Q: It was recently discovered that you used to be a freelance photographer, what was it that made you stop?

Jinyoung: I was freelance all throughout college and even a few years after. Back then, I was always chasing perfection through the lens: I wanted to capture it; I wanted to be it. I was never satisfied with anything I created, and the constant failures fueled this ugliness inside me. Then one day, someone [Smiles]… someone made me realize that I was chasing not mine, but other people’s vision of perfection. So, I put down the camera because I had been losing myself all those years, and I was starting to lose the one person who loved me for who I was. I didn’t want to mold myself to fit this arbitrary idea of ‘perfect’ anymore because to him, I am perfect. After I stopped chasing, I finally started feeling confident and comfortable in who I was.

Q: Is that what made you become a model? To serve as a symbol that everyone is perfect just as they are?

Jinyoung: Oh no. That happened because I accidentally walked into a meeting and it just so happened that one of the executives present liked my face enough to plaster it on the front page of magazines. [Laughter]

.:.

The wedding is beautiful and nothing short of what Jinyoung expects. Tears have been shed, smiles shared, and it is now time for the after party. Jinyoung has done an exceptional job of avoiding he who shall not be named the entire day, considering that they are both the best man of the two grooms: Jinyoung, Jackson’s and he who shall not be named, Mark’s.

Just a few more hours and he and he who shall not be named can go back to being on separate ends of the Earth, Jinyoung thinks as he surveys the refreshments table. After finding nothing to his taste, he picks up a flute of champagne, swiveling around just to crash into a body. The champagne threatens to spill out of the glass until Jinyoung steadies his hand and looks right into the unforgettable eyes of he who shall not be named.

“Damn it,” Jinyoung mutters, not because of the drops of liquid that managed to escape and land on his hand, but because the very man he had successfully avoided the entire day was grabbing his arms to steady him.

Jaebum drops his hands from Jinyoung as if they were burned by coals before raising his right hand in a fist to cover his mouth as he clears his throat. “Jinyoung,” is all he says as a greeting.

“Jaebum. Hyung,” Jinyoung responds with a nod of his head. He never called him hyung back then. This is something new, but something that must be done, for they are not what they used to be. The tension in the air could not be cut with even a hand saw.

“How have you been?” Jaebum asks, stepping around Jinyoung to grab two flutes of champagne. Two.

Jinyoung swallows, his throat feeling as dry as sandpaper. “I’ve been well. Healthy and alive. Can’t complain,” he trails off into silence, trying to form more words but finding himself unable to.

“Aren’t you going to ask me how I am?” Jaebum teases, lips forming a tiny smirk. Jinyoung eyes the flutes of champagne that Jaebum is holding, one in each hand.

“How are you?” Jinyoung pushes out. Can Jaebum tell he’s falling apart just by his mere proximity?

The smirk disappears, replaced by a genuine smile as Jaebum replies, “I’m also doing well. I’m finally back in Seoul for good, well as ‘for good’ as my job lets me, I guess.” The end of his sentence ends on a quiet, awkward note.

Memories of their nasty break up flashes through Jinyoung’s mind. Could this be the moment Jinyoung has been waiting for these past four years?

“Hyung.”

Both men turn to look at who had interrupted their moment. A handsome man stands a few paces away, eyes analyzing the situation between Jaebum and Jinyoung. He walks straight up the former and takes the flute that Jaebum offers him, before turning to Jinyoung, face sporting a dazzling, friendly smile.

“You must be Park Jinyoung-ssi. I’m Choi Youngjae, Jaebum hyung’s boyfriend.”

“How could you not tell me that the wedding photographer is his boyfriend?!” Jinyoung corners groom and groom into the corner. A stranger would think he is upset, but from years of being friends, Jackson and Mark know that Jinyoung is really just covering up that fact that he is flustered and hurt.

“In all fairness, you won’t even let us say his name around you, how could we mention Youngjae?” Jackson points out, one hand resting on Mark’s waist, the other wrapped around Jinyoung’s shoulder, the three forming a circle for maximum privacy.

“You know him on first name basis?” Jinyoung eyes are wide with mistrust swimming in them.

“Jinyoung, it was four years ago,” Mark interjects.

Jinyoung turns to looks at the eldest of the three. “But how can he be so happy when I’m falling apart because the person I want to spend the rest of my life with doesn’t want me anymore?” It comes out as a whisper, a stray tear escaping Jinyoung’s right eye and leaving a trail down his cheek.

“Jinyoung,” Jackson says. “Wipe your eyes. Put on a smile and show him you aren’t affected by this.”

Jinyoung nods, wiping at the tears falling from each eye, “I’m okay.”

“You’d better be because he who shall not be named is approaching us right now,” Jackson quickly whispers before letting go of both men and embracing Jaebum with a sunny smile. From the look on Jaebum’s face, it is easy to tell this is not the first hug of the night between the two. “Jaebum hyung!”

Jinyoung eyes trail down Jaebum’s right hand, stretched out to intertwine with Youngjae’s left hand. When he lifts his eyes, Youngjae is staring at him with a curious look. Upon the eye contact, Youngjae breaks out into a smile again.

“Jinyoung-ssi! You just ran away. I was actually thinking about getting to know you better! Unfortunately, Jaebum hyung and I have an early shoot to drive to tomorrow so we must leave now,” Youngjae says brightly. Jinyoung would love to not like Youngjae but, damn it, it isn’t hard to see that he is actually genuinely interested in becoming Jinyoung’s friend. “Would it be okay if we exchanged numbers?”

Jinyoung hesitates, noticing that Jaebum is staring at the exchange between them. “S-sure,” he replies and is offered a cell phone.

“You’re leaving now?” Mark inquires, picking up the information from Youngjae’s earlier words.

Jinyoung returns the phone to Youngjae as Jaebum starts giving a further explanation. He turns to look at the latter talking but ends up zoning out, lost in the profile of his former lover. When he comes to, he realizes that Jaebum and Youngjae are long gone, instead he is seated at the bar, a big glass of water in front of him.

“Rough night?” the bartender asks when he notices Jinyoung coming back to Earth. Jinyoung glances at the man, a few years younger than himself, before picking up the glass of water and waving it questioningly at him. “Jackson hyung said you have a shoot tomorrow and can’t have anything else, lest you want to go to work hungover.”

“Ah, yes, the ever-kind-hearted Jackson Wang,” Jinyoung mutters sarcastically but sips at the water anyway. “What’s your name?”

“I’m Yugyeom, Kim Yugyeom, and you are Park Jinyoung, the model everyone’s obsessed with these days.”

Jinyoung blushes. “Not everyone,” he denies bitterly at the thought of the one person he is sure does not want him.

“Almost everyone,” Yugyeom amends, then adds, “Got dumped?”

Jinyoung lets out a stiff laugh. “Yeah, four years ago and he came back with a new lover.”

Yugyeom’s eyes shifts from Jinyoung to the dance floor and Jinyoung follows to see that the other boy is looking at the wedded couple happily twirling around each other.

“Oh no, not them,” Jinyoung answers with the flick of his hand. “Nah, my boy was the best man.” Jinyoung takes a gulp of water. “His new man was the photographer.”

“Yikes.”

Jinyoung places his arm onto the counter and rests his head in the crook of his elbow. “But you know, we never promised each other anything. He made the right decision to find someone else. I was the foolish one, thinking we could mend all that was broken between us.”

Yugyeom can only watch as tears escape Jinyoung’s eyes and fall onto the marble countertop.

Hello Jinyoung-ssi, this is Choi Youngjae.

The text comes a week later, when Jinyoung is taking a break from shooting pictures for a pet adoption advertisement. He gently scratches the ears of the white Pomeranian in his lap as he mulls over the text. Before he can type out a reply, another message comes through.

I know this is sudden, but I would love the have the opportunity to do a shoot with you. Please let me know if there is any chance that we may be able to work together.

Jinyoung is shocked frozen. Of all people, why did it have to be Choi Youngjae that wanted to shoot him. He heaves a deep sigh, disturbing the Pomeranian, who then hops off his lap. He sends out a reply just before being called back onto set. His phone lays on the abandoned seat and flashes with a message a second later.

Great! I’ll contact you shortly with information as to where we can meet up to discuss details. Thank you so much for the opportunity, Jinyoung-ssi.

Jinyoung fidgets with his cup of coffee, staring into the black liquid. He originally drank his coffee with one cream and two sugars, but after Jaebum, had picked up the habit of drinking it black. Another thing to remind him of the other, Jinyoung regretfully thinks before raising the cup to his lips to take a sip.

Jaebum’s face comes to view as he lowers his cup, resulting in him sputtering and blowing quite a few bubbles into the hot liquid. Jaebum is extending a napkin out to him before he can even comprehend what is going on. Jaebum has always been so good at taking care of him.

“Good morning, Jinyoung-ssi,” Youngjae greets from behind Jaebum and takes the seat directly across from Jinyoung. Jaebum sits beside Youngjae. “I hope you don’t mind that I brought Jaebum hyung.”

“Not at all,” Jinyoung replies after wiping his lower face dry. “And please, just call me Jinyoung.”

“Jaebum hyung told me you’re a year younger than him. Would it be alright if I call you hyung?”

Jinyoung watches as Jaebum waves a waitress over and orders two more cups of coffee before swallowing thickly and replies, “Of course.”

The smile on Youngjae’s face falters. “Are you not feeling well, hyung?”

“Just a little nervous. I usually hold meetings with my manager present,” Jinyoung lies, the object of his discomfort sitting diagonally from him.

“Believe me when I say this is purely for my personal use. I would like to get photos of you to use on my website and social media only. If opportunities arise where I can market your photos, I would absolutely discuss it with you first.”

“Yes, of course. I trust you,” Jinyoung assures. “I only have one question: why me?”

“I’ve never had an actual person as my subject before. By that I mean, the faces in my photos are always strangers. I’ve never felt the need to capture those around me but for some reason, you’re the first person that has caught my attention. There’s something about you that is captivating and I want to see if I can capture it in my shots,” Youngjae explains, his eyes corroborating his words. Jinyoung must have a look of disbelief on his face, which Youngjae notices. “Hyung, believe me when I say you are very fascinating. Maybe if I could capture what I see in you, you will be able to see it also.”

Jaebum sits silently, but his face depicts that he agrees with everything his boyfriend says. It is hard to breathe after looking at him. Jinyoung tears his eyes away from Jaebum and focuses on Youngjae again. Does he notice that Jinyoung keeps staring at Jaebum? Jinyoung needs to control himself better.

“I,” Jinyoung stutters. “I’ve never had those words said to me before. You flatter me too much. I don’t know if I can fulfill your wishes, honestly. I’ve never been too good at meeting people’s expectations.”

“I’m not expecting anything. I just wish to have a shoot with you. I only need a few hours,” Youngjae pleads. “No, I only need one hour! One hour, that’s all I ask for.”

Jaebum opens his mouth to say something but is cut off by the ringing of Youngjae’s phone, who apologizes and explains that it’s an important call before excusing himself.

“Youngjae is a big fan of yours,” Jaebum breaks the silence.

Jinyoung lifts his cup to take sip only to realize he’s run out of coffee. “Is he?” Jinyoung places his cup down. “How does he know me?”

“Jinyoung, you’re on the cover of magazines across the country. How could he not know who you are?”

“I’m not even that big,” Jinyoung scoffs because really, he isn’t that big. He is just a small-time model who appears on (mostly teen geared) magazines from time to time. “If I was on TV, then maybe I could accept that but I’m only hired for the little people. No one knows who I am. Did you tell him about me?”

“I mentioned you to him once, I think,” Jaebum answers.

This eye contact thing is getting really hard to maintain. Jinyoung the corner of his lips nervously and notices that Jaebum’s eyes track the movement.

Jinyoung coughs. “Um, how long have you and Youngjae been…?” Jinyoung trails off, unable to finish the rest of the sentence.

“We’ve known each other for a couple of years now but only started dating a year back. We met while collaborating on a project,” Jaebum recalls. Quite fondly, Jinyoung notes. How evil must one be in order to talk details with an ex-lover on how they got together with their new lover?  

“That’s great. You deserve someone like that,” Jinyoung finds himself saying, eyes glued onto the table.

“Like what?” Jaebum asks.

Jinyoung looks up into Jaebum’s eyes. “Someone better than me.”

“Jinyoung-” Jaebum begins, distress obvious on his face.

“Sorry about that,” Youngjae interjects obliviously on his return to the table. Jinyoung and Jaebum jump at his voice. “My client wanted to change her appointment. Could have mentioned it before the day of-”

“I’ll do it,” Jinyoung announces in the middle of Youngjae’s quiet mumbles.

“What?” Youngjae meets Jinyoung’s stare with wide eyes.

“I would love to work with you, Youngjae-ssi,” Jinyoung repeats and holds out a hand to seal the deal. Youngjae accepts the hand with both hands while letting out a mantra of thank you’s.

Jinyoung can feel Jaebum’s gaze on him but keeps his eyes trained on Youngjae, who is emanating happiness, along with a blinding smile. Gosh, his smile sure is contagious, no wonder Jaebum fell for him, Jinyoung thinks when he realizes that he is sporting a smile also.

Upon their return from their honeymoon, Jinyoung ambushes Mark and Jackson to let them know of the arranged shoot. They sit on the couch in the couple’s living room and browse through Youngjae’s photography website. His skills are obvious from the photos.

“Jaebum and Youngjae really do like the same things, huh?” Mark comments absentmindedly.

“What do you mean?” Jinyoung asks.

“Their photography styles are the same. Of course, both have their own touches but-“ Mark stops when he sees the confused look on Jinyoung’s face. “Have you not been keeping up with Jaebum’s travels all these years?”

Jinyoung shakes his head as a reply. The laptop on his lap is taken away and Jackson types a web address into the search bar. A banner reading DEFSOUL sits across the top of the page. Jinyoung recognizes that name; remembers the nights sitting in the crowded but cozy living room of their shared apartment, trying to come up aliases for each other. Jinyoung had given him the very DEFSOUL, while Jaebum returned the name JUNIOR.

Def because it meant excellent and soul because Jaebum was a part of Jinyoung as much as his own soul. The nickname held more meaning for Jinyoung than he allowed Jaebum to know (he claimed that he chose soul because Jaebum’s favorite artist was Musiq Soulchild). Junior came about because pop singer JYP wore transparent pants and Jaebum liked to tease Jinyoung about his same name counterpart at all times.   

Jinyoung stopped following Jaebum’s photography a year after their breakup, when Jaebum left Seoul indefinitely for his job. He couldn’t stand the thought that he had been left behind while Jaebum moved onto bigger and better things. After all, Jinyoung had then still been in the same town, same neighborhood working the same office job with the same boring people. In other words, he was stuck and couldn’t break out of the familiar life he had held with Jaebum in hopes that he would return one day.

But Jaebum doesn’t need him. And that kills Jinyoung. He isn’t needed. Not anymore.

“Speaking of, I just remembered Youngjae mentioning that Jaebum hyung was the one who taught him photography,” Jackson absentmindedly comments, still scrolling through Jaebum’s pictures, “That must be why their styles are similar.”

Jinyoung stiffens at the words, face draining of color. Before the break up, Jinyoung had been a freelance photographer on the side. During his third year of university, Jinyoung, after begging both Mark and Jackson countless times to accompany him and getting rejected, had attended a photo exhibit alone. There he met the one and only Im Jaebum, who was a featured photographer. Three of his shots hung proudly on the walls and were attracting quite the attention, Jinyoung’s included.

(“Do you like them?” a voice asks from behind Jinyoung.

“I do. Very much,” Jinyoung replies breathlessly. “Do you think,” he pauses to read the name of the photographer from the tag below the photo, “Im Jaebum would mind if I took a picture of these?”

“I don’t think he would,” the stranger answers, clearly amused. Jinyoung still has not turned to see who this man playing along with him is.

“Alright, if anything happens, I’m saying you forced me into doing it.”

“I’ll take full responsibility.”

Jinyoung turns to look at the stranger. “Why are you being so generous as to take blame for a stranger?” he muses.

“Because I am Im Jaebum,” a teasing smirk appears on the handsome stranger’s face.)

Although Jinyoung learned many methods and practices from time spent in classrooms with professors, all experience occurred with Jaebum. An established photographer, Jaebum earned his title through hard work and many failed attempts. Everything he knew, he learned from his own experience, and he passed all that information to Jinyoung. Not having gone through intense drilling in classrooms, Jaebum possessed a creativity that Jinyoung could not imitate no matter how hard he tried. It was difficult to unlearn everything Jinyoung had been taught those four years, and he struggled constantly with his profession as a photographer. Along with photography, Jinyoung held a job at a firm reviewing numbers and making many, many paper copies. It was less than what he hoped for with his business degree but it pulled in money to cover the expenses that photography did not.   

During weekends, Jaebum took Jinyoung all over the country, capturing views that left one so amazed, it was hard to do anything but absorb it all in complete silence. Jaebum, of course, shot photos upon photos that won their way onto advertising websites and postcards, though never anything that guaranteed his spot in the photography world. Jinyoung’s captures were subpar, however, and featured only on his own social media accounts. Jinyoung was never jealous, no. He was more than ecstatic to see Jaebum’s hard work pay off. Jaebum was the happiest when he was behind the lens, delivering to the public beautiful views that they could not experience themselves.

Jaebum’s favorite subject, however, wasn’t the breathtaking emerald green forests and mountains, nor the blinding sapphire blue seas, or even the bewitching, never-ending sky. It was the one and only, Park Jinyoung. In the half decade that they were together, Jaebum accumulated more shots of Jinyoung smiling, laughing, sleeping, sitting, reading, doing absolutely nothing than all his other photos combined. Jinyoung was just so beautiful that Jaebum could not get enough. And Jinyoung returned the sentiment. He adored Jaebum just as much as he was adored. 

And that continued, and continued, and continued, until suddenly, it didn’t.

Now, Jaebum has Youngjae, and Jinyoung is alone. Just like how he was before Jaebum entered his life all those years ago.  

“Youngjae said Jaebum inspired him, not taught him, Jackson,” Mark corrects. Jinyoung forces himself to release the breath of air he didn’t know he was holding in.

“I stopped following him when he left Seoul. It was very difficult to see…it all,” it comes out as merely a whisper.

“That’s okay, Jinyoung. Honestly, all his pictures are the same anyway, huh?” Jackson attempts to joke.

“That’s right. I liked it way better when our Jinyoungie was taking up entire picture with his huge nostrils,” Mark joins in and touches a finger to Jinyoung’s nose before rising to the kitchen. “Who wants ramyun?”

They agree on doing simple head shots in Youngjae’s apartment, which is now being shared with Jaebum, as he had not been back to Seoul permanently in three years. When Jinyoung enters the apartment, it is obvious that the two have just recently returned: boxes upon boxes were stacked in almost every room, leaving only the centers of each clean.

The extra bedroom serves as Youngjae’s studio and it is where he creates Jinyoung’s set up. There is not much, just a single stool; Jinyoung would be nervous had he not previously worked with stranger props (i.e. a life-sized Barbie doll and, the strangest of all, a single banana). Jinyoung stays in the bathroom to apply some makeup and fix his hair before pulling on the first of a few outfits Youngjae put together for him. When Jinyoung walks back into the studio room, Youngjae is missing, leaving only Jaebum, who glances up from where he is setting up lights. Jinyoung only allows himself a second for awkward silence before he turns to place his discarded clothes in his bag. When he turns around, Jaebum is a lot closer than before. Actually, Jaebum is right in front of him.

“What-“ Jinyoung begins but is cut off when Jaebum reaches up his pick at Jinyoung’s hair.

“Sorry, your hair is messed up and it’s bugging me,” Jaebum starts strong but finishes with a weak voice. Hand still raised, Jaebum looks down to meet Jinyoung’s stare. They stay in that position long enough for Youngjae to return and snap a photo. The flash startles them, and Jaebum flies almost comically away from Jinyoung.

“Sorry, Jinyoung hyung. I’m a little excited,” Youngjae explains and Jinyoung just now realizes that a small white dog has trailed into the room. “I want to document everything so I hope you don’t mind if I take a few backstage photos as well?”

“Not at all,” Jinyoung replies, tugging awkward at one ear. “Where would you like me start?”

“Anywhere is fine. I would like to have some shots on the stool, on the floor, and just standing as well.”

Jinyoung sits on the stool and is immediately ready for the camera. Jaebum sits in the opposite corner with the dog (Jinyoung learns her name is Coco) in his lap. At one point, Coco escapes Jaebum’s grasp and runs to Jinyoung, who picks her up and moves to return her but Youngjae requests for Jinyoung to pose with her. It isn’t even a bother and Jinyoung ends up enjoying the next few minutes immensely as Coco plays with both him and the camera, Youngjae cackling at the antics of his mischievous dog. Jinyoung doesn’t realize that Youngjae has stopped shooting until he joins him on the floor and starts to pet Coco as well.

“Did you want me to change?” Jinyoung asks.

“Actually, if you don’t mind, I was hoping we could take a few shots at a café? I know my hour is up but I’m offering to pay for lunch?” Youngjae asks hopefully.

“I’d like that,” Jinyoung answers back after a moment of contemplation.

“I like him,” Jinyoung admits to Jaebum after they’ve finished their meal and Youngjae is at the counter paying. He greatly wants to not like the younger man, but finds himself unable to after spending the last few hours with him. He can’t even hate Jaebum for choosing someone like Youngjae over him. Jinyoung, for some reason, quietly tells Jaebum this.

“Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum begins and Jinyoung can tell by the tone of his voice that he was about to get scolded by the other. “This was never meant for you to compare yourself to him. You two are different in many ways and just because I’m with him now does not cancel out all the things I love about you. Loved about you.”

Jinyoung internally scoffs at Jaebum fixing his verbal mishap. At this moment Youngjae returns to the table. Jinyoung picks up his belongings and rises to his feet.

“Thank you for the meal, Youngjae and Jaebum hyung. I am honored that you chose me for this project and I hope that I performed to your expectations. If there is nothing else, I will be going now.”

Youngjae and Jaebum return his goodbyes and then Jinyoung is on the street, walking towards his apartment.  

“Have you seen Youngjae’s shots of you?” Jackson’s tinny voice comes from the phone balanced between Jinyoung’s shoulder and ear.

“I have not.”

“Well what are you waiting for?! Go look now!”

“Jackson, I’m cooking.”

“That’s a lie.”

“That is not a lie,” Jinyoung frowns as he stirs the pot of soup. “I’ll look after I cook, promise. Just trying to not burn my apartment down.”

“You better! I want a five-page essay explaining which photos you like or don’t like and why, and how each element of the photo works either to enhance or take away from the overall!” Jackson demands as a goodbye before the line goes dead.

Jinyoung places his phone down and goes to retrieve his laptop. Upon opening Youngjae’s photography webpage, Jinyoung is faced with a photo of himself, standing at an angle and staring straight at the camera. It is a nice photo and as he scrolls through the rest of the pictures, he makes a mental note to thank Youngjae later. Moving to close the window, Jinyoung changes path last minute and types Jaebum’s webpage into the address bar. The website looks the same as when Jackson had pulled it up a week ago. Jinyoung searches for the archive and scrolls to the oldest photos, breath stopping when he realizes Jaebum had deleted all photos from when they were together: the oldest pictures were dated a year after the break up. Five years of their adventures, gone.

Jinyoung curiously opens up the oldest picture the website offers. It’s unfocused, as if taken under a time limit, but the writing carved into the wet sand can be seen clearly.

xx_x_xx

Jinyoung recognizes those characters; had scrawled the same combination onto Jaebum’s chest with a permanent marker one morning in an act of revenge when he woke up with a face full of doodles. It wasn’t exactly payback for the graffiti on his face, but rather, Jinyoung wanted Jaebum to figure the meaning out, not that it was difficult. Jaebum took one look—upside side down from his perspective—and guessed right on the dot.

(“JB x JY?” Jaebum asks, a chuckle following.

“Of course not,” Jinyoung plays piano on Jaebum’s chest, “it’s JY x JB.”)

The message on the sand had been written by Jinyoung also, during a weekend getaway to the shores of Busan. With the orange sun sitting on the horizon, Jinyoung picked up a discarded plastic shovel to drag through the wet, crumbly sand. Jaebum crouched a few steps away, camera raised to capture the sunset. He must have snapped a shot of Jinyoung’s artwork when he was turned away: it would explain the blurred quality.  

A sizzling noise tears Jinyoung’s eyes from the screen of his laptop. His soup had boiled over.

“Can you believe Markie-pooh and I have been married for a whole three months and are not tired of each other yet?” Jackson asks the table eagerly.

“Well I would hope so considering you two are married; vowed to be together until the day you die,” Yugyeom answers. Jackson and Mark had bonded and became fast friends with the young man since their time together at the wedding. Next to Yugyeom sat Kunpimook, a schoolmate of Yugyeom’s studying abroad from Thailand. Youngjae sat next to the Thailand native, leaving Jaebum to sit on Jinyoung’s right and Mark on his left.

Jinyoung watches Jaebum flip a slab of pork belly on the grill plate. In the three months that Jaebum has been back, Jinyoung has only seen him a handful of times, mostly during the dinners that Jackson insists on them having every couple of weeks. Jaebum transfers a piece of pork belly from the grill onto Youngjae’s plate and Jinyoung has to remind himself that Jaebum isn’t his anymore. Of course, he would be taking care of Youngjae, just like how he used to take care of Jinyoung. Youngjae briefly breaks away from his conversation with Kunpimook (when did they get close?) to give Jaebum to bright smile.

“You still like it crispy, right?” Jaebum’s soft voice comes and Jinyoung sees a pair of chopsticks enter the corner of his vision from where his face is shoved into his steaming bowl of noodles.

“Yes,” Jinyoung nods. “Thank you.”

Jaebum gives him a smile before turning away to deliver meat onto the other boys’ plates. Jinyoung spends an inordinate amount of time staring at the single piece of pork belly resting on his plate. Youngjae’s cheerful laughter breaks him out of his spell.

Ah, right. Jaebum isn’t his anymore.

After dinner, they all head to karaoke. Jinyoung sits on the cushioned bench and roams his eyes around the room. Without him knowing, the seven boys had all become sort of a family. Jinyoung wasn’t sure he was completely comfortable with the whole idea, but the happiness radiating from each boy told him it would be extremely selfish to let his own lingering bitter feelings ruin it for everyone.

Jinyoung breaks out of his thoughts and realizes that Jackson’s arm is sitting around his shoulder. Jaebum and Youngjae are on the floor singing a duet, voices blending into a perfect harmony. Even Kunpimook has stopped teasing Yugyeom to admire the performance. Jinyoung didn’t even know Jaebum could sing. As the song reaches its , Jinyoung finds it becoming harder to breathe. Jackson must have noticed the shortening of Jinyoung’s breath and gives him a concerned look.

“Jinyoung, are you okay? What’s wrong?” he asks quietly, hand patting the small of Jinyoung’s back.

“I need to go out,” Jinyoung simply offers as an explanation before rising to his feet. The music becomes muted as he closes the door to the room and heads toward the exit. The burst of cold air on his face stings but Jinyoung thinks it hurts a lot less than the ache coming from his chest. He doesn’t know how long he’s been sitting in the cold when another body settles beside him.

“Jackson said you came out,” Jaebum says quietly.

“Yeah,” Jinyoung replies after a short pause. “It was getting a little hot in there.”

There’s a stretch of silence before Jaebum lets out a deep exhale and brings up the topic the two have been avoiding since three months ago.

“I’m sorry for what happened between us.”

Jinyoung is startled by the other’s words. “Why would you be sorry? I’m the one who left.”

“But I didn’t chase after you.”

Jinyoung scoffs. “And if you had done that, you would have spent the rest of your life chasing after me every time I ran away from anything that displeased me. Even if was you.”

“We would have found happiness eventually.”

“And you did,” Jinyoung points his thumb back towards the entrance of the karaoke bar. “You found that happiness without me and I think that’s really good, hyung. I’m glad you found someone.”

Jaebum glances in the direction of Jinyoung thumb then turns back to look into the parking lot, his lips shaped into a small smile. “Yeah, I did.”

“It’s really not fair how compatible you two are, really. Has there ever been a more perfect combination?” Jinyoung pouts, voice teasing but genuine.

Jaebum considers for a moment before replying, “Maybe just Mark and Jackson.” The two chuckle at the mention of the couple before a silence falls over them again.

“I don’t think any one of us can be held solely responsible for what happened then,” Jinyoung begins. “We were tearing each other down when we needed the opposite. I’ve learned so much these past few years and I can see that you have too. I used to think that I wouldn’t be able to live without you by my side, but I went through the toughest times of my life without you, and I think… I think I’m glad it happened that way.

“Although harsh,” Jinyoung takes a second to playfully send Jaebum a glare, “your words pushed me to become someone I’m proud of. Thank you for that, by the way. And to be honest, I’m not really sure what I said that day but I have quite the mouth so I’ll just go ahead and apologize for anything I might have said to hurt you.”

Jaebum lets out a laugh at this point but motions for Jinyoung to go on.

“I would love it if you and I could leave this all in the past and be friends again but,” Jinyoung pauses when his voice starts to waver. “But right now, I can’t do that. One day in the future, I will stand before you as a stronger Park Jinyoung, but as of right now, I can’t see you anymore.”

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum sounds opposing, jaw locked in place and staring determinedly away from Jinyoung’s face into the distance of the parking lot.

“Jaebum, I need this. Please.”

Jinyoung watches as Jaebum turns to the sky and exhales. “Alright,” he agrees in a whisper. “But I want you to know, Jinyoung, that you are still very special to me and I only want the best for you. We might not be together anymore, but I will always cherish and care for you. If you ever need anything, I’m here for you. And so is everyone in that room. It’s only been a few short months but they’ve come to love you and would hate to see you having a hard time. So, if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask, alright?”

“Thank you,” Jinyoung says, not only for what the other was offering, but also for everything he has ever done for Jinyoung in the past. Jaebum claps him softly on the shoulder once before standing up and turning back to the karaoke bar.

“Come back in soon. The boys want to hear you sing,” he teases, one hand pulling the glass door open.

“Please, as if I’d be able to wrench the microphone out of Kunpimook and Jackson’s hands.”

Jaebum laughs and then disappears into the building. Jinyoung takes a deep breath of the cold night air and blows out a puff of white cloud.

“Everything will be just fine, Park Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung wakes up to a gentle breeze fanning across his face. The drapes of the open window are billowing in the wind and a groan escapes his mouth when he realizes he has five more minutes until his alarm is scheduled to go off. Waking before your alarm is the worst. He ends up spending the next five minutes performing his elementary school stretching routine in bed until the shrill sound of his alarm breaks the silence. Once the alarm is turned off, Jinyoung treks to the window to close it before heading down the hallway to the bathroom.

With black coffee sitting in his favorite mug, Jinyoung pulls up his email to check his schedule for the day. He has three hours until a shoot scheduled with the photographer Defsoul Im Jaebum.

Wait.

Jinyoung swallows a painful mouthful of hot coffee in lieu of spewing it all over his laptop when he reads the name. It has been almost two months since their last conversation, and Jinyoung is not ready to see the older male yet. He can’t refuse the shoot, however, as it’s one of the magazines that actually signed a contract with him; if Jinyoung is to break it, he would probably have to sell one of his kidneys. He isn’t desperate enough for that, so with his third groan of the day (his second had been let out when the first dollop of toothpaste sitting on the bristles of his toothbrush was washed down the drain by the stream of water from the sink) he goes to get dressed.

When Jinyoung arrives at the studio, Jaebum is already there and chatting up a storm with the coordinator. He’s ushered into the dressing room by his manager and before he knows it, he’s dressed in a simple white button down with the top two buttons undone and black slacks. Jaebum is already on set, testing the lighting when Jinyoung is ready.  

The coordinator spots Jinyoung and pulls him over to brief him on the concept. “Water will be poured on you and as it runs down your face, just look into the camera and give sultry, object-of-every-teenage-girl’s-dream looks. The water is warm so you won’t catch a cold. Hopefully, anyway.” 

Jinyoung is left awkwardly sitting on a barstool stool in a plastic tub, waiting as the staff makes final adjustments. Jaebum has been conversing with the coordinator but the staff needs to hurry up because Jinyoung really doesn’t think he can handle small talk with the older man. His prayers aren’t answered, however, and Jaebum makes his way to Jinyoung with a smile on his face.

“Hi Jinyoung.”

“Hello, Jaebum hyung.”

“I didn’t know you were the model today. If I had known, I would have-” Jaebum looks guilty and Jinyoung hates it because this isn’t his fault and he shouldn’t feel bad for doing his job as a photographer.

“It’s not your fault, hyung. Don’t worry about it. My personal life and work life are kept strictly separate, I promise,” Jinyoung replies and gives a grin to assure his hyung.

With that, the staff announces they are ready and Jaebum gets into position, his camera a mere foot or so away from Jinyoung’s face. The water is indeed warm and as it hits, Jinyoung has to blink away the first few drops in his eyes before he can look into the camera. When the water supply is out, the staff asks if they should run it another time, but the coordinator cheerfully replies no and instead instructs Jaebum to back up and take body shots of Jinyoung on the stool. The white shirt has soaked through, causing Jinyoung to feel exposed, but he forces himself to continue playing it up for the camera.

The water has turned his clothes cold by the time the coordinator calls for a set and outfit change. Jinyoung stands up and is immediately wrapped in a fluffy towel. He turns to thank the staff but is surprised to see Jaebum standing there, his hands now drying Jinyoung’s wet hair with another towel.

“Thank you,” Jinyoung says, taking the towel from Jaebum’s hands to continue rubbing at his hair.

“Hurry and get changed so you don’t get sick,” Jaebum gently pushes him towards the dressing room and he obediently goes.

Three outfit changes later and the shoot is wrapped up. The coordinator is practically beaming when he comes to give his gratitude to both Jaebum and Jinyoung, who are just making their way off the set.

“I’ve never worked with such a power duo before! I’ll definitely recommend you two in future shoots. Thank you for the hard work today. These pictures will be in next month’s issue, please look out for it.”

When the coordinator is gone, Jaebum turns to Jinyoung. “I’m meeting up with Youngjae for a meal after this. Let me treat you? You’ve been here since early morning.”

“You were here before I was. And I should be the one treating you, mister photographer.”

“I insist; Youngjae would love to see you. It’s been a while since you last saw each other.”

“It would be nice to see Youngjae,” Jinyoung agrees, grinning at the pout that forms on Jaebum’s face. “Wait here for me to change, I’ll be right back.”

It seems like Youngjae’s smile has gotten brighter since the last time Jinyoung saw him, Jinyoung thinks as he follows Jaebum to Youngjae’s table, the younger boy waving frantically at the two.

“Jinyoung hyung, it’s been so long! How have you been? I didn’t know you were the model today.”  

“Ah, yeah, I didn’t know Jaebum hyung was the photographer either until my manager sent me my schedule this morning,” Jinyoung says, just as a waiter stops by their table. A brief silence continues after the waiter leaves, and Jinyoung watches awkwardly as Jaebum reaches up to brush a strand of hair away from Youngjae’s eyes. The two share a smile before they turn back to face Jinyoung, who is now looking out the window.

“Jaebum hyung told me you used to be a photographer?” Youngjae comments, grabbing Jinyoung’s attention. Can he tell Jinyoung has frozen up?

“I was for a little bit. It was during my university days but,” Jinyoung can’t stop his eyes from sneaking a glance at Jaebum, who stares blankly back at him, “I realized it wasn’t my calling, so I quit.”

His answer sparks an intense scolding from Youngjae, who argues that Jinyoung shouldn’t stop doing something he likes just because he doesn’t believe he has ‘the calling’ for it. “I mean, I was never into photography until I stumbled across Jaebum hyung’s work. Even though I definitely big time at first, I just kept shooting what I wanted to and then one day, I realized that even though my pictures were never completely satisfying for me, others enjoyed them very much. So even if you don’t like what you capture, it doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy, you’re just constantly improving.”

Jinyoung smiles. “Thank you, Youngjae-ah.”

Youngjae shoots him a smile before starting a conversation about his past.

By the end of the meal, Jinyoung has come to learn seventy percent of Youngjae’s past and also the story of how he met Jaebum, a story that Jinyoung numbly sat through, Jaebum shifting awkwardly here and there every few minutes. He excuses himself to the restroom after the conversation ends and spends an excessive amount of time soaping his hands, suds flowing up onto his forearms. The door creaks open and Jinyoung makes eye contact with Jaebum through the mirror before the other walks to the sink beside him.

“I-” Jaebum begins to talk, hand pressing on the soap dispenser.

“You didn’t tell him about us did you?”

“He knows about the relationship but he doesn’t know it was you.”

“Why not tell him?” Jinyoung asks, finally letting the bubbles wash down the drain.

“The first time he saw you wasn’t on the cover of a magazine; it was a portrait in my portfolio. He really liked that particular photo and when I mentioned your model career, he immediately became a fan. By then, I couldn’t tell him who you were anymore because I didn’t want to ruin what he thought of you; I didn’t want him to start disliking someone he adored just because of what happened in the past, so I kept it from him.”

“So, you erased me from your past?” Jinyoung turns to give Jaebum a disbelieving look as the older shuts off the tap, hands dripping.

“No,” Jaebum denies before continuing sheepishly, “I told him you and I were good friends from university.”

“Don’t you think we’re acting a little too awkward to be ‘good friends’?” Jinyoung lets out bitterly, drying his hands with a paper towel.

“I also told him we had a fallout towards the end of university.”

“You had all your bases covered, huh?”

“Jinyoung, it’s not like that.”

“Like what, hyung? Like I wasn’t important enough to tell the truth about?”

Jaebum scoffs, dragging his still-wet hand through his hair. “I see you haven’t changed much. Still always wanting to win everything huh?”

Jinyoung clenches his fists and his teeth as he pushes out his next words. “Of course not. What would you expect out of someone as stubborn as me? What are you going to do? Insult me some more and then storm out like last time? Was rubbing salt in my wounds once not enough for you? Want to do it again? ‘Ha ha, Park Jinyoung still isn’t over me even though it’s been four ing years and I’ve already moved on and erased the entire five years he was my lover-” Jinyoung cuts himself off with a grunt when Jaebum slams him against the wall.

“Do not provoke me, Park Jinyoung. If you want to fight, I will give you a fight but Youngjae is out there waiting for us to return and I would rather us exit this room civilly than him finding us in here at each other’s throats.” Jaebum releases Jinyoung’s shirt from his fists and takes a step back. “Letting go of us was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. I waited two years for you but you never wanted to see me so I left. I left because I couldn’t stand being in the same country as you but not be able to run to you and protect you from all the bad in the world. I made sure you knew I was leaving because I wanted you to stop me. I waited until the last second and when you didn’t show up, I boarded that plane because I knew then that you didn’t want to fix us.”

“I-I never wanted you to leave,” Jinyoung whispers, head turned down, unable to meet Jaebum’s eyes.

“Then you should have stopped me,” Jaebum responds evenly, turning for the door. “I’ll tell Youngjae you left already. Get home safely, Jinyoung.”

“.” Jinyoung cups his face in his hands, palms pushing back the tears gathering in his eyes. Even when Jaebum didn’t need to, he was still taking care of him.

“Something happened between you and Jaebum,” Mark comments casually as he digs through Jinyoung’s fridge. “I mean, something happened and you stopped coming Jackson’s dinners, which he’s still bitter about, by the way, but something else happened and it resulted in you becoming even sulkier than before. Is this even edible anymore? Oh, definitely not.”

“Let’s order takeout?” Jinyoung calls from his position on the couch, a pocky stuck in his mouth.

“Already on it,” Mark replies, phone sandwiched between his shoulder and ear as he tosses out a multitude of rotten produce. “How are you still alive, Jinyoung? Do you even eat? Jeez.”

“I eat the free food offered during shoots.”

A pause as Mark orders food for the both of them. “And what about when you don’t have shoots?” he asks, coming to settle next to Jinyoung.

“Well, recently, I haven’t had a day off. All thanks to he who shall not be named,” Jinyoung grouches.

“You should be thanking Jaebum for making your face irresistible to the public instead of refusing to even say his name,” Mark lectures, snatching the box of snacks from Jinyoung’s hand.

Jinyoung pouts. Ever since Jaebum photographed him, Jinyoung has been gaining popularity and even signed quite a few new contracts. “Fine. I’ll thank him the next time I see him,” Jinyoung agrees.

“Well, that might be a while because he’s leaving the country.”

Jinyoung freezes. “What?”

“They’re both going to South America for a project. You would know this if you attended our dinners.”

“He said he was back for good,” Jinyoung says quietly.

“This project must be important then.”

“When will he, I mean, they be back?”

“They don’t know.”

“When? When did they leave?” Jinyoung repeats when Mark can’t give him an answer fast enough.

“Jackson dropped them off a couple hours ago. They may still be there,” Mark trails off when Jinyoung jumps to his feet.

“I need to fix things. I can’t let him go like this. I have to let him know. He has to know why I didn’t stop him. He has to know that I never stopped loving him,” Jinyoung spews out, eyes looking around for his keys and wallet.

Mark pulls his arm to still him. “What are you about to do, Jinyoung?”

“I just need to tell him why I let him go, hyung. He thinks I wasn’t there but I was. I was there and I wanted to stop him but then I realized I was the one thing that kept him from achieving his dreams. Jaebum has always wanted to see the world but couldn’t because I was here. If I stopped him, he would have spent the rest of his left stuck here with me because I’m too much of a coward to leave everything behind for an uncertain future.”

“And what about Youngjae? If you confess to Jaebum, what will happen to them? I know you’re still in love with him, but he’s moved on and telling him this will just ruin what he has going on for him.”

Jinyoung’s face must have been incredibly pitiful for Mark further say, “I’m sorry, Jinyoung, but it’s the truth.”

“I know, Mark hyung,” Jinyoung voices and then turns to give Mark a small smile. “I don’t want that, either. I’m not going stop Jaebum hyung from leaving. I may have lost him as a lover, but I don’t want to lose neither him nor Youngjae as a friend. That’s why I have to do this. I need to fix everything between us so that we can start over with a clean slate. After this, I will finally be able to move on.”

Mark studies his face for a second. “Alright, fine. I’ll drive you.”
 

“Jaebum hyung! Jaebum!” Jinyoung yells.

Jaebum looks up from where he and Youngjae are standing in line to board their plane. Jinyoung runs all the way to where the section is blocked off and meets Jaebum’s wide eyes with his own.

“Hyung, I have to tell you something. Please listen to me,” Jinyoung begs. Jaebum exchanges glances with Youngjae and then studies the short line: they are some of the last people, meaning he doesn’t have much time to spare.

“Please, Jaebum hyung,” Jinyoung calls out again.  

“Jinyoung-ah, they’ve already made the last call. I need to board this plane,” Jaebum replies.

“It’ll only take a few minutes. You can just listen, I’ll talk.”

Youngjae’s gaze flicks from Jinyoung to Jaebum, then the flight attendant, then Jinyoung again, and finally settles on Jaebum. “Go listen to what he has to say, hyung. I’ll stall the flight,” he says cheekily. Jaebum bites his lip, giving a ‘are you sure’ look to the younger boy before crouching under the barrier lines and approaching Jinyoung.

“What is it?” he asks curiously.

Jinyoung stares at the older boy for a few seconds before replying quietly, “I missed you every second we were apart; there was never a day in the time we’ve been apart that I didn’t want to see you, to hear your voice, to be in your arms. I never stopped loving you, not even in this very moment. And I was there. That day when you left three years ago. But I hid because I was scared you didn’t want me anymore. And I thought that you were running away from me so I had no right to stop you. The night we broke up, I realized I had been your chains all those years: I thought I was helping you fly but in the end, I was the one cutting off your wings. I couldn’t bear the thought that I was keeping you from achieving your dreams. I needed to let you go so that you could reach your potential and so I could find myself. Letting you protect and watch over me until the end wasn’t what I wanted and it wasn’t what you needed. The very last second before you boarded that plane, I promised myself that I would wait for you, and while I waited I would learn to love myself so that when you returned to me, I could love you how you deserved to be loved.” Jinyoung smiles when Jaebum can do nothing but stare wide-eyed at him, mouth slightly ajar.

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum finally manages to say breathlessly. “I, I-“

“You don’t have to say anything, hyung, I’m not here for anything other than to tell you the reason I didn’t stop you. You need to know so that you won’t think you aren’t good enough; in fact, you were always more than what I deserved.” Jinyoung glances at the jet bridge leading to the plane where Youngjae is probably throwing a false fit to stall the plane. “He’s probably causing a storm in there,” Jinyoung jerks his head in the direction of the plane, “go stop him before you’re both thrown off. I’ve waited four years for you to return to me; I can wait a little more. I just want my best friend back.”

Jinyoung is surprised when Jaebum pulls him into a bone-crunching hug. He hesitantly brings his arms up to circle around the other’s waist, head resting on Jaebum’s shoulder. It’s been four years since he’s been in the other’s embrace and it’s as warm as he remembers it.

“Jinyoung-ah, the only thing I’ve ever wanted was for you to realize that you’re perfect already and that you’re only ruining yourself by chasing after other people’s vision of perfection. I’m sorry I kept you waiting all these years, but when I come back, I’ll definitely make up for it, I promise,” Jaebum says, voice full of emotion. He pulls back to pats Jinyoung’s head once, twice, then slides his hand down to cup his cheek. Jinyoung allows himself one last look into Jaebum’s eyes before playfully shoving the other away.

“Have a safe flight, hyung. Keep in contact,” Jinyoung says and starts waving, indicating for the other to hurry up and leave.

Jaebum steps back, returning the wave before spinning and running into the jet bridge. Jinyoung’s hand slowly comes to a halt in midair before dropping lifelessly to his side. His whole body seems to sag against the barrier line that he’s leaning against. Watching the love of his life walk away from him is just as difficult the second time as it was the first. It is at this moment that he feels his body being supported and raised.

“What did I miss?” Mark asks, eyes concerned.

“We’re okay now, hyung. We’re okay,” Jinyoung answers, eyes still focused on the tunnel that Jaebum disappeared into. “Alright, let’s go home. What took you so long?”

Mark pouts at Jinyoung’s teasing. “Finding a parking spot was a pain in the ; finding you was hell.”

“But I’m Park Jinyoung, my face is irresistible! How could you not recognize me in a crowd?” Jinyoung cackles but suddenly stops, eyes wide.

“What’s wrong?” Mark eyes him with a curious expression.

“We forgot about our food!” Jinyoung gasps then takes off into a run toward the exit of the airport.

“Wait, Jinyoung! You don’t even know where I parked!” Mark yells as he chases after the younger boy.

They arrive at Jinyoung’s apartment, only to find Jackson snoozing on the couch, the take-out boxes already half empty.

(“How could you eat our food?” Jinyoung whines.

“Hey, I paid for it all! It’s technically my food!” Jackson defends.

“If I were Jinyoung, I would be less concerned about you eating my food and more over the fact that you have a key to my apartment,” Mark comments from where he’s picking at the leftovers. Jinyoung can only gasp dramatically at the realization.)

There’s a knock on the door and Jinyoung rises from his couch to answer it. Standing there is Choi Youngjae, who he hasn’t seen in almost half a year and was on the other side of the world the last time they talked.

“Youngjae! What are you doing here? You should have told me so I could prepare some food or something!” Jinyoung exclaims, pulling the other into his apartment and shoving him onto the couch. Youngjae has all his luggage with him, indicating that he has just returned to Seoul. “Would you like some water? Juice?” Jinyoung asks as he searches his fridge.

“Water will be fine.”

Jinyoung hands Youngjae a bottle of water and sits next to him, muting the drama playing on the television.

“You just got back, right? Where’s Jaebum hyung?”

“He still has some work to do so he won’t be returning until next week,” Youngjae replies with a strained smile.

“Did something happen?” Jinyoung carefully asks, noticing the gloomy aura surrounding the other.

“Actually, I came here to tell you that Jaebum hyung and I broke up,” Youngjae reveals softly. Jinyoung can only gape at the confession. “It was an amicable split, hyung! No hard feelings between us. Although, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling a little miserable.”

“What happened? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Hyung, do you remember when I begged you for a session?” Youngjae asks, instead of answering and Jinyoung nods in reply. “The first time I saw you wasn’t at the wedding. When we first started dating, I found a picture of you that Jaebum hyung had taken and I thought you were the most enchanting person I had ever seen. Your eyes were filled with so much emotion and you were staring not into the lens but at the person behind the lens: Jaebum hyung. I assumed you were a past lover but hyung insisted you two were just really good friends. When I met you, I wanted to photograph you so that I could experience it myself, that’s why I was so insistent. But looking through the photos, I realized that your eyes were different: they were missing the love that was present before.”

Jinyoung listens to all this quietly. Youngjae is turned away from him, eyes glued on a spot in the carpet, voice coming out softly.

“I almost couldn’t share those photos because having seen the life in them before, your eyes looked so dull and emotionless. I wondered what happened to cause that spark to go away. And then that day at the restaurant, Jaebum hyung returned from the restrooms looking so hurt and upset that I couldn’t believe his words when he told me you had already left. I knew something happened in the restroom but he never said anything, so I chose to be ignorant. Then a week later, your pictures with hyung came out and in your eyes, there was a slight glimmer of life, again. I brushed it off as lighting or editing, but having the spark come back in the few months that Jaebum was also in town was a little too perfect to be completely coincidental. I dug through hyung’s boxes—yes, he still hadn’t unpacked at this point, hyung is so lazy—and I came across tons and tons of photos. Of you. And those photos revealed the truth. They told me the story of Jaebum hyung and your love. In those photos, I could see that you were so, so happy and in the few shots of hyung, I could tell that he was too. Rather than feeling sorry for myself, however, I was honestly the most concerned with what caused you two to part ways. I never brought it up to hyung, though, because I knew he would tell me when he was ready.”

Youngjae pauses, as if he was contemplating his next move, and Jinyoung watches as he digs through his bag briefly before pulling out a small piece of paper and handing it to him. “Initially, I didn’t think anything of this; I didn’t even give it a second look but after I realized you were Jaebum hyung’s past lover, it made sense. You two look at each other as if the other is your source of life.”

Jinyoung accepts the paper as Youngjae talks and realizes it’s actually a photograph of him and Jaebum, the day of his shoot with Youngjae. It was the moment Jaebum had reached up to fix Jinyoung’s hair and then lingered to stare into his eyes. Jinyoung looks up in horror after recognizing the picture. “Youngjae-ah, Jaebum hyung and I never did anything. You have to know that he loves you very much,” Jinyoung rushes out.

“Don’t worry, Jinyoung hyung, I’ve never doubted his love. Jaebum hyung is the most genuine person I’ve ever known. I trailed after him like a lost puppy for an entire year before he gave me a chance. Even then, he confessed that he was still not completely over his past relationship that had ended on a bad note. But as the days went on, I witnessed his love for me grow and, I mean, I was already star struck from the very first moment, but the whole experience just really cemented my love for him. Even at our happiest, however, I could tell that his heart was not fully mine. He couldn’t give me one hundred percent of himself, but I was okay with it because I knew he truly did love me, just that I loved him a bit little more. I was perfectly content with living the rest of my life with hyung like this, but when we returned to Seoul, I saw with my own eyes how happy he could be. Those moments only occurred when he was with you, hyung. I noticed it from the very beginning, from the moment his eyes landed on you at Mark and Jackson hyungs’ wedding. I didn’t realize you were the one until much later, but once I connected the dots, it couldn’t have been more obvious.” Youngjae finally, finally turns to look at Jinyoung and he’s smiling.

“It was you. It was you all along. You were the missing piece of the puzzle. Just by being in each other’s presence, you two could bring happiness to the other. You’re the perfect combination and I would be evil to deprive you and Jaebum hyung of that happiness. But I was selfish and these past few months was me trying to see if I would still be content living and loving Jaebum hyung like I had been. I couldn’t do it, though. Every time hyung smiled or laughed, all I could think about was ‘he could smile bigger or laugh harder if it was Jinyoung hyung instead of me’ and it made me realize that I wasn’t completely happy anymore. If I stayed in that relationship, not only would I sacrifice hyung’s and your happiness, but also my own, so I broke it off. I hate that Jaebum hyung’s relationship has failed once again, but the aftermath will make up for it because you can help him. You can love him, and he can love you. And that’s why I’m here. I need you to call him and tell him you still love him.”

Jinyoung sits frozen, still trying to absorb everything Youngjae is saying. H startles when his hands are cradled and Youngjae is giving him an almost desperate look.

“Call Jaebum hyung and tell him you still love him. I know he’s breaking apart right now and you’re the only one who can help him,” Youngjae urges.

“I’m not the only one, Youngjae, you can help him too. He loves you. You don’t even know if I still love him. Since the airport, I’ve decided to move on,” Jinyoung replies, pulling his hands out of the other’s grasp.

“If you didn’t, you would have stopped my story long ago. As creepy as this sounds, I know your eyes and I can tell what that look is saying: you still love Jaebum hyung,” Youngjae retorts, grabbing Jinyoung’s hands again. “Also, I didn’t purposely break Jaebum hyung’s heart, fly halfway across the world, bother Mark and Jackson hyung relentlessly for your address, and then ride a smelly cab all the way here just to fail in convincing you to go back to hyung, alright? It has to be you.”

“Are you sure, Youngjae?” Jinyoung asks, after a long moment of contemplation.

“Positive.”

“Alright. Give me his phone number.”

“You don’t have his phone number?”

“No! I was too busy making sure it wasn’t obvious that I was in love with your boyfriend!”

“Ex-boyfriend.”

“Youngjae, phone number, please.”

.:.

Q: You’ve stated before that you prefer to keep your personal life private, but your fans are dying to know: are you currently dating anyone?

Jinyoung: [Hesitates] This is the first time I’m admitting this to the public, but yes. Yes, I am.

Q: OMG. You heard it here first, everyone: Park Jinyoung is not single. Now, could you tell us a little more about this lucky person?

Jinyoung: [Laughter] Mm, let’s just say, we make each other perfect.