Sometimes, Ryeowook would wonder what it was like to be cared for by Jungsoo.

Dark eyes blankly stared in front; the owner of those soulless irises trying his best to blink back his tears and force a smile on his face. Leeteuk was once again fussing over the other Super Junior members for their impending stage performance and it was something Ryeowook would highly commend--he was being a good leader, to everyone and even to the eternal maknae, but somehow Ryeowook found it still incomplete.

Leeteuk the leader was there for him, but where was Jungsoo?

Ryeowook considered Jungsoo as his second guardian. The man seriously was like a loving mother to them all--on-stage and off-stage--and he knew that Jungsoo would do everything he could to make them, his second family, happy. However, Jungsoo wasn't perfect--he couldn't do everything all at once; Ryeowook knew that and would then painstakingly use that as his reason on why Jungsoo would never as much spare him a glance.

Jungsoo never looked at him. Not even once.

Ryeowook yearned some care from Jungsoo too. He wanted to feel how it was like to be cared for like how Hyukjae and Donghae was experiencing it from their oldest hyung. He wanted to be treated like he was a child too; he wanted to be pampered and he wanted to feel that he was just as precious as the others. Ryeowook wanted to experience being asked by Jungsoo if he had eaten already or if he was tired; wanted to know if Jungsoo could actually see him.

Ufortunately, perhaps their eldest was just too busy being Leeteuk to actually care for the eternal maknae as what Ryeowook wanted Jungsoo to do.

And as Leeteuk continued to gently fix Kangin's crooked tie, Ryeowook didn't stop smiling even if he saw Jungsoo caring and smiling at everyone but him.

--
What was it like to talk with Jungsoo about the unending and mysterious universe?

Ryeowook didn't know what was wrong with him. He didn't know what he did wrong, he didn't know what he lacked for Jungsoo to never acknowledge him.

Was it because Jungsoo thought that he didn't need to be protected like Donghae? Was it because he wasn't as funny as his Hyukjae hyung? Or perhaps it was because he didn't need to be pampered like Heechul? Whatever the reason was, Ryeowook knew it was because of him; pitiful pathetic him. There was something in him that Jungsoo didn't like that was why his precious hyung ignored him as if he didn't exist--there was something ugly in him that Jungsoo didn't want to be associated with.

Ryeowook sighed sadly as he passed by the dining table where Jungsoo and Sungmin were chatting animatedly about some random things--something that would never include Ryeowook--before he went straight to the sink to make himself some tea. He could perfectly hear Sungmin's soft lulling voice and his heart clenched painfully when Jungsoo responded to the words as if those greatly made him glad. It seemed like everything the members would do would make a beautiful smile appear on Jungsoo's face--Ryeowook wanted to see that smile too when he would do something good enough.

However, it was like he wasn't actually doing something decent. Because if he did, then Jungsoo would have smiled at him already, right? Their umma would have talked with him, sought after him, and would have looked at him if Ryeowook was actually good enough.

But Jungsoo still hadn't and Ryeowook thought that it was really his entire fault.

The high-pitched sound of the kettle, however, instantly snapped him out of his dark musings; his eyes fixating themselves on the confused and concerned look Sungmin wore on his face. Jungsoo wasn't even looking at him--no, he was still talking with Sungmin and not once even gracing Ryeowook some much needed attention.

Maybe Ryeowook would ask Sungmin later about the universe--it seemed like everything that came out of Jungsoo's mouth constituted the bright galaxy, anyways. He was sure Jungsoo's words were magical, mysterious, and full of love towards s; their leader was gifted, he was a blessing.

(Ryeowook wished that night that he'd hear those words directed at him too, even just once.)

The tea had been left forgotten and cold on the edge of the sink. Just like him.

--
Maybe his arms were warm and protective. Ryeowook wasn't sure, he