooping around your back or stalking you, alright? I just wanna know who you are talking to and meeting up with. I’m protecting you from danger.”

 

I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have accused you of stalking me when all you want me is to be safe.

 

 

Maybe he’ll appreciate me tomorrow; he won’t taunt me and belittle me. In fact, I don’t think he is belittling me at all. In every relationship every person should try to improve their partner for the better, even if includes abuse and mockery… right?

 

 

 

“... do you take Im Jaebum to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you apart?”

 

On our third month dating anniversary Jaebum proposed to me in front of my family and I couldn’t turn him down. I knew he was rushing it fast because he “didn’t want to lose me” but I was still skeptical about it. I was still building a career and honestly, I didn’t want to rush into marriage so soon. Dating was fine but not marriage. If he would have proposed me privately, I might have had the chance to at least talk to him about it, even though I know he would have thrown a tantrum and accused me of not loving him at all. But with my parents and family in presence, I had to say yes. Now I feel like if he really proposed me in front of them in purpose… knowing that I would have no other choice but accept his proposal. When I said yes, he smiled at me and I was quite off-guard when I noticed a devilish grin but it lasted for only a second and I blamed my imagination.

 

Am I making the right decision?

 

I breathed. “I do.”

 

“I declare you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

 

Jaebum leaned in closer to kiss me and the whole church burst into cheers. But for some reason, I didn’t feel the happiness and the heat. I felt like I was compelled to do it. Shouldn’t I be ecstatic that it’s my wedding day? But no, I spent the entire day with a fake smile plastered on my face.

 

 

 

“Jae, please not today…” I resisted, irritated as he tried to my dress. He, too, looked annoyed when I refused his advance.

 

“What’s wrong with you?” he questioned, crossly, “You’re never like this.”

 

What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with him and having all the time? It’s been two months since our wedding and this is what he wants from me all the time.

 

“I’m just not in the mood and plus I have a lot of w-”

 

“It’s always work, work and work!”

 

“I never complain when you are working!” I raised my voice and that was probably the biggest mistake I’ve ever done.

 

He grabbed my arm and pulled me up from the chair, facing me harshly towards him. He scared me. He wasn’t anything like before. Yes, he does apologize time to time after doing all these but I don’t know if I should believe his apologies and in him.

 

“Don’t you ing talk to me like that,” he hissed and I gulped, thinking he might hit me or something, though he never raised a hand on me before.

 

“S-sorry.”

 

“When I want something, you should give it to me. It shows how much love you have for me. Understood? Just like how I’ve given you a name, a status, a house and clothes.”

 

The gleam in his eyes frightened me. It really did. He looked like the Devil who himself ascended from the Hell beneath. But slowly his expression changed and he smiled a bit, my cheeks softly.

 

“I love you a lot, okay? It’s just how I am,” he said but it didn’t feel real, “Now, should we have our moment?”

 

He started kissing my jawline and I stood there frozen. I didn’t want to do it but I know how he is. He would cause a huge ruckus.

 

“Jae, ple-”

 

“Don’t resist.”

 

“C-can we do it some time later? P-please?”

 

He looked up at me and I could feel the anger radiating from him.

 

“Don’t you love me?” he asked coldly and I nodded my head. “So you shouldn’t have any problem. We’ve done it a lot of time before.”

 

The main reason for him to continue every night was because he wanted to start a family. Not that I didn’t want… I want kids running around in the house too. But just not now. We just got married recently and I don’t want to be a mom so soon. I have a career to look after and also have other works that need to be done. But however, on our wedding night, Jaebum insisted that we start a family soon. I thought he meant after a year so, but he insisted we have a child this very year. When I protested back, he was more than upset and left the room. I was just glad he didn’t force himself on me. So since the past two months, whenever the baby topic would come up, I would avoid it like a plague and he would yell at me and would even physically hurt me, like pushing me against a wall and threatening me. Now, I just want him to shut up and give whatever he wants.

 

 

As soon as Jaebum found out I was having severe headaches and puking my guts out every morning, he became very excited and immediately booked an appointment with the doctor.

 

“What if you are pregnant?” he asked me smirking and I just kept quiet, looking down at the floor. “Are you scared to be a mom? Cause I know you can’t look after your own-self, how can you look after a baby, right? I’ll make sure the baby is just like me.”

 

I shifted uncomfortable on my chair and looked away from him.

 

“Just imagine how the kid would feel, when she learns that her mother never wanted her, when she grows up? Heartbreaking, right?”

 

I still kept quiet and diverted my attention to other patients or the working nurses. Did the women in this room also have a controlling husband? Were they just as unlucky as me and scared of their significant other when they returned home? I shouldn’t have said yes. Never. My family thinks he is an absolute sweet heart but I know better. I’ve been with him for the past five months.

 

“Mr. And Mrs. Im Jaebum? It’s your turn now,” a nurse called out and we followed her inside the doctor’s chamber.

 

The doctor greeted us and he asked me what “problems” I was facing and I told him. He noted them down and asked me to get a check-up. Jaebum had directly asked him if there was any possibility that I might be pregnant and the doctor said the symptoms pointed that I might be. But he still want any of us to jump into conclusions. Not that I want to.

 

After doing some tests, I returned along with the nurse. She came after a few minutes and handed the doctor a file, which he went through.

 

“Sorry, Mr. Im,” he said, “your wife is not pregnant.”

 

Jaebum’s face faltered like he was told he was about to die and for the first time I saw him stammer. The doctor then turned to me with a serious expression and I knew what he was going to ask me.

 

“Mrs. Im, did you perform hysterectomy before?”

 

Tears filled my eyes as I nodded softly and Jaebum asked what it was.

 

When I was 21, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer and the doctors suggested hysterectomy. It is the full removal of the uterus along with the ovary and Fallopian tube; meaning that I can never be pregnant.

 

I saw Jaebum’s face harden and the doctor must have noticed the tension too because quickly afterwards he suggested having a baby through a surrogate mother or perhaps, a test-tube child. He refused, of course. Just like I assumed. He wanted me to give birth. When I first learnt that I had uterine cancer and can never be a mom, I was heart-broken, but looks like it came handy now. The only reason he wanted a baby so soon was because he wanted me to tie me down into this marriage, so that I can never leave. Because honestly, I am thinking of divorce. He makes my life a living hell.

 

“Then if I haven’t conceived… then what is wrong with me?” I asked the doctor.

 

“Nothing really,” he said, taking a piece of paper and listing some stuff down, “You need rest and sleep, which I think you are lacking greatly. Just have this medicines and you’re good as new.”

 

 

 

The car ride home was horrible.

 

“It’s all your ing fault,” he sneered bitterly as tears drops rolled my cheeks, “I wanted a kid so bad. Did you pray to be motherless for the rest of your life?!”

 

“Jaebum! H-how could you even sa-”

 

“Shut the up! I’m speaking here, you !” he roared and sped the car even faster than before.

 

I had to hold on the seat and constantly beg him to drive slow.

 

“If we have a car crash, I hope you die,” he snarled as he kept on driving at the same rate.

 

What did I do to receive such a terrible fate? I don’t remember ever hurting anyone, so why was I cursed to be the life partner of such a person? Such a two-faced freak? To the world and his fans, he is a devoted “husband who loves his wife to death” and a great actor, worth winning Oscars. No wonder he can maintain his personality. Why the did ever Jung become sick that day? And why on earth did I accept his invitation for coffee? Why did I ever worship him once? He is right. He has always been right.

 

It’s all my fault.

 

 

 

Jaebum never brought up the baby topic ever again and when he spoke with my parents and his mom, he acted like he consoled me when the fact was he threatened to kill me. After the doctors, we went to his parents place. Unlike him, his mom is a very loving person and considerate. When we first started dating, he told me that his father was an abusive husband and often beat up his mom in front his eyes. Now I know where he got this controlling personality from and do you think if I tell his mom, she would understand? Maybe. But I won’t say a thing. I wouldn’t want any pity.

And now I think he is having an affair. I don’t have any proof but I think so.

 

 

 

A year into our marriage, Jaebum set up CCTV cameras all around the house because he wanted to keep an eye on me to “protect me”. He gave an excuse of frequent robberies and murders taking around the city… as if that was supposed to convince me. I knew why he did that. Couldn’t a person be anymore psycho? I remember when I once found a old box full of love letters from a girl called Sarang. I asked about her naturally and I think I saw fear in his eyes for the first time… but it soon changed to anger and he accused me of snooping around his back.

 

“Goddamit, respect my privacy,” he yelled at me and snatched the letters from my hand and burned them.

 

So, don’t I have a personal life too? I also need privacy but is he giving that to me? As a human being, isn’t it a right for me to have my own time? Yes. But, instead he is setting up cameras to keep an eye on me and what I do. He even prevented me from going to work so I have to work from home and I noticed, that because of him, my interaction with my family has decreased. Jungkook or Saera doesn’t call me anymore like how they used to. I called Jungkook once and Jaebum found out through the phone bills. You know what he said? He said that I was planning to have an relationship with my cousin. At first, I thought I heard wrong but he repeated it again. When I argued back, he slapped me. For the first time. I had never been hit before by anyone. Not even by my own father. That day I questioned how much was he willing to make my life horrible.

 

I don’t know why, but he enjoys belittling my every movement and actions. But in interviews and TV shows he makes me look like his queen when the fact is… I’m just his wife. A wife with servant status.

 

I don’t know how I spent four years with him already.

 

 

 

The arena was filled with people. Today was Jaebum’s fan-meet and he requested me to come on behalf of his fans.Mostly women and teenage girls. I looked around and noticed huge banners or posters with his name and pictures. Some fans even went to the extent of using our wedding picture in their banner. I didn’t know why but I felt extremely upset for some reason; and I didn’t want to act mean with his fans.

 

“Now, now everyone calm down,” Jaebum said over the microphone, smiling and popping his dimples. Girls started screaming and I could roll my eyes. If only they knew how their Im Jaebum is.

 

“You all have been dying to meet my wife, right?” he asked and a loud ‘yes’ was heard. He chuckled. “Well, let’s meet her then.”

 

He turned to me with a smile and extended out his arm. “Come to me, honey.”

 

The entire population in the arena died when they heard him calling me honey.

 

I walked their with a sweet fake smile but I don’t think they saw through. When you practice to hide your pain and sadness in the refuge of fake smiles, people don’t notice. Because it becomes a part of you.

 

“Hello, everyone. How are you?” I asked with a smile and everyone screamed happily on the top their lungs.

 

Funny. When we got married, I got death threats from this very “fans”. They didn’t like it when I “stole” their Perfect Prince. But I can’t blame them though. They were immature and stuck in an obsession phase.

 

“Isn’t she lovely?” Jaebum spoke again, “She has a flu, you guys. But when I insisted on her staying home, she refused and wanted to attend. Isn’t that sweet of her?”

 

I’m not surprised. This is his way to manipulate people into believing that he is a good person when he clearly isn’t. Once he didn’t let me attend my cousin’s wedding and when asked about it, he said that I refused to go. That was a good thought because he never liked my cousin and that was it: she blew up and completely stopped talking to me. I tried reconciling back with her but I don’t know what he said to make her completely turn against me.

 

I stood there, with him, for almost two hours. I started feeling a little dizzy due to all the people screaming and nudged him so that I can leave. Surprisingly, he nodded with a soft smile and for the first time in four years, I saw genuine concern in his eyes. It almost melt my heart. Almost.

 

“Sorry, fans but my wife has to leave now. She is not feeling that well.”

 

I waved good-bye to the crowd and walked back to the back-stage to grab a seat.

 

 

 

I woke up to a violent shaking and opened my eyes to meet the worried face of a crew member. I stood up immediately.

 

“Ma’am, Mr. Im… he’s- I don’t know- something is wrong with him.”

 

“What?!” I yelled and I almost tripped, running my way to the stage, where the fan-meet was being held.

 

There I saw him, on the floor, clutching his chest and panting heavily. His manager was next to him. There were worried fans who didn’t know what the was going. I rushed to him and quickly sat next to him.

 

“Jaebum,” I said, my voice shaking, “are you okay? Jae, tell me what’s wrong!”

 

“I-I… f-feel…”

 

I looked up at the manager and hurriedly told him to get water which he obeyed to do immediately.

 

“Jaebum, everything will be fine. I promise.”

 

“I-I… th-think someone p-poisoned me,” he said with difficulty and my eyes widened.

 

I leaned in closer to him to tell him how much I loved him.

 

, really? I internally laughed and gave him a smile. A sweet vengeful smile that made him look at me… scared. He looked so vulnerable, so afraid and so…dying.

 

“You ing deserve it,” I whispered to him as I leaned closer to his ears and gave him the same sadistic smile he gave me in the morning. His eyes widened with fear, confusion and betrayal and I couldn’t feel more joy seeing him in such a defenseless state. “I told Minsoo to poison it. You know Minsoo right?”

 

Hearing Minsoo’s name his eyes widened more. Everything doubled: the fear and the panic.

 

“W-why?” he asked and started choking violently, blooding coming out of his mouth and nose.

 

“This is for Sarang,” I said quietly as he gave me one last dreadful look and died on my lap.

 

This was beautiful.

 

I waited for this day for the past 12 ing years.

 

Sarang got the justice she deserved.

 

I killed the man who killed my best friend, my soul sister.

 

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And there you go!! The first chapter has been uploaded yaay.. at first, my original plan was to make this story a one-shot but then I decided to add a second chapter. Hopefully, I'll be done with it in a week or so.

- Nora.