“You need to go out there and get yourself a girlfriend.“

That suggestion is only met with a long groan of disagreement before a firm ‘no’ is given as a verbal response, with a shake of the head to emphasise the point of his answer.

“Jonghyun, you know I’m not joking. You can’t hold on to the memory of her forever. She’s gone, and-”

Jonghyun lets out a loud sigh as he closes his eyes. There he goes again...

“Jinki,” he interrupts as he slowly opens his eyes again to give the man before him an expression that is somewhere between a plea and a glare. “We’ve discussed this, and we’re not going on about this again. You know I’m not joking either when I say that yes, I can, and yes, I will. Nothing you say will make me change my mind. Ever.“

His friend opens his mouth in an attempt to argue, but the look in Jonghyun’s eyes tells him he is dead serious, and the older male, after umpteenth attempts to get through to his best friend, just shuts his mouth and gives yet another reluctant nod. The man can be so stubborn once he has his mind made up, and it is almost impossible to convince him otherwise, but then again, he is in so much emotional pain that Jinki just thinks it may be worth another shot.

It is a bold claim though, this ‘ever’ that he speaks of. He sounds so certain, but little does he know that he has spoken way too soon, that this ‘ever’ has an expiry date which is arriving much earlier than he will ever expect…

The love of his life was the most beautiful girl he has ever met, both on the inside and on the outside. She had the look of an angel, and she definitely had the heart of one.

He had met and fallen in love with her in their sophomore year of high school (only to later find out that she was the half-sister of his best friend Lee Jinki), and they had broken up and gotten back together three times before realising that it was the other whom they really needed, wanted and truly loved, that they were meant to be. Love like that - one that braved through thick and thin and still survived - was the strongest, and about a month into their second year at college, he proposed.

He was supposed to marry her three years ago. A wedding in the fall with the cooling autumn breeze and beautiful warm colours of the falling leaves… It was her favourite season and he knows she would have really loved that.

He would watch with an adoring look and a genuinely happy smile on his face as her father walked her down the aisle and gave her to him, and the live band led by her older half-brother would play the songs he wrote for her, the songs she had inspired him to write.

They had it all planned out since the start of their final year at college.

They’d get married after graduation, in a simple ceremony - she didn’t like extravagance - with just their close family and good friends, and, hopefully within the same year, after a year or so of some ‘alone’ time, they’d try for babies. She would love to have their first child in the second year of marriage. Jonghyun often joked that he wanted five, but they had agreed that two - preferably a daughter and a son because he wanted a girl and she wanted a boy - would be good enough. If they were meant to have more, then they would.

They would probably be a happy family of three right now, maybe even four. He’d come home after a long day at work, and she’d be waiting at home with their daughter (or son, he really wasn’t too picky), and they’d share stories about their day, no matter how boring it was, before spending the rest of their night playing with their child.

It was his ideal future, and he didn’t doubt that they would be happily married, just as deeply in love as they were and wholeheartedly contented with such a life.

If only she were still alive…

But she isn’t. And he is all alone.

Kim Jonghyun really loves her. He loves her with all his heart, and when you love someone that deeply, it isn’t easy to just let go, even if you told yourself that you really should.

He knows it isn’t healthy to hold on to a relationship that is clearly over (and has been over for years), and he has, on multiple occasions, tried to convince himself that he needs to move on, but it never works. He has honestly tried, but he simply couldn’t forget her; he just knows that in his heart, he will always love her. If it were up to him, he would say it is impossible to let her go.

Well, nearly impossible.

Jonghyun honestly couldn’t see himself replacing her with anyone, but then, he comes along. Maybe it is fate that Jonghyun sees him, and of all places, sees him at the cemetery where she was laid to rest.

He can try to deny it all he wants, but the moment their eyes meet for the first time, everything in the future he is so certain of changes and makes a turn down the new path of uncertainty.