A/N:

My dear friends,

One week ago, a special, precious, brave and infinitely generous person that we all love suddenly left us. Like many of you, I was completely crushed by shock and grief and could think of nothing else. Denial, fear, disbelief, anger and overwhelming sadness have been mixed together, and not a day has passed since Jonghyun’s passing when I didn’t cry or wasn’t confronted by the painful awareness of the truth, again and again like an infinite dream that won’t end…

We’ve been faced with a world that none of us expected to see.

We’ve seen our boys the way we’d never expected to see them, saying a final goodbye to their beloved brother under incessant camera flashes. It was hard for all of us. It was surreal.

Then Kibum and Jinki shared their feelings with us, reminding us once again how lucky we all have been to be able to support and believe in this beautiful group of extremely talented and kind-hearted people. They deserve every bit of our love and much, much more.

I came to Seoul to spend three weeks here, and I was able to give a condolence call at the hospital on December 19^th, where I saw hundreds, thousands of people who cried and mourned together, united at that moment by the collective pain we’ve all been feeling. I was there alone, and it was hard, and I’m grateful to the Shawols who found a kind word or glance for me, especially Kathy, the girl who approached me, hugged me and cried with me as we talked about Jonghyun and SHINee and shared our feelings. I went to the altar room twice, and for the second time while I was looking at Jonghyun’s picture surrounded by flowers, I simply told him that I love him and allowed myself to thank him on behalf of the international fans who weren’t able to come and bid him goodbye personally, for the unforgettable years of happiness that he gave us.

Everything else paled in the face of Jonghyun’s departure, and my thoughts didn’t turn towards my story for a while. When they did for the first time, the subject that I chose to write about haunted me. I easily understood why a few people chose to unsubscribe, and I thought that it would be wrong for me to keep writing this story in light of what had happened to the actual people who had been my inspiration for it.

But I found it hard to part with something that has been my solace, my escape, something that I’ve loved, that’s helped me get through the darkest moments of this past year – it’s a cliché, perhaps, but this story has become something like a child to me.

And the reason why it’s so dear to me is this: the point of “He Who Lies” was never to show its characters regress and give up, drowned by their regrets and self-doubt. To me, it’s a very slow-burning – if sometimes a little long-winded – story of redemption, healing and learning more about oneself. I have realized that giving it the ending it deserves (in my eyes) will be a great help to me in this hardest of times. You guys have been very kind and supportive to me, and quite often it was your feedback that helped keep this story afloat, and I thought that completing it is something that I still (willingly) owe you as an author, and if, somehow, reading it will also be of help to you, then it has not been in vain.

However, I understand if you choose not to read it, or turn away from SHINee fan fiction overall. In that case, I want to give you a warm and sincere thank you for reading this story, for finding it interesting at some point and sharing your feelings with me. You are the best.

The next chapter was almost completed one week ago, so if I do end up sharing it in the future, you won’t find many changes in the writing style, and if I stay faithful to my current decision to keep writing, I will follow my original plan of the story as it was conceived from the beginning.

I am grateful to my friends and family members who have listened and talked to me about Jonghyun in this past week, but I understand how hard it must have been to those of you who are not be able to discuss what happened with someone who understands, so if any of you ever want to talk to someone who will listen to you without judgement, write to me anytime and don’t feel shy if we’ve never talked before that. We are a family.

And, please, remember that life is the most precious gift there is, and there’s only one of you. Don’t punish yourself for your pain. If you’re hurting, hold on, seek help – not for others, but for yourself. Because you deserve it. Because you are good enough.

And, as one very special person once said:

“No matter who you are or what you do, remember this one thing. There’s someone who loves you more than you love yourself. I will support you too. I love you.”

I hope you’ve been having a good and peaceful time with your close ones today.

Or if you haven’t – trust me, a new dawn will come. You’ve done well by waking up today and doing what you can to keep holding on.

Merry Christmas and, just like our shining Leader, I love you all~ ♥

Liza xoxo