Always in my Heart

It started with a shy, “Hi,” and “Hello,”

Which then ended with a tearful, “Goodbye.”

 

Thank you so much

Met someone like you who always made me smile

We were in love

We were in love

Thank you thank you really

 

            December 30, 2016.

The moment Wendy woke up from her slumber, a thought came to mind, ‘I want to eat carrot cake.’ The woman with blue hair slowly rose up from her bed and threw the duvet to the side. She blinked, still drowsy, before wincing when she looked to the side where the window was usually covered by pink curtains was opened and the sunlight came in strongly shining as it covered her with a whitish glow.

“How could I forget to close the windows?”

            Still, she stared blankly outside, her chest familiarly tightening. Her hand touched her cheeks which felt dry because of tears. Had she been crying again?

            She sighed, while biting on her lower, chapped lip. “It’s been so long.”

            It was time to start another day. It was Wendy’s day-off today and she decided to stay home. Her eyes turned to see the digital clock on her nightstand. 8:43 a.m. But her attention was on a stuffed Olaf besides the clock. Her eyes lingered long enough for the 3 minutes to pass by.

            …

You went through so much
For holding onto me, who lacked
I really hope for your happiness
Now I know love
Now I know love
Thank you

            A woman in her 20s was having a movie marathon since last night, sitting on the sofa with a bowl of popcorn on her right, accompanying her. Her once brown hair was now dyed into ebony black, her original hair color. She smiles and laughs while watching a strange movie suggested by her friends.

Blue is the Warmest Color.

            Joohyun, the woman, was not really comfortable with watching a… women to women movie(even thought she was gay) that was rated parental guidance (but she’s 26 so it’s fine) but the story touched her very much. Soon, her laughter died down in and the smile on her lips was replaced with a frown.

            Her eyes glistened as she continuously ate popcorn, filling in order to stop the sob that was about to come out. The lead characters met again after their break-up, and the younger one still loved the older. But fate was very cruel as the latter was married now. She angrily turned off the television before stomping out of the living room into her mini-garden of roses while she covered herself with a purple blanket as she was only wearing boxer shorts and a black, thin sweatshirt.

It was morning already.

            Irene’s eyes glanced over the round, glass table in the corner of the garden. On top of one of the chairs, a stuffed, purple bunny was sitting neatly, carrying a picture frame in its hands.

She shuffled towards it.

            …

            December 30, 2012.

            A woman wearing a long, thick black coat was sitting inside a convenience store, with a cup of ramyeon in front of her. She brought her gloved hands in front of her and rubbed them together as she breathed out an icy cloud. Wendy shivered slightly before chuckling.

“Happy studying to me.”

            Wendy had been spending her birthdays like this since she left Canada to study and work in Seoul. She had friends but she preferred spending the whole month of December alone. Why? She thought that she would always spend it until she grows old in the future.

            She picked up her chopsticks and gave thanks before picking up the cup but stopped when a scream and a sound of products crashing to the floor jolted Wendy and she turned to see a woman, probably older than her looking worriedly at the food that toppled down around her.

            ‘Oh well.’ She ignored her and ate, until she heard an angry man’s voice.

            “What the hell did you do?!”

            “I-I’m so-sorry sir, I-I’ll pay-“

            “Damn it, lady! Do you know how much those cost?! Look! Some of them are broken!”

            “I-I-“

            Her voice was trembling and from the looks of it, was about to cry. The other customers pretended not to see as they continued with their conversations except this time they were hushed. It was maddening. Wendy got up and approached the two who looked confused. One angry and confused while the other one was terrified.

            “Sir, she apologized.” The employee scoffed. “I understand that you are probably stressed from working all day long, but causing a ruckus in the shop you’re working on will only lead to you being fired.” Wendy stared daggers at him although her tone was polite. The employee raised his hands in surrender. “Fine, Fine! Ugh!” He turned to the woman who flinched at his growl. “You, put everything back into place and pay what’s broken!”

            When the angry employee walked away, muttering things under his breath, the woman let out a sigh of relief. She turned to Wendy and bowed continuously. “Thank you…” Her voice was soft, low and sultry, like how her face was very, very attractive. Her dark brown eyes looked at him gratefully as she smiled with her velvet lips, her pale complexion seemingly lighting up. Wendy nodded before picking up the broken products, the plastic sticks filled with heavy candy (which was probably the reason why it easily broke) before she heard the woman speak again, “You don’t have to do this! Please-”

“Would you rather I pay for this instead?”

“No-”

“Then go pay for it while I fix these.”

“O…Okay…”

Wendy chuckled as the stranger hesitantly obeyed with pink flushing her cheeks, making her more adorable. Halfway to the counter, she looked back at her, “I-My name’s Joohyun.”

“Nice to meet you.”

…

I’m just looking at you
This is it for us
Seeing you, endlessly shedding tears
Without a word

The pot filled with water was boiling and Wendy quickly turned down the heat and took the pot. The whole house was silent, save for the girl’s footsteps that trudged towards the hanging cabinet.

Wendy opened it and grabbed a box of coffee before a voice interrupted her thoughts, “Don’t drink coffee too much!” Startled, her hand slipped which made the box fall to the floor loudly, the coffee powder scattering on the counter and covering the granite floors.

But she made no movement to pick the box and clean the mess up. Wendy mindlessly stared at the coffee powder, her dark eyes blinking twice. A sigh came out of her chapped lips as she ruffled her hair. She let out a bitter chuckle as she closed her eyes.

“What’s wrong with me today?”

Hasn’t it been long enough?

…

Joohyun picked up the rectangular, wooden picture frame on the glass table carefully, her eyes staring at it angrily. “I thought I threw everything away…” She muttered, her whole body shivering from the cold that the morning brought.

But you could never throw away memories. She quickly glanced at the bunny before resting her forehead in her hands. The house was lonely. The garden filled with different roses and plants could not fill the emptiness she was feeling right now.

…

Wendy was reading through her thesis paper when she heard a knock on her front door. Confused, she stood up and opened the door only to be greeted by Joohyun who was smiling brightly, but shyly at her. “Hello,” She starts, with pink flushing her cheeks once again. Wendy smiled at her before stepping aside to invite her in.

“Hi.” Wendy said meekly. Joohyun took off her white coat when the warmth of Wendy’s house welcomed her. It’s been a year since they’ve met and became close friends that soon became lovers. The scattered papers on Wendy’s living room table caught her attention and she gasped. “Were you busy? Did I interrupt you?”

Instead of answering, Wendy gathered the papers and put them aside as she sees Joohyun holding two plastic bags filled with Chinese food. She ushered the older to sit down before taking the plastic bags in Irene’s hands and put them in the kitchen. “Wan-ah, I was asking if you were busy, m-maybe I could come some other ti-”

Wendy put a hand over the older’s mouth before chuckling. “Don’t worry about it. I was just going over my thesis since it’s my turn to defend it tomorrow. I was finishing up.” That was a lie. Wendy was just about to start reading but she doesn’t want Joohyun worrying about her. Irene raises an eyebrow. “Well, do you need help?” She had graduated from KAIST in Seoul, one of the top universities, so she thinks she could help the younger one.

“I…To be honest, yeah.  But let’s talk about that after we eat. The food will get cold.” Wendy scratched the back of her neck before taking Joohyun’s hand in hers. Physical contact and skin ship was something they both were not familiar with but as time goes by, they’re getting comfortable with each other.

It didn’t take long for Joohyun to fall asleep. Wendy didn’t mind. She was adorable when she slept. Wendy stopped reading when she realized it as Irene snored softly on Wendy’s sofa. She put her thesis aside once more and gently carried Joohyun towards her bedroom and tucked her in. She kissed Irene on the forehead and whispered, “Goodnight, Hyun-ah. I love you.”

…

Now I know love
Now I learned heartbreak
Love you Love you
Always in my heart
Always in my heart

Wendy ignored the extra cup that was sitting on the cupboard as she took the exact same one that was besides it. It was Irene’s favorite. She should throw it away. But she can’t. So she ignores it.

Joohyun hugged the stuffed bunny in her arms while she lay on her purple beddings in her room. The room was painted in different light colors but Joohyun could only see grey as her phone played out an irritating song called, “Always in My Heart.”

She would have to disagree with the singers. Joohyun did not want the memories. She wanted to feel and have everything back. Everything that reminded her of Wendy, her scent, her clothes, her bed, just everything.

“No. No, you don’t. You don’t need her anymore.” Irene tried to convince herself.

If she continues to convince herself, even if it was a lie, it will become a truth.

Right?

 

…

Wendy woke up with red lipstick drawings on her face. Her eyes widened as she screamed when she saw herself in the mirror of her bathroom. “Joohyun, what the hell?!” She didn’t know that Joohyun hadn’t left yet because Wendy slept on the sofa and suddenly Irene popped out from behind her. “Yo, what’s up?” She said sassily. “You…” Wendy growled and quickly Joohyun was running away while Wendy chases her.

“Gotcha!” Wendy lifted her up with ease and triumph as Joohyun squealed continuously like a child. Wendy spun her around as Joohyun continued to squeal and laugh. “Stop, I’m sorry! Seungwan, really!” When she did let Joohyun down, Wendy didn’t stop at all. She tickled the older girl which made her scream more.

How Wendy loved it when the child inside Joohyun comes out since she mostly acts maturely as she’s older than the Canadian.

It’s been a long time since she felt home.

After a lot of time passes
And we get over it a little
Let’s think about meeting up once
I really loved you
I was happy because of you

 

Wendy was eating ramyeon once again. Although she knew that it wasn’t healthy, she has been eating more recently because she didn’t know how to cook nor did she want to order. Especially on her day-offs, Wendy would probably eat only one bowl for the whole day. It wasn’t always like this.

Helplessly, she turned to look around her kitchen. Two aprons were hanging on the wall besides the stove and then her eyes wandered towards the veranda, where two outdoor lounges where placed together in front, perfect for viewing. Besides the cup, there were too many extra things inside her house.

And she remembers those heartless words she told Joohyun back then-

“Maybe after a few years have passed, I would tell you how much I loved you, and we’ll look back and laugh at our once broken hearts.”

Wendy did not realize that she squeezed the now empty cup in her hands until she looked down and felt her sight starting to turn to a blur, tears threatening to fall from her sad eyes.

“It’s been a few years….but why? Why can’t I forget you?”

All the time they spent together, all the fluttering kisses, the butterflies in her stomach, the way she made Wendy feel, the way they slept together in each other’s arms, where they’d whisper each other that everything would be okay-

But none of it did.

 

Joohyun went back to the living room to continue watching the movie. She continued eating a mouthful of popcorn, with eyebrows scrunched up as she glared at the movie menacingly. The couple was inside one’s bedroom, doing activities when her heart clenched at the next lines she heard.

“I love you.”

“I just really love you.” She said, while taking the pair of lips beneath her lovingly. Joohyun grabbed a handful of popcorn and threw it on the television as if she was going to hit the real life characters. She wordlessly continued throwing popcorn even when she knew it was useless until she had no more to throw. How could you give yourself away to the person you love? How could you give everything you have only to have it thrown back at you in the end?

She hates the characters so much as they continued to make love-no! It wasn’t even love! How could they throw away every feeling they’ve built up over the years? How could one move on so easily while the other one just stayed hurting?

 Out of anger, she threw the bowl to the floor and sobbed loudly as she curled up on the sofa.

We know it’ll be hard
Suddenly, it feels so scary
So as we say our last goodbyes
Let’s close our eyes and smile

…

The couple was gazing at each other lovingly as they cuddled on Wendy’s bed. Joohyun smiled at her and pecked her on the lips before burying her face in Wendy’s black shirt that smelled of the fabric softener Joohyun loved so much. Joohyun was practically living in Wendy’s house now. Half of her clothes were there and they even bought new utensils they would use together. “Joohyun, look at me.”

And so she did. She was met with a pair of lips molding into hers as Wendy caressed her face with her left hand while the right one was drawing circles on Joohyun’s petite back. She continued to let their lips touch, nose brushing against each other, and both not getting enough of one another. Sadly, the need of oxygen broke them apart, and Wendy was proud of herself for leaving her lover flushed and breathless.

Amongst the silence, were Joohyun’s giggles and Wendy’s whispers of love in her red ear. “I love you. I love you so much.” Wendy meant it. She had never been one for a loving and close relationship. In the past, all it takes was for a girl(or boy) to confess to her and she’d date them because Wendy would feel bad for them. Now, in front of her was the woman she was willing to spend the rest of her life with, the woman who she loves very much.

People say that love can’t be taught. Wendy thinks that’s true. But it’s possible that love can also be taught to a person who had never felt it before, who doesn’t know the feeling and is unfamiliar with it.

Wendy intertwines her hand with Joohyun’s and kissed her one last time, before Joohyun smiles and closes her eyes, “Good night, love.”

 

Maybe the ruining of their relationship was inevitable.  Two years ago, they could imagine their future together. Now, it was just dark up ahead. They were foolish to think that not a lot could change in just two to three years.

5 years ago, you must have thought that the person you were with then would be the person you would be with now. 5 years later, you were wrong.

Heartbreak has come to me
This is it for us
I just stood there for a moment
Because it seemed like you’d come back
Now I know love
Now I learned heartbreak
Love you Love you

 

“Seungwan what the hell?!”

            Wendy angrily punched the wall, creating a loud echoing sound that wasn’t pleasant to the ears. “What do you mean, what the hell?! I have the right to be angry!” She spat out. Joohyun bit her lower lip and tried to stay calm even when her hands were now balling into fists. “He just gave me a ride! What’s so wrong with that?!”

“What’s wrong with that?! Are you serious, Joohyun? Did you see the way he looks at you?” Wendy scoffed before shaking her head in annoyance.

“Bogum is just a friend! He was kind enough to offer me a ride since you were busy and I didn’t want to bother you!”

“That’s not the point, Joohyun! I would never be busy for you! What if he did something to you while I’m not around?”

“Oh my gosh, Seungwan! He’s just my co-worker, there’s nothing going on between us!” Joohyun was also starting to raise her voice involuntarily. “What is wrong with you, and your jealousy? It’s getting out of hand and I’m getting tired of this.” Joohyun was already exhausted from working in her office the whole day and now she comes home to an angry girlfriend.

            The moment she said that, she covered as Wendy froze and stared at her in shock. She recovered quickly, and opened but Wendy shook her head. “I’m…I’m just worried about you.” She said quietly. “Sure, you’re friends, b-but that doesn’t mean that he isn’t feeling anything for you. Did you at least tell him that we’re together?” Wendy’s eyes were filled with hope, because she did trust Joohyun but she did not trust that Bogum.

            Joohyun stayed silent, guilt creeping inside her, making go dry. Wendy’s heart clenched and she frowned before sighing and turning away. “I thought so. Just…wash up and go to sleep.”

No words were exchanged between them the following days after. Until the fourth day when Joohyun went up to Wendy’s study room and hesitantly knocked on it. Wendy opened it, staring at Joohyun with an unreadable expression. “What is it?” There were visible bags under her eyes which were a puffy red and Joohyun concluded that Wendy must have cried a lot since her voice was also hoarse and airy. Joohyun hadn’t seen her leave the room since they fought.

Joohyun’s lips trembled as she let out the tears she had been saving up. “I-I’m sorry…I’m sorry Seungwan, I really am-” Wendy just nodded before pulling her in an awkward hug. The woman was so used to having physical contact with Wendy since they’ve been together for over 2 years and even just four days of no contact made her feel horrible. She held Wendy tightly and whimpered in Wendy’s neck, which muffled her voice out.

“It’s okay…I understand. Maybe you should tell them about me if I pass my exams so that you’d be proud of me.” Wendy whispered.

‘You liar.’ Joohyun thought. Wendy had misunderstood and turned deaf ears when Joohyun tried to protest.

 

“You idiot.” Joohyun mumbles as she relentlessly moved from one place to another inside her house. “I was already proud of you.” A tear dripped down the side of her cheek and she wiped it away and sniffled.

This was a horrible day. A horrible reminder. Why did her boss let her have her day-offs at the end of the months?

 

Wendy did pass her exams after a month of waiting the results out. She’s finally a licensed teacher, but for some reason, her heart was only filled with dread. Was this enough? Was this enough for Joohyun to be proud of her?

Was it enough for that jerk Bogum to stop bothering them?

Wendy shook off those thoughts and drove in her corvette that she inherited from her father towards the law firm that Joohyun was working at. Wendy had bought salvias and a purple stuffed bunny on her way, since she hasn’t given Joohyun any gifts for a long time now. Besides the two salvias, red and blue, she saw a way to create the same flowers with paper on the internet and she made another 5. Two real flowers represented their two years together and five paper flowers that won’t wither for their five months. As Wendy kept getting nearer, the heaviness in her heart doubled. What can her income compare to what Joohyun earns? Her 1.9 million won would compare to Joohyun’s 560 million won? You’ve got to be kidding her.

But Wendy trusts Joohyun. She trusts that it would be alright for the both of them. For their future. Wendy parked in the back of the Korean Law firm and was about to walk to the front, when she saw her girlfriend walking in the other aisle of the parking lot. Wendy was about to approach but stopped in her tracks when she sees Joohyun holding a large bouquet of purple roses and a paper bag with chocolates peeking out in her hands. She frowns and blinks when a man, not just any man, but a handsome one with jet black hair pulled back and he radiantly smiled at Joohyun while taking her things to help.

Oh. It was Park Bogum.

Those must be his gifts for her then.

Wendy observes as Joohyun smiles and laughs happily when Bogum told her something, a joke probably. She hid behind a black minivan as the two passed by her and Wendy blankly stared at the seven flowers in her hand and the stuffed bunny. Wendy looked back with her brown eyes and sees Bogum opening his black Lamborghini and Joohyun sitting in front. He must have bought all of those with his own money. Wendy’s heart sank.

As soon as they went off, Wendy came out of her hiding place, with shoulders slumped and expression lifeless. Wendy’s steps were slow as she went back to his car, her grip on the flowers loose as one fell out. But she didn’t mind and kept walking.

Until she hears a voice. “Hey!” Wendy turned back gloomily and saw a woman probably not older than her with black long straight hair and monolid eyes. The stranger picked up the flower that fell and approached Wendy, out of breath. “Why didn’t you pick this up? Aw…This looks well-made.” Her eyes twinkled. Wendy just smiled, but it did not reach her eyes, “Thanks.” She said curtly.

Without thinking, Wendy shoved the flowers and the bunny rabbit in the stranger’s arms which made the woman yelp. “What the heck? Why are you giving them to me?” Wendy shrugged. “You appreciate them, that’s why.” The stranger looked at her, bewildered but then it dawned on her. “Oh…Oh! Were you giving this to your girlfriend or boyfriend? Then I can’t take them, you have to give it to-”

“She left with someone else.”

That made the woman shut up. She looked at Wendy sympathetically as Wendy looked at anywhere else but her. It was evident from her voice that she was heartbroken and the stranger pitied her. “Is…that so…I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Wendy’s voice was gentle but sad. “It’s not her fault too…” she continued.

Whoever Wendy was referring to, the stranger felt empathetic. Whoever had her heart was very lucky and very stupid to make Wendy feel this way. “Goodbye. Take care of those.” Wendy said as her eyes lingered on the two gifts she had worked on. The woman realized that the things in her hands were actually hand-made when she sees Wendy’s hands covered in bandages.

Without another word, the two bid their goodbyes and Wendy drove off. What she forgot was that she had also sewn the name of her lover on the stomach of the stuff toy.

 

“So she was….?”

 

Joohyun hadn’t realized that the day had gone by so fast. It was already 8:05 p.m. when she looked at the clock in her kitchen. She had spent the day balling her eyes out, remembering everything that took place a year and a half ago.

She was indeed foolish. The ebony-haired girl thought she was mature enough to handle the situations back then, when in reality, she was also still but a child.

 

Wendy grimaced as she remembers those events. It always comes back every once in a while. How hypocritical of her to say those words back then, confident and so sure that he would be able to forget Joohyun.

Now here she was, holding onto a picture that was hidden behind the Olaf stuff toy in her room. It was their picture where they wore a suit and a white silky gown to let them imagine more about their future and how they were going to spend every day with each other for the rest of their lives. Wendy remembers how she insisted that Joohyun should only wear the dress while she wears the tuxedo because she always wanted to try one.

Wendy wonders if she was holding on by just a single thread when she was so heartbroken at the sight of Joohyun rarely coming home back then.

 

It’s been a week since Joohyun came home back to Wendy. She had informed the younger in advance that she was working on a serious and mysterious case about a hit-and-run. Wendy had become scared that Joohyun might be lying to her.

Wendy became angry at himself for doubting Joohyun when she should trust her. It was overwhelming the woman. It’s been three weeks since that incident happen when she accidentally saw Joohyun and Bogum together and Wendy didn’t question her at all when she came home with those flowers and bag of chocolates.

Joohyun knew there was something wrong when Wendy greeted her shortly before excusing herself to go sleep because of exhaustion. Usually they would stay up late and talk about different things but now, only a deafening wall of silence surrounded them and it was suffocating her.

It wasn’t a lie when she told Wendy that she was working on a case, but besides that, she was also preparing a special dinner for the both of them. But when the day of their supposed third anniversary came, she went home to Wendy sprawled on the floor, drunk.

Her eyes opened widely as she ran up to her. “Seungwan, Seungwan! What happened? I thought you don’t drink!” She cried out. Wendy’s pale face was red as she opened her glazed eyes and looked at Joohyun. They were filled with mixed emotions that Joohyun could not decipher.

“Oh…You’re home, Hyun-ah…” She hiccupped while Joohyun’s lips formed a line. It’s been so long since Wendy called her affectionately by her nickname. “What’s wrong? Why did you drink?” Wendy tried to sit up but struggled so Joohyun helped her sit on the couch. Wendy let out a drunken laugh and Joohyun wrinkled her nose, disgusted by the smell of liquor.

“It was my colleague’s birthday….They put…juic…Why…do you care?” Joohyun raised an eyebrow. “Of course I’d care, I love you.” Although Wendy’s sentences were incomplete, Joohyun understood. Wendy’s eyes shut tightly as she scoffed. “Didn’t think you still do. Haven’t heart that in a long time.”

“I…” Joohyun’s voice faded as she realizes that Wendy was right. They’ve stopped spending time with each other and Joohyun was partly at fault. “Hey, Hyunnie did ya know?” Wendy’s slurred voice snapped her back to reality and Joohyun only stayed silent but Wendy knew she was listening.

“I went to pick you up last week…” Her once loud voice was now tuned down. Joohyun’s ears perked up. “Really?” Wendy nodded, her eyes struggling to keep awake. “I…saw you and Bo..gum…left together…gave the gifts away.” Her lips were trembling and Joohyun mouth went agape. “You…you were there?”

“I…supposed to pick you up but…it hurts.” Wendy sniffled as she threw her head back and groaned, her once well-kept hair was now disheveled and a mess. Joohyun took Wendy’s hand in hers and she drew comforting circles on the former’s hand with her thumb. Her heart was almost going to shatter like thin glass.

“It hurts you know…Thinking that I have to be better…so you’d be proud…Seeing you with someone else…I-I mean-” Wendy choked and Joohyun feels the tears coming. “You were happy…I didn’t want to ruin it. I bet you haven’t told your co-workers about us, have you?” Wendy opened one eye to look at Joohyun’s guilty expression.

Wendy snorts. “U…I understand…not enough…you’re embarrassed. But shtill…” Her voice started getting small and harder to hear. “I wanted to understand…tried to…But please understand that I shouldn’t be the only one trying to understand. I love you but I think I’m going to explode soon.”

Slowly Wendy closed her eyes and went into dreamland, leaving Joohyun pondering on her words and she couldn’t keep herself from crying. “I’m sorry….”

“I’m sorry…”

            She repeatedly told the sleeping girl that, while she snuggled next to her, unending tears dripping on the floor.

 

But she wasn’t the only one at fault, right?

 

First, it was because they stopped spending time with each other. Second, they turned deaf ears to each other’s explanation. The third event that took place was the reason why their already-falling-apart relationship finally crashed to the ground.

 

It was when Joohyun and Wendy met each other’s parents when their relationship was finally over. The parents were fine with them being open about their uality, but Wendy was pressured by Joohyun’s  parents who had high standards and looked at her lowly. She overheard their conversation.

“Joohyun are you sure? You have so many suitors but why did you chose someone with such low income?”

“Eomma, how could you say that! Who cares about income, Seungwan takes care of me more than you could ever know!”

“But Joohyun, do you really want to be with someone and provides for her?” Her father argued.

“It’s not like that!” Joohyun’s frustrated voice filled the quiet kitchen and Wendy had turned white. Even if Joohyun said that, she knew that it was true.

“Joohyun, Seungwan’s a nice girl and all…but we’re worried about your future here.”

 

Future. The word rang in Wendy’s ears. What about their future? Will they still be together if almost everything is pulling them apart and away from each other? Wendy looked down at her already cold coffee that she hasn’t touched for a while now. Suddenly she didn’t feel welcome in Joohyun’s humble house. The three’s voices were now turned into hushed whispers and Wendy stopped listening when she became lost in thought.

 

It didn’t go well too for her parents.

“Seungwan-ah, are you sure you’re going to end up together?”

Joohyun silently stirred the hot chocolate her girlfriend’s mother made for her. She sat quietly in the living room, not opening her lips at all.

Wendy looked at her mother in confusion. She thought she would be happy for her daughter. “What do you mean by that, eomma?”

“I-I mean…it’s just that…I know Joohyun is a nice woman, rich even, but what if she hates you for having a lower income than her?”

There it is with the income which did not fail to make Wendy’s remaining self-esteem wither away. “Eomma, she doesn’t care about that.” She answered firmly, but her mind doubts it.

“I know, I know! But what about if you two were to get married? Will both of you still understand the hardships? If the both of you would have a child or she retires, are you ready to provide for her?”

Wendy didn’t answer, which only proved her mother’s point.

Wendy knew that Joohyun was listening in, just like how she listened at the last words that united both of their parents.

“I think you two should break up.”

 

…

CRASH!

Joohyun picked up the coffee cup that slipped out of her hands. She let out a groan when a shard cut her finger. A drop of blood fell to the white tiles. Joohyun’s lips trembled from the temporary pain that stung.

She made her decision to eat outside tonight.

 

Wendy put on her blue scarf, along with her black coat and gloves. She ran out of ramyeon and planned to drive towards the convenience store to buy some more.

 

When the two arrived in front of the Han River and looked at each other. They could both feel that the end was drawing near for the both of them. It was almost midnight when they came back from meeting each other’s parents and Wendy broke the thick, tense air inside his car.

“Let’s go to Han River.” She said gently. Joohyun mindlessly stared at their intertwined hands. It was cold. The emitting warmth was nowhere to be found and she only felt cold. Wendy must have felt it too.

They held hands in front of the river, the peaceful crashing of the waves accompanying and comforting them. Wendy stared at Joohyun who was watching the waves until she feels Wendy’s stare and looks back at the younger with glistening brown eyes.

Wendy pulled her closer, letting their foreheads touch as she caressed Joohyun’s face. Joohyun’s eyes slowly closed and the younger closed the remaining gap between them. Joohyun placed her arms around Wendy’s neck and pulled her closer, desperate to taste her that is Son Seungwan, not wanting to let her go or else she would disappear. Wendy let her while pulling her by the waist and continued to lovingly kiss each other, the spark still very much there but their feelings dropping lower and lower like the salty tears that fell from their eyes.

“I don’t want to hate you…” Wendy choked out.

“You’d…you’d hate me?” Joohyun’s voice shook.

“I don’t want to keep on getting jealous and angry at every small thing. I don’t want you to get tired of me. I don’t want you to hate me as well because I hate myself.” Wendy laid her head on Joohyun’s neck.

Joohyun’s grip on Wendy’s back loosened.

Although they didn’t want to let go, they couldn’t keep on holding on either. What’s left of their relationship is about to crash. Their love was strong, but both of them doubted it, believing the words that people around them said.

“Maybe….Maybe after a few years, I would tell you how much I loved you, and we’ll look back and laugh at our once broken hearts.”

 

Suddenly, it feels so scary
So as we say our last goodbyes
Let’s close our eyes and smile
Heartbreak has come to me
This is it for us
I just stood there for a moment
Because it seemed like you’d come back
Now I know love
Now I learned heartbreak

 

            Bae Joohyun stared up at the ramyeon that was sitting four rows above her small frame. Curse this height of hers. She breathed in the icy air before tiptoeing and raising her hand to reach the pack but to no avail. She looked around but the store clerk was nowhere to be found so she let out a huff, shivering from the cold. Her stomach rumbled in hunger which did not help her either.

 

            Wendy looked around the almost deserted store but shrugged it off. Instead of a convenience store, this looked more like a grocery shop with the high stalls and wide space. He put her hands in her pocket and looked around before stopping on aisle seven when she sees a small woman jumping to reach something. She snaps her fingers and sees that she was reaching for what Wendy was also looking for. Wendy chuckles as she sees her pathetically jumping and stomping the ground in frustration.

“Miss, do you need help?”

 

…

“Miss, do you need help?”

            Joohyun stopped for a moment, sitting down as she panted tirelessly. “Wa…Give me a moment.” She replied to the voice without turning around. But when she did turn around, the woman who suggested was nowhere to be found but then she felt a shadow over her and sees the stranger reaching up with ease as she stood on a stepladder and took two packs of ramyeon, she concludes that the other pack was probably for the stranger. “I’m guessing you’ve been jumping long enough.” The woman chuckled which made Joohyun pout.

            Joohyun stood up and fixed her hair before smiling and stretching out her hand to receive the food but instead, the smile faded and was replaced with utter shock and disbelief.

            Wendy was also surprised and hrt heart probably stopped beating momentarily.

 

            Both of them stood there, frozen and stuck to their place. Observing each other. Hearts pounding in their chests, familiar feelings welling up inside. Joohyun swallowed a lump in as she looked at the younger, which had grown taller(or was it the heels?) and had a leaner frame. She assumes Wendy has been working out. Her once blonde hair was now dyed into blue hue, her white skin was still the same as ever and still even had the same chocolate brown eyes that melted Joohyun whenever Wendy stared.

           

Unknowing to her, Wendy was also watching the older. It’s been about a year and a half, but Joohyun had grown more beautiful. Her once brown hair was now dyed back into her ebony black; which showed off her pretty face that probably attracted a lot of people. She still had that pale complexion, with her thin pink lips and her high cheekbones. Her eyes that looked at Wendy calculatingly, cold and fierce but underneath it was a child. She was thinner than before, skinnier too.

Suddenly, questions filled Wendy’s mind. Had Joohyun been eating well?

Had she moved on?

Was she finally promoted to a higher position?

Was Joohyun hurting like her?

 

“Wan-ah.”

Wendy’s eyes fluttered open and sees Joohyun on top of her, looking at her innocently. “What is it, Joohyun-ah?” Wendy laughs before putting her arms around Joohyun’s waist and pecking her nose. Joohyun  puffed her cheeks, “Stop eating too much ramyeon and drinking coffee. It’s bad for you!”

“But I need it to keep me awake.”

“Your argument is invalid.”

Wendy rolled her eyes before turning with Joohyun still on top of her so now she landed besides Wendy on the bed. “Yah, promise me something.” She started, her gaze capturing Wendy. “Hm?”
“If we end up fighting in the future…promise me that we’d fix it no matter what?”

“I promise.” Wendy said. “Also, you should promise me one thing too.”

“What’s that?”

“If ever we should break-up, win my heart back through food, okay?” Wendy joked.

“Ugh. Foreigners and their stomachs.” But Joohyun was smiling heartily.

 

            Joohyun was the first to look away.

She took the pack and muttered a ‘Thank You’ before bypassing the stunned woman. Wendy still stood there, dazed, but then quickly followed Joohyun who seemed adamant to see her. “Jo-Joohyun!” She called out weakly.

But it worked. Joohyun turned back around with an unreadable expression. “Wendy-ssi. I’m sorry but I’m in a hurry.” She said, biting her lower lip which made it obvious that she was lying.

Wendy frowned at the formality. She didn’t want to imagine how badly Joohyun must have felt after their break-up. “I…I wanted to talk…” “There’s nothing to talk about.” Joohyun persisted.

“Geez…why are you so cold?” Wendy muttered but it seems like Joohyun had super hearing abilities because she scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Did you expect me to warm up to you after what happened?” Her voice was suddenly hoarse and Wendy’s heart sank at Joohyun’s angry expression. When Wendy didn’t answer, Joohyun took it as the time to leave, so when she turned around, she expected Wendy not to chase after her like what she did almost two years ago. But then she feels a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist and she spun around to slap her who startled her.

Smack!

The sound echoed around the almost empty store. Joohyun’s hand was raised, trembling, like her whole body which shook like an earthquake. She sees the red mark she had created on Wendy’s face and winced, knowing that it stung but Wendy only blinked before slowly turning back to her. Wendy’s grip only grew stronger to Joohyun’s distaste. She struggled to get out, mumbling incoherent words butWendy caught the, “Stop!” and “Let go of me!”

“I don’t want to.” Wendy said and flinched from the slight pain. Joohyun glared at her through tears. “What do you want from me?” She said. Wendy only stared at her. “What do you want from me?” Joohyun repeated. “Surely, after 2 years you would have let go, right? So what do you want from me?” Her lips were starting to tremble as tears were now evident in her dark eyes.

“I…”

I want our love back.

I want you back.

Was that appropriate? Did Wendy have the right? “I’m sorry.” That, instead came out of her plump lips. Joohyun only stared at her before wiping the tears away, staying silent. “I miss you…” Joohyun was not impressed. “You were the one who suggested we break-up.” She spats out.

“And I was foolish enough to distrust you. I was foolish enough to think I could get over you. I was idiotic enough to doubt you. I was stupid to think lowly of me and let other’s opinions get the best of me. I’m sorry. I’m just so sorry for hurting you.” Wendy blurted it all at once which silenced Joohyun who looked at her blankly.

Wendy chuckles bitterly, her grip now gone and her arms are hanging by her sides lifelessly. “I just wanted you to know…I woke up today craving for carrot cake, your favorite food. I dropped the box of coffee powder because I imagined hearing you scold me for drinking too much. I spent the last few weeks eating unhealthy food because I felt miserable. Absolutely miserable.” Wendy looked down.

“I…I just want to tell you those…I just wanted you to know…” I want you to know how miserable I am without you. Wendy wanted to have her closure. She wanted to let out all these feelings onto Joohyun who probably felt the same but instead of telling her, she chooses to keep shut. “I…I won’t ask for a second chance…” Wendy said carefully before looking up, but only until Joohyun’s neck, afraid to see her face.

“I…But if you’d let me…I would work for it…I’d work to win your heart again.”

As soon as she said that, Joohyun raised her hand as if to say, ‘Stop.’ And then she speaks with a cold voice.

“I hate you, do you know that?”

Ouch.

“I do…”

“Did you know how frustrated I am that I took a two month leave from the law firm because I couldn’t even work?”

No, Wendy didn’t.

“Bogum continuously visited me.”

Wendy’s eyes widened slightly, suddenly afraid.

“He repeatedly told me that he was always going to be there for me.” Joohyun’s voice turned mellow which was like a sword that stabbed Wendy in her chest.

“He was there when I needed someone the most.”

Wendy’s shoulders slumped and she clenched her teeth, punching herself mentally.

 “And yet…I rejected him.” Joohyun chuckled.

“Did you know that day you saw us, I told him that I had you? I turned him down and he was actually resigning back then. Those flowers you saw were from my boss who congratulated me for solving a case I was working on for a long time.”

Wendy’s ears perked up. She did that for him? Wendy might feel bad for Bogum resigning but it was better for the three of them(back then).

“Why did I do that?” The question was directed to Joohyuun herself. “Why did I try to find you even after knowing that we were already over? Why did I disobey my parents and insisted that they would approve of you even afterwards? Why did I love you but hate you so much? Do you know how hard it was? Do you know how hard it was turning down a lot of people for you? How my parents were sad for me? How I thought I was fighting a useless battle because there was no more us?” Joohyun’s eyes watered again.

“And yet…here you are again, in front of me just when I decided to forget about you.”

            In their own world, they completely forgot that they were still inside the silent convenience store but the employee wasn’t bothering them either way. Joohyun sobbed pathetically in front of Wendy, covering her face while her shoulders jolted once in a while, repeatedly saying, “I hate you” like a mantra. Wendy didn’t know what to feel.

            Wendy didn’t hug her nor did she touch her. But Wendy found herself drawing nearer until their foreheads touched and Joohyun didn’t seem to mind. “Let’s…” She started, looking at Joohyun’s shut lids.

“Let’s start over again. This time I’m going to be the one fighting for us.” Wendy hesitantly tried to reach and wipe Joohyun’s tears but instead, Joohyun stopped her and held her hands in hers tightly. “We’ll make it work…” Wendy didn’t know how long they were holding each other, as she sees a familiar face(the one who shouted at Joohyun years ago) staring at them. The employee shook his head before saying, “I swear you two always cause trouble for me.” before walking away and letting them be. He must have heard everything.

Joohyun’s sobs died down as she pushed herself away from the younger, wiping her tears furiously. She shyly looked back at Wendy who did not look away from her since she talked. “I……” Wendy blinked. “I…Le-Let’s fight together this time…” Joohyun muttered.

Wendy smiled slightly, for the first time in weeks. “Yeah, of course.

“You better be stronger this time.” Joohyun muttered under her breath which made Wendy nervously laugh. “This time…you don’t have to worry about income, or should your parents look down on me. The school I worked with recommended me to this company and I became the President’s adviser…” Joohyun placed her finger on Wendy’s lips to stop her from talking.

Joohyun shook her head. “I never cared about your income, Seungwan. What you earned as a teacher was already enough for the both of us, if we combined our income, then everything would be fine. I didn’t earn as much as you think I did. My parents were impressed with you working with KAIST already, where they offered a large salary for the teachers.” Joohyun revealed to Wendy.

 

“But let’s take it step by step this time, okay?” She continued and Wendy nods.

            “A-As long as we end up together?” Wendy said hopefully.

For the first time that day, Joohyun smiled truthfully.

“If we work on us and not only on our jobs, of course.”

The two knew how each other felt anyway. Their hearts were reconnected to each other, and this time, Wendy and Joohyun will keep their relationship stronger.

They were wrong to think that it fell apart.

It was barely standing, but they’re mending it back together.

They’re trying.