It took everything Namjoon had to not break down in Yoongi's arms. Here they were, after years and years of struggling to debut, fighting to succeed, trying to overcome their own demons. Here they were...Namjoon clinched his eyes again, he couldn't cry now. He had to be strong. The past year had been one full of pain and reflection, to cry now would feel like an insult to that growth, an insult to the people who'd been hurt by his actions. However, he was sure Yoongi could feel his internal turbulence.

 

As they broke apart Namjoon sensed the elder's eyes on him, but he chose to ignore it. Looking at him now would have the same result on him as it had for Yoongi on stage. Instead, Namjoon allowed Jimin to pull him away and the group continued to celebrate.

 

The rest of the evening blew by; awards, pictures, speeches. By the time the boys were getting into the van the night's afterglow had hit, leaving the ride relatively quiet. Minus, of course, Taehyung's excited rambling and the occasional chuckle from Jin. The city lights were like victory fireworks, plastered across the buildings.

 

"Or perhaps stars," Namjoon muttered under his breath. Stars that circle the galaxy of civilization, he sighed at the thought.

 

Namjoon heard a soft "Joon-ah" from the seat directly behind him but again decided to ignore it - at least for the moment. For now, the raw joy of winning and numb ache from the previous year had yet to collide, and Namjoon wanted to prolong the calmness within his mind for as long as possible.

 

As the van pulled into the hotel lot, Namjoon cleared his throat, "So, we are going to go out for dinner tomorrow night after we return to Korea. Our flight is at 10 a.m. in the morning - we need to check out of the hotel at 8:45. Until then, we are free to do whatever." He unbuckled and shifted to look at them. For a moment he was brought back to their first time in a van together, back to when their younger faces looked uncertain, back to when they debuted. He shook his head and smiled slightly, "I'm proud of you guys."

 

There was a chorus of 'thank you' and 'you too' as the van finally pulled to a stop and the members started to get out.

 

Namjoon felt a familiar presence on his left as he closed the door. Giving an inaudible sigh he turned towards Yoongi.

 

The shorter's eyes were still glazed red, but he had a calm smile on his lips as he reached up and tossed his arm over the younger's shoulders - as best he could - "come on Namjoon."

 

"POOL PARTY!" Taehyung's voice pierced through the night.

"Yeah!"

"I'm in!!"

 

Various other shouts of confirmation followed including Hoseok busting into song.

 

"Come on Namjoon," Yoongi repeated, pulling the taller boy down a bit and onward.

 

***

 

When the duo reached the hotel room it looked like a hurricane had just torn through, clothes scattered across the floor and suitcases carelessly left open. As Yoongi closed the door to the hallway, the bathroom door swung open and Hoseok tripped out one hand haphazardly pulling up his swim trunks.

 

"Wait - oh. Hyung, Namjoon, are you guys coming to the pool?" He asked regaining his balance and tying his shorts.

 

Yoongi gave a grunt in the negative releasing his grasp on Namjoon and moving farther into the room.

 

“Na-go on and make sure everyone has fun,” Namjoon snickered, “keep your short on, yeah?” He slapped Hoseok on the shoulder as he passed.

 

“Ha ha ha…” the dancer rolled his eyes and left the room.

 

After a moment of silence, “I’m going to hop in the shower Hyung.” Namjoon paused, “unless you wanted…”

 

Yoongi was watching him again, “I’m proud of you too, Joon-ah, and everything we’ve accomplished.”

 

Namjoon tripped over his emotions, still trying to prevent the inevitable surge of pride and elation that spiked at Yoongi’s comment. “Should you be?” he murmured softly.

 

“Wha…”

 

“Nothing, just…” Namjoon took a deep breath, “Do you remember the song I wrote last year,” the leader’s gaze shifted towards the window, shower forgotten, as he walked past the bathroom. “The one you found me working on…”

 

Confusion fogged Yoongi’s eyes briefly, quickly replaced with a splash of painful recognition, then mild concern. Of course, he remembered walking by the studio and hearing his longtime friend, best friend, spew words of self-destruction. Yoongi remembers pausing, desperately wishing that he alone suffered from such depressed thoughts – that Namjoon was simply…Simply what? But then, then Yoongi heard Namjoon proclaim he wished he was dead, and he could no longer stand outside the door. Of course, Yoongi remembers interrupting the other’s recording session and forgoing his assumed aloof nature to pull Namjoon into a hug and demand an answer.

 

“I think…”

 

“Namjoon?”

 

Namjoon sighed sitting down on the nearest bed. Glancing up, he motioned to the over before continuing, “I think…I want to post it. You know?”

 

Yoongi didn’t respond but sat next to his bandmate.

 

“I mean…I don’t know. I’ve…I don’t really feel like that…that way anymore…I mean, I want to move past this year…”

 

Yoongi was still silent for a moment longer, reveling in his friend’s strength, before answering, “It’s up to you man, but you know the others haven’t heard the song. They don’t know about it. And, I mean, ARMY too…It’s going to raise some concern.”

 

“I know…”

 

“Listen. I don’t like being, you know, all fluffy and . But, I want you to talk to me if you feel that way. Regardless of you being ‘past it’ or not.” He paused. The silence he created was seeped in an awkward air, “Despite what some people say – or what you think – you are a great leader and very important to Bangtan.”

 

Yoongi’s sentiments were met with a chuckle.

 

“Hey! I’m being serious!”

 

“I know.” Namjoon smiled, “I know. But like I said, I think I’m ready to put the last couple years behind me. I think I’ve learned something…or…I don’t know…grown from it?” He paused again and looked towards Yoongi’s scrutinizing stare. “I’m not…in the same place…”

 

“What about ‘Reflection?’” Yoongi countered.

 

“I, well…” he shifted, “I mean…”

 

“Look. I’m just saying talk to me. Alright? Post the song, share it with the others and ARMY, but feelings like that don’t just disappear.” He tapered off faintly feeling uncomfortable.

 

“I know. But…” He gave a frustrated sigh running his hands through his hair, “That song was…all my music is…important. I just…That song, ‘Always,’ was created based off of emotions and struggles specific to last year, and those…I’ve grown and learned from them and moved past them. Does that make sense? I want everyone to know that…” Namjoon ran his hand through his hair again, “Maybe it will help someone. Maybe.”

 

There was silence again, but not uncomfortable, as the two listened to the soft hum of the neighboring television and a drunk couple shouting down the halls.

 

“I will talk to you. I will.”

 

“You better.” Yoongi fell back against the pillows and grabbed the remote, “If I find you dead, you die.”

 

Namjoon laughed, “You’re ridiculous!”

 

Yoongi snorted and clicked the television on, “How long will the other’s be gone do you think?”

 

Namjoon fell back as well, “Probably a couple hours. Why?”

 

“’Cause, we are watching America’s Next Top Model,” He clicked the channel revealing the foreign show – Chinese subtitles scrolling across the bottom of the screen, “and I don’t want to get for it.”