Why did it sound so familiar, when you said my name?

I know every current, every wave...please stay. Please stay.

How did I have no idea, that I needed you?
My world ended once but began again, born from just us two.

Though it's suffocating me every day, though I know you're so far you told me,

"Dear, be brave.

Always."

---

 

Namjoon always knew that he had a soulmate somewhere in the world. Ever since he started to dream, he would have the standard ones; about his family, his favorite toys, and one man he had never met yet knew so well, even from birth.

Once he got a grasp on names, he could finally call out to the man in his dreams.

Seokjin.

---

Some people in the world believe in reincarnation. Namjoon liked to sometimes think about it, and he certainly hoped it was a thing, but he held many doubts. How could a person's soul just come back in another body? Shouldn't every human have a new soul, since they were being created from completely new parts? And what really made up a soul anyway, how is it present in each individual?

He liked pondering these questions more than he actually liked pondering on how they related to him, since he knew that no matter how he felt on the subject, he had been reincarnated somehow.

All because of one figure that he saw often in his subconscious. A tall man with long black hair. He always wore traditional Korean clothing and his gait and face just seemed to carry an aura of royalty. His hair was always decorated with dazzling jewels and was put up neatly, except in some of the dreams Namjoon started to have lately. He would have his hair down, splayed around his face and down his chest messily as he panted, bare skin peeking through his undone attire and lust clear in his eyes as he looked so seductively-

"Ahh, no. I can't be thinking of this, I have things to do." Namjoon told himself, smacking his cheek and willing the thoughts (and peaking arousal) to go away. He had a test and rap battle to prepare for, he couldn't be distracted by these things right now.

To Namjoon however, Seokjin (Kim Seokjin, his mind would always supply) was a constant. A constant distraction, constant thought, constant thing in his life. As long as he could remember, he knew who Jin (as he so lovingly dubbed him) was. Though he had never met a man like him before in his life, Namjoon knew that Jin was his savior, his best friend, his muse, and his love.

Which really made the 18 year old confused when he figured he should finally at least try to get a grasp on what his uality was.

Of course he liked girls and their soft curves, watched A LOT of , and tended to generally be dirty minded, but men never seemed to hold the same appeal. He could admit when another male was attractive, but he never felt the same pull.

But when he hit puberty, he discovered Kim Seokjin was his exception.

He had always found the mysterious male gorgeous in his dreams, having this sort of etheral feeling to him. When he started having dreams of Jin pouting up at him, Jin slowly undressing, Namjoon somehow knowing it was for his eyes only, Jin flicking his long hair back from his face, smiling at Namjoon like he was the long-haired man's sun... Namjoon quickly realized that at the very least he was gay for Seokjin.

He was afraid of these thoughts, afraid of feeling this way about a man, when he had always heard that he shouldn't feel it, it was wrong to feel it...

But he had a feeling the fondness and adoration he held for his dream-Jin would never end, so he started to rap about it. He wrote tons of lyrics, vaguely addressing the concerns swirling in his mind constantly, referencing his saving grace in his times of need, that wisp of a man in his dreams that he missed so dearly. Eventually he got really good at writing, at pouring out his feelings onto paper and into rhymes. Really good. Enough to be recognized by a famous producer, Bang Sihyuk.

Of course Namjoon knew that he shouldn't pass the opportunity up, and with some convincing of his parents on his part to make them forget their dreams of having a genius son (he would always be incredibly smart, he would just stop focusing on his studies so much) he managed to worm his way into the trainee stage at Big Hit Entertainment.

Namjoon never imagined he would be an idol, always remembered rappers he respected dissing them casually to harshly criticizing their lives, and he figured that maybe if he didn't completely sell out, didn't make himself into a pretty boy who danced when they wanted him to, rap what they wanted him to, and did what they told him to, he would be safe.

He should have figured it would be harder than that. But hindsight is always 20/20.

After meeting with a few of the members joining this odd hip-hop group Bang PD had put together, he figured they were done. Yoongi and the crew were enough, they would be able to preform well if they just practiced.

Then Bang introduced a dancer into the group, and it all went to hell. Yoongi wanted to quit, telling their PD that he wasn't here to dance, to start all of the idol bull, he was here to get his name out there as a rapper and dammit if their producer didn't understand that he would pack his bags and go back to Daegu.

He came back with his metaphorical tail between his legs after Bang PD brushed his threats off and sent him to the practice room.

Namjoon didn't forget about Jin, but he started to think less about the man. His nights started to become just times to pass out, so exhausted he could barely think, much less have vivid dreams about Jin. When he was awake he was stressing about their debut, which was still on the fence since some of the members weren't sure they wanted to stick through this. When the man got incredibly stressed though, he would remember what he somehow knew was his last memory of Jin, the older cupping his face as he gave him one last soft kiss, his hair blowing wildly around him as an intense battle raged on behind him. "My dearest Namjoon, go on. Be brave. We will meet again, that I swear." He wanted to cry every time it came to mind, but it helped him soldier on.

Eventually it was down to Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok, the dancer/singer turned rapper. Even if he didn't really rap because he had the same burning passion the two underground boys did, they were trying to make sure that he at least sounded like he knew what he was doing. They couldn't completely embarrass themselves.

Another guy was introduced to the company, a kid really, very young in their opinion and way too optimistic. He was drawn in by Namjoon and wanted to join whatever project he was in. Bang PD saw potential in him, so he added him into the trainee group.

His name was Jeongguk, and Namjoon had to admit, the kid was cute. Shy, nervous around his hyungs, but he could make it far on his baby face. The elder wasn't sure how he would make it as being a rapper, but his vocals were good and with a bit more training he would get on a rookie idol's level.

They were also introduced to another boy at the time, Taehyung. Another kid from Daegu that had just barely passed the audition, they were all worried about him at first. What was Bang PD doing, adding so many of them to this already off-kilter bunch?

When they met Tae, they thought he was obviously here as a visual. The kid looked like he was a social media star already, it wouldn't be hard to attract fans with someone like that. Oddly enough to them though, PD-nim wanted to keep him a secret, only to be named and seen near debut.

Whenever that would happen.

Namjoon had to admit, their dynamic was nice though. Of course it was difficult to learn the ins and outs of the different satooris (Yoongi and Tae would speak in their Daegu dialect between themselves often, Jeongguk would slip into his Busan one every now and then, and Hoseok's Gwangju drawl was never far off in anything he said) and although being from Ilsan he didn't always understand what they meant, he eventually learned how to pick up on certain phrases and their meanings.

Everything was going fine, they were still training and practicing often in preparation for a debut... and then Bang PD introduced a new member, an aspiring actor turned aspiring vocal who had been streetcasted, Kim Seokjin.

All of Namjoon's thoughts about his dream-Jin came rushing back all of a sudden.

How could this kind of coincidence happen? That the man he dreamt of his entire life, the man that he felt he was somehow destined to be with was right here in the flesh? This Seokjin looked a bit different from his Jin, with short hair that was a dark brown, glasses, and a more awkward stance, but he looked too similar to not be Jin. As Namjoon took in the new figure, he even realized that this man had the same crooked fingers he knew his Jin had, a characteristic so unique he swore he couldn't forget it.

Absentmindedly, he wondered if this Jin had the same intoxicating presence, if he would look at Namjoon with the same bright smile with so much love, if he would fall apart so beautifully under his touch-

"Hello. I'm Kim Seokjin, I hope you'll take care of me from now on. I'm a 92-liner, and I hope to be a good hyung to each of you." he bowed, startling Namjoon out of his reverie.

The 94-liner had recently been appointed as the official unofficial leader of the group, since they all knew that Bang PD had only started it because of Namjoon. He felt like as the eldest at the time, Yoongi should have headed the team, but the elder quickly shot the idea down, saying that if he did he would get so stressed from not knowing what to do he would probably combust.

And as leader, he was the first to go up and shake Seokjin's hand. He was really nervous. Did Jin know who he was? Did he have the same memories Namjoon did? Or was he alone in reminiscing their past love affair?

The older man looked at him curiously, before Namjoon introduced himself shyly.

"Hello hyung. I'm Kim Namjoon, 94-liner and unofficial leader of the group. I hope you'll take care of us as well."

He saw the other man's eyes widen, as if hearing his name triggered something within him, before they returned to their normal size, as if whatever thought he had was fleeting, gone quickly and without a trace.

The rest of the boys continued to introduce themselves, but Namjoon couldn't take his eyes of Seokjin. He also noticed that from time to time Jin would glance back at him.

They would dance around each other, never getting close enough to talk about anything deep or insightful, always sticking to safe things like how the training was going and how tired they were of dancing. Secretly Namjoon really liked that they both had trouble with it and were able to bond over the subject.

One day, Bang PD introduced their final member. Park Jimin, a dancer from Busan who had chubby cheeks they all knew he would be pressured to get rid of before they debuted. At first they were all worried the eldest of the maknae line wouldn't be able to keep up, having joined last, but he proved himself persistent not only as a dancer but as a vocal and soon after his joining they were preparing for debut.

Besides the original three, they all had fears of being cut right before. Jeongguk less so than the other 3, knowing that everyone was happy with his progress and how well he was doing for his age. So when they found out their group name (Bangtan Sonyeondan, or BTS, much to their dismay and embarrassment) and chose their stage names (Jimin thanked every God that existed he got to keep his name instead of being dubbed Baby J while Hoseok tried to slip into his new role as the hope of the group, J-Hope) they were finally feeling more settled in their feelings about being in the group and more nervous about actually becoming idols. They knew they had hard times ahead of them, and that being from a small company didn't help. They all knew they would have to try hard to make a name for themselves, but they were willing to do it.

They had gotten this far, and they wouldn't stop running forward now.

Jin and Namjoon's relationship also became closer as Jin's place within the group was locked in, and they became great friends. Namjoon was quiet and thoughtful while Jin would want to talk about everything, happily chattering away at the other. Namjoon never brought up his dreams but they were always in the back of his mind, but he knew for the sake of the group any feelings he had for Jin had to be pushed down and away. He couldn't risk them breaking up before they even started.

Soon it was time for their debut showcase, and their nerves were on edge. What would happen? Would they flop completely? They knew due to social media interactions they had a few fans at least, a decent fanbase building up, but they had no clue how they would actually end up performing onstage. Everyone was nervous, about how people would take their sound, their looks, and what they stood for.

After the stage, they all silently yet collectively exhaled a sigh of relief. After the mistakes they had made (Jin still had tears in his eyes) they were so happy it was over. They were still nervous and stressed though, knowing that now they would have to deal with feedback, for better or worse.

For once they wished they didn't know how to read, in Hangul or English.

After going back to their cramped dorms, washing away the day's makeup and tension, and heading to bed, things finally seemed to quiet down. Namjoon was on the cusp of drowning in a deep sleep when he felt someone slip under the blanket right beside of him.

He didn't mind being near the others, having lived together long enough for most of the awkwardness to be gone, but he expected to at least have an announcement.

"Joon-ah, can we talk?" he heard the voice say, registering it to be Jin.

"Of course Jin-hyung. Is it about the stage? You did great you know, and we'll keep practicing so we can be better." he whispered back to the older, trying hard not to wake the others.

"No... I wanted to talk about us."

"Us?" Namjoon's heart picked up its pace. What us? There was no us. There was an "us" as in the group, but the younger didn't understand where his hyung was going with this.

The elder cuddled closer, laying his head on the other man's chest and draping an arm around him. "About our dreams... you have them, don't you?"

Namjoon froze. Out of all the things the other could have asked about, he wanted to talk about this? Now? With all the others in the room?!?

"Oh God," Jin started panicking, pushing himself up off the other, "you don't know what I'm talking about do you? It was just me the whole time wasn't it? Oh no, I'm so sorry Joon-ah, just forget this ever happened-"

Namjoon forcefully pulled the brown-haired man back down, caging him in his arms. He brought him in close to his chest, so he could bury his face in the older's hair. He smelled like some type of flower and a bit of musk, a fragrance he knew well from the past and present.

"No, I- I know what you're talking about. You have them too hyung? Since when?"

"Since before I met you." Jin mumured into his chest. "I saw a beautiful, dimpled boy, with a smile so bright I couldn't help but fall for it... I've seen him in dreams for as far back as I can remember, and then when I came here, I got to see him in real life. I couldn't believe it was you, but then you said my name exactly how that dimpled boy did, and I just knew. Even though you look a bit different than in the past..." he parted from the younger's chest to look up at his face and stare pointedly at the other's permed hair.

"Hey, you didn't look the same either!" Namjoon whispered in Jin's ear, making him shiver. "You looked like a cute little nerd, nothing like the elegant god in my dreams."

"Excuse me?!" Jin jerked back. "What kind of dreams were you having mister?"

"Oh don't act so innocent, I know you watch just as much as the rest of us do hyung." Jin blushed, "But you were so seductive in my dreams. I didn't ask to have them, but I certainly enjoyed them." he leered at the smaller man currently in his arms.

"Well, I'm sorry I don't match up. I can't help that I was reborn like this." he told Namjoon, clearly flustered.

"I didn't say I don't love you as much now... just that your appeal is hidden to most people except me in this life, it seems." the younger nuzzled his nose against the disgrunted man's cheek. "You got me through so much you know. I wanted to give up so many times, just drown myself in the hatred I have towards me, towards the world. But I would remember you holding my hand, telling me to stay with you forever and to be brave for you. I knew I had to stay around because I knew I had to find you again." Namjoon ducked a bit so his forehead was against Jin's, looking into his eyes.

"I don't mind if things are that way. Of course, I'm handsome and I'm sure everyone will recognize it, but you're the only one I'll be doing anything with. And I'm glad you waited. I don't want to imagine losing you in this life either." Jin closed his eyes as he nuzzled against Namjoon's nose.

"Oh really?" Namjoon quirked an eyebrow. "How about you show me how much you missed me? We can work out some of the tension we've gathered from spending all this time apart."

"If you insist Joon-ah..." Jin purred, "maybe you can loosen me up, help me bend in ways that will get rid of the stress for both of us-"

"Is it really necessary for you two to have in the same room as us?" Yoongi called out from somewhere in the corner, where he was huddled up into a ball. "I think it's nice you two are finally deciding to after all this time but seriously I need to sleep, so can you take those boners to the bathroom?"

"Yeah hyungs!" Jimin piped in. "I'm glad you're happy and all but some of us can't "release our tensions" because some people like to be stubborn!"

"Jimin you know I'm underage." Jeongguk said sleepily.

"YOU BRAT! I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT YOU...well maybe a bit. I'm really ." the boy whined.

"Can you all shut up? Namjoon-hyung, Jin-hyung, go and then come back to sleep. Yoongi-hyung, go to bed. You know you get cranky in the morning. Jeongguk, at least let Jimin feel your , you know you wouldn't mind it. Jimin, keep your in your pants. And Hoseokkie-hyung, come here. I wanna cuddle." Taehyung directed, strangely authoritative.

"Okay." Hoseok moved over slightly to wrap himself around Tae, squeezing him before petting his hair. "Goodnight everyone, I love you guys."

They all repeated the phrase back before going back to sleep, or in Jikook's case, wrapping themselves so close together they could grab hold of each other's asses, or in Namjin's case, slinking away to the bathroom.