Ueda always has a special aura emitting from his quiet self. Something that whirled and focused the whole world revolving around him. Junno had always noticed how people – a fan or not – would glue their eyes on Ueda whenever the older guy performed on stage. Though it was quite well-known how Ueda would pay attention even to smallest details, making his performances always a bit different than the others. He wasn’t the type who would cosplay for nothing. Each step had always been full with calculations.

 

Junno, on the other hand, is pretty much more on the surface. He isn’t the type to set any goals, he is more of someone who would move with the flow. To enjoy and do the best with whatever is coming along in his way. After all, he was well aware of how different he is compare to Ueda. Ueda was always a thinker, and he would listen to any non-sense puns Junno would have to say. And sometimes laugh for it, even if it only meant to make Junno looked less awkward. It was unexplainable how things are going for the both of them, for them to get along this well.

 

It probably surprised Ueda more than Junno when Ueda said yes to Junno’s proposal. Eyes wide, the boxer blinked once then twice but otherwise remained frozen in place. Junno had looked back at him with shock as well before the younger one flashed his signature smile but somehow to Ueda’s eyes, looked unusually beaming more than he ever had. Though it wasn’t much of a surprise to anyone around them – where else would you ever see two totally different North and South poles being so blatantly magnetic anyway?

 

Junno always thought they would have some insecurity issues, what’s with Junno’s nature of getting along well with almost everyone. And Junno always loved to reveal his private times with his friends. It had always been great, being friends with people you adore. But Ueda wasn’t the type who would cling on his lover all the time either. He’d shrugged and hang out with his own friends whenever Junno had to cancel their date because Yoko happened to stop by, or simply because Ryo asked him out for some drink, or maybe because Ohno called him to have a long chat.

 

And as always as they had been, Junno would tell everything about his encounter. And Ueda would just listens, no matter what time that would be. Sometimes, Junno wonders if his stories ever bothered Ueda at all. Since Ueda never really talk much about his own friends more than necessary. Even so Junno knew Ueda never liked to be alone. And Ueda was probably enjoying himself with someone else when Junno wasn’t around. Ueda always loved private times with his friends indeed. And just at that moment that Junno realized the one who was having the insecurity issues was no one other than himself. He knew they were both different. Like how Junno would shove sesame sauce away when that was actually Ueda’s favorite. Or how Ueda would glare and snatched his cell phone away from Junno because Junno tried to check on Ueda’s texts. Ueda hated it when Junno invade his privacy, while Junno had always wanted to share all private stuffs with Ueda. It had always been his dream about being lovers. Why would Ueda be so sensitive about him opening his own lover’s texts anyway? Besides, it’s not like Ueda would say anything about his friends, so why can’t Junno find out on his own? In fact, he won’t mind if Ueda checking his either.

 

“Can’t you believe in me for once?” was Ueda’s only argument. Ueda had never been good in arguing, given the fact he wasn’t really good in speech – though ironically he’s very good in writing. It never really hit Junno though. Sometimes Junno wondered if Ueda actually loved him at all. Or even care about him at the very least.

 

But everything about being around Ueda had always been nice and calming. No matter how much he enjoyed hanging around Keito or Yoko or Ryo or even Ohno, the calm Arashi leader. Ueda had always making him felt accepted. Just being embraced, the heat of Ueda’s skin along his back, across his waist, even without lust and frantic need. It felt perfect... Maybe even more, if only the word exists. The warmth that eluded any worries and exhaustion enveloping their days, when the two bodies entwined, completely relaxed against each other.

 

Ueda would be staring deep into Junno’s eyes, expanding all his senses just to feel the presence of his lover, trying to compensate for those missing ones. He wanted to wallow in that particular moment, to remember the feel of Junno’s warm body pressed against his, the scent of his lover filling his lungs with every breath, the beauty of each curve of Junno’s figure that he had knowingly admired his whole life. It was the time when Ueda would remember the comfort of holding Junno and to enjoy the view of the innocent sleeping acrobat’s figure the coming morning.

 

He never really admitted how much that particular figure and moments had inspired the attractive energetic Ueda Tatsuya on stage. How much the serene soothed his dead end and opened a way for new ideas and inspirations. For him to jump because Junno had always jumped, for him to act because Junno’s mimic had always been expressive. Junno had always been the reason why he can laugh with his other friends. The reason for his tunes and words, Junno had always been his mad rush of needs, desires, and that wondrous feeling that all his dreams had come true – even if Junno was the one confessing to him.

 

Ueda never mind anything about Junno. Even if all the pun master do when they cuddled together was simply talking about how much he enjoyed playing basketball with Yoko, or how much adorable Ryo is when he looked shy on drama settings, or how good and excellent Ohno is in fishing. It had always been weird that Junno boasting about someone else. But Ueda could see the excitement in Junno’s eyes and he couldn’t help but smile. Sometimes he would just ask simple questions, like was Yoko feeling great lately, or was Ryo getting enough rest, or did Ohno still carrying along the fishing book everywhere.

 

Junno blinked. “Why wouldn’t Yoko feeling great? And why are you concerned about Ryo’s resting hours? And since when Ohno carrying any books?” he would asked back.

 

Ueda pulled up an eyebrow. “Well, Yoko looked depressed lately, that’s why. I’m glad if he could be happy again. And wasn’t Ryo always overworked himself since we were Juniors? And Ohno did carry his fishing book around Johnny’s before,” it was that kind of answers that made Junno fell quiet. He never realized if Yoko ever looked depressed before, or if Ryo ever looked tired of overworking, or if Ohno is that much of a bookworm. Well, maybe not really a bookworm. Maybe he only reads books about fishing. Perhaps because Ueda was always an observer, the one who would pay attention to small details, to every little thing around him, even if he didn’t really react to it. Defiantly Junno squinted. Maybe... Maybe he really is a KY like everyone else claimed after all... It was that moment when Junno finally realized the one who was being jealous of all the jealousy settings he was trying to put up was no other than himself.

 

Junno shifted himself a bit to have a view of Ueda’s full face. “Uepi, why are you never jealous about me hanging out with other people?” it troubled him, because the only reason why he loved to talk about how much he get along well with others was just to see a hint of jealousy, so he would know Ueda actually loved him. And being blunt as he is, he can’t help but to ask.

 

Ueda smiled, feathering chuckles. “Why should I? In the end, you would come back and choose me anyway,” and his arm tightened around the younger one instinctively.

 

Oh well... Junno smiled contently. Maybe this is just the way they are. After all, lust and jealousy wasn’t the only thing that colors a relationship. Focusing on his breath, Junno counted with each exhale and inhale, blocking all thoughts from his mind, as he basically hypnotized his mind into wanting sleep. He wasn’t much of a thinker like Ueda is to begin with. And so he nestled deeper against the figure besides him and yawned, murmuring a very soft ‘oyasumi’ and fell deeply asleep.

 

In the darkness, Ueda laid with the one he loved most in the world and smiled warmly. He never really mind anything about Junno. Not even one...

 

 

~The End~