Hearing his groups name called was something Yoongi would probably never get used to. Even now, after they’ve well established themselves as a force to be reckoned with in the idol world, it didn’t stop the way his heart sped up or how his hands broke out in a sweat as he stood there on that stage, energy buzzing all around him as the groups around him anxiously awaited for the MC’s to announce who won first place.

He didn’t show it, having mastered his infamous Poker Face by now, but he got nervous. Incredibly nervous, in fact. No matter how much he tried to push the thoughts away, he couldn’t help but think of before, when they were barely anybody and had to sleep without sheets on their beds, and take vitamins to make up for the lack of nutrition because they could barely afford food.

All it took was one mistake. One slip up, one miscalculated move, one bad judgment call and they could be back to the bottom of the barrel instantly. Everything they’ve worked up for, gone. Just like that. And so releasing new songs was a toss up. Having comebacks and going through the promotion period was a toss up.

And it definitely didn’t help that the MC’s would always make a show out of announcing the winner, and while it made for good television, it didn’t make good for Yoongi’s nerves. He had enough anxiety already. He definitely didn’t need more, thank you very much.

But then their name is called, and all of his anxiety melts out his body and into the floor, hopefully back to hell where it belongs. And the crowd cheers and confetti canons that he still somehow manages to be surprised by go off and sprinkle down to rain on his head. They’re given the trophy, bow thank the fans because honestly, this is their award, too, and somehow the trophy ends up in Yoongi’s hands.

The rest of the world blurs as he holds it. Always does. Maybe it’s dumb, because the trophy itself isn’t more than a piece of plastic, aluminum or glass molded to look fancier than it actually was, but to Yoongi this is everything he’s worked for. This is him seeing the fruits of his labor come to life. A confirmation that there are people out there that genuinely love his music.

No. He’s never going to get used to it.

The remaining groups begin to leave the stage. Yoongi snaps out of his stupor, ready to join the others when he feels a sprinkle of confetti over his head.

And smiles. Because he already knows who it is.

Without looking, he scoops up some confetti off the ground and turns, winging it right at Kihyun’s face. Some lands in his mouth, and he sputters a bit to get it out but not before scooping down to pick up some more, eyes locked on Yoongi like a hunter and Yoongi the helpless dear.

Yoongi runs, but he’s smiling, and continues to smile even as Kihyun catches back up with embarrassingly easily and pings the confetti at the back of his head. But Yoongi can’t be mad, not even a little bit. He knows Kihyun like he knows his palm, and teasing him like this was just his way of showing his affection. They were similar, in that sense.

Yoongi turns around, throwing him a mock disgruntled look in the process but Kihyun only laughs at him. The little .

(A cute little .)

The music for their encore stage has started, and Kihyun takes his leave, but not before throwing Yoongi The Look. Yoongi gulps and nods, now pleasantly distracted so he lays back, opting to sit back and watch fondly at his friends goofing off on stage instead.

Yoongi ducks away when they’re in the middle of the crowd backstage. He ducks down an empty corridor, already knowing where he’s going, considering he’s had to do this quite a lot in the year since Monsta X debuted. He hadn’t bothered telling Namjoon or anyone else where he was going, opting out of that conversation before it could start.

Sometimes - all the time - he felt guilty, keeping his relationship a secret. His bandmates were also his friends. His very best friends, actually, and he knows for a fact that if anything else, Namjoon would definitely support him. Hoseok too, and maybe Jimin as well (he’s had his suspicions about Jimin since predebut days, something about the kid just screamed Not Straight) but for some reason, he was hesitant. Though when would lay awake at night and let himself think about it, he would conclude that the reason had to do with him. Not them.

He’ll get his together one of these days.

But until then, he’d rather spend his moments with his boyfriend privately. He stops at the door he’s looking for, gently pressing on it with a slight creek, and steps inside. He takes not even three steps before arms wrap around his waste, followed by a full body pressing against his from behind. Yoongi chuckles.

“I didn’t even close the door yet, Kiki,” he says.

The telltale sound of someone kicking the door followed by a click follows.

“You were saying, Yoon-ah?” Kihyun answers cheekily, and noses at his neck before pressing his lips into it. Yoongi hums contently, turning around slowly and backing Kihyun against the now closed door, and kisses him properly in the dim lighting of the closet. It’s chaste, gone as quickly as it came but both men come up smiling contently. In this world, you have to take what you can get.

“Congratulations, by the way,” Kihyun whispers against Yoongi’s lips. “Not that you need much congratulating. I knew you guys would win.”

Yoongi’s face betrays him as he tries to keep it neutral. “I guess,” he says through a shy smile. “Doesn’t make standing up on that stage any less nerve wracking, though.”

Kihyun leans his head back against the door and gives Yoongi an odd look. “What’s it like?” he asks.

“What’s what like?”

Kihyun hesitates. “Winning, I guess.”

Yoongi drops his shoulders and sighs. “Kiki…” he starts gently, taking Kihyun’s small face in his hands. “You’re worrying too much.”

“I know, I know. All things considered, not having our first win only a year after we’ve debuted isn’t that bad. But it’s hard watching the other guys beat themselves up over it. Hoseok-ah, especially takes it really personally. Makes him think he’s not good enough.”

Yoongi quirks an eyebrow. “Doesn’t Wonho not like being called ‘Hoseok?’”

“You won’t tell.”

Yoongi can’t contest to that.

“It’s just difficult watching how it effects them sometimes, Yoon-ah”

He shrugs it off, but there are tension lines creasing his brow. He knows this feeling, thinking back to their early days wondering if they’d ever get some damn recognition. Spending hours in the studio practicing dances that were constantly overlooked, pulling all nighters writing songs hoping they’d touch enough people. Yes, he knows this feeling all too well.

And seeing it on Kihyun breaks his heart just a little. He puts on a good front, but underneath the hard exterior is a soft squishy center, tender and sensitive if you’re lucky enough to find it.

He’s also not the type to open up unless you make him. They’re similar in that way, too, Yoongi thinks.

He dips down and plants a kiss on Kihyun’s nose, partially to get his attention and partially because he has a really cute nose that deserves all the kisses in the world.

“Look at me, Kiki.”

Petulantly, Kihyun turns his downtrodden eyes to Yoongi, and Yoongi pointedly looks into them to make sure he’s listening.

“It took us three years. Three hard, grueling years. These things don’t happen overnight.”

“But-”

“Shut up and listen to me. It’ll happen when it happens. And when it happens - and I have no doubt in my mind that it will - I promise it’ll be the most amazing feeling you’ve ever had in your entire life.”

Something mischievous flickers across Kihyun’s face. “Even better than when you’re balls deep?”

Yoongi hangs his head, sighing deeply. “I’m trying to have a moment with you, .”

Kihyun shakes with laughter under his hands. “You don’t have to try so hard,” he says, bringing his hand up under Yoongi’s chin, lifting his head. “I hear what you’re saying. Really.”

“Good, because I really, really want to kiss you again,” Yoongi says, stepping into his space, hands still firmly placed on both sides of the latter’s face.

Kihyun quirks his eyebrows up in a challenge. “I’m not going anywhere,” he says, and Yoongi doesn’t need to be told twice.

He presses his lips firmly into the other with just the right amount of pressure. Not too hard nor soft. Little jolts of electricity jolt through his body through the contact, or maybe that was just Kihyun nibbling a bit at his bottom lip. He did like things a little rough.

However, they were in a supply closet, and now was not the time for that.

Yoongi glides his tongue over his lips instead, waiting patiently until Kihyun opened his mouth to let him in to play with his own tongue, wet and smooth against his own. The groan the other man let’s out ripples through him, and instinctively he presses himself closer, so Kihyun is fully trapped against the door.

Yoongi’s hands come up to card through his brown hair, deepening the kiss even more as he does so. Thankfully, his hair is already styled back so he’s not messing up much. Kihyun moans in response, bringing his arms to Yoongi’s hips and wrapping them around the small of his back. It was a bit scary, how easily they got lost in each other but it was also nice. It was nice to be so comfortable with someone else. Having someone to bare yourself to completely, to be vulnerable with in an industry that was constantly looking for reasons to tear you down. In this moment nothing else mattered except for Kinhyun and Yoongi, Yoongi and Kihyun, and he almost believed they were the last two people on the planet if it weren’t for his phone vibrating on his right hip.

Irritably, Yoongi broke the kiss, and grabbed the offending object out of his pocket, and sighed.

“It’s Joon,” he says regrettably. “He’s wondering where I am.”

As he’s speaking, Kihyun’s phone goes off as well.

“And that’s probably Hyunwoo…”

They share a look. Not a long look, but significant enough to understand what the other was saying without words. Silently, they lean in for one last kiss.

“Inkigayo is only a few days away,” Yoongi says quietly.

Under the dim lighting, Kihyun smirks. “I’ll be there.”