❄︎eleven:eleven❄︎

 

When Sehun said that he had plans for Christmas this year, no one believed him when he said that it would be with someone who was just a friend.

 

It wasn't an uncommon occurrence for Sehun to be dragged along large-scale blind dates or be a third wheel on a date just to be a designated photographer of some sort on the festive occasion. As it had been since the day he was born—Oh Sehun, much to most people's disbelief has never been in a relationship. So he's never had someone in a romantic sense, to actually spend it with since he grew old enough not to spend it with his parents and went out with friends instead. It has always been like that.

 

With that said, it was a curious case as to why Christmas 2016 would be any different. One logical explanation would be that, Sehun must be dating whoever he was going to spend it with if he was going to ditch on his usual plans.

 

But Sehun was quick to dismiss such speculation by saying Luhan was just a college senior he met at his former university where he was a Civil Engineer major (one which he dropped only after a semester to major in Film). They were part of the same organization, and Luhan had been the one who recruited him to join the Film Club during Club Recruitment Week.

 

Not one person, believed him when he explained it, though. Sehun didn't want to bother himself any longer after his statement. They weren’t exactly wrong, he supposed.

 

Oh. But they were just friends, really.

 

It’s been seventeen months to be exact since Luhan went back home to China for good. It's only right, as an old friend, to drop all other plans he would've gone to, so he could pick Luhan up at the airport, spend Christmas day with him tomorrow, and let him stay over at his apartment for the two-week trip.

 

The airport, Sehun thinks, is a place he’s getting sick of the longer he has to stay with his nerves going haywire with each minute that passes with hours he’s spent by the arrivals area waiting for Luhan to show up. If he actually thinks of it, he’s been waiting seventeen months for this day and yet the past few hours have given him more misery than he has felt in the months that he’s tried so hard to take his mind off the moment Luhan would go back to Seoul for a visit.

 

It's normal, though. There's plenty of reasons for Sehun to be nervous, even if he'd rather not think about it too much until Luhan shows up.

 

Sehun has a parka folded and hanging lazily on one arm which is resting on the railings facing the arrivals gate, and the other with his phone in hand. Sehun slides his eyes over the monitor board to check the status of Luhan’s flight, he should show up any minute now since it’s recently just touched down. Sehun presses on the lock button of his phone, and takes a glance at the screen to check the time.

 

11:11 PM.

 

Luhan, Sehun catches the name pop up in his mind like its natural, and it is. He should be wishing for him—to step out on one of the arrival gates. It's been five hours since Sehun got to the airport. Luhan's flight even got delayed for an hour, which meant he's been standing up and sitting down, waiting and waiting, by the arrivals area for longer than he's supposed to. He had no right to complain, though, Luhan didn't even ask him to pick him up at the airport.

 

In fact, Luhan didn't ask to let him stay over at his apartment either. Sehun's sure Luhan has plenty of friends who wouldn't mind to take him for two weeks, or that he's perfectly capable of searching for lodging himself. Even spending Christmas day together was his own doing, when he asked if Luhan had any plans and Sehun slipped in the offer of taking him around Seoul for a day trip (for old time’s sake, Sehun had told him). The arrangement they’ll be having the next few days was all Sehun’s idea, one which he had to convince Luhan that he won’t be in any way inconvenienced by.

 

But they’re just friends.

 

Upon instinct, Sehun slides his thumb up on the screen to open the camera and check for misplaced locks of hair or a remnant from the cream bread he had been snacking on earlier on the side of his lips. But instead of being greeted by his possibly haggard state from hours of waiting, the camera captures the scene in front of him. Wherein the automatic doors open to reveal passengers wheeling in their luggage in trolleys. Along the incoming surge of people, brings Luhan, who halts his steps and scans the vicinity as if in search.

 

Since the day Luhan left Seoul, Sehun has thought of a thousand scenarios of how it would be like once he sees Luhan in the flesh once again. None of which, he thought would be the closest possibility. It would be hard, because the last time they saw each other, it had been at the airport too.

 

And ever since that day, Sehun’s been waiting.

 

But now that it’s here, his mind’s gone blank.

 

Sehun presses the record button before he even realizes that he did. It captures Luhan in all his glory, with each slight turn of his head and his eyes glancing on every face in the crowd. Although, it doesn't take him long for Sehun isn't easy to miss. Luhan tugs the white face mask he had on his mouth to his chin and lets out a bright smile over at Sehun's phone as if he knew he was on record.

 

Ripped jeans-clad legs swing towards his direction. It's nearing midnight and yet Sehun feels as though his eyes are burning bright from the sun.

 

"My wish came true, huh?" Sehun finds himself blurting out of his control. It was not his intention, for him to say it loud enough for Luhan to hear. But Luhan does, if the glint he had on his eyes is any indication.

 

“You were wishing for me?” Luhan teases, once he was only a mere meter away with only the railing between the two of them keeping them apart. Staring straight at the phone’s camera, he gets into character and continues, “Your wish came true. The genie’s here to grant you two more wishes. What would it be this time, master?”

 

“It was 11:11 and I’ve been here for hours waiting for you. Of course, I’d wish for you to show up already.” Sehun excuses. “Don’t I have to rub the lamp before making a wish? I still have three.”

 

Luhan tugs on the straps of his backpack with both of his hands. It's a two-week trip, and yet he only has a backpack hunched up on his shoulders.

 

Luhan shrugs and nonchalantly says, "You can rub the genie." before walking out on him to get past the railings on the other side.

 

Sehun waits dazed, absentmindedly forgetting to stop the record until only a few seconds later when Luhan nudges him, now standing by his side. He turns his head to look at Luhan, and takes note of how heavily underdressed he was for the weather. Sehun asks, “Couldn’t you have dressed warmer?”

 

“Ripped jeans are warmer than you think.” Luhan defends, as they begin to walk towards the bus station.

 

Sehun snorts at that and hands him the parka he had been holding onto for hours, “I expected this to happen.”

 

"Well, I expected this to happen as well," Luhan says, accepting the coat wholeheartedly as they both laugh.

 

They're more casual than Sehun has expected. But Sehun prefers it to be this way. There were questions at the tip of his tongue that he knows would pop this bubble they're in, though Sehun would bite them all back until perhaps tomorrow since Luhan must be tired with jet lag. They have two weeks anyway.

 

But Sehun must’ve thought too soon, the dead air is now slowly creeping between the two of them as they waited and boarded the bus. Sehun would like to think, it’s caused by the both of them being too tired. For some reason, even if when they used to be together then in silence, it was never this kind of awkwardness that endangered to choke them with the tension. Though, Sehun would like to think that it’s all in his head.

 

Besides, even if they’ve kept in touch through chats and calls, it’s different in real life. It’s still almost a year and a half of catching up, of waiting for unfinished business that’s been put off.

 

It is Luhan, who decides to break the silence a few minutes later after the wheels of the bus began rolling, and Sehun’s content himself with leaning on the window, watching how the streetlights veil the concrete road in a yellowish light out of the darkness. He almost thought that the quiet would last until they get off.

 

“How have you been?” Luhan begins, with a common phrase achingly overused in small talk. “How’s Film?”

 

“Not as fun as I thought it would be.” Sehun shrugs. Film was something he and Luhan used to bond over. It wasn’t the same after he left though he wouldn’t admit it out loud. It was still something he knew he actually chose so he shrugs and says, “But it’s better.”

 

“You’re only saying that because you miss planning movies with me.” Luhan jokes, seemingly oblivious to how truthful his words were. If only he knows.

 

Sehun fiddles with his phone, locking and unlocking, swiping through the apps menu as if what he’s about to say isn’t truthful with the mocking tone he uses to speak, “You know everyone at the film club used to think I only joined because of you.”

 

“Are you still friends with them?” Luhan asks. Lock and unlock. Swipe, swipe, swipe.

 

“I chat once in awhile with a few of them. But I was never that close to them like I was with you.”

 

“I’ve been part of the club for years but you were the closest friend I made too.” Sehun drops his phone at that, hitting the floor with a powerful thud and he thinks, that his stomach’s dipped just as hard.

 

They’re just friends.

 

“Right…” Sehun trails off, crouching down to pick the phone up from the floor. There’s a crack on the tempered glass screen protector though Sehun pays no heed to it. “...we were friends then… we’re still friends now. Is that it, then?” Sehun mutters the last part, and tries hard not to come off as angry.

 

Should Sehun consider this as Luhan’s answer? Sehun grits his teeth with tight lips.

 

"Is your phone okay?" Luhan asks as if he's turned deaf at Sehun's inquiry. Sehun would like to think the reason behind it is because he wasn't able to hear it.

 

"Yeah, it is," Sehun says, pocketing the phone in his coat, no longer bothering to inspect it for any further damages. It's the least of his worries as of the moment. Maybe he should check his heart, though.

 

Sehun purses his lips before speaking as if to serve as a reminder, “But sometimes we liked to play pretend too, right? Acting out cliché movie tropes for fun.”

 

During the time Sehun joined the film club, he wouldn't be lying if he would say that he spent more time with Luhan than he ever did studying for his major. Most of the time, they watched people and made stories out of them during subway rides home or when one of them would suggest a place to go for an impulsive day trip. Sometimes, they even talked of alternate universes, and spoke of it like such circumstances were real.

 

What they talked about, it was something they both enjoyed but knew no one but them would understand with how they wrapped their own sense of humor to only themselves like a whole new world only they would be able to explore.

 

In that case, acting out cliché movie tropes was a thing they did that only the two of them knew and did. It was one of the games they’ve always been fond of playing. One of them would be filming with the thought of editing whatever footage they have and make some sort of movie out of it despite the spontaneity of it or lack of actual plan as to what it was supposed to be about.

 

Though most of the time, they'd forget to press play and record. It would be just them, playing out a scene from an alternate universe they created, and acted it out like it was real.

 

The last time they played pretend, it was also the last time they saw each other which was at the airport. It's been so long but Sehun could still recall that exact moment with the number of times he's played the scene out in his head like a broken record.

 

There were bright eyes dead set on his own, fingers that brushed on the back of Sehun’s neck. “Wait for me, okay?” Luhan told him before he leaned in and—

 

"Yeah, ‘twas fun," Luhan says, the words sliding out from his lips with nonchalance.

 

Fun.

 

They’re just friends.

 

Sehun had the urge to raise his voice and shout. But instead, he keeps his voice low and mimics Luhan’s words, “Yeah, ‘twas fun.”

 

No amount of small talk can beat the silence from taking over, and it chokes on his neck as Sehun takes a deep breath and looks out once again at the window to stare at the vast starless sky. It’s better this way, now that Sehun thinks of it. He’d rather hold himself back and not let himself ruin the night. He’s only overthinking things.

 

Sehun can’t get mad over some things he must’ve imagined on his own. Sehun’s been waiting for seventeen months, he can wait for another day. Luhan must be tired. There’s always tomorrow. In the duration of an hour’s travel in the bus, Sehun’s managed to cool down and think rationally before they have to get off at their stop.

 

Sehun can never stay mad at anyone, most especially when it comes to Luhan.

 

The night is young for most people of their age at main road. Young couples, holding hands through their mittens. Drunken group of friends, stumbling through sidewalk. Establishments lit up with neon lights and bright signs some of which were adorned with Christmas lights.

 

And yet, as they walk side-by-side, Sehun can't help but stare at anything else but Luhan.

 

Maybe to Luhan, they’re just friends. But Sehun’s never looked at Luhan the way a friend should, since the moment he’s caught his attention and made him join a club of his interest he never thought he would have it in him keep as a hobby.

 

“Stop staring.” Luhan reprimands, staring straight at the road before them, and noticing how Sehun’s eyes were glued to his face through his peripheral vision. His teeth, lightly clattering and Sehun regrets having not brought a scarf.

 

“I just missed you,” Sehun admits, halting his steps prompting Luhan to do the same thing too. He takes his scarf off, and drapes it around Luhan’s neck who doesn’t protest knowing that between the two of them, he was much more sensitive to the cold.

 

Luhan's looking down at the pavement, and Sehun doesn't know what to do with knowing how painfully obvious he's being—at giving out hints that he was still waiting. For the wishes he made at 11:11's. For that coin he threw at Cheonggye Stream. For that piece of paper he tied by the wishing tree at Hwaseong Fortress.

 

For that “Wait for me, okay?” he's been promised at the airport when he tried to stop Luhan from leaving much like in those romance movies they both poked fun of.

 

Luhan should have figured it out by now, and Sehun can tell that he's turning a blind eye to it.

 

Tomorrow, Sehun thinks, on Christmas day, as he fixes the piece of clothing on his neck and lets the fabric brush lightly on Luhan's lips to keep him warm. Sehun smiles to himself once he's done, and takes one step to continue walking. He doesn't get to take a second step because Luhan is quick to stop him by grabbing on his forearm.

 

“Wait…” he says, Sehun looks back to Luhan who motions for him to come closer. So he does, and Luhan gathers his hands together and brings it dangerously close to his lips. Luhan lets out a warm breath, enveloping his palm with such coziness that could not compare with a pair of cashmere mittens.

 

It only lasts for seconds, and Luhan hides his hands inside the pockets of the coat before Sehun even has the chance to ask if he wanted him to do the same thing that he did with his own.

 

Luhan speaks, “Should we eat before we head to yours? I’m starving.”

 

They grab a bowl of ramen at a twenty-four-hour noodle shop near Sehun's apartment and it's surprising, how they fall into a comfortable atmosphere with how they bicker about little things as if what happened on the bus didn't in any way, make them feel awkward.

 

Maybe it was all really just in Sehun’s head.

 

They don’t take too long at eating. The walk to his apartment is a short one, and Sehun makes sure to turn the heater up to a higher temperature with what he’s accustomed to once they step inside.

 

"I thought you said you had a Christmas tree," Luhan says, once the lights are flicked on and he's taken a good look at the living room. It's almost as if he's having an internal turmoil with how he had his jaw slack and then shut tight in a matter of seconds. Luhan adds, "Where would I put your Christmas gift now?"

 

"There's a place for my gift in that small backpack of yours?" Sehun kids, finding Luhan's distress over not having a Christmas tree amusing. "I do have a Christmas tree, though."

 

Sehun walks over to one side of the wall, and flips a switch, making the fairy lights he's stuck on the wall to imitate the shape of a Christmas tree light up. He made it just in the morning when he remembered that he told Luhan that he had one when he was asked just a few days ago.

 

Luhan stays silent. Sehun must’ve done a sloppy job at his improvisation of a Christmas tree. It is a little crooked now that Sehun takes a good look at it. He should’ve taped on a couple of ornaments or a star on top, at least.

 

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" he beams with enthusiasm, a little self-support goes a long way. Luhan just laughs, though Sehun could tell that it was sort of forced out nervously for some reason. He takes a small box out of his bag and puts it under the fake Christmas tree and tells Sehun to put his under there too (he hid his gift for Luhan in the utility room and put it just beside Luhan’s gift for him), with the promise for them to open them tomorrow night after they go home from wherever they’ll decide to go to for Christmas.

 

Soon enough, once they’re done changing out of their day clothes, and Luhan unsurprisingly borrows one of Sehun’s sweatshirts and his own pair of sweatpants he’s left at his place before. They’re huddled together underneath the duvet, scrolling through their phones at first, before Luhan stopped when his eyes grew droopy with sleep but still awake enough to chat. Sehun only wanted to show him a photo of his dog Vivi, who stays at his family home, but he began flipping through other photos as well, including old ones that had Luhan in it.

 

Swipe. Luhan with his head leaning back on the subway window as he slept. Swipe. Luhan and him, wearing a silly hat and funky glasses on one of their day trips. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe—There's an embarrassing amount of candid photos Sehun took of Luhan in the folder he made for that year he spent in college that slipped off his mind before he thought it was a good idea to look at the photos knowing full well that Luhan would see them.

 

“We should sleep,” Sehun suggests, stopping his finger midair and trying hard not to let his eyes hover over Luhan’s face. It’s a struggle to decipher whatever expression Luhan had on his face from his peripheral vision. But maybe he isn’t ready to know yet. Sehun thought he was, though. Maybe tomorrow.

 

The photo on the phone's screen stopped on one photo of Luhan, a juxtaposition of red and blue dim lights of the club and yet not even that could conceal how ethereal Luhan looked even in the dark. Sehun could still remember it now as if it had only been yesterday because at the same night the photo was taken, Luhan’s hand was burning on his clothed shoulder, his lips brushing on Sehun’s ear as he whispered, “Let’s pretend that we’re—”

 

Luhan hums in agreement, and Sehun’s thankful that he must be sleepy enough not to notice the panic in his voice and demeanor. Sehun locks the phone and rests it on the side table. Luhan mutters a goodnight and Sehun can tell that he’s easily drifting off to sleep as he stares at the ceiling.

 

The door leading to the living room is left ajar, and Sehun notices only now that he's forgotten to turn the Christmas lights off. Sehun doesn't bother to stand up and switch it off. Not with how he's staying still as if it's only now that he's realized that he's sharing the same bed with Luhan. He has before—for so many times he could no longer count. But it's harder now, to fall asleep with how Sehun's gotten through almost a year and a half without and with all the questions lingering in his mind.

 

Despite that, Sehun closes his eyes and pretends that his heart isn't running on an overdrive. He does that until it's calm enough for him to fall asleep, almost an hour later when his mind isn't thinking of how Luhan's arm is warm wrapped around his middle.

 

❄︎❄︎❄︎

 

Sehun had always been self-denial of what he wanted to do in his life. That’s why when he was still in high school, he applied to several universities for different majors so he could convince himself that it was as much as he could say about having a choice.

 

Film, was something Sehun’s always had in mind but never had the guts to pursue. There had been a few instances in his academic life, in which he was able to dabble in it and when he did, he would receive nothing else but praise no matter what task involved.

 

Though Sehun was sort of a film enthusiast, he didn’t watch a lot of films. He barely knew anything about the matter. Though every time he would go see a movie, he found joy in deconstructing each scene and figuring out the technicality behind the cinematography more than just simply watching and enjoying the movie as it is.

 

It was something he liked, though it was he, himself who would shut down any inkling of plans he would have in wanting to learn more and make a career out of it.

 

So he took up Civil Engineering because he's been told that he would be good at it if he ever chooses to pursue it. School counselors don't lie when it comes to career planning, he had convinced himself.

 

The first time Sehun met Luhan, cheesy as it may sound, played out like a scene from a movie. Sehun had no intention to join a club, he had only gone to join some of his classmates who wanted to check the booths set up from different university-wide organizations. But there was something about the way the rays of the sun, flittered through the trees in warm undertones manifested from the setting sun when he saw Luhan manning the Film Club's booth during Club Recruitment Week. That was what drew Sehun in enough to walk towards the booth, in which Luhan had been the one to talk him through it, and he ended up joining the club.

 

They became fast friends right after, and most saw it as Luhan taking Sehun under his wing as some sort of protégé. Though there were some, who simply thought it was something beyond that.

 

“I’m fond of all freshmen.” Luhan would often clear up. “But Sehun’s a cute kid.”

 

Kid.

 

Sehun couldn’t quite explain why it felt like his heart’s dropped every time he heard Luhan call him that during the first few weeks. But deep inside, he already knew why.

 

The both of them rode the subway home after daily club meetings. In the duration of their commute, and sometimes impulsive day trips wherein they would get off at a random station and just explore the main road with the bustling of city diminuendo through the side road.

 

It was in those moments, that Sehun would think it was just the two of them together in their own world. To be perfectly honest, there was nothing interesting that happened that year besides joining the Film Club and well, Luhan.

 

Often times, they played games, most of which only the two of them would understand. Some would find it weird, but they watched people, the setting they’re in and then they would ponder on alternate universes born from the most random of things they would encounter and branch it out to a point that they would direct movies in one’s mind. Sometimes, they would even film each other and say that they would edit whatever footage they would have into a movie with no specific plot in mind.

 

One instance would be, this one time, only about a month upon meeting each other, they were seated side-by-side inside a subway train with their eyes observing the surroundings looking for inspiration.

 

“In an alternate universe,” Luhan whispered, just loud enough for Sehun to hear as he glanced his eyes over at the girl sitting in front of them. The girl had her phone blasting an idol group’s song, and unbeknownst to her, she had forgotten to plug in the earphones she was wearing to her phone.

 

Luhan continued, “We’re idols, and we’re part of the same boy group. But for some twisted reason, maybe one of us leaves or our company just liked to promote us under different subunits and separated us.”

 

Sehun paused. Sometimes, Luhan’s ideas baffled him. “That isn’t even creative.” Sehun pointed out, a trace of a laugh laced with disbelief with each word he spoke. “And why did it suddenly become sad?”

 

Luhan hummed, “I’ll be leaving for China a few months after I graduate.” he said, shrugging, as though it was no big deal.

 

From the start, Sehun already knew that Luhan would be leaving next year. Not just because he was part of the graduating class, but because of how it seemed as if Luhan has this burning need to remind him almost every single day. Sehun always wondered how he can talk about it so easily. It was almost like Luhan didn’t notice how he would visibly frown every single time.

 

Sometimes, Sehun thought, that Luhan was doing it on purpose, for he always had a smile on his face whenever he mentioned it like the end was something to look forward to. Luhan grinned and said, "Isn't now just as sad as well?"

 

But Sehun always liked to think, that Luhan leaving wouldn’t equate to the end. Looking down, Sehun noted how their bodies were leaning beside each other. It was then that the subway announcer resonated that the train would alight at Samgakji Station—Luhan’s stop, repeatedly and he knew that the train would slow down and stop in a minute or less.

 

The same scenario has happened every time they go home together, like a metaphorical jab at Sehun’s chest reminding him that Luhan would eventually leave. There simply was no space for his feelings to develop, or for them to have something beyond friendship without the inevitable option for them to either break up or try long distance. But why did Sehun even think of such things like having a relationship with Luhan? It was just a silly crush, Sehun always convinced himself, undermining whatever tickling he felt whenever the thought of Luhan runs in his mind.

 

Sehun was in denial, he had always found it hard to risk anything. It’s sad, that Sehun had grown an attachment to Luhan who would leave Seoul for good in less than a year. It was the reality that Sehun didn’t like to think about.

 

Sehun’s voice had been low when he said, “It’s only sad if you think of it like that.”

 

Sehun’s looked it up before, that the distance between Seoul and Beijing was approximately 952 kilometers. But in that moment, wherein they were slotted side-by-side at the plastic seats of the subway train with their clothed shoulders pressed snugly against each other, the distance between the two of them might as well be close to zero.

 

“I’ll be staying there for good.” Luhan reminded him, though it wasn’t the first time that he had. Luhan nudged him by the shoulder, perhaps because he’s noticed the evident deflation in his mood, and said, “But I hope we’ll still keep in touch.”

 

Luhan waved goodbye at him and left once the subway doors opened up at the platform. Just like that, Sehun was left alone until two stations later when he has to get off the train. As he usually did, he would fight the urge to calculate the distance between him and Luhan with each step he took. With each time, having Sehun come up with a conclusion that they just weren't meant for something beyond friendship. It was just a crush that would fade away in time.

 

It wasn't until November when Sehun started thinking differently.

 

They were at a club, somewhere near their university along with the other members of the Film Club. Both him and Luhan weren't so fond of drinking, and for months they had somehow managed to talk themselves out of plans with ridiculous excuses.

 

However that night, somehow they ended up joining even if by the end, they were the only ones left at the table. It was good at first, the alcohol only hitting them by the slightest with their minds still intact and the stories they spoke of weren’t nonsensical just yet. But they both were lightweights and it was only a matter of time for things to go out of hand with intoxicated minds.

 

Sehun didn’t even remember what they were talking about, one minute he was filming Luhan, taking pictures as he laughed for whatever reason it was. The next, Luhan had his head resting on Sehun’s shoulder and he thought he must’ve dozed off with a few blanks he found no recollection off.

 

And then, somehow, someway, Sehun lost track of time. He couldn’t tell minutes and seconds apart by the time Luhan’s hand was burning on his clothed shoulder, his lips brushing on Sehun’s ear as he whispered, “Let’s pretend that we’re lovers.”

 

❄︎❄︎❄︎

 

They’re not just friends.

 

Even if Sehun’s been trying to convince himself that they are just friends so he won’t make Luhan feel uncomfortable with having to deal with something like his feelings perhaps, since he was on vacation. It doesn’t help that Luhan seems like he’s dead set on acting like he never lead Sehun on and even asked to wait for him when Sehun practically begged him at the airport not to leave like a lovesick fool.

 

Sehun knows it himself, that the chances of Luhan thinking of him only as a friend might as well be close to zero. At least, that had been the case before Luhan left for Beijing. Right now, it hasn't even been twenty-four hours and Sehun couldn't decipher whatever stance he holds in Luhan's life.

 

It isn’t so easy, when they’ve always played games, always played pretend, and Sehun found it difficult to separate what was real and what wasn't when it came to Luhan. But Sehun knew well enough that friends don't ask friends to pretend that they're lovers and get into character so much that finding where the line is, or if any one of them has crossed it was a question that the both of them could not answer.

 

Though, Sehun still wanted to look at the bright side of things. Maybe Luhan was just tired last night and wasn’t prepared to confront Sehun just yet. It was a fact that Sehun was caught off guard by Luhan labeling them as friends last night. But as he’s been hearing quite a lot the past few weeks, one should never accept rejection as failure.

 

Besides, it’s not like Luhan outright rejected him.

 

Sehun's phone rings and vibrates on the wooden bedside table placed on Luhan's side of the bed. He would've reached out his arm to hit snooze. But when he turns his head, he becomes aware of Luhan's nose digging on his cheek. Luhan’s has an arm wound tightly on his torso. The distance between their faces so close that Sehun could just lean and breathe Luhan in.

 

The blaring of the phone rings louder in his ears, and even if turning it off is the last thing he wanted to do in that moment, Sehun makes a move to do so. But before Sehun could even move an inch, Luhan stirs in his sleep and nuzzles his nose even deeper into his cheek. Sehun feels his head spin.

 

"Sehun, turn your alarm off. It's annoying," Luhan whispers, his breath hitting Sehun right in the face sending shivers down his spine. Luhan then tightens his hold on his body and Sehun doesn't know how to react when he's only been awake for a couple of minutes.

 

Are we pretending right now?

 

Nevertheless, Sehun finds it in himself to pull his muscles enough to untangle himself from Luhan and turn his alarm off. It’s only eight a.m. but Sehun presumes he should take a shower now if he wanted to take Luhan out to as much as many places they could go to on Christmas day.

 

When Sehun gets out of the shower clad with enough layers to keep him warm outside throughout the whole day, Luhan’s already up and at the living room. He was staring at the sorry excuse of a Christmas tree made out of fairy lights on the wall with such distaste Sehun almost feels offended.

 

“Is it that ugly?” the question popping up only in Sehun’s mind.

 

"I see you're admiring my work of art," Sehun says and Luhan flinches, unaware that he's out of the shower. He laughs again, nervously much like he had last night and Sehun laughs along. If only he knew Luhan would be so disappointed about the fact that he doesn't have a real Christmas tree, Sehun would've found a way to get one.

 

Once they were done preparing to go out, they take the bus to Seoul Plaza. The plan was that, there was no plan. That was how they usually were even before, just going where their feet would take them.

 

In that case, Sehun really doesn't remember who suggested to go ice skating at Seoul Plaza. Sehun only thought of how they could go to Cheonggye Stream since it isn't too far to walk to. And though he probably shouldn't, he wanted to take Luhan there since, well… two years ago, on Christmas day, they were there too.

 

“I want to go to Hwaseong Fortress.” Luhan blurts out of the blue. Sehun flinches at that. He takes his eyes off from the window where he was watching the streets absentmindedly. Luhan doesn’t reciprocate his gaze. “Not today, maybe tomorrow? I don’t know I just want to make a wish.”

 

Sehun thinks, of how Luhan could go make a wish on anything and anywhere. But it had to be somewhere as far as a wishing tree at Suwon. But Sehun stops his mind from wrecking his thoughts any further with ideas. It’s just a wish.

 

But still, Sehun couldn’t help but fish, “Are you going to wish for the same thing?” he asks.

 

"Wishes change over time, Sehun-ah," Luhan states, and Sehun's heart drops. He could still remember that day. Luhan’s hand was burning on his skin, and the other was holding onto a piece of paper written with a wish. Luhan spoke, “I wish that…”

 

Sehun should stop thinking about it.

 

It’s just a wish.

 

“Did yours?” Sehun asks, he should shut his mouth now. Luhan only hums and Sehun takes his eyes back on the streets. Sehun draws his lips into a line after he says, “I guess… I’m going to have to think of what I should wish for then.”

 

What was Luhan even trying to say?

 

Sehun keeps quiet throughout the rest of the ride, and Luhan doesn't seem to mind. Luhan's tried to initiate a conversation every few minutes at first, but it he must've stopped what with Sehun giving one-word replies.

 

(“Sehun-ah, this beanie I’m wearing looks similar to one that you have.”

 

“Nice.”

 

“You know, I missed Korea so much that I started watching dramas. You know how much I avoided watching Romance.”

 

“Great.”)

 

Only when they’ve reached Seoul Plaza, and putting on their skates, did Sehun realize just how much of a kid he's being as if he's been told off by his mother not to throw tantrums much like he had when he was five and his brother stole the last box of chocolate milk he had stashed in the fridge.

 

Sehun's twenty-two and Luhan didn't come all the way from China to babysit an overgrown child on Christmas day.

 

Sure Sehun is beyond frustrated, but Luhan doesn’t deserve to have something like being given the silent treatment be a memory to keep from his supposed vacation. Sehun has always wished for Luhan’s happiness, which is why he’s trying so hard to set his feelings aside because if it’s something that’s getting in the way of it, what’s the point?

 

It’s Christmas day, and skating rinks filled with other people who came to spend it here much like them. And as they skate, both just laughing at each other’s attempts at trying not to wobble and Sehun hates how he couldn’t stop thinking about how Luhan would hold onto his arm whenever he’s finding balance.

 

Despite all that's happening in his surroundings and the recklessness of not minding how his feet would glide on the ice, Sehun couldn't help but stare at anything but Luhan.

 

Sehun sees it coming, when Luhan loses his balance on the ice and he’s quick enough to grab his arm and pull him up before he would fall face first on the skating rink. Seconds pass, just the both of them standing up, smiles till lingering upon their lips.

 

And Sehun must really be a kid, he really wants himself to let the matter go, set it aside for another day and not let it spoil the moment. But it’s no easy task.

 

“Why are we pretending?” Sehun says, a slip of the tongue. Luhan blinks at him with wide eyes, smile no longer present with a blank look.

 

"Sehun…" he breathes out, finally dropping the act of pretending that there isn’t something they’ve put off for almost half a year.

 

And Sehun’s a hypocrite, because as much as he wanted his place in Luhan’s heart to be deliberate, right now, he just wants to spend Christmas with Luhan happily. So Sehun panics, but he keeps it to himself and laughs.

 

“This is a cliché, huh? Falling into someone’s arms.” Sehun points out, breaking them off from the daze.

 

Luhan presumably plays along and laughs, “I see you’re learning a lot about films.”

 

They continue to skate for minutes after that. Sehun has thirteen more days before Luhan goes back. It could wait. Once they were done and seated on a bench just to rest for a few minutes before they walk to Cheonggye Stream or possibly look around for a place to shop, Sehun unlocks the phone on his screen and sees the time glaring at him as though it was meant to be.

 

11:11 AM.

 

It’s just a wish. A minute he can wish on. But Sehun closes his eyes, and it’s been so long and Luhan was right when he said that wishes change over time. Sehun used to wish for selfish things like having some things he knows he can’t have. Now he just wishes for another day wherein Luhan would smile and laugh out of happiness.

 

❄︎❄︎❄︎

 

“Let’s pretend that we’re lovers.”

 

It was like his mind had been awakened from a deep sleep as soon as he’s heard the words. The music was deafening, but the words were crystal clear with how close Luhan’s lips had been when he spoke. Sehun feels his heart beating its way out of his ribcage, as if it had been battling with the synthetic beats booming from the club’s speakers.

 

It was Sehun’s turn, to have his lips be close enough to graze on Luhan’s who offered his ear as if he had been expecting for his reply. Sehun whispered back, “And how would that be possible?”

 

Cold fingers were interlaced together when Luhan took him by the hand and whisked him away. They ran out of the place and Sehun reckoned that he might've been holding his breath as they ran out of the place and into the night.

 

It was club day in the area, and the streets were crowded with mostly college students who had buzzed themselves with alcohol as a temporary escape from having to worry about their academic workload the day after. Neon lights passed by in streaks from the corner of his eye as the wind breezed past them. His tongue was still reminiscent of the sweetness from vibrant colored drinks betraying his system and his left hand was warm with the contact.

 

Despite all that's happening in his surroundings and the recklessness of sprinting without watching one's steps, Sehun couldn't help but stare at anything but Luhan.

 

It was a picturesque moment and Sehun looked back at all of those times he had spent with Luhan. Sehun thought of how each moment felt like he was capturing films in his mind with Luhan as the only subject of his lenses. A macro photograph in motion. The only sounds registering in his ears being the incessant beating in his chest and the beautiful noise of Luhan’s laughter laced with the shortness of his breath.

 

They were friends, pretending to be lovers.

 

And in an alternate universe, they were lovers, pretending to be friends.

 

Sehun saw it coming, when Luhan tripped on nothing but the flat ground and he had been quick to grab his arm and pull him up before he fell face first on the pavement. Seconds passed, just the both of them standing up, smiles still lingering upon their lips.

 

Luhan took his phone out at that moment, and when he unlocked it he burst an "Oh!" as he glanced over at the screen. He told Sehun, "It's 11:11. Let's make a wish, Sehunnie."

 

Sehun closed his eyes and wished. He didn't say his wishes out loud. There was no sentence or a specific sentiment which he wanted to happen. There was only a name he chanted in his mind as a wish.

 

Luhan.

 

Sehun’s eyes were still closed when he felt something quick, fleeting which prompted him to fly his eyes open. Even he knew that there was only one possibility as to why he felt something soft pressed on his lips.

 

Luhan kissed him.

 

It left a burning on the surface of his lips, and before Sehun had even recovered from the first time. Luhan pressed his lips against his for a second time, and a third. Soon enough, they were actually kissing with their mouths open, with Sehun’s hand on the small of Luhan’s waist, and Luhan’s hands on his cheek and shoulder. It took Sehun minutes, when they both stumbled for a split second, that Sehun become aware of their drunken stupor.

 

The harsh reality hit him like cold water pouring down his whole being, knowing that something like this wouldn’t be possible if not under the influence of alcohol. So Sehun disentangled himself from the kiss, putting both of his hands on Luhan who didn’t seem at all offended at the sudden interruption with how his eyes were hazy from intoxication.

 

Sehun must’ve carried the both of them to the subway station, with Luhan walking with his eyes closed half of the time. Luhan slept through the whole ride with his lips pressed on Sehun’s shoulder, who sat still, eyes blinking as if sobering up with each second.

 

When Sehun only meant to drop him off at his apartment, Luhan asked him to stay. And though it was a struggle to be the one to push Luhan away when his lips were initiating contact, Sehun had to knowing it may be something he will regret or won't even remember the morning after. They fell asleep, with Luhan's arm wrapped around his stomach.

 

The next day, Sehun woke up late in the afternoon beside empty sheets. Luhan left a message on Sehun’s phone which said that he left him a post-it note on the corkboard pinned up beside his study table.

 

there’s cereal and milk in the fridge if you want breakfast. there are headache pills somewhere on the bedside table. i know you don’t have class today. so you’re free to sleep until whenever, kid.

 

-luhan-hyung

 

Sehun’s eyes were quick to spot, how the note was pinned beside another which was written in capital letters. The sticky notes were placed beside each other much too close as if Luhan had done it on purpose.

 

“MARCH 2015 - GOODBYE SEOUL” it read.

 

Five more months, Sehun calculated in his mind. Luhan still had a couple of months left before he leaves but Sehun couldn’t help but think that the timeframe was still not enough. It had only been about two months since they’ve met, but Sehun couldn’t even begin to imagine how it would be like without Luhan.

 

It felt like a movie in black and white, drained from the colors that made it seem like his life’s not as dull as he thought it had been.

 

Sehun stayed over until Luhan came back from university, and couldn't tell if Luhan simply did not remember, or if he deemed it best to act like whatever happened that night did not happen. Either way, Sehun played along and pretended the kiss did not in any way affect him at all. It was not Luhan's fault if it felt like he lead Sehun on. Sehun shouldn't have taken it to heart.

 

It was only pretending, after all.

 

❄︎wishing well❄︎

 

You aren’t supposed to fall in love with a friend who painfully insists on treating you nothing beyond the platonic spectrum.

 

In Sehun’s case, it was complicated. No matter how Sehun looks at it, nothing between the two of them is platonic. What were the chances of two people being friends, where one would ask them to pretend that they’re lovers and somehow take it too far to a point that they both had?

 

What they are, isn’t something that Sehun understands either. Though in Sehun’s ideal world, they were lovers, pretending to be friends.

 

After Luhan left and settled himself in going back home after so long, it took him a few weeks to contact Sehun. Even then, they didn’t talk about what was said at the airport, or anything that delved beyond friendship. They didn’t talk on the daily but still kept in touch enough once in awhile as if reminding each other that they were still part of each other’s lives. Sehun busied himself with Film, and Luhan busied himself with work.

 

And after the first few months, that’s when Sehun started thinking that this must’ve been one of the reasons why Luhan always kept reminding him that he would leave. He knew this would happen, that the long distance would keep them apart and it might be better not to let something like feelings get lost in miscommunication because of it. That was what Sehun liked to think.

 

Sehun really hates distance.

 

They went to eat out at a kalguksu place and hop from one shop to another with their cold hands brushing together once in awhile.

 

It's almost like they haven't been distanced from each other for more than a year with the way they fall back to how they've always been before on their day trips. His camera's being filled with so much Luhan, and Sehun can't fathom just how blissed he feels after so long without.

 

And there it is again, that feeling of how each moment felt like he was capturing films in his mind with Luhan as the only subject of his lenses. A macro photograph in motion.

 

Time flies fast when you're with someone who makes you happy.

 

Sehun didn't even see it coming when the skies began to fade into warm undertones manifested from the setting sun as they walked aimlessly with no destination in mind. And maybe they really just go where their feet would take them. Sehun sees Cheonggye Stream growing closer from the distance. His heart beats at an exponential rate as they descend from the stairs to walk alongside the stream.

 

With every step they take, the heavens grow darker as the sun bids farewell to be replaced with the effervescent lights growing brighter. The moment seems too nostalgic that Sehun couldn't stop himself from replaying the memory from two years ago. Maybe it’s time.

 

“Do you remember two years ago?” Sehun asks out of nowhere, with the intention of reminiscing. He slips his fingers inside his coat and manages to fish a coin out from one of the pockets. “You were here.”

 

Luhan just stares at him, and Sehun could see how his eyes widened with each word let out from his lips.

 

"We were here," Sehun says, rubbing the coin in his hand. "And I made a wish."

 

❄︎❄︎❄︎

 

November passed by quickly, where they both don’t try to pretend like they’re lovers again and get into it so much for them to start kissing.

 

And it was driving Sehun insane, how he had to act like he wasn’t thinking of how they kissed that night whenever he was with Luhan. There was no hint of awkwardness, on Luhan’s side at least, which made Sehun believe that maybe he didn’t remember what he said and did that night. Sehun wasn’t so sure if he felt relieved or disheartened with the possibility.

 

But it still couldn’t explain how after that night, there was a change in how Luhan acted around him. They were subtle, but Sehun couldn’t help but notice them, how sometimes Luhan’s hand would rest on his thigh during subway rides home. Luhan’s hands would often times brush against his and he would even hold onto his arm for minutes. Luhan’s even talked about alternate universes and told him he wished to live in a world where it’s just the two of them like he wasn’t aware that it would Sehun’s mind up for days.

 

His phone’s memory has gotten full so many times that Sehun had to buy a new one because he just couldn’t stop himself from taking pictures or filming Luhan as though they’re in a movie. Sehun’s gotten so attached that he really couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that Luhan was going to leave after he graduates. Whenever he would remember, his heart would drop to his stomach and he would try and pretend it doesn’t get to him at all by being distant around Luhan and fail.

 

Sehun's tried so hard to keep it to himself for so long, and at some point, he just couldn't pretend anymore.

 

It was rather impulsive, really, and on Christmas day too. But Sehun didn’t think he would be able to say it anymore if he didn’t do it once it became a constant thought that’s popped up in his mind the whole day. So Sehun ditched his friends, he was only there as a fifth wheel on a double date anyway so they didn’t mind too much. He then dialed Luhan’s number up and spoke as soon as the dial tone’s stopped ringing to be replaced with white noise.

 

“Where are you?” Sehun asked, urgency in his voice not having felt the need for greetings.

 

"Cheonggye Plaza?" Luhan told him, clearly bewildered with the sudden question. As if reading Sehun's mind, he added, "I'm alone, though."

 

“Can I come to you?”

 

When Sehun fastened his pace to go to Cheonggye Plaza, it was then that he realized that it was Christmas, Luhan’s last Christmas even, to spend in Seoul before he would leave. He was even alone, and here Sehun was, with no other plans other than confessing despite knowing that he has no game plan or a fallback… or anything really, that would prepare him for what is to come next.

 

But Sehun never thought of Luhan, the way he thought of all his other friends. And maybe that was enough of a reason.

 

Luhan and him always talked about alternate universes. Sometimes, they always seem too real, like it was the world they created just for the two of them. And in that world, Sehun always felt like he was in control of his own choices, because of course, alternate universes were abstract. There were no rules, and Sehun could just let his mind free from the real world where he's never sure or often too scared to make a choice and it up.

 

It was why it had been so odd for him to have felt the need to tell Luhan about his feelings for him. Most of the time, if Sehun thinks it won't work, he won't pursue it. He'd rather not take the risk. But Luhan was leaving in three months, he didn't have a lot of time left.

 

Sehun didn’t need to think hard for him to realize that it’ll probably be one of his biggest regrets if he ever let Luhan slip away just like that.

 

They meet somewhere near the stairway that goes down beside the stream and they take a walk as Sehun told Luhan about how his day of being a fifth wheel went animatedly. The words of his incoming confession were on the tip of his tongue. But there was still hesitance, that Sehun could not shake off. He had always been indecisive, in denial, and he just needed a few more minutes to think about it, or perhaps to buy a little more time.

 

“Do you know I’ve decided?” Sehun told him. “I’m shifting to study Film in the Fall.”

 

The look on Luhan’s face was something of astonishment, ones that reminded him of the proud looks, “I’m happy for you.” he said, and Sehun couldn’t help but think that maybe he had more to say but were stuck in his tongue from mild shock. “You’re always happy when we talk about films.”

 

“That was more because of you, though.” Sehun wanted to tell him. There were so many words threatening to spill from Sehun's lips. He wanted to thank Luhan for being a part of the reason why he's realized that it was something he wanted to do. Sehun stepped closer to the edge of the stream and calculated how he could throw the coin in the wishing well situated a good distance away without failing.

 

Sehun stated, “I’m going to go make a wish.”

 

❄︎❄︎❄︎

 

"We were here," Sehun says, rubbing the coin in his hand. "And I made a wish."

 

The night is young for most people of their age by the stream. Young couples, holding hands through their mittens. People of all ages, throwing loose change in exchange for wishes. Vibrant lights adorned all over the place coloring his vision with each move.

 

And yet, as they walk side-by-side, Sehun can't help but stare at anything else but Luhan.

 

Luhan, whose eyes were so bright it battled with a thousand suns. Luhan, who halts his steps, as Sehun begins to melt and spill all that he's been holding all this time. Luhan turns to look at him. Sehun's tried so hard to keep it to himself for so long, and at some point, he just couldn't pretend anymore.

 

"Hyung, let's stop pretending," Sehun said, not bothering to beat around the bush. "And that you kissed me before you left. , even after I confessed to you, I knew we had something. But now you’re acting like we don’t have to talk about it. Why is that? Why do you insist on going circles?”

 

Sehun could see the struggle in Luhan’s eyes, reminiscent of how it had been two years ago on Christmas day.

 

“Hyung, if you think the distance made me change my mind. Then you’re wrong.” Sehun tells him. He’s laying himself bare but if Sehun dares to let Luhan see how serious he is… then maybe… maybe he should just ask, “What did you wish for the last time we went to Hwaseong Fortress?”

 

Luhan stills, almost like the memory's playing in his mind. The wish isn't something that Sehun's supposed to know. But that time they went to Hwaseong Fortress always feels like it came straight out from a movie—every moment with Luhan felt like one if someone would ask Sehun.

 

“It’s been such a long time… seventeen months, isn’t it?” Luhan says, after a few seconds which almost felt like minutes. “Do you still feel the same?”

 

“What if I say yes? What’s stopping you?” Sehun asks, adding, “Us?”

 

Sehun thinks of several factors that could answer his own question. In two weeks, they'll be going back to how it has been like for the past seventeen months. Luhan won't be in his apartment and it would be back to 952 kilometers. 1-hour time difference. Fewer means of communication. An indefinite number of years of waiting. They might even be stuck at such a distance apart for life.

 

But somehow, the distance doesn’t seem like such impossible obstacles. Instead, they were matters Sehun thinks could easily be bridged. He wouldn’t mind. If it’s for Luhan, he wouldn’t mind.

 

“You know it’s more complicated than that.” Luhan reminds him. “We don’t live in that alternate universe where it’s just us.” and , Sehun already knows that. He knows long distance isn’t easy and that they don’t actually live in a world where it’s just the two of them even though sometimes it feels like they do.

 

But to be honest, why should he let something like distance stop them?

 

Maybe he’s still so young, which is why he couldn’t understand. A kid. Sehun could feel his heart sink down his stomach at the sudden thought.

 

“I wished we did, though. Don’t you wish for that too?” Sehun asks, even if he already feels like asking such questions is like letting himself drown on purpose. “Even now, we can pretend it’s just us.”

 

Right now, it feels like it’s just the two of them in their own little world. There was no one else but them in that moment and why can’t Luhan just give him a straight answer?

 

“I can do long distance. We can do long distance. It’s been seventeen months, but we’ve still managed to keep in touch. It’s not the same as being together like this but we can make it work.”

 

The only other reason Sehun could think of is that maybe Luhan doesn’t think Sehun is worth it at all, and that’s what kills him. It’s the most that makes sense. They’re nearly not even on the same level. Luhan didn’t have to say it out loud. But Sehun was an indecisive student who changed majors after a year and Luhan has a stable job overseas. Compared to Luhan, Sehun’s practically a kid next to him.

 

They’re not just friends, Sehun would like to believe. Though he’s beginning to think that they might as well be.

 

And maybe, they really are just friends.

 

Sehun could feel his eyes darkening at the thought.

 

“But I must be the only one who thinks like this between the two of us, huh?” Sehun says, the change in the tone of his voice evident. It was lower, colder and he could tell that Luhan’s noticed the change.

 

“Sehun…”

 

"It was all just for pretend." Sehun states and he says it out loud like it's the truth. It sounds even more real when he says it. "But at some point it was real too, right? There must be even just a sliver of affection there…"

 

"But it's been seventeen months. You had time to think and you…" Sehun's voice cracks, and it sounds so desperate even in his own ears. What a humiliating sight he must've looked like. "You wouldn't be so adamant about making sure we don't get to talk about what we are because you were going to reject me. It would be awkward since you're staying over at my place…"

 

Sehun’s spilling harder than the man-made waterfall flowing down the stream. Seventeen months of pent-up frustration.

 

"You made me wait. But maybe in that time, your feelings must've changed. You're right, seventeen months is a long time." Sehun says this more to himself than to Luhan.

 

Luhan’s only staying for two weeks. How long does he have to wait again? Is there even anything left for him to wait, or did Luhan assume that Sehun wouldn’t have cared about it given that it’s been a long time since? Now that Sehun thinks of it, he’s only known Luhan for six months before he left, and yet he waited seventeen months for Luhan to come back and give him an answer.

 

“Or maybe you never felt the same and you just thought all those times were just playing pretend, thought it was fun and wouldn’t up my feelings even the slightest bit?” Sehun scoffs. He wants to laugh at himself for acting so foolish. “You said you hated romance movies but the amount of times you thought it was a great idea for us to pretend like we’re lovers, right? You never really took my feelings seriously, I guess.”

 

“Sehun…” Luhan could only whisper, and he hates how nice his name sounded rolling off from Luhan’s tongue in that moment, swaying his feelings again. ing him up again.

 

“You lead me on and you… you even… when I confessed here at Cheonggye… you…” Sehun’s either running out of words, or they’re being choked back in his throat. Breathing itself is a struggle. He can’t wrap his mind around the memory of when they were here and Luhan just… he just… Sehun doesn’t know what to say but, “I understand now.”

 

Panic quickly overtakes Luhan’s face. He reaches out to grab his hand but he dodges as though his touch would set him on flames. Luhan sputters, “Sehun, I’m sorry—”

 

But Sehun doesn’t let him finish, “Why did you lead me on? Why did you ask me to wait? You could’ve told me to stop. I would’ve listened. That’s how much of a trash I am for you.” Sehun knows he’ll regret it if he doesn’t shut up. He takes a deep breath and says, “Let’s go home.”

 

“You’re putting words in my mouth.” Luhan whispers, face heavily ridden with anguish. “Let me explain…”

 

For a moment Sehun’s face softens thinking of how he had been the cause of Luhan’s distress and he quickly feels guilt creeping on his skin before he hardens his expression again.

 

“I’m sorry, hyung. But just… Let’s talk later when I’m done being…” he sighs, ”a kid.” There was no other word to describe how he feels like he’s being. There was so much going on in his mind. His must be flushed a deep shade of red, out of anger, embarrassment, or regret. Maybe he’s just cold. Sehun couldn’t tell, maybe it’s a mix of everything, and it’s so ing silly. Maybe he’s just being irrational, being a kid.

 

Sehun looks down, and winces, trying so hard to control his emotions. He kicks at the pavement with the balls of his feet, and once he’s calmed himself down enough he mutters, “Let’s go home.”

 

❄︎❄︎❄︎

 

“I’m going to go make a wish.” Sehun said, the coin in his pocket feeling cold in between his fingertips.

 

Luhan turned to look at him. His face blank, almost as if he knew what Sehun wanted to say but still he asked, “what are you going to wish for?”

 

“For you to just…” Sehun hesitated, for a split-second. It was going to make a three-sixty degree turn and possibly make or break what they had. But he has already come this far. There was no turning back now. Maybe it was worth a try. It was just a wish. Sehun took a deep breath, “...to just ing stay.”

 

Sehun could feel the coldness of the wind, the breeze hitting past his face and he felt it in his eyes. Luhan just stared at him, not really knowing what to do, and Sehun closed his eyes because he's scared of what he might see. The wind was cold and caused his eyes to grow watery though it's most likely the least of the reasons why.

 

“Sehun, you know that I can’t even if I wanted to.” Luhan finally answered, voice weak.

 

“You can, Luhan. You have a choice. You can stay if you want to.” Sehun told him. It was a selfish thought, but Sehun’s a kid who can’t accept the truth. “Like how you’re choosing to break my heart.”

 

“Breaking your heart?” Luhan furrowed his eyebrows at that. “What are you saying, Sehun? How am I breaking your heart?”

 

Sehun gritted his teeth, he should stop but he can't, "Then if you aren’t breaking my heart. What are you doing right now?"

 

Luhan had his jaw slacked before he sighed, “You already know I was going to leave. From the start, you already knew.”

 

“Can’t you stay?” Sehun repeated, his hands clenched on his side. He’s so out of breath he can’t even finish his sentences. “I don’t know how I can… how I can… you made me realize I can be whatever the I want… when we were together I feel like I can be just me. I feel so sure of myself, so sure of everything.”

 

Sehun’s head was spinning, unable to translate his thoughts into audible words. It all just spills into a pathetic heap of mess with his lips trembling not from the cold, but with all this pent-up frustration he’s kept inside for so long and pretended they didn’t exist. “Are you even aware of how much I like you? How much I like having you around? How much all these pretending had ed me up? Do you? Or do you just don’t care at all? Do you really just want to play pretend and you think it was fun to drag me into it? Is that it?”

 

“Sehun—”

 

"In an alternate universe… would you have said yes?" Sehun asked. He can't help but think of how desperate he must look like. Sehun should've known, it was stupid for him to think alternate universes could be real.

 

Silence engulfed the both of them. Only the stream of the water and the sound of the coins hitting the well can be heard. Sehun waits. He waits for Luhan to say something. But the boy only just stands there, looking at the water. He was about to just leave it. He had said what he wanted. If this is Luhan rejecting him then that’s fine.

 

"This isn't an alternate universe, Sehun-ah," Luhan answered, Sehun could barely even hear his voice and it rang in his ears as though he's under water. But Sehun had his eyes glued on the stream, he was above the ground and yet it felt like his heart's drowning.

 

“I’m leaving after graduation and I won’t be coming back. I’ll be staying there for good.” Luhan continued, his voice full with finality. Sehun couldn’t bring himself to look up.

 

Sehun sniffed and fiddled the coin between his fingers. It's cold. But he can trade it in for a wish.

 

Luhan was leaving in a few months, and he won’t be coming back. Sehun should’ve known, really. He can’t say that he didn’t see this coming. Luhan’s reminded him of it every single time they were together. It was silly, for him to think that Luhan’s mind would change just because he asked.

 

So Sehun closed his eyes, the thing he wanted the most repeating in his mind. Then he said it through his lips in a low voice that even Luhan wouldn’t be able to hear it. Luhan could only watch how Sehun’s arm swayed when he tossed the coin. It missed. Sehun could already feel the glistening of the tears in his eyes.

 

“Let’s go home. It’s getting cold,” Sehun muttered before walking away with Luhan following behind him. It’s time to stop being silly.

 

The gentle sound of the stream flowing resonated in his ears as if mocking him. As if it hadn’t just betrayed him. It was such a petty thing to do, to blame the wishing well for his misfortune. But maybe it was too early for him to point fingers.

 

Sehun doesn’t know how it happened. One moment, he was walking away from the well, from Luhan, and then the next he was being spun around, to be met with Luhan’s twinkling eyes.

 

Luhan's hand was cold in his cheek when he inched closer, making the distance between their lips be reduced to nothing.

 

The distance between Seoul and Beijing was approximately 952 kilometers. That’s how far Luhan will be from him in three months time. But in that moment, with all the shining lights around enveloping them in such a soft glow—so bright but could never quite compare to how bright Luhan’s eyes seemed to be, the distance between the two of them might as well be close to zero.

 

“This scene we have here is like from a ty romance movie, right?” Luhan said, once their lips parted and Sehun felt like he’s a completed puzzle and then an unfinished one in just a matter of a few seconds. It’s amazing what Luhan can do to his system. “Pity that we both don’t like Romance. But you really remind me of this one trope, ‘Boy back home’? What’s even funnier is that I’m going to go back home yet why does it feel like I’m leaving it?”

 

“I’ll really miss you… I’ll miss planning movies with you. I’ll miss subway rides home and impulsive day trips with you. I’ll miss how you would fall into an awkward stance when I get touchy. I’ll miss how you would clamp your lips into a line every once in awhile. , I’ll even miss how you would frown whenever I mention that I’d be leaving to go back home soon.” Luhan admitted.

 

Luhan’s lips were trembling and Sehun wished so much it was because of the cold. It should make Sehun happy to know that Luhan paid attention to all the little things to the smallest of details. But he doesn’t like seeing Luhan so sad.

 

“Luhan—”

 

“Merry Christmas, Sehun-ah,” Luhan said, his breath hitting Sehun’s face in the most gentlest of ways. Luhan pressed his thumb harder on the surface of his cheek. Everything faded into a blur, and all Sehun can think of was the distance.

 

Sehun wasn't able to throw the coin into the well and make a wish. But the one who held the power to make his wish come true was cradling his cheek, and Sehun supposed that it doesn't matter that he's missed. It was just a wish. This, whatever they were, was much better than anything that’s ever happened in his wildest dreams.

 

❄︎wishing tree❄︎

 

There really weren’t much that Sehun would think had been Luhan’s intentions when he kissed him. At that time, he really could no longer convince himself, that it was all just playing pretend.

 

But Luhan was still leaving a month after graduation, which was about two months away. Sehun didn’t really expect he would stay, just because he asked. It was a bittersweet time, there were more moments that were happy though there was an underlying sadness that they both didn’t speak of.

 

There was a change after Christmas day, like an unspoken agreement that Sehun didn’t think he signed up for. Sehun didn’t mind, though. Sehun was taking the semester off, and Luhan doesn’t have much reason to go to university anymore and all he had left was the Commencement and then he would go back to Beijing and never come back.

 

So they had all the time to spend together, on day trips and subway rides with people watching, or maybe just at each other’s apartments watching TV and deconstructing each scene. In between moments, someone’s hand would slip against another’s, or just having shoulders or laps be a much better substitution for a pillow.

 

The same week before Luhan would leave, their last day trip had been outside of Seoul, and at Suwon.

 

Sehun recorded the day in motion picture, knowing full well that it will be awhile before they get to spend a day together much like they always had. Maybe it might even be the last, and Sehun tried so hard not to think too much of it. On that day, at Hwaseong Fortress, they tied a piece of paper by the wishing tree and before Luhan got to tie his wish around the rope, his knuckles brush over Sehun’s hand. Sehun doesn’t hesitate, to slide his fingers and interlace it with Luhan’s tightly.

 

Luhan’s hand was burning on his skin, and the other was holding onto a piece of paper written with a wish. Luhan spoke, “I wish that…” he trailed off before he continued, “...I wish that my wish would come true.”

 

“I wish you could stay.” Sehun blurted out. It was a pipe dream. He already knew the answer. “Can’t you stay?”

 

Luhan could only smile, a little sadder each time, with his head shaking softly.

 

Sehun was being selfish. But he really could not begin to imagine how it would be like without having Luhan around. All that had flashed in his mind is how it would feel like a movie in black and white. It has been like that before, except Luhan was an explosion of colors he never thought he needed and without him, it's just… not the same. His mind feels like it's being squeezed and his heart would clench every time he even thought of the day Luhan would leave, and it wasn't a good feeling.

 

Sehun couldn't even remember how he survived that day, there was barely even any air in his lungs once he's taken a step inside the airport and all the words that enter in his ear do not register as if his head's muddled under water.

 

There wasn’t much time left, there was barely even an hour left before Sehun would have to live with not having Luhan around in the flesh. He could already feel this hole in his chest, a void eating him from the inside that Sehun doesn’t know how to fill once Luhan would be gone.

 

And even at the last few seconds, for the last time, Sehun said, "I wish you could stay." Sehun said, lips trembling. There was a crack in his voice. "Can't you stay?"

 

The answer was clear, just by the way Luhan smiled sadly at him. He could stay for a few more minutes. But his flight was boarding soon. Luhan has a life waiting for him there. A family he’s been with for years and decades. A stable job. Luhan had to leave.

 

Sehun could already feel the distance growing at an exponential rate despite being merely even a meter away.

 

Luhan motioned for him to step closer, and Sehun did until they were only a few inches away from each other. There were bright eyes dead set on his own, fingers that brushed on the back of Sehun’s neck. “Wait for me, okay?” Luhan told him before he leaned in and kissed him.

 

It tasted bittersweet on his tongue, and it was not in any way romantic. Then it was salty, with tears that he no longer was able to hold, flow down his cheeks.

 

When Luhan had to pull away because his flight was boarding soon, the only thought running in his mind the hours after and the commute back home was that the distance between him and Luhan was growing at an incessant rate before he would land in his motherland. 952 kilometers. 1-hour time difference. Fewer means of communication. A change of heart's not impossible. An indefinite number of years of waiting. They might even be stuck at such a distance apart for life.

 

And they weren’t even together.

 

Despite all those in mind, Sehun really wouldn't mind building a bridge and make sure Luhan wouldn't fall out of his sight, and in his life. The distance was something that can be shortened with hour-long calls, video chats, or messages throughout the day as if it's a part of his routine.

 

So wait, Sehun did.

 

❄︎❄︎❄︎

 

Sehun’s anger slips away just as quick as he’s grasped it.

 

This isn’t a movie, Sehun realizes, in which the two of them are the leads and whatever happy ending he had in mind would be something that’s even possible. It’s something he should’ve stuck in his naive little mind before he started sputtering things out of his own pettiness.

 

Whatever case it may be, Sehun shouldn’t have gotten mad at Luhan if he couldn’t reciprocate his feelings, or didn’t make it clear that he only thinks of him now just as a friend. They were friends, that’s it. It’s the answer, and it should’ve been enough for Sehun even if he wanted more.

Maybe Luhan still wanted him around, but only as a friend. Maybe at some point, Luhan felt the same way that he had too. Now that Sehun thinks of it, it didn’t matter whatever place he holds in Luhan’s life. He just wants to be there.

 

If Luhan’s life would be made into a documentary film, Sehun didn’t want to be someone who only existed in flashbacks. Sehun wants to be there with him, even if it’s just as a supporting character.

 

And if this day were to be made into a movie, Sehun wouldn’t forgive himself for letting the Grinch in him steal Luhan’s Christmas away.

 

Maybe, Sehun’s okay with staying at North Pole, where he can be one of Santa’s elves assigned to take care of reindeer Luhan in the times that he isn’t flying into the night to pull Santa’s sleigh. Sehun can live with that.

 

But what was he even thinking? This isn't an alternate universe, and they're in Seoul, not North Pole! If he didn't want Luhan's two-week stay in the country to be egged with such negativity, Sehun should start figuring out a way on how he could save Christmas.

 

There’s this distance between the two of them, there always has been but Sehun wants to build a bridge between the two of them, and it starts with an—

 

“I’m sorry.” Sehun blurts out. Luhan takes a glance at him and waits as if expecting for a continuation.

 

Sehun continues, "Honestly, I'm okay. As long as… As long as you're happy, even if it's not with me. I understand if you'd prefer something more real than long distance. I just… I just don't want to disappear in your life like…" he pauses, quite not sure how to translate his thoughts into words. "Like if you would make a documentary out of your life I want whoever would play as my character to win an award as a Best Supporting Actor or something and that I actually want to be part of the Production Team and make sure it's award winning… yeah… It's okay if I can't be a lead actor, really! I don’t mind!"

 

Sehun was rambling, he had to clamp his mouth shut just to stop. He isn't making sense but Luhan's always been able to understand despite its disarray. He could spot, from his peripheral vision that Luhan's trying to put on an expressionless front as he gazed at Sehun as if hiding what he feels inside and Sehun couldn't detect what it was.

 

"I'm sorry if I came off as mad and said anything upsetting and I'm sorry for rambling. I have two more wishes right, Genie?" he asks, and Luhan's still blank. Sehun would probably sleep on the couch and hide under a blanket later when they have to sleep out of embarrassment. "No wait, I actually still have three. So please hear me out."

 

“First, I wish for you to be happy, always. Second, I wish that I would still be a part of your life so I could see you smile, and possibly be the reason for it even if it’s just as friends…” Sehun hesitates on the last one, because what popped up in his mind sounded so corny he wanted to puke in his mouth.

 

But there really was no other way to say it so he continues, “...and Third, is that I really, really, really, want to save Christmas and I know I don’t deserve whatever gift you planned on giving me. But I still hope you’d take me out of the naughty list and forgive me for it when we get home and exchange gifts under that ugly excuse of a Christmas tree that I could tell you hate even if you don’t say it out loud.”

 

Silence ensues and Sehun would like to think it’s because he’s been caught that he thinks that the Christmas tree he made was ugly and not because he found his wishes to be ridiculous.

 

"Sehun, it's 11:11…" Luhan states, and it's just so wrong. Sehun presses a button on his phone and his lock screen lights up.

 

“But hyung, it’s only 6:53 PM…” Sehun corrects him. Luhan must’ve not changed his phone’s timezone just yet. But as far as Sehun knows, Seoul’s only an hour advanced from Beijing and not—

 

“It’s 11:11 when I say it’s 11:11!” Luhan grits, causing Sehun to flinch. Sehun eyes him with wary, he gulps.

 

“...Okay.”

 

Sehun closes his eyes and before he could even begin to chant his wishes in his mind, he feels something quick and fleeting. Even he knows that there’s only one possibility as to why he felt something soft pressed on his lips.

 

Luhan kissed him.

 

No, wait—Luhan was kissing him, and both of his cold hands were cradling Sehun’s cheeks as though he’s precious. Sehun doesn’t know how long, he isn’t even sure when Luhan and him stopped kissing and their foreheads were pressed against one another.

 

“There’s a mistletoe above us…” Luhan trails off, mouth still close enough to Sehun’s that he can feel his breath brushing on his lips. “...somewhere in an alternate universe.”

 

Luhan’s hands were cold, but when it was no longer in contact with the surface of Sehun’s skin. It feels as if he’s left a burning sensation on it. Luhan balls his hands into a fist as he sits back properly in his seat and says, “Merry Christmas, Sehun-ah.”

 

Best Christmas present ever.

 

(Or so he thought.)

 

Sehun watches, awestruck and slack-jawed, as Luhan takes something out of his backpack, something velvet red and looks an awful lot like Santa's sack—and it is Santa’s sack. Luhan rests it on Sehun’s lap and Sehun’s still incapable of moving because his head’s still spinning as if trying to register if what just happened was real.

 

Not long after, the bus pulls up and it isn’t even their stop yet but Luhan stands up quick, taps his card before stepping out of the bus before Sehun could even process the situation. But , Sehun should probably run out and chase after Luhan before the doors would close. So he runs out, quick as lightning and looks left and right and doesn’t take him long to locate Luhan who was running aimlessly and he trails after him not realizing that a grin’s plastered on his face like a madman.

 

After a few minutes of running, Sehun finally manages to catch Luhan, and he grips on his arm gently to cut the chase. They both stop and take their breaths back from running for so long. Sehun doesn’t even recognize where they are, they’ve left the main road and s their ways through the side roads aimlessly.

 

Sehun couldn’t wait until his breathing becomes stable once again when he asks, “Wait… what was that kiss? What was that supposed to mean?”

 

“I already kissed you! What else could that even mean?” Luhan bursts out, voice breaking caused by shortness of breath. But still he continues, “Why else would I deliberately not look for a place to stay and tell it to you as if I was fishing for you to offer… Why else… Why else would I even come back?”

 

“You can breathe.” Sehun offers.

 

Luhan says, “I can’t keep my cool anymore I want to scream.”

 

“Then scream. Don’t you think I haven’t been holding myself back from screaming the whole day too?” Sehun says, and Luhan does shout. Sehun does too. It’s only fortunate that there weren’t anyone out the streets they ended up in because they both look crazy just screaming for half a minute.

 

Once they were done Luhan is first to speak, and it shocks Sehun how fast Luhan’s expression turned into something close to misery. “ing hell… Do you know how much I ed up? I just… I just wanted to surprise you. But it was harder than I thought like…”

 

Luhan pauses and mumbles something about a movie, his features were contorted to a certain degree that Sehun didn't think was possible if he isn't a witness to it right at this moment.

 

Luhan exasperates, "...what if you stopped waiting and it's embarrassing if I just come here like… you should be studying and I should be working… so far if we… like, squeeze in to talk it would be… ing long distance, but long distance, right? And I don't know! I can't just start being cheesy and romantic after acting so much like I don't have feelings… for you and . It's just so…"

 

“Hyung, I don’t understand a thing that you’re saying. Speak louder and slower.”

 

“Fine!” Luhan bursts out making Sehun widen his eyes at the sudden change of mood. “You ruined it. You said you had a Christmas tree and…” Luhan pauses. “You said you had a Christmas tree! It would’ve been less embarrassing. Now I don’t know what to do with all that! I don’t know!”

 

Sehun furrows his eyebrows at that. That was Luhan’s problem?

 

“You were mad because the Christmas tree I made was ugly?” Sehun belts out incredulously.

 

"That's not the point! If you didn't have one, you could've told me and I would've come up with something else! You ruined it!" Luhan belts out, washing a hand over his face in frustration.

 

"Well, I'm sorry? I'm just a student on a tight budget. I couldn't afford a Christmas tree, so I thought—"

 

Luhan interrupts him, and points at Santa's sack in Sehun's hand, "Yeah look, check inside the sack. It's full of wishing tree tags filled with wishes I wrote one by one. There's like hundreds in there and I meant to hang it up on your Christmas tree while you were asleep or something. But clearly, I couldn't possibly do that anymore because what could I possibly hang on that Christmas tree you made?" Luhan says, mock dripping from the last sentence.

 

This is the part where Sehun should feel offended, but he was much too astonished by what he saw when he loosened the drawstring of the sack and was greeted with a sight of so many wishing tags stashed together inside.

 

Out of curiosity, Sehun picks one up and reads.

 

‘I wish Sehun would take me out to go ice skating, it would be cute to watch him topple over and lose balance. He's always cute, though, to be honest.'

 

“After that, I didn’t know what to do with these anymore. Do I just give them to you in a sack and say it? Merry Christmas? Then after awhile of thinking of a way to save the plan, I realized how embarrassing it was and I wanted to back out.” Luhan admits, grinding his teeth as he talks as if doing that would prevent him from exposing himself even more.

 

“But then I already put in so much effort. I didn’t want it to go to waste since my hand really ached so bad writing all these wishes down. ing hell, I told you I watched dramas! I watched films! I watched romance just so I could formulate this surprise. Then when we were at Cheonggye earlier. I just panicked and said whatever came to mind because you were fishing for an answer and I was stopping myself from pulling that sack out. It was embarrassing and I had no backup plan.” Luhan bites his lips, and Sehun couldn’t help but find him cute—even in such a situation. Sehun takes another tag from the bag and reads.

 

‘I wish Sehun would continue to do what makes him happy. If it's in Film, I hope he can take part in the future Luhan documentary film and make it award winning. He really should, though, his character's going to be one of the leads besides me.'

 

“But I really don’t know what to do with them now. The plan’s ruined already anyway. So it! Merry Christmas, enjoy my gift because I have another one waiting under that Christmas tree you made to save face from those… whatever those are.” he says, eyeing the sack with distaste.

 

The only thing Sehun could say is, “You watched romance to plan a… romantic cheesy surprise?” Sehun fights the laughter fighting to break through from inside and it comes out as a snort. “Geez, hyung. What kind of films did you even watch to think that making it seem like you were going to reject me would be a great idea?”

 

"Are you making fun of me?" Luhan raises his voice and calms it back down in the next sentence. "You kept cutting me off, you were clearly mad and like I said, I didn't know what to do. I thought maybe you weren't waiting anymore…"

 

Sehun couldn’t help but furrow his eyebrows in confusion, “Oh, so everything I’ve said this day sounded like I was trying to be just friends with you?”

 

"When we were on the bus on the way to Seoul Plaza, you were so silent. You gave me one-word replies and I didn't even know why…" Luhan says with a frown, and Sehun does too because he's acted so much like a kid at that time just because he was frustrated.

 

"That was because you said wishes changed over time and…" Sehun hesitates, wondering if he should reveal that he knew. But they've already come this far, he might as well push through with it. "You wished for me to happy even if you were going to leave and that you wished I'd still be a part of your life even if we're so far apart."

 

Luhan’s eyes widen at that and shouts, “How did you know that?!” His facial expression looking so pronounced to a point that it seems distorted. “, did you take a peek at it right after I left it there?”

 

“I did no such thing!” Sehun defends himself. “I was taking a video at that time you were writing it down, remember? It got caught there. I admit I paused on it when I noticed and read what you wrote.”

 

“Then I still don’t get why you got mad when I said I wanted to go to Suwon to make a wish?”

 

“You said wishes changed over time.” Sehun reminds him, finding the statement itself to be self-explanatory.

 

"I was just being sentimental…" Luhan mutters, then opens his mouth once again to catch himself midway as if he's running out of an intelligible response. He sighs in defeat and says, "Couldn't you have at least waited for the right time?"

 

“When is the right time even supposed to come?” Sehun asks. Last time, they thought too much about the future that they’ve forgotten that what’s now is important too.

 

They just stand like that for a minute or so, staring at each other’s faces as if seeing each other in a new light. It’s been a long time coming.

 

Maybe there really isn't a right time or a right person. There's just now, and Luhan. Except maybe now, they're both willing to make it work.

 

Sehun clasps his lips into a thin line and it’s a wonder how he manages to keep a straight face on as he says, “You wanted something like in the movies? Then maybe I should’ve ran to you yesterday at the airport and I don’t know? Twirl you around in my arms and kiss you?”

 

“Then why didn’t you?”

 

"I could kiss you just now," Sehun says.

 

Luhan challenges, “Then why don’t you?”

 

Sehun could no longer hold his laugh. It’s funny, really, because it doesn’t make much sense that they’re like this not long after Sehun’s outburst back at Cheonggye. Sometimes real life isn’t as tangible as movies make them out to be. But they have two more weeks, for Sehun to understand how they happened like this. If two weeks isn’t enough, they have all the time in the world which no amount of distance could take away.

 

"Don't laugh," Luhan says, and Sehun laughs even harder. Luhan hits him with his hand hard on the chest. "Why are you laughing?"

 

“Can I say it’s not pretending…” Sehun smiles. “When I say I’m in love with you?”

 

"Well, it's not pretending when I say I'm in love with you too…" Luhan shrugs in fake nonchalance. "...so I guess you can."

 

“I think there’s a mistletoe above us in an alternate universe.” Sehun laughs, taking a step closer until his face is only a mere few inches from Luhan’s. “So can I kiss you right now?”

 

It is Luhan this time, who leans in close enough to have the tips of their noses touch. They’re flush red and it reminds Sehun of one of Santa’s reindeers. Maybe he really is an elf, an overgrown one at least. Though maybe not, elves aren’t supposed to go wanting to kiss reindeers.

 

Luhan’s breath was warm on his skin when he says, “Mistletoe or not, alternate universe or not, I would still very much like to kiss you.”

 

And mistletoe or not, alternate universe or not, kiss they did.

 

❄︎❄︎❄︎

 

(“‘This Christmas, I wish that Sehun and I can—’”

 

“Yah, Sehun. Don’t read it out loud!”

 

“‘Can cuddle on the bed and under the sheets because it’s cold and—’”

 

“Stop.”

 

“I can’t stand the cold and cuddling with Sehun might be better than any electric blanket or bed warmer. Well, you got more than just cuddling… or did you write a separate wish for this too?"

 

“ you.”

 

“You want another round? I’ll be generous since it’s Christmas anyway.”

 

“Shut up, we did no such thing. You were probably dreaming… and what ‘another round?’ There wasn’t even a first round.”

 

"Oh, so we're back to pretending? I'm sure I was awake, though. You're not so innocent, let's be real. May I remind you just an hour ago you were—"

 

“Yah, there’s no need to remind me! You’re enjoying this way too much.”

 

“Maybe. I did enjoy myself when we—”

 

“Stop right there.”

 

“Hm, so are we going to pretend that we don’t have to talk more about what we are?”

 

“I wouldn’t even let you read these wishes if I didn’t want to be with you. Let’s save the serious talk tomorrow. I’m still not over how my plan failed because you lied about having a Christmas tree.”

 

“I’m still not over about how your idea of romantic cheesy surprise made me think that you were going to reject me. That’s how romantic you are.”

 

“You’re not letting it go, are you?”

 

“You’re on the naughty list. It’s going to take a lot more convincing for me to take your name out of it.”

 

“How about you take one wish out of Santa’s sack and see if it can be granted. Will that put me on the nice list?”

 

“Wouldn’t it be more in favor for you?”

 

"Please, you'd want it too. You said it yourself, I'm not so innocent and you enjoyed it."

 

“Hm, well aren’t you being a little naughty?”

 

“The least I could do to save my foiled plan.”

 

"There were plenty of ways you could've gone about it. But okay, I'll go to my family home first thing in the morning, so I could steal the Christmas tree over there and hang all of these up. Anyway, they may be embarrassing, but they're romantic. At least you learned even a little something from watching all those romance films you said you watched."

 

“Gee, thanks. I appreciate your appreciation.”

 

“I mean your idea of romantic cheesy surprises is quite questionable. Let’s just admit we’re both not romantics at heart. All I need is you, to be honest.”

 

“Who’s cheesy now?”

 

“Hm, let’s see what your next wish for us is. Oh! I was right, you did wish for this. But wait, how many times did you wish for it? I think there might be another one like this too… ‘I wish Sehun and I would engage in pillow talk after we—’”

 

“Don’t read it out loud!”

 

“Cute.”

 

"Shut up. I've had enough of your one-word replies."

 

“Great.”

 

“And shut it, we did no such thing. You wish you were that lucky.”

 

“I don’t know. I think I might be a lot lucky. I have everything that I’ve ever wished for in my arms.”

 

“You’re embarrassing.”

 

“Should I go pick another one out of the sack now? ‘I wish Sehun would realize just how amazing he is and that I really, really, really, love—’”

 

“Stop reading them out loud!”

 

“I’m going to miss you so much when you go back to China.”

 

"Let's wish, that you won't miss me too much, though.")

 

What Sehun doesn't know, is that there's more to what Luhan said, because he's moving back to Seoul in three months. And that the reason why he even bothered to go on a two-week trip to was so he could tell Sehun himself because he couldn't wait another three months.

 

What Luhan doesn’t know is that when he falls asleep minutes later, Sehun slips off the bed just so he could write an extra note on his gift for Luhan. They’ve forgotten to exchange gifts just when they got back, and they’ll only be able to in the morning the next day.

 

Sehun couldn’t guess what Luhan could’ve possibly gotten him for Christmas in such a small box. Though, he must be lying or playing dumb because his gift for Luhan came in a small velvet box as well. He’s had it bundled around a gift wrapper just so he wouldn’t be too obvious.

 

Sehun hopes he wouldn’t end up exposing himself by saying something like “round… shiny… and I hope it fits because I really don’t know what to do with it if it doesn’t.” before Luhan gets to open it out of excitement.

 

He binds a ribbon around the tiny box and ties the note around the ribbon the same way he had on the ropes by the wishing tree at Hwaseong Fortress where he wished Luhan won't disappear in his life despite the distance. Sehun supposes, that wishes do come true. Once Sehun deems it presentable enough, he slips back to the bed. Luhan easily clings to him and their limbs tangle together like vines intertwined.

 

“Merry Christmas, Luhan-hyung.” Sehun whispers, thinking about the note he wrote for Luhan to read until he falls asleep.

 

Merry Christmas! Can the genie grant me three more wishes if he wants to be moved back to the nice list? Here is a wish list!

 

1. In an alternate universe, I'd wish, it's you.

2. In this universe, I'd also wish, it's you.

3. In the next life and the next ones after that I wish, it would still be you.

 

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a/n: if you reached this point, lol thank u for reading!!!! some things: (1) if some still don't get it, both sehun and luhan got each other rings as christmas presents but both don't know it yet lol, (2) the only characters of the whole fic are sehun and luhan HAHA it was meant to give an illusion that they're in that alternate universe where it's just the two of them HAHA, (3) if u look at the poster image, i TRIED to edit in selu in the background i dont think theyre easy to miss yall should spot them easily. i think that's it hehe, til next christmas fic!!