DISCLAIMER: 

tw: domestic abuse

all characters used in this piece is based purely for looks and does not correlate to any one of their personalities. this is purely fiction!

enjoy~

the prompt was from cara! please check out blossom flowers tag for other entries!! *cough* check out my friend queens "Oh Boy" when it's released. by: -hypnotized

---

I knew I was spending too much time on him, on someone who didn't even care about my existence. My best friend knew about it and hated him because of that. But neither of us would have guessed that the tables would turn after I successfully forced myself to get over him.

 

Why can I hear everything, everything?

Every single thing, the story I don't want to know.

All your body talk, your body.

Why are they caught, caught by me, everything single thing?

All your body talk, your body.

 

There’s something that love does to a person. It can either devastate you or make you into something more beautiful. I made the mistake of falling in love. I fell in love with Byun Baekhyun.

Never once was there a dull moment when he was around. When I was with him the world seemed to be painted with color. He had this innate ability to make the simplest of things pop. Maybe it was when he smiled. Maybe it was when he laughed. Or maybe it was because I found joy in the present because of Baekhyun. 

Now, I’m sitting hopelessly looking at the ghost of my lover. All features of the man I fell for were gone. His face was stoic and plain. His lips weren’t curved in that precious smile I held so dearly to my heart. He was empty, and in turn, so was I. Our room, once warm and filled with passion, is now cold and lifeless. Baekhyun is posted against the doorframe of our bedroom. His arms are crossed as if to guard himself in this situation. In contrast, I’m on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to just say what I already know he’s going to say. I’m vulnerable, I am weak. I am the prey that has received its final blow and is barely clinging to life. Please say something, I begged, end this deafening silence.

Love makes you ignorant. It makes you blind and forgetful of your past self. But I loved myself with him. Didn’t he love himself with me?

I was stupid, I should’ve noticed Baekhyun wanted to end things. I should’ve noticed how much quieter he was. There were no more jokes. He loved to pull pranks. No more annoying texts throughout the day that I secretly adored. No more spontaneous gifts or flowers. He molded into something like static. He was once so affectionate. How did I miss that he hadn’t touched me in ages? My rose colored glasses made me chalk up his behavior to stress from work. I don’t even think I bothered to ask. 

Finally he fixed his mouth to say something. The intake of his breath slices the thick tension in the room. My heart roars like thunder, the rhythmic pounding against my ribs has me fearful they may crack. 

“Let’s break up.”

There it was. Love. Something so innocent, turned rotten and cynical. 

 

I went to bed that night having not cried myself to sleep. I was expecting to be on my knees begging for him to give me another chance. I was expecting myself to throw away all of my dignity. Instead, I was calm and I let him leave. The door clicked shut and the only thing I did was sit there on the edge of that bed and let the void in my chest consume me.

I sat myself up but I felt sore and heavy. I opened the curtains and welcomed the sun. The warmth was invited upon my skin. My hand skims the empty sheets and I grip onto the material. Was my body shutting down? I think I’m in a state of shock. I’m numb.

The world still turns on its axis. I’m still breathing. Although my heart bleeds it still beats. My life didn’t end last night because I was abandoned. I can only imagine what he must be thinking. I should hate him, but all I can ask is if he’s happy. He probably doesn’t care how I feel right now. He probably is happy.

I let myself collapse onto the mattress, my hair spread all along the silk pillows. So many memories made in this bed. I remember everything. I remember the exact moment we met.

I guess that’s what break-ups do. It's like there’s a rewind button that lets you go back and analyze where you had gone wrong.

I shut my eyes and let the memories flow. Each and every one of them.

 

The First Meeting

We met at twilight. It was spring actually, it wasn’t too hot and it wasn’t too cold. It was perfect. Seoul was bustling with tourists and natives alike. I had wanted to get some fresh air from studying for so long. So I decided to stop by my favorite book store to pick up a new release that had just come out.

I entered the store, the fresh smell of books and coffee filled my nose. It calmed me whenever I came here, it was my safe haven.

“You’re looking good,” The clerk, Suho, told me. “Did you do something different with your hair?” He asks with a of his eyebrow.

Shaking my head, I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I haven’t. But, thank you for the compliment Suho-oppa.” Adding to the comedic effect, I winked at him.

He chuckled. Then, like a light bulb lit up over his head, he lifts a finger and beckons for me to come over. When I walk too slowly, he hurries me to move faster. “You see over there?” He points to the far shelf in the right corner of the store. I hum. “We just got the newest copy from your favorite author. It’s the only one though, so I’d hurry before anyone else takes it.”

I felt the beaming smile creep onto my face. I was so excited that I couldn’t help myself from pulling Suho into a quick hug and rushing off into the shelf. Luckily, no one else was over here. Which is good news since it looks like this book is mine for the taking.

Little did I know how wrong I was.

My hand reached for the book and I had a firm grasp on it. And so did someone else. We tugged at the same time, but I was stubborn and I wasn’t going to let go. Clearly, I had my hands on it first. So whoever this person is, needs to let go.

I sigh in exasperation. “Excuse me?” I hear a voice call. A male, and to be honest, he had quite a lovely voice. We stop our little game of tug-of-war.

“Yes?”

The mystery person laughs in a low, breathy tone. “If you let the book go, I swear I won’t run away or anything. I want to make a deal.”

I thought it was odd that someone would want to make a deal over a book. It wasn’t that serious. For some reason, I agreed. I walked to one end of the aisle and I heard the footsteps of this stranger moving in the same direction.

I have a bad habit of looking down at my feet when I walk. I was awestruck when I lifted my head to this handsome stranger. He was dressed sharply. He wore a crème colored long coat, chocolate brown slacks and a baby blue turtleneck. His hair was this pretty ashy blonde and he wore the cutest little round glasses. And from how close I am, I can even notice a little mole at the corner of his lip.

Snapping me from my slight trance, he asks, “This is the book you wanted, right?”

I nodded dumbly. I felt like I couldn’t properly formulate any words right now, so I didn’t want to look like an idiot and stutter in front of him.

The male smiles and scrunches his nose. “About that deal, how about you read it first,” He takes my hand with his free one and places the book in it. “But, when you’re done reading it, you call me so we can exchange. Deal?”

I tilt my head to the side. “Wouldn’t there be another copy by the time I’m done though?”

He bobs his shoulders. “It’s a limited edition.”

“Oh.” I blush in embarrassment. I thought he was actually trying to make a pass at me. Not that I’d complain, he’s very handsome. I nod and stick out my hand. “Give me your phone so I can give you my number.”

We exchange devices, writing each other’s contacts down. Baekhyun. That’s his name, it’s a nice one.

“Well...” I pause, reading his name again. “Baekhyun. I’ll read this and you’ll be getting a call from me in about two days.” I do an ‘OK’ motion with my fingers. Without saying anything else to him, I my heel and I was about to pay for the book. That was until I was stopped in my tracks when Baekhyun called for my name unsurely. 

“Do you want a coffee?” Baekhyun asks, his thumb jutting towards the café in the back. “If you’re paying for our book, I feel like I should get you something.” Our book.

I bite my lip hesitantly. I checked the time, it was 6:14pm right now, and I really should be getting back home. I’ve got more studying to do. , I also have a paper to start. Plus, who’s to say that my roommate won't come looking for me? My lips twist to the side and I can tell by the look on Baekhyun’s face that he’s waiting for my answer. it. “Sure,” I shrug. It wouldn’t kill anyone. I’m only going to be gone for a few hours. I smile this time, the gesture making the male in front of me return the gesture. “I like iced coffee.”

He curled an eyebrow. “Iced coffee? Hm, I’d expect someone like you for something cute like a strawberry Frappuccino.”

“Oh yeah?” I challenge, crossing my arms over my chest. “Why is that?”

“Because you’re cute.”

I blink and hide my face from letting him see the blush on my cheeks. “W-well, maybe you shouldn’t be so quick to judge someone.” Gross. I stuttered. 

Baekhyun his head to the empty chairs and tables. “Then find us a spot where we can get to know each other more.”

Quite flushed and embarrassed, I walked past him and chose a table where we could see a view of everything outside. From this spot, you could see the people travel back and forth like clockwork. Small children, couples, old people, young people. Any and everybody was in my view, and I seemed to like it more than any landscape.

“What are you thinking about?” Baekhyun settles my drink in front of me. “You’ve got this look on your face.” He comments further, analyzing my expression.

I shake my head. “Just admiring the view outside.”

Baekhyun cranes his neck to see the sea of people flowing from behind the glass. He makes a face. “You can’t really see anything but people though.” He points out as if it’s obvious. It makes sense he would say something like that, most people like seeing skyscrapers without having to see anything in their way.

“I like seeing the variety of people outside. That’s all.” I wrap my lips around my straw and take a sip of the sweet, cold drink. Baekhyun is sitting there, his chin resting in the palm of his hand. I swallow and ask him, “What is it?”

“Nothing.” He explains, his lips tilted in a grin. “You’re just very…interesting.”

I clear my throat, not really familiar with this attention. He must think I’m weird. “How so?”

Taking a long sip from his drink, he says, “I like the way you think.”

My cheeks burn and I change the subject to spare me from getting any more embarrassed than I already am. “How old are you?”

With a teasing smirk plastered on his face, Baekhyun leans close. “How old do I look?”

I furrow my eyebrows. Being honest, he doesn’t look much older than me. Telling by how he’s dressed, I know he’s older than me. “Twenty-five?” I deduce.

The male laughs, and rather loudly. “You’re too kind. I’m twenty-seven.” . He’s much older than me. No way would he take me seriously. “And you?”

“Twenty-two.” I murmur. I distract myself by chewing on my straw. I can’t help my eyes from wandering to Baekhyun once I notice that he hasn’t said anything. I was right.

What surprises me is the soft smile that graces his lips. “I don’t see anything wrong with that.” All of a sudden he shakes his hands and tells me hurriedly, “I mean that in the least creepy way possible.”

I giggle. “Don’t worry about it. I thought that you were going to treat me differently when you found out how young I am.”

“I’m having too much of a good time to feel differently.”

Butterflies erupt in my stomach. This guy is too casual with his compliments, it’s starting to make it feel hotter than what it actually is. “Do you have the time, love?” Baekhyun asks.

I retrieve my phone from my pocket and turn it on. 7pm on the dot and I tell him this. Forty-five minutes passed us so quickly without either of us really noticing. Then again, I liked how easy it felt speaking with him. I’d hate to be a total cliché and say it's love at first sight, but it’s definitely the first time I’ve liked a guy I’ve first met.

“You don’t mind that I keep you for a bit longer?”

I shake my head and with a breezy smile, I tell him, “I’ve got no other plans, so I don’t see why not.”

That was one of the best first dates I’d ever been on. I’m not sure we can even classify it as our first date, but it was the beginning of us. We spent up until closing time that night getting to know one another. Thinking back on it now, I think what attracted me to him so suddenly was because of how much of a flirt he was. I wasn’t even thinking of asking him out. I was planning on texting him as soon as I was finished with the novel and then we’d go our separate ways. But Baekhyun made the first move, and from that night on, we texted each other and called each other often.

I found myself smiling like a fool during those late night talks. Speaking about whatever came into our minds. Baekhyun was the type of person that made reality seem like a dream. That was the ultimate charm he possessed.

The Second Greeting

The second official time that we met each other was when my roommate Irene was having a birthday party. A couple girls that she did a project with were coming as well as a few others. I think I might’ve met some of these people in passing on campus once or twice. It was a small gathering so decorating our apartment wasn’t a huge hassle. Drinks were on the counter in cute little cups and food was displayed on the counter.

There was a knock at the door, alarming Irene from the bathroom. “Can you get that?” She was still fixing her earring and her hair was still not finished. She scowled when I chuckled at her appearance and instead of scolding me, she grumbled, “Just go get the damn door.” Followed by a string of curse words under her breath.

The knocks persisted. “Alright, alright, I’m coming.” I swung the door open. A string of boys came in one by one, greeting me as they entered our humble abode. However, the last boy to join us was quite familiar to me.

At first glance, I hadn’t recognized him. But as soon as I really checked him out, I realized it was Baekhyun. “Didn’t your mother tell you that staring is rude, love?” He winks, causing my breath to falter. “It’s a good thing I don’t mind.” He held his hand for me to take, which I hesitantly did. He pulls me further into the house, kicking the door closed with the heel of his foot. “Let’s go.”

Baekhyun looks totally different from the last time I saw him. He wasn’t the tapered young man I had met in the book store, instead he was sporting a ier image. His hair was tousled and perfectly messy. He wore a multi-colored bomber jacket that matched his personality. Not to mention he wore these amazing black ripped skinny jeans that fit his figure perfectly. To top it all off, he wore this choker and even wore a bit of eyeliner. I, on the other hand, threw on anything I found in Irene’s closet.

“You look gorgeous by the way, babe.” Baekhyun mentions into my ear, reaching over me to give us both drinks. My eyes widened. Can this dude read minds too? “Here.” He hands me the red solo cup, not taking his time at all to chug his drink.

Irene likes to think of herself as some sort of mixologist, so I have no idea what she concocted in this batch of liquor she left out for our guests. And I just know she went the extra mile since it’s her birthday party.

When Baekhyun downed the drink, his face scrunched and he even hollered at the rank taste. It was amusing to say the least, I couldn’t help myself from laughing at his lively reaction. The male tilted his chin at me, probably wondering why I haven’t drank mine yet.

“I’m not a fan of drinking, I’m good with a soda.” I laugh nervously, placing the drink down. Baekhyun looks at me with an unreadable gaze and suddenly I find myself feeling badly. He probably thinks I’m so lame. “I-I’m sorry.”

He breathes out of his nose and curls a bit of my hair behind my ear. “Wait right here, okay?”

I don’t get a chance to say anything because next thing I know, Baekhyun is already out the door. He’s gone for about five minutes and I have no idea where he went. When he comes back, he has a sprite in his hand, turning the can towards me. “You said you’d rather have a soda, right?”

“I would have drank water, you didn’t have to do that.” I reach into my pocket for my wallet. “Here let me pay you back.” When I offer him a few bills, he refuses silently and pushes the fizzy drink into my hands. “Thanks.” I murmur softly.

I expected Baekhyun to go with his friends, but he only pursed his lips and knitted his eyebrows together. “What’s wrong?”

“You must think I’m pretty lame, don’t you?”

He furrowed his eyebrows even deeper than he had before. “Because you don’t want to drink?”

When I don’t say anything but look away from him, he knows he’s gotten his answer. Baekhyun chuckles. “Don’t be silly,” He tells me breezily. “You’re old enough to know what you like and dislike. I think you’re pretty cool for not letting into the pressure of what everyone else around you is doing.”

My face burns when he says this. “You should tell that to the other friends I have in uni.” I laugh, trying to lift the tension I had brought over us.

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, grabbing an empty cup and the sprite from me. He pours the drink for me and returns the cup once there’s enough in it. “There’s no reason to listen to them. After all, you’re your own person, princess.” I looked at Baekhyun with a new admiration for him. He was smart as much as he is a wild spirit that likes to have fun. I envied him. I had always wanted to be that type of person, but I was too much of someone who would rather stay back and read than go out and fulfill the most in life. “So what if you like soda instead of vodka, that’s what you like. Don’t let someone make you feel like you’re uncool just because that’s the trend. Not even yourself, understand?”

I my lips and nod. “Hyung!” A guy named Jongin calls from the other side of the room, his arms wrapped around the middle of this girl named Min (I think that’s her name, we only met briefly). Jongin beckons Baekhyun over the group of friends he arrived with. “Come on, you’ve been over there all night!”

Baekhyun’s eyes narrowed into slits, but he didn't say anything to the other boy. He turns to me, an apologetic look written on his face. “It’s okay,” I pushed him playfully. “Go with your friends.” A hint of a smile is on his lips, but what surprises me is what he does next. Before going off, he presses a quick kiss to my forehead. I probably thought too much into it, but the fluttering feeling in my gut just won’t quit.

It’s not long before most people attending the party are swaying from the alcohol and laughing too loudly at things that probably aren’t that funny. About four more people had come over, they were classmates of Irene’s she had grown close to. Irene and I go to the same university, but we’re actually two years apart in age. Despite her being my senior, I see her more as a sister. 

Music was playing and people were dancing. Jongdae and this other girl named Jing were partners, looking quite funny with how they were dancing. It was cute. Baekhyun had everyone laughing with his outrageous moves. While I did what I usually did, I stayed behind and watched everyone have a good time. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be up there with them, but I preferred to be back here and watch others. A wallflower of sorts. 

“You’re not much of a party person, huh?” Baekhyun took a seat next to me in the other bar stool.

I bob my shoulders. “It’s good to get out sometimes. I’m just not the best at interacting.” I mentally slap myself, god I probably sound so boring right now. “I-I’m sorry, I meant that I’m having a good time. I’m just very awkward as you can tell.”

Baekhyun didn’t look displeased or put off by what I said. He actually looked like he was trying to hold in his laughter. “You’re so cute.”

I groan and look him up and down. “You’re much cuter.”

The sudden bravery I gained changed something right then and there. It was like I let Baekhyun into more of my little bubble.

He raises his eyebrow, inching closer to me. “I can prove to you how cute you are, but I’ll save that for later.”

I let out a shaky breath I hadn’t known that I was holding in. I wanted to ask him what he meant by that, but I think I got the gist.

Baekhyun leans further away, resting his elbow against the counter, but not taking his gaze off of me. “How was the book? Have you finished?” He asks, changing the subject.

“Mhmm,” I hum. “I have it in my room.” I clear my throat, squeezing my eyes shut, preparing myself for what I’m about to say. “Y-you can come grab it once the party is over.”

“I’d love to.” He replies. Most guys would have another idea if I had invited them into my room, but Baekhyun didn’t have any ideas like what I was thinking. “I think everyone’s about ready to go home anyway.”

He was right. There were only a few of us left and Irene was passed out drunk on the couch.

“Let me help Irene to bed and then we can go.” Baekhyun nods and I scurry off to help my friend up. She’s a small girl, but carrying her when she’s in this state is like carrying a bag of bricks. She whines at the sudden disturbance of her rest and she rolls her head to lay on my shoulder.

I place her as best I can on her bed. “W-where are you going?” She grumbles sleepily, her eyes still closed.

“To bed. Sleep well, happy birthday, love you lots.” I whisper, placing a tablet of Advil and water on her bedside table.

Irene chuckles breathily and gets comfortable, shuffling even more under her blankets. “Love you too, kid.” Is the last thing she slurs before drifting back to sleep. 

I leave her room quietly, Baekhyun already holding his keys and his coat. “Ready, babe?”

I sigh. “As I’ll ever be.”

We quietly entered my room. I the bedside lamp and cringed at the articles of clothes on my floor and bed. I feel like I should’ve cleaned up a bit more. Who could blame me? I wasn’t expecting a hot boy to be standing in my space. 

“Sorry for the mess.” I open my nightstands drawer to retrieve the book. “Here, it’s really good. You have to tell me how you like it.” Baekhyun inspects the book and nods in approval. After that I led him back to the front door to greet him goodbye. 

There’s a pause as well as something I could only describe as pressure. The two of us were just staring at each other and waiting. But waiting for what exactly?

“Goodnight, Baekhyun.” I whisper.

“Goodnight, love.” He says back. The raspy and low octave in his tone causes me to catch my bottom lip in between my teeth. At the same time I did that, his eyes flickered from my lips to my eyes. Baekhyun doesn’t leave, he only comes closer and closer, creating less and less space between us.

I swallow, ready for what’s about to happen. “Tell me to stop.” Baekhyun begs, but I can hear in his voice that he’d want that to be the last thing I ask him to do.

With only centimeters left between our lips I say, “I don’t want you to.” Baekhyun cups my cheek, holding me tenderly as he kisses me.

 

That had been my first kiss. Baekhyun was the one responsible for a lot of my firsts. I would say that it’s foolish of me to wear one of his shirts right now, but it feels right. As I’m brushing my teeth to get ready for the day, I play with the silver four on my necklace and for the first time since Baekhyun left, a single tear slips. Followed by so many others, to the point where I’m hysterical. I rinse my mouth and sit on the closed toilet and let myself cry.

This is good, I needed this. I needed to let it all out. My throat was burning and I knew that my eyes would be puffy, but I didn’t care.

I fisted the trinket, wanting to keep it close. It would probably cause so much more pain than what I’m already in, but if it meant that I would remember him, then it’s worth it.

The Confession

“And for you, my baby, is a little present from me.” Baekhyun stands behind me, wearing my gift for me. It was the prettiest shining silver ‘4’ with a small heart charm to accompany it. “Do you like it?” He presses a sweet kiss to my cheek.

“I love it Baekhyun, thank you.”

He smiles that pretty smile I had grown to like more through the months we’ve spent together, dare I say love. Baekhyun nestles his nose into my neck, inhaling my perfume and nipping the skin. “I got it since we had met in April, the fourth month.”

I turn around and loop my arms around his neck, he pulls me closer to him by holding my lower back. I stand on the tips of my toes, stealing a kiss from him. Baekhyun had decided to do the most for my birthday. I told him I didn’t want much, we had actually just got back from an expensive dinner— one that he had paid for.

“I…” I stop myself, afraid that if I say those words, he’d run away.

“Say it, baby.” He prompts me, squeezing me a bit. “Please.”

I was falling hard and fast. Yet, he hadn’t even asked me to be his girlfriend officially, but I don’t think that’s very necessary right now. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” His breaths are blowing on my lips. I don’t wait to connect our lips. Baekhyun holds my thighs and I jump, my legs tangling fervently around his waist. In a moment my back makes contact with the bed. He’s hovering over me, the both of us emitting noises I’ve never heard before. I push his lips apart, using this access to slip my tongue into his mouth. My tongue brushes the roof of his mouth, earning a moan from him.

I whine when Baekhyun pulls away. Both of us panting and our pupils dilated. “Will you…” Baekhyun’s chest is heaving and I can feel his breath hitting my neck. “Be my girlfriend?”

I cradle the sides of his face and kiss the apple of his cheek, his nose, then finally plant a kiss to his swollen lips once more. “Of course I will be Baekhyun.” 

Not only did I become his girlfriend that night two years ago, but I had also given myself to him. It was everything that I could imagine and more. He was loving, he was extraordinary, Baekhyun made love to me in the gentlest way.

I hiccupped as I looked in the mirror. My phone buzzed then, it had actually been a text from my ex.

| baek – I’ll be over tomorrow to get my stuff.

I quickly type back a quick, “Okay.” And close the message, not being able to stand the sight of his lack of emotion even through text. I bite on my thumb and scroll through my contacts and land on Irene’s number. I call her and on the third ring, she picks up.

“Hello?”

“Unnie,” It totally sounds like I’ve been crying and she doesn’t believe for a second that I’m trying to cover it up.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She asks in a more concerned tone.

Like a dam that breaks, so do my whimpers. I compose myself enough to tell her. “Baekhyun broke up with me last night,” I take in a huge breath, “C-can you come over please?”

All she does is sigh. “That bastard. I’m coming, don’t do anything crazy.”

It didn’t take long for her to reach my house. She must’ve been worried due to the frantic way she was knocking. I traveled to my front door by dragging my feet. Once I opened the door, I was engulfed in Irene’s tight hug. She led me to my couch and sat me down, squeezing my shoulders once before running off into my kitchen.

Irene came back with two beers in her hand, setting one in front of me, and cracking one open for herself.

“So,” She pauses to take a sip. “When do you want me to kill him?” Being the older one between us, Irene has taken care of me like an older sister or a mother would. She’s very protective over me, and it brings the slightest crack of a smile to my face. But then I remember why she’s even here in the first place and I feel myself tearing up once again.

I shake my head, letting the tears fall onto the palm of my hand. I shrug. “He left me.” Is all I say. There’s really not much for me to say. It was very simple, Baekhyun left me.

“That’s it?!” Irene asks with her eyes wide and twisted in disgust. I nod, her features softening, probably thinking it's best that she shouldn’t scream right now. She was angrier than I was. I guess if I were in her shoes I would feel the same. My friend sighs and rubs her temples. “What did he say exactly? Were you two fighting for a while?”

I ponder the same thing. I don’t know why Baekhyun wanted the sudden break-up. To me, everything was fine, I loved him and I thought he loved me. But I guess I was wrong. “He just said we should break up.” I say, my throat scratchy and feeling like sandpaper. I take a deep breath and rest my forehead on the palms of my hands. “And I just let him go.” I exhale, feeling my throat beginning to close. “We weren’t fighting, everything was alright.”

“Oh my god…” Irene mutters in horror, opening her arms for me. She rubs my back and lets me sob on her shoulder, not caring that I was wetting her blouse. Her cheek is on top of my head as she whispers that everything will be okay, and that he was stupid for letting someone like me go. “Sweetie,” She calls for me gently, pulling away and wiping the tears from my cheeks.

I sniffle. “Yes?”

The look in her eyes is something like pity or maybe it was sympathy. “I know you loved him,” She starts, and hearing her say that makes my heart clench. I did love him, and I still do love him. “And I know that you shared a lot of things with him.” It was true, aside from being my boyfriend, Baekhyun was my best friend. “You didn’t let him go, so don’t blame yourself. It was him. He didn’t have the balls to look back and see what he’s leaving behind.”

“I guess.” My tone was dry and monotonous.

Irene takes me back into her arms like a mother would, “I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

I was wrong. Although I didn’t die last night, two years worth of my life did. And it walked right out of my door.

I rarely ever run but I need it right now. I need to clear my head. Staying in this place full of pictures and memories is driving me insane and I needed to get away from it. My phone vibrates but I decide to ignore it and begin my run.

The weather outside matches my mood. It was dark and cloudy and there was even a slight mist of rain. It felt refreshing though and even while my sweat made my clothes stick to my body, I didn’t mind. As my feet pound onto the ground, I let all my frustrations out. My boyfriend left me without an explanation, like a ghost that suddenly vanished. I think I’ve reached the stage of grief where I’m starting to feel mad.

Was I not good enough for him? Did I not make him happy? What did I do wrong?

I can’t run anymore, my lungs begin to feel like they're burning and this route I’m on isn’t so familiar. I pant hard, the chilled air swirls with the heat of my body. As I stand here, I feel the emotions I kept in, the fear, the hurt, and the anger. I let it out with one loud scream, crouching down and my knees, wailing hysterically.

Did I care that I was getting a few stares from other runners? No. In fact, I just want to get back to my apartment and sleep. I didn’t bother to run back home, instead I walked and took my time.

When I walked into my apartment though, it was the last thing I was expecting.

“I-I thought you were coming tomorrow?”

Fear was evident in my tone. It felt like my heart was going to burst from thumping so hard. Staring at the back of my boyfri— ex-boyfriend, I swallow hard and blink away the arising headache.

He was holding something, but set it down, and turned to look at me. To think that only a day apart, we feel like total strangers. It takes years building relationships, but it takes only seconds to break one.

I take a good look at him. He’s fine. Baekhyun doesn’t have bags under his eyes, he doesn’t look like he’s been crying, he looks completely normal. In fact, he looks irritated that he got caught in the same space as I was. I had no idea he was coming, he shouldn’t be so mad.

“I texted you.” He says, pointing to my bag. For a moment, I take advantage of hearing him speak, of hearing his voice. It still sounds so honey-like, but now it’s cold and without emotion. It’s bittersweet, but at least it’s him. Baekhyun clears his throat, rolling his eyes. “Did you hear me?”

I must’ve been staring off into space. I shake my head. “Sorry. W-what did you say?”

This time he sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “You know what?” Baekhyun says dejectedly, throwing his hands to his sides. “I’ll come back tomorrow.” He picks up the box filled with a few shirts and pictures, brushing past me. I can’t let him get away again. My fingers wrap around his arm, stopping him from moving. I was surprised that he didn’t throw me off.

“D-don’t go.” I plead, our backs facing one another. Silence. “Please, don’t go.” I bite the inside of my cheek, fighting back the stinging sensation from behind my eyes.

I’m not sure what exactly I was expecting, but I’d never thought I’d hear Baekhyun say something as heartless as when he tells me, “Let me go.” It held a double meaning. To let him go physically and to finally let go of him as a lover. Both that I couldn’t bear to do, but for his sake, I did it anyway.

Slowly I uncurled my fingers and without another second, Baekhyun was gone.

 

Time heals all wounds. A year and a half after my infamous break-up with Baekhyun, I forced myself to move on. I didn’t want to believe it, but Baekhyun doesn’t care for me anymore, so I shouldn’t bother wasting my time on him any longer. I don’t hate him as much as Irene does, but I can’t say I don’t still love him in some way either.

I was young when I met Baekhyun, so the first heartbreak was always the hardest. Now that I’m older and more mature, I’ve met better men. Like my current boyfriend. Many women have eyes for him, and I understand why. He’s handsome, he’s tall, and he’s strong. He’s the ideal man.

“Sehun,” I called my boyfriend, swirling my coffee with the mixer. The male sitting opposite of me, distracted by his phone, answers in a grunt. I throw away the stirrer and sigh. “You said that we can go to dinner tonight.” My boyfriend is the ideal man in appearance, personality wise, he’s a bit lazy. Though he treats me well, even through his faults, I like him.

He shrugs. “Yeah, you’ve got to pay this time.”

I groan. “I paid the last time…and the other times before.” I roll my eyes.

Sehun scoffs, turning off his device and sitting up straight. “I’ll pay next time, do you want to go or not?” He asks, quite challenging too.

I’m not in the mood for a fight, so I sip my coffee and tell him, “It’s fine, we can do something else tomorrow or maybe this weekend. I’m busy with work and Irene wants to hang out.” I offer my best smile, but this makes him roll his eyes.

Saving me from this tense atmosphere between us, Sehun’s phone rings, and the male picks it up quickly.

“Yes, hyung?”

I don’t want him to think that I’m eavesdropping on his conversation, so I busy myself with scrolling through social media. Nothing really catches my attention, that is until I see a picture from an old high school friend of mine, posing under the arm of my ex. So he’s moved on too?

There’s no reason for me to feel hurt, but it makes me laugh. This girl has always had a crush on Baekhyun ever since I first introduced her to him.

 

The Insecurity

“Come on, Suzy, you know how much I hate that.” I exaggerate for the nth time that Suzy wants to take me clubbing. It wasn’t for me, I didn’t like it one bit.

The girl whines, tugging on my arm. “Don’t be like that!” She swats my arm playfully. “You’re being such a buzzkill! We’re twenty-two years old, we’re supposed to have fun!”

Ignoring her, I hike my bag higher on my shoulder, even walking a bit faster.

“We can double date! There’s this guy Minho I can bring, and you bring your boyfriend!” I was probably overthinking it, but it sounded like she was more excited for the fact that I would bring Baekhyun along.

It’s understandable. He is well known and liked among people, but I think that Suzy might have a bit of a crush on him.

I scrunch my nose, then finally sigh, I give in and bring out my phone to invite Baekhyun. “Fine.” I grumble. It took him less than two minutes to reply and to my disappointment, he agreed. Suzy waits anxiously, even more so when she sees my glum expression. “He said he’d love to come.”

“Yes!” She jumps up and down, earning a weird look from me. She jumps on my back, squeezing me tightly. “This is gonna be so much fun! Go home and change into something hot! I’ll see you later, I’m going to get ready!”

I suppose that it’s too late to back out and say that I feel ill, but Suzy would have none of that. I did as she said and went home, Baekhyun had come over as well, telling me which outfits look best.

It’s on the third outfit that Baekhyun smirks, turning my cheeks into a flaming red, and takes my hips, pinning them against his. “This looks perfect,” He pressed a hot kiss to the sweet spot under my ear. It makes my knees buckle, and I lean onto him for support. Baekhyun blows cool air onto the spot, holding me steady. “My girl is the prettiest girl on earth.” He states proudly.

Now bothered in other ways in one, I pout. My boyfriend raises an eyebrow. “What’s bothering you?” I’m overthinking things. Suzy probably likes Minho and is just excited for me. After all, she’s always been the one to push me to date. I just don’t like how comfortable she is around him.

I shake my head. “Don’t worry about it.” I dismissed it.

He pats my bum, glaring at me for an answer. I try to stare back with the same intensity as him, but I cower and confess. “I think Suzy likes you.” I whisper, playing with one of the buttons on his shirt.

The guy actually bursts out laughing, a hardy belly laugh that makes my heart flutter. “Doll, you can’t be serious?”

When he sees me pout and notices no signs of joking on my face, his laughter slowly fades and he nudges me, “Baby, there’s just no way she can.”

“People can’t help how they feel Baekhyun.” I groan. “She’s prettier, and who knows what’ll happen if she flirts with you. You’re my man, she should back off.”

“Oh baby,” He takes me under his chin, caressing my lower back and chuckling. “I only love you, and yes, I’m your man. Besides, Minho hyung and you, and probably Irene would kill me if I ever thought to make a move on her.”

He’s right. Irene would probably rip him limb from limb. He also knows how much Minho likes Suzy. Baekhyun and I both agree that they’d make a pretty cute couple. “You’re such a handsome guy, I can’t help but feel afraid.” I admit, burying my face into his hard chest.

The beat of his heart comforts me and I feel calm listening to it. “I thought I made it very clear that my girl is the prettiest in the world, did I not?”

“What if I’m not your girl anymore?” I my head to the side, waiting for his answer.

With a lopsided boyish grin, he answers, “You’ll always be my girl. I’d stay single forever even if for some reason we aren’t together.” He kisses my forehead, “But, that’ll never happen, you’re too perfect.” Baekhyun nibbles at my jawline. I rub his chest, mostly for him to stop, but also enjoying the feeling he gives me. So really, I don’t want him to stop.

“Baekhyun,” I breathe. “We’ll never leave if you don’t stop.” Baekhyun meets my eyes with a lustful gaze, which makes my heart rev in my chest. I gulp, knowing what this look means. He doesn’t say anything but kisses me, hugging me flush against his body. These weren’t the normal kisses, these were hot and heavy, passionate and wanting. The moment my boyfriend threw me on the bed and climbed over me, I was done for.

Neither Baekhyun nor I went to the club that night or saw Suzy, but instead stayed with each other, not getting any sleep until the early morning hours.

 

“What are you smiling about?” Sehun asks, taking a sip from his straw. “I ended my phone call and you were kinda spaced out.”

I must’ve gotten too caught up in old memories. One thing for sure, Baekhyun was a liar, and Suzy had gotten what she wanted. I bob my shoulders, “Just remembering something.” I explained. My phone buzzed twice, it was a text from Irene asking me to help with settling into her new house. “Sehun, I’ve got to go.” I say as I pocket the device.

“I’ll meet you at the apartment. You’ll be alright leaving?” He’s looking back on his phone again, not really caring much.

“Yeah.” I assure him. I stand from my seat and kiss him quickly on his pouty lips, greeting him goodbye.

Sehun and I don’t live together, but I’m mostly at his house. Irene and I have to troubleshoot a few issues before I can go to Sehun’s apartment and sleep the rest of this weekend away. As I was driving, my Bluetooth had let me know my mother was calling.

“Hey, mom.” I greet when I press the button on my steering wheel.

Her voice comes softly when she asks, “Are you driving?”

I hum. “I am,” I pause for a moment, concentrating on switching lanes. “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been okay, I sure would like to see my daughter every once in a while.” She scolds. Even though I can’t see her, I can almost feel her stare. “But,” She sighs, chuckling a bit. “It’s good to hear from you. How have you been?”

I breathe deeply. “I’m okay.”

“Are you sure?”

I rub my temples when I come to a stop light. “Yeah, I’m fine.” For the most part, I’m okay. Irene and I began working together on designing web pages together and it’s been going well, I love my job. I’m in a stable relationship. What’s there that isn’t fine? “Just a little stressed, something came up at work.”

There is silence on the other line. “That’s it?”

My mother was always stubborn when it came to issues I may have. In a way, it reminded me of someone I used to know.

I chuckle. “I swear I’m fine, mom.”

She mutters, “Just be strong, everything happens for a reason.”

I’ve pulled up to Irene’s driveway and for a moment, I just sit there, letting my mother’s words replay. I worked hard to move along, to forget Baekhyun, but I can’t forget my first love. Especially when he left me without a reason. If everything happens for a reason, why couldn’t I get one?

“Mom, I’m gonna go, I’ll visit you soon. Okay?”

“Alright, I love you sweetie.”

We bid our final farewells before hanging up. I slung my purse over my shoulder and walked straight to Irene’s door, knocking a bit loudly due to how noisy it is inside. A girl I recognize as Wendy opens the door with a friendly smile. I return one back, or at least I try to.

“Hi. Is Irene home?” Wendy’s face flashes in surprise and she puts her palm to her forehead.

“Irene unnie didn’t tell you?” She wonders. I raise my eyebrow, waiting for her to go on. Whatever Irene was trying to tell me, I was surely not informed. “She said to hold off on whatever it was you two were supposed to do.”

I nod, trying to hide the irritated expression on my face. I think Wendy could tell how annoyed I am due to the way I clenched my fist. I love Irene like a sister, but that girl is so unorganized. “Tell her to call me when she’s ready.”

Wendy smiles uneasily, but agrees with my request. “I’ll make sure to. Drive safely!”

I text Sehun to tell him that I’ll be at the apartment waiting for him, and much to my luck, traffic isn’t bad at all. I type in the passcode and walk in, taking off my shoes and hanging my purse on the coat rack. I pad my way into the kitchen, only to be surprised when I see dishes in the sink.

That’s odd, this morning the sink was totally clear, and Sehun has been with me all day. I shouldn’t work myself up, it’s probably nothing, I must’ve left those in there by accident. There isn’t anything for me to really do, so I decide to start cleaning up the mess Sehun or I must’ve left behind before we left for work earlier today. There’s a blanket on the couch, one that I know for sure Sehun doesn’t use, and the smell coming off of it doesn’t smell anything like a woman’s perfume.

“Wait a moment,” I bite on my thumbnail, Sehun has a roommate that recently moved in! I was close to going crazy. I fold the blanket, but I can’t shake the familiar scent, it doesn’t smell like Sehun, it smells like….Never mind. After I finish tidying the place up, I go into Sehun’s room, getting comfortable in his bed and wrapping myself up in his comforters.

Even when I got into my new relationship with Sehun, I found myself being alone. With Baekhyun, I was always in his company, even if it was just a simple nap. Baekhyun was there. Sehun isn’t one to express his feelings well or be overly touchy. I liked clinginess and I liked knowing how someone feels about me. I can’t say Baekhyun really expressed his true feelings, he’s good at hiding things, right up until the very end.

I grumble to myself, turning over and letting my hair become a mess along the pillows. Why am I thinking of him right now? I’m at my boyfriend’s house, I should be thinking of him instead of my ex…my ex who I’m still not over. I guess they were right when they said that you’ll never get over your first love. If only I was ready for the true pain that would bring. I envy those people who marry and have babies with their first loves, it seems like such a fantasy to me. I’d be a liar if I didn’t think of having a long term future with Baekhyun. I pictured so many things we could’ve done together, many things that I can’t imagine doing with Sehun.

“Sehun-ah?” That voice. No, it can’t be. I want to get up and see who’s there, but my body just can’t come to move. “Sehun?” The voice calls again. I hear footsteps come closer to the bedroom, my heart thundering in my chest and my eyes shut tight. “He must not be here.” Sehun’s roommate left, not coming into the room. I don’t know why I was so nervous, it’s not like it’s a crime for Sehun to have a girl in his room, but it’s who I think was behind that voice that made me so anxious.

Baekhyun isn’t here, there’s no way that was him.

“Babe?” A hoarse voice calls for me. I feel light kisses being pressed to my cheeks and beginning to trail down my neck. I struggle to open my eyes and glance over the check the time. It’s 2AM now, I must have dozed off. Sehun straddles me, hovering over me and bending over to kiss me more. I’m really not in the mood, and he knows that when I push him away gently. He sighs irritably, throwing himself to the side and wiping his face. I sit up and rub my eyes.

“I’m gonna get some water.” I slur, standing to my feet and padding my way to the kitchen. I flinch when I see the lights already on, and seeing a person standing at the opposite counter. By now I’m fully awake, even though I couldn’t see their face, I knew exactly who it was. “B-Baekhyun?”

Upon hearing his name being called, he turns around and for a moment he looks stunned. But just like the day he left, his expression goes blank. The same rush of anxiety comes back and I forget why I came here. Should I go back up? Do I say something? What should I do?

No, I share the same space as he does. I shouldn’t run away. I’m over him, at least, that’s what I’m trying to believe I’m doing.

Like two strangers meeting for the first time, it’s awkward. I retrieve the pitcher of water from the fridge and pour it, the water spilling into the cup being the only noise between us. I can smell the ramen he’s making. I chuckle to myself. That was always one of his favorite midnight snacks.

He clears his throat. “You’re with Sehun now?” He wonders, turning the stove off and grabbing a pair of chopsticks from the drawer.

I can feel his eyes on me. “Yeah,” I sip my water slowly, leaning against the counter. “You’re with Suzy?”

He scoffs. “No way.”

I frown, I saw that Instagram picture, what’s the use in lying? “But that Instagram picture?”

Baekhyun stares at me for a while longer before laughing like I had said the most ridiculous thing. “That? I was at her wedding to Minho.”

“Oh.” I feel like an idiot. I totally misunderstood the situation.

He rolls his eyes, “I already told you I don’t like Suzy.”

I didn’t know that he would literally keep from dating after we broke up. He could’ve had any girl that he wanted, he could’ve found someone so much better than me. Someone who was prettier than me. Someone so much more charismatic that would have matched his personality perfectly. Why was he alone all this time and happy? Why did I have to struggle and still come face to face with the man who broke my heart and acted like he didn’t tear me to pieces?

And still, I didn’t get any answers for why he left, but now’s my chance.

I didn't say anything at first. It’s like my lips were sealed. I couldn’t find the courage to ask him the one question I’ve been dying to know. I take in a sharp breath, clenching onto the counter tightly to brace myself. It’s now or never. 

“W-why did you…” I feel my throat closing. I never liked confrontation and he knew that. “Why did you…leave?” I sounded so pitiful and weak. I hated that, I hated being so vulnerable in front of him like this. I’ve moved on, I should be strong and angry. Why can’t I be angry at him? “Y-you never gave me any reason…”

Baekhyun doesn’t answer for a moment. He looks like he’s pondering on whether he should really tell me or not. As I stare at him, I can’t fathom how much he’s changed. He smirks and steps closer. He his eyebrow, “You really want to know?” I don’t say anything, but the look in my eye tells him that I’m desperate and I can’t wait any longer.

He leans close to my ear, “You were dragging me down.”

He’s gotten so good at making me cry, which is ironic, he always said he hated seeing me cry. I feel my hand shaking and I ball them into fists. I clench my teeth up until the point where they feel like they’re going to crack. And suddenly, I let it all go. I blink slowly, accepting the fresh wounds he’s given me with grace.

For the first time since I’ve known Baekhyun, I put him at a loss of words.

“I hate you.”

 

I went to Irene as soon as I had woken up. I rushed out of the apartment, kissing my boyfriend and promising that I would be calling him later. I told Irene that I needed to meet her asap, and she didn’t hesitate to tell me to come to her place.

I knocked, a bit too eagerly, but as soon as Irene opened the door I was pulled in and sat on the couch.

“What is it that you woke me up at 9AM on a Saturday for?” She asked, her eyes blazing with anger. Irene isn’t much of a morning person and if I don’t explain myself quickly she’s going to kill me.

“I went to Sehun’s house last night, and I woke up in the middle of the night. When I went to the kitchen, his new roommate was there-.”

“Yah!” She yelps, her lips twitching in anger, “That’s what you wanted to tell me?”

“I-it was Baekhyun, Baekhyun is his roommate.” I admit quietly. Her features softened then. She didn’t say anything, so I kept going. “I don’t know what came over me. One moment we were silent and the next, I asked him why he broke up with me and he…”

“He what?” Irene takes a seat next to me, grabbing tightly on my knee, not even able to sit down correctly from the suspense. “Come on!” She whines, shaking me.

I sigh. “He told me that I was holding him down. And I was angry for a moment, then I was calm the next. I told him that I hated him and left.” I bury my face in my hands, thinking about it now, it’s quite embarrassing. It was a total lie, I don’t hate him, and it was me acting on my feelings in the heat of the moment. Baekhyun did look quite shocked when I said that though. I don’t know what that means, but he looked hurt.

Irene shakes her head. “You deserve so much more than him.” She bites her lip and her knee is bouncing. She’s mad, very mad. “I didn’t think it was possible for me to want to kill him even more than I already wanted to before.”

“I’ll be alright.” I assured her, hoping it would calm her down.

She turns to me with an unsure look on her face. “You sure? I know where to hide the body.”

I laughed for the first time in a long time. “I admire your loyalty, but this is a fight I’ll have to take on by myself.”

Irene sighs and pulls me into a hug, resting her chin on my shoulder. “You’re so strong. Even after all he’s done to you and you’ve come out strong.”

“I have you to thank. Without you I don’t know how I would’ve pulled through.”

She waves her hand. Irene isn’t one to really take compliments well, she hates it when she’s praised. But I really do mean it, she was my best friend who helped me through this break up. It is a Saturday and I know that Irene will want to go back to bed, so I hug her one final time and tell her I’m going to be going now. She sees me out and I drive back to Sehun’s apartment.

I unlocked the door and came in to find that there was food on the counter with a sticky note attached to it.

You weren’t here, so I left this in case you didn’t eat while you were out.

I know that isn’t Sehun’s hand writing, and I’m not sure why Baekhyun would bother cooking for me, not after last night anyway. I disregard the food. I’m not that hungry.

My boyfriend must have left a little while after I did because when I went to snuggle up in our bed he wasn't there. I can’t bring myself to go back to sleep, so I pass the time by playing games on my phone and searching aimlessly on social media. I don’t have anything to do today and I don’t know where Sehun went off to.

Mother Nature was calling and it seems like Baekhyun and I still have the habit of wanting the same things at the same time. It was an awkward interaction. I just wanted to use the bathroom. When I reached for the door, he did too. His hand skimmed mine but pulled back almost as soon as we made contact.

“Sorry.” I mumble, moving out of the way so he could go first. 

He waves his arm towards the inside of the bathroom, “You can go.” He avoids my eyes, scratching the back of his neck and sighing often. I hate this. Why did we have to meet again? He’s become so different. Am I really the cause of such a drastic change in him?

I shake my head. “I’ll just go another time.” I turn on my heel and leave. When I’m around him, my heart still beats quickly as it did when we were together before. This time it’s painful, every breath I used to take felt easy, I felt calm. Nothing’s changed in me, I still feel as empty as he had left me the first time. I know everything about him, yet I feel so distant, almost like I’m facing him from a glass window.

These little meetings with Baekhyun are inevitable, I partially live with his roommate. If I’m not seeing him, I’m reminded of him in my own apartment.

“Um…” Baekhyun knocks on the door awkwardly. It’s another day where Sehun is off working and I’m alone. Well, not completely. I raise an eyebrow, waiting for Baekhyun to speak. He clears his throat, “Do you want some food? I have leftovers from the other night in the fridge?”

I stare at him, and stare, and stare some more until I fix my mouth to ask, “Why are you doing this Baekhyun?”

He frowns. “Doing what?”

I close my laptop, shifting on the bed where my legs are crossed. “This,” I point between us. “Being nice, why are you doing this?”

Baekhyun rolls his eyes and digs his hands in his pockets, “What? I’m not supposed to be decent to you?” He asks, his tone condescending.

“Oh I’m sorry.” I laugh, too sweetly. “I didn’t know you were so considerate. Let me know where that Baekhyun was when he left me.” That’s what did it. Baekhyun was getting angry, he bit his lip and I could see his cheeks beginning to turn red. I couldn’t control myself, I felt like I had to get this all out. So I did. “Where was that Baekhyun when I was alone and mending a broken heart, huh? Where was he? He wasn’t there! You weren’t there!” I hardly raise my voice and Baekhyun is shocked. “Oh that’s right!” I angrily wipe tears from my cheeks. “He said I was holding him down!” I laugh hollowly, the ache in my chest constricting my breathing. “He never loved me to begin with.”

“Don’t you dare say that.” Baekhyun snapped. His eyes were cold and glazed with vexation. So this is what it looks like to see Baekhyun at the end of his patience. “I…I did everything to remember how I was before I met you. I was different, I spent all my time with you.” Hearing this makes my lip quiver. Baekhyun sounds so desperate, like he’s pleading for something. If it’s my forgiveness, he can forget it. “Being with you made me forget myself. But I loved you, so much to the point where you turned me into something I wasn’t.”

My lips twitched, but I didn’t know what else to say. I wanted to yell more, but now I was more exhausted than anything.

“You’re with another man anyway. Shouldn’t you have forgotten about me already?” Baekhyun breathes.

I get off my bed and walk towards Baekhyun slowly. I don’t know what possessed me to do it, but my hand slaps him clean across his cheek. His head is turned from the impact and he hasn’t turned to face me yet. 

Now I know what to say.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t throw you away, you were always better than me, you should know better than anyone else on how to do that.” I shove past him, making him lose his footing and stumble a bit.

“Even when he doesn’t treat you right?”

“What?”

He chuckles mockingly. “You’d rather be in a relationship where you’re unhappy than alone?”

I want to turn around and tell him off even more. What’s the point of it though?

“Sehun doesn’t treat me right, but he’s never lied to me like you did.” I take in a shaky breath. Baekhyun surely knows how to make me reach my breaking point. “What happens between my boyfriend and I is between us. You already made your choice.” 

“Do you want to go out tonight?”

I sigh. “I’m tired Sehun. Can we watch a movie or something?”

Ever since that argument with Baekhyun I’ve been drained. I haven’t been talking much to anyone lately and I know that I’m going to tell Irene soon enough. I won’t be able to let Sehun know, that would only cause more problems.

Sehun clenches his jaw, running his hands through his hair and storms off the couch. I chase after him, stopping him before he opens the door to leave.

“Hold on, Sehun, let’s talk about-.” He shoves me off of him, a bit too forcefully. His expressions soften, but his frustration returns.

“I’m going out.” He puts it plainly.

I stomp my foot, grabbing his attention. Even though Sehun is a lot taller than me, I didn’t feel intimidated. “Let’s talk about this, why are you running away?”

“Are you serious?” Sehun narrows his eyes. “You’re a ing bore! You never want to do anything! You don’t want to go clubbing, you don’t want to go out to eat! We haven’t had in weeks!”

“And I assume you’re going to do all of that once you step out that door?” I challenged, stepping closer to him. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but all of a sudden I’m keeping my ground.

As if to add fuel to the fire, Sehun smiles sarcastically. “Yup.”

I scoff. “You son of a .”

“Yah!” He roars angrily, a stinging pain coming across my face. “In my house, you speak to me with respect! Do you understand me, huh?” I’m too much in shock to answer and the side of my face feels like it's burning. The door slams and I flinch. I stand for a little longer, cradling my face. I slide down the wall, weeping quietly to myself. 

I must’ve sat there for thirty minutes wallowing like that before someone unlocked the door. I’m scared it would be Sehun, but instead it was Baekhyun.

“What the hell…” He crouches in front of me, moving my hair from my face gently. I try to swat his hands away, but he holds my wrists, inspecting my face to see a bright red mark that would bruise for the next few days. “.” Baekhyun curses, the sudden force in his tone surprising me. He notices my reaction and lifts my arm over his shoulder. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

Baekhyun lifts me, balancing me by resting his hand against my stomach. “I’m going to kill that bastard I swear.” He sits me on the bar stool and runs off to the room Sehun and I shared. He comes back with my phone and shoes in hand. Baekhyun wears my shoes for me and holds my phone, taking me out of the apartment and downstairs to the parking garage.

“I can buckle my seatbelt Baekhyun.” I mutter, taking the strap away from him and clicking it in place. Baekhyun looks worried, his eyes are darting from my eyes to the mark on my cheek. “I’m really tired.”

“Right.” He says hastily, starting the car and driving off. The good thing is I don’t have to give him any directions, since he already knows the way. Once we’re at my complex, he helps me out of the car, but I insist that I can walk on my own.

It’s been a while since I’ve been to my own place, and it’s hard to think right now. Baekhyun moves me to the side and punches the code in. He remembers.

“I-I’ll call Irene and leave-.”

“Please don’t.” I hold onto his shoulder. The first time I asked him to do this, he told me to get off of him. Now, he’s letting me hug onto him and cry on his shoulder. “Don’t go again. Baekhyun I don’t think I can take it if you walk away from me again.”

It’s unfamiliar, him wrapping his arms tightly around my middle like this. He tries to hush me and calm me down, but even as we’re curled up together as I try to fall asleep, I just can’t come to stop crying. He presses his lips against my forehead and I rub my thumb on the apple of his cheek. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I know,” Baekhyun tucks the crown of my head under his chin. He uses his free hand to draw random shapes on my back. It calms me, every time I blink I feel it becoming harder to stay awake. “I’m here now, just sleep.” It’s almost too good to be true. I want to ask if this is real, but that would ruin it. Even if I’m imagining this, at least he’s here with me again.

 

I woke up alone. I panicked at first until I heard voices coming from the kitchen.

“You don’t deserve her.” I knew it was Irene. That coldness in her voice was reserved for Baekhyun.

He sighs. “I know that, Irene.”

“So leave.”

“She asked for me to stay.”

Silence.

“You’re a bastard, do you even realize how much damage you’ve caused her?” She scoffs. “She was broken because of you Baekhyun.”

“I know, Irene.”

“Did you love her?”

By now, I’ve stepped out of the room and into the hallway where they can’t see me. I know it’s not right to eavesdrop, but at least I’d know the truth.

“I loved her,” He raised his voice. Baekhyun coughs and speaks quieter now. “I still do.”

“Right.” Irene says, totally unconvinced at Baekhyun’s confession. Meanwhile I was staring with wide eyes at his back. He still loves me? “Is that why you broke up with her for no reason?”

“I made a sacrifice, I was changing. I don’t like change…I didn’t know what to do. It was stupid, but I was too scared to ask for her back.”

“Sounds like you were saving your own .” Irene sneers. Before this turns into anything too ugly, I step out quietly, gathering both of their attention.

“Baekhyun,” I curl a hair behind my ear. “Can I talk to you?” I nodded once to Irene, letting her know that I was okay.

She takes this as her cue to leave, but not before scowling at Baekhyun one more time before leaving. He follows me back to the room and we sit across from each other on the bed. This bed where there was so much history.

“I am so sorry for hitting you the other day. That was…inappropriate.” I apologize meekly. Looking at him now, I see that his hair is in all different directions, his eyes have slight bags under them. He looks worried and nervous, this is a new side of Baekhyun I’ve never seen before.

He shakes his head, a soft smile on his lips. “I deserved it. I’m sure you’ve been wanting to do that for a long time.”

There was a pause. Even though I was hurting, I didn’t want him to feel hurt as well. Most women would go to extreme lengths for revenge. I guess I’m still different from the rest of the crowd.

“I’m sorry for bringing you down.”

Another pause. We drink in each other’s appearance, reminding ourselves of one another.

“I was a coward. None of this was your fault. I…I can’t even begin to apologize to you for how much I’ve put you through.” He hangs his head, “I should’ve come back.”

I run my fingers through his hair. I remember how this always used to calm him down, and I can tell that it still works. He leans more into my touch and it makes my heart flutter.

“You did come back Baekhyun.” I say gently.

He lifts his head and once again, our eyes meet. He smiles a little, but he looks so tired.

“Can I ask you something?”

I nod my head. “Anything, Baekhyun.”

I should’ve learned by now that Baekhyun was always full of surprises. He did things his way, never going by any rules or anyone’s expectations. I’m not used to it, I’ll never be used to it. I think this time, he really shocked me most when he asks,

“Can we try again?”

---

A/N: wow...i mean...wow..to start off, ive never written anywhere near 12k ever and yet....here we are lol... this one shot was something that i really worked hard on for a really long time. i put so much planning, time, and effort into this and im so proud of it. its unlike anything ive written before and im happier about that victory than the actual contest and prizes. this is such a huge jump for me, so forgive me if its a bit rough and a bit cringey haha.

while i was writing this i felt so badly for my OC, but i once heard of how people end up breaking up with someone because of personal issues, and so i wanted to write something based on the other perspective of that. i bet it must feel so hard, so so hard and frustrating. so i hope i did a good job of expressing the OC's loneliness and desperation. and sorry for making sehun the bad guy here lol, we all know he's an innocent baby who would never do such a thing. irene was the best friend in this story lol idk why i chose her but since she's the leader of RV and im using a RV inspired song, i feel she'd be the perfect fit.

i have to give a super huge thank you to queens. she's been giving me so much support and been so helpful throughout this whole process and let me tell you, its been a struggle. she helped me through my doubts and even helped me to create new paths in this story so i really give a huge thank you to queens, you're such a sweetheart and i can't wait to read your story. thank you so much again <3 love you lots and lots~

cara i hope you enjoy this too! as well as the rest of you guys. i hope this is something you guys can come back to again and again and feedback is always welcome!!

anyway! thank you guys for reading and good luck to the other contestants <3 see you in my other stories and keep an eye out for new chapters~~  

UPDATED A/N: It's been a really long time. I've grown up a lot since writing this and I decided to rewrite some parts where the story sort of strayed and didnt make sense. I don't know that I'll ever write again but I do have other things I want to do. Writing was an escape for me when I was in a really dark and horrible situation. It was an outlet and to have so many people love my work made me elated even in those horrible moments. I love Baekhyun always and forever and I love you guys just the same. Thank you for all the love and for checking on me from time to time. Take care and stay healthy.