AN: hello, so yeah this is in Jinki's pov this gives you a look into what Jinki was thinking while he was silent, I may write a few more chapters of this, you may need tissues while reading this. So please enjoy and I'd look forward to hearing what you think of this.

Jinki's POV

"Hyung, what are we doing here?" I heard you ask from behind me as we walked up to the roof top that held so many dear and precious memories. I didn't answer as I walked out onto the roof and out to stand by the railings.

I briefly glanced around taking in the surroundings and the memories that they held of us; each and every one of them held so close to my heart. Though my favourites were where we'd just spend lazy afternoons just talking sometimes you would ask me to sing whatever song that was your favourite for that week. your head either leaning on my shoulder or laying in my lap, my hand would always find it's spot weaved through your hair lightly carding through it to relax you further.

I knew there had been tension rising between us for the last past months, there was so much tension that we hadn't been speaking to one another and not being in the other's presence for too long.

And I knew that was all my fault.

All because I'm too much of a coward, to face my feelings about you.

"Hyung, please answer me?" your question floated towards me, I could hear the slight fear and panic in your voice.

That tone made my heart flutter with guilt.

I've never should've made you have that tone of voice.

The silence that came between us wasn't awkward it wasn't even suffocating or comfortable it was just that; silent. And it made me terribly guilty for even creating this atmosphere between us.

I've always kept my emotions in check hiding behind a mask of icy indiffrence the only person to ever see past that charade was you, Taemin. I knew you could have your own mask of indiffrence on but yours wasn't as practiced, wasn't as perfect as mine.

But whenever we did need to bare our souls and just vent we'd always confide in the other, knowing that the other wouldn't judge or mock. But when I'd come to realize just what you meant to me, just how much I need you. I created this tension between us because I couldn't bare the thought of ever losing our friendship that I treasured so much.

Because not only am I a coward. I'm also if you would a pesimist, there is no way in this godforsaken earth that someone like you would love or even have any other feelings that aren't friendly towards someone like me. There is no way.

I could hear your shaky breath from beside me, when did you come up beside me?

I knew you were staring at me, how could I not know. And I knew you know that I know you're looking at me. But I can't look at you because I know that if I look at you I'm going to do something stupid. I'm going to say something to ridicule myself and you're gonna hate me and look at me in disgust.

'But what if? What if he actually feels the same way as you do, are you really going to not risk a chance and tell him?' my mind seemed to whisper to me over and over again. Those thoughts keep me awake some nights, sometimes they almost convince me to go tell you how to feel.

But I've never been brave enough to take that risk, if I was born as Onew and not as Lee Jinki I may have the confidence and just damn it all and just kiss you.

But I'm not Onew, I'm Jinki.
Onew is confident whilst Jinki is insecure.
Onew is cheerful whilst Jinki is gloomy.
Onew is optimistic whilst Jinki is cynical.

I could go on really, comparing the truth to the lies I've fed and have been fed since debut, how could anyone love that? How could you love that. I don't even know why I brought you up here, I thought that once we're here that it could all come easy and I could just tell you my feelings.

But now that we're here it's just making it harder, because if I confess to you here of all places and you reject me. Then all the happy memories will just be tainted black and they'll be spoiled. 'But if you confess and he feels the same way as you do, then you'll be adding even more happy memories to this place' my mind told me.

I took a deep breath, I could do this, I could be brave for once and just take that chance.

And even if you didn't feel the same way as I did you would still be my friend right?
I looked out to the sky really taking in the beauty of this day for the first time. My eyes closed and a miniscule smile on my face. I'm going to be brave for once and tell you.

But just as I was about to open my mouth you spoke cutting me off "this is the end isn't it?" What? What end? What do you mean? I turned around and I looked at you. The first thing I saw were your gorgeous eyes filled with unshed tears.

I saw you lower your head and stare at the ground. No lift your head up, please don't lower it. Your shoulders started shaking and I knew you were crying now.

God I'd made you cry, just what are you thinking? Please don't think that I'm ending our friendship.

I'd never do that.

I'm trying my hardest to tell you how I feel.

You know I'm not good with expressing myself.
'You should be telling him that, not keeping it in you know' the voice told me.

I opened my mouth, but no words could come out.
Please don't do this now mouth.
Not when you need me the most.

I tried again but it was like my throat just closed up on me and no sounds could escape, "you're such a ing " you spewed out finally looking at me, and the look in your eyes was something I'd never wanted to see again.

Maybe I am an .

"How dare you do this to me in such a sacred place like this, I can take just about anything Jinki but I can't take you breaking off our friendship in the place where we first met, it's such a move!" You yelled at me. What? Is that what you think I'm doing? No, Never I'd never break our friendship off, especially here.

No, I'm trying to tell you that I love you!

"I never thought you could be so cruel I thought you were a good guy, I thought you would never hurt me but I guess I was wrong" Your tears started to come back but this time they were were accompanied by the heartbreaking sobs and it was a sound that I never wanted to hear from you, ever in my lifetime.

"You know what the worst thing is about this?, I wouldn't be this broken as I am right now, is if I hadn't of fallen in love with you, but I did I fell in love with you."
You loved me as well.

'Idiot now is your chance! Tell him that you love him too!' the voiced screamed at me. I would've too you know, but I'm not an idiot I could see that the look in your eyes that if I told you that I loved you, you wouldn't believe me.

I saw you turn away from me and start walking, I stayed absolutely still, shocked that you loved me, but now I know that I've lost you for good.

'Go after him, convince him that you love him too!' I tried to move, but it was like my legs were trapped in wet cement or quicksand.

But the words that you said next were the ones that I'll never get out of my head, they were ones that will forever be carried in my heart.

Words that just broke me.

"I'm not going to leave SHINee, I wouldn't do that to our fans but you and I are done Jinki I'm giving you what you wanted and that is our friendship ending, I've never regretted anything in my life before, but now you've given me the bitter taste of regret Jinki, the regret of ever meeting you."

Those words made me fall to my knees.

"But the thing I regret the most in the world is that I regret ever falling in love with you knowing that I will never fall for another again you were it for me Jinki, you were my everything."

And then you left, you left me.

That's when I started crying, I reached out behind me and my hand touched the concrete base of the railings. I pressed myself up against the base and just started letting out heart wrenching cries.

I know I shouldn't be feeling this way, I made you hate me, it was all my fault.

"I love you."