Jongin believed that on every anniversary of Kyungsoo's passing, he got a headache for at least part of the day. Granted, there'd only been two anniversaries thus far, but without fail, on both, he'd gotten one. Generally, he was in very good health, he rarely got sick, rarely even experienced even a mild headache. Maybe it was the memory of his lover's death that triggered them, but nowadays, Jongin's headaches came on days of significance from his old relationship, days like the sixth anniversary of their meeting, or Kyungsoo's birthday, and of course, the second anniversary of his death. 

So when Jongin began to feel pain building in his head this morning, he was very confused as to what important date he could possibly be forgetting. He checked his calendar. Checked and double checked. He ate breakfast, then checked again. Showered. Checked the calendar once more for good measure. Each time, there was nothing. He mulled over it on his way to work, the dull throbbing in his head putting him on edge. There was absolutely nothing he could think of. So, in conclusion, he was just getting a headache. There was nothing he was forgetting, it was just a fairly normal function of the human body. Perhaps he hadn't gotten enough sleep. Maybe he was becoming dehydrated. There were plenty of reasons for the throbbing in his head, but yet he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling at the pit of his stomach. 

As much as he loved his job, there was a sense of mundanity to his work that he'd grown to resent. Every day it was the same routine, get up, eat breakfast, head to work. Brew coffee, serve coffee, somehow create whatever god-awful concoction the girls who came to the shop every day requested. Close up at six, rush to his college to only just make his first night class on time. He'd have classes until ten, then head home, make dinner while doing whatever school work he'd received, then eat and go to bed. And the next day, the cycle began again. 

Although he resented it, Jongin had to admit, he needed it to keep his life in order. If he'd didn't have a routine to rely on, if he didn't constantly busy himself with something, he'd absolutely fall apart. Routine was what he based his life on after Kyungsoo was gone, it was the only thing he could trust. It gave him a sense of familiarity, of safety, in a world he no longer knew how to face on his own. So he got by. Not necessarily living happily, but he wasn't sad. He hadn't allowed himself to become depressed, to fall into a slump. And for Jongin, that was enough to keep himself going. 

So to have this headache, on this particular morning, where nothing at all important had ever occurred in his past, was very irking. But there was nothing to be done about it, so all Jongin could do was wish it away, fiddling with his phone in hopes of distracting himself. 

*****

Everything had been going normally at work, up until about ten in the morning, when Jongin was fulfilling the order of one of the shop's frequent customers. Out of the blue, someone knocked into him, making him spill coffee everywhere. Opening his mouth to reprimand whichever bothersome co-worker had disrupted him, he was cut short by an unfamiliar voice. 

"Ah, I'm so sorry! I can't believe I did this, I'm sorry!" 

Jongin turned around to find himself glaring straight into the face of another boy, slightly shorter, but who appeared to be around his age. 

The boy gulped, a momentary flash of nervousness crossing his face. 

"I, um... it's my first day on the job, I really didn't mean to..." 

Jongin had no idea what came over him, but he found himself in a strangely forgiving mood. 

"It's fine. Just help me clean this up." He said, handing him a rag. The boy nodded, looking relieved as he took the rag. 

On any other day, Jongin probably would've given that kid a thorough chewing-out, but quite obviously, today was not just any other day. It was monumental in ways Jongin wouldn't come to know until much later. 

They finished cleaning up the coffee rather quickly, and Jongin was able to make another cup within a few minutes, handing it to the waiting customer with an apology. With nobody else to attend to, he turned to the new employee, who'd been standing around awkwardly, dirty rag in hand. 

"You," Jongin beckoned to him. "What's your name?"

"Taemin," he answered, fiddling with the end of the coffee-soaked cloth in his hands. 

"Well Taemin, are you just going to stand there taking up space, or are you going to put that rag away?" Jongin eyed his hands before looking back up to see his reaction.

Taemin smiled. 

"I'll put it away. Where does it go?"

Jongin showed him where they kept rags, but he found himself unable to look away from Taemin's smile. It was captivating. He was amazed at how it lit up Taemin's face, how attractive it made him look. 

Shaking his head, Jongin banished the thoughts from his mind. What was he doing? Guilt bubbled up in his stomach, making him feel sick. How could he do that? 

Disgusted with himself, he begrudgingly agreed to help Taemin learn about his now job for the rest of the day. But after he'd thought such horrible things, he was in a foul mood that couldn't be lifted, and he spent the day snapping at the poor boy. 

Finally, it was six, and he could get the hell out of there. Jongin had never thought a day could pass by any slower than it had today, and without a word of goodbye to any of his co-workers, he swiftly left the coffee shop, deciding to let someone else close up for once. 

*****

Classes passed quickly enough, and four hours later, Jongin was at home. There, when he was finally alone, he allowed himself to confront his feelings, to let guilt eat away at his insides until he couldn't take it anymore. 

He couldn't think those things. At least, not about anyone but Kyungsoo. He'd made a promise, and there was no way he'd break it. He wouldn't allow himself to be consumed by thoughts of someone other than his departed lover. It was disloyal, it was horrid. To Jongin, it was absolutely disgusting. 

Although he made himself something delicious for dinner, the food tasted like ash in his mouth. Why did he even think that about Taemin in the first place? He'd just met the guy that day, only spoken to him or been made aware of his presence because he'd bumped into him. He finished his schoolwork, but he was still thinking about his earlier slip up. He rubbed his temples. His headache was coming back. 

I'm sorry Kyungsoo, Jongin thought as he crawled into bed, vowing to never to think about anyone in that way again. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

A/N

Thanks for reading! I actually have a headache as I'm writing this, and it's completely unedited, so sorry for any mistakes. When I get the time I'll go back over and fix any mistakes. Thanks again!

-H