Joshua’s bed is probably his favorite place in the whole world. The mattress is just soft enough to be comfortable, but not so soft he feels like he’s drowning. His pillows are probably the fluffiest in the entire universe, but not so much so that they form craters from his head. His sheets are so soft and warm, and it feels like he sleeps in the embrace of a bear. He also made sure the colors go with the rest of the room, clean white and dark ivory.

 

He buries his face in one of his pillows, the one he uses the most and smells of his hair by now, and sighs contently. He just woke up a second ago, easily and by the bright light of Sunday morning sun. The bright sunlight streaming through the windows on the right hand wall of him illuminates the room in the morning even though all lamps are turned off.

 

Joshua lets himself lay in silence for a while, just him and his bed, waking up. When a couple of minutes have passed and he feels like he has to get up, he rolls over and reaches over for his phone, loading on his bedside table. The screen light up and shows the time. 10:23. A little later than he usually wakes up, but the sun rises later in winter, he guesses. Usually he will wake up early, preferably around nine, so he will have a lot of time for showering, eating and getting himself ready for work. It’s no problem, though, he doesn’t start work before twelve.

 

He opens his phone to catch up on everything that happened while he was asleep. Not much, it looks like. A few notifications from twitter, a text from his first student saying that she won’t be able to make it to todays lesson. Joshua doesn’t mind. It just gives him an extra hour to ready himself for the day.  However, his good mood makes a U-turn when locks his phone again and puts it back down on the table, screen down. A small scratch is on the back cover.

 

It’s a small scratch, probably not all that noticeable, but for Joshua, it shines. He feels like it’s mocking him, because he cannot for the life of him remember where it might come from. He is always very careful with his phone, it’s important to him and he really can’t afford to buy a new one if this one breaks. So he just sits, upright, on the edge of his bed for minutes, digging deeper and deeper into his memory to remember where that scratch comes from.

 

And then he remembers. He remembers last night. The club. His panic. Jeonghan.

 

Regret overcomes him as he remembers what happened last night. The way he wouldn’t let Jeonghan get away, how creeped out Jeonghan had looked. The ring Jeonghan had shown him. And how, even though he tried to make it seem different on the outside, wouldn’t accept it.

 

I still won’t.

 

God, what was he thinking? Jeonghan is married! Even if he wasn’t, that wouldn’t mean he would ever like Joshua. Just because he slept with him once, that doesn’t mean he would ever do it again.

 

I could make him like me, though.

 

Joshua wants to be disgusted with himself, he wants to stop this train of thought right here. All his life he has been so steadfast in his belief that this kind of behavior is wrong, that you should always respect what the object of your flirtations say.

 

But… Should he really? Jeonghan is married, yes, bur happily? He has cheated, multiple times judging by the girl he was flirting with at the club. He even goes as far as to hide his ring in his wallet! Speaking of the ring, it was pretty plain and boring. Jeonghan’s spouse is probably really cheap and unromantic, probably doesn’t give him half the attention and love he deserves.

 

I could treat him better.

 

Joshua keeps telling himself to stop thinking this way, but it’s true, right? Jeonghan obviously isn’t happy, which he so absolutely deserves to be.

 

So, Joshua decides that he’s going to make him just that. Happy. He’s going to save Jeonghan from whoever is stupid enough to throw away such a beautiful soul. Even if it kills him, Jeonghan will be happy. Safe. Loved.  

 

 

 

 

 

“So, let me see if I’ve got this right; You slept with a guy once, somehow fell in love with him over a week, stalked him at a club, found out he’s married and now you’re planning to brainwash him to leave his spouse and date you?”

 

The way Seungcheol is looking at him is hard to describe. It’s sort of a mix between incredulous and confused, with just a pinch of disappointment. They’re both seated on the couch in the middle of Joshua’s living room, leaning against both armrests so that they’re facing each other. Joshua called Seungcheol about an hour ago, asking him to come over so they could talk, and so he could ask him for advice regarding the whole Jeonghan-situation.

 

Joshua doubts himself for a moment. It does sound bad when Seungcheol says it like that, and he starts to wonder if he’s really doing the right thing here.

 

He deserves better.

 

“You don’t understand, Seungcheol. He’s not happy. I’m just trying to save him from a life he shouldn’t be leading.”

 

Seungcheol just looks at him like he’s crazy, and Joshua understands. He gets how weird this must seem to someone who doesn’t know the situation.

 

Someone who doesn’t know Jeonghan.

 

Well, it’s not like Joshua knows Jeonghan all that well, either.

 

We’re soulmates.

 

Right. They don’t need to have spent a lot of time together, because he and Jeonghan are connected. On a spiritual level. Absolutely.

 

“He cheats, Seungcheol,” Joshua starts, making Seungcheol look up at him from where he was previously burying his face in his hands. “He hides his ring and picks up strangers from clubs. I bet he’s having a horrible time with his spouse, they’re probably old and selfish and… and mean!”

 

Seungcheol still looks skeptical, like he is getting closer to being on Joshua’s side but is still kind of against what Joshua is set out to do. His eyes are narrowed and his lips are pressed in a tight line. After a while it seems like he relents, and he runs a hand through his hair while sighing.

 

It takes a moment before Seungcheol speaks, and Joshua guesses that he is trying to find a good way to express himself. “Even so, even if he is unhappy, do you really think this is a good idea, Josh? I mean, I’m thinking about you here. The guy is a cheater, wouldn’t he cheat on you as well?”

 

The thought hadn’t even crossed Joshua’s mind. He supposes that there is a possibility that when they do end up together, Jeonghan won’t stop a bad habit. Now that he thinks about it, it does kind of scare him. He’s already so smitten with Jeonghan, having him cheat on him would be crushing.

 

He won’t. I’ll make sure of it.

 

Stop it. You’re scaring me.

 

He decides to think about this some other time. When the problem arises. Hopefully never.

 

Seungcheol nudges him and he realizes he has probably been silent for a while. He smiles at Seungcheol reassuringly and rises from his seat. Seungcheol follows him into the kitchen and helps Joshua place their used cups in the dishwasher before turning it on.

 

Before long they are standing in Joshua’s doorway, Seungcheol struggling slightly with his shoes and Joshua laughing at him. When Seungcheol is just about to open the door and leave he turns to Joshua with a sudden serious expression on his face. He tugs Joshua into a quick, one armed hug, and pats him on the shoulder as he pulls away and looks him in the eye.

 

“I really wish you wouldn’t do this, Josh. Not only is it kind of creepy, but I’m also worried about you, man. I’ve never seen you like this before, and I don’t know if it’s healthy.”

 

Joshua frowns, but it soon melts into a smile. It’s soft and dreamy, and that’s just how Joshua feels. “I’m in love, Seungcheol.”

 

Seungcheol looks like he has given up. He sighs (again), and gives Joshua a tired smile. “Just be careful, yeah?”

 

 

 

 

Joshua

18:36

Hey, it’s Joshua!

 I just wanted to apologize for last night.

Can we meet?

 

Jeonghan

18:40

Text me your address

 

Joshua

18:41

[Link: Google maps]

 

Jeonghan

18:43

Be there in 10

 

Well, that was easy. To be totally honest, Joshua hadn’t expected Jeonghan to agree to meet him that quick. After last night, he had been sure that he had had to work hard and long on convincing Jeonghan to come. He is glad he didn’t need to, though. That must be a sign, a sign that Jeonghan actually does want to meet him. That he’s not all that creepy. Right?

 

Anyway, Jeonghan will be there in ten minutes. Ten minutes. Joshua’s place is a dump. Even if they sit only in the living room, which they will, it’s still horribly messy. Clothes are hanging of the back of the couch, there are books and candy wrappers strewn all over the coffee table and he can’t even remember the last time he dusted the place. 

 

So, ten minutes pass way too quickly. With Joshua running around his apartment, making sure his living room is absolutely spotless. Clothes are thrown on his bed, garbage is in the trash and books in the bookshelf, and as he has just finished exterminating every single speck of dust, the doorbell rings. The ring is followed by three impatient knocks, and Joshua trips over his feet  in running towards the door.

 

It’s the first time he has seen Jeonghan in full lighting, and god, he looks more stunning than ever. He looks down at Joshua, just slightly taller, and his eyes sparkle in recognition. Joshua gaze tears away from Jeonghan’s and slides down his face, down his straight and pointed nose, all the way down to his pink, puckered lips.

 

Outstanding.

 

For the second time since he met Jeonghan again he realizes that he is staring and not saying anything. Jeonghan also looks slightly uncomfortable, just like he did last night, so Joshua clears his throat and moves so that Jeonghan can go inside.

 

Jeonghan uses his sweet time in going inside and undressing, and it feels like hours before he has gotten his coat and shoes off. However, when he does and he stands upright to face Joshua, it’s clear that they are now more or less the same height, maybe he even is a little shorted than Joshua. Maybe. And Joshua loves that, he can’t stop the grin that breaks out on his face.

 

Jeonghan looks at him curiously and goes to sit down on the couch. He turns around, checking out the place, before turning back to Joshua with an expectant look. So Joshua follows him and sits down, making sure that he’s not too close. He wants to apologize, after all. He wants Jeonghan to trust him. To be comfortable around him.

 

“You wanted to talk,” Jeonghan helps him along when Joshua yet again can’t find the words. Joshua has never been the best at knowing exactly what to say at exactly the right time, but it’s even more apparent when Jeonghan is around.

 

“Yeah. I uhm… I just wanted to apologize. For the way I acted last night. I must have creeped you out. I’m not usually like that, I swear! I just… I don’t know… Since that night, I just haven’t been able to get you out of my mind.”

 

Jeonghan looks more relaxed now. His posture has sloped, just a little bit, and the faintest of smiles rest on the corners of his lips.

 

Beautiful lips.

 

“Okay, I forgive you,” Jeonghan starts, and honestly, Joshua has never ever felt more relieved. “But still, I’m in a relationship. I can’t go out with you.”

 

And something inside Joshua stirs, wants to yell at Jeonghan, ask him Why not? He doesn’t let it show, however, only smiles in what he hopes looks like understanding. It’s not the end of the world.

 

It doesn’t mean I’ll give up.

 

So he keeps the understanding smile on his face and slumps his shoulders with his hands in his lap, so as to look as harmless as possible. Which he is. “I understand. Can we still be friends though? As long as you’re not still creeped out, of course.”

 

Jeonghan smile widens, and Joshua swears his heart skips a beat. That sounds cheesy, but what is love if not cheesy?

 

“Yeah, sure! To be honest, if I wasn’t married, you would be exactly my type. Don’t get any ideas, though!” Jeonghan teases, and even though Joshua knows he’s not being serious and laughs like he is supposed to, it doesn’t stop his hopes from rising sky high.

 

Jeonghan doesn’t stay long. They don’t have much time to talk about anything else before he states that he has to go home. Something about his husband (Joshua is so happy it’s a man, that will make all of this so much easier) needing him for something. Joshua walks him out and is surprised when Jeonghan gives him a hug goodbye. He didn’t expect Jeonghan to warm up to him this quickly and wonders for a second if there is something behind, if he should be worried.

 

He’s clearly asking for help. He wants me.

 

Right, that’s what this is about, right? Saving Jeonghan. Making him fall for Joshua. Someone who can treat him right.

 

The moment Jeonghan has passed Joshua’s field of view and he can’t see him anymore, he dials Seungcheol. Seungcheol barely has time to say hello before Joshua tells him all about their conversation, all about Jeonghan agreeing to be friends and how he confessed to Joshua being just his type.

 

“That’s great and all, Josh, but the guy is still married. I still think this is a bad idea,” Seungcheol’s voice is crinkly over the phone, but Joshua can still hear the worry in his voice. And yes, he does understand where he is coming from, but it sparks just a little bit of annoyance inside him. He ignores it, though.

 

“Just wait Seungcheol. He’s miserable, I know it. It’s only a matter of time before he comes crawling to me, begging me to free him,” and to claim him as mine, he almost adds, but stops himself. That’s not something he would say. Not something he should say.

 

I want to say it, though.

 

Whatever. That’s not how he thinks. He just wants Jeonghan to be happy. Preferably happy together with him. But that’s not important. Not to him.

 

Joshua goes to sleep early that night. It has been a long and weird day, and he needs to clear his head. However, the only thing in his head is Jeonghan. Even as he finally falls asleep it’s the same way it has been every night for the past week. To the memory of Jeonghan, begging for Joshua, crying out Joshua’s name. Like how it should be. How it will be.