The feeling of being in love is by far the best and the worse feeling there is, to Yerim. Freshly turned 18, she doesn't know how to deal with all those feelings she gets when she is with the beautiful, incredible Joohyun.

"Oh, am I boring you?" asks the older girl, bitting her bottom lip as she places her coffee down on the table.

It could've sound bitter in anyone else's mouth, but Joohyun says it softly, showing she is really worried it's the case.

Yerim could never find Joohyun boring. She would enjoy listening to her read the dictionary, definition by definition, page by page.

Yerim lives in a constant tsunami, gigantic waves hitting her without a break. She's struggling to get air when she's around Joohyun. She is constantly amazed by the older woman, watching her every move as if all of her limbs are magnificent art work.

"No, of course not, I was just distracted" she answers, smiling softly.

Joohyun's hair falls in waves past her shoulder, the purple highlights at the tips barely visible in the dim lightning of the café.

"I love your hair" says Yeri without thinking, reaching forward to touch one of the soft strands.

"What else?" asks Joohyun, and at Yerim's curious frown she opens again, hesitantly continuing, "What else do you love about me?"

Everything, wants to say Yerim.

Way to freak out someone on a fourth date.

"Your jokes. The way you bite your lip. Your soft stare, your gentle hands," Yerim wants to keep going, but she can't. The words are stuck in .

Bae Joohyun, 26 years old, part time model and part time dry cleaner. Full time beauty. Yerim, 18 years old college student in a business major. Full time mess. The reason that made Joohyun ask her out was still a mystery.

"I like you" says Joohyun, and Yerim stares at the table, her empty mug of hot chocolate mocking her. She is just a kid, isn't she?

"So are we dating?" asks the college student, her eyes finding Joohyun's.

Joohyun takes her hand.

"I'd like to, as long as that's what you want."

Yerim nods, and it's been as hard as it's been easy to finally figure it out.

They met through a common friend. Sooyoung is a high school friend of Yerim, and part of this 'lesbian girls united' club that has monthly reunions. In fact the club is only an excuse to meet gay girls, and it's on that Friday night in early November that Joohyun and Yerim were introduced to each other. They couldn't say they clicked, as they're still awkward with each other even now, but Yerim likes to believe she experienced something close to love at first sight on that night.

Her first date with Joohyun at the movie theatre on a rainy Sunday afternoon is her first date since she left home. She used to say she wasn't looking for someone, pretending she was still not over Saeron, the girl she dated for about a year and with whom she broke up before moving to the city. The lie is obvious, considering their breakup was more of a relief than anything else.

Joohyun is an angel. She pays for her ticket, buys her candy. She's sweet, funny, everything is perfect except for the fact that she isn't very affectionate and that she's very hard to read. Yerim thinks Joohyun doesn't like her at all, until she gives her a lift back to her dorm and asks if they can go on another date.

"I often hear about your ex girlfriend. People tell me that you talk about her a lot" says Joohyun, as they sit in front of two full plates of steamed dumplings.

"Oh, don't worry about her. I don't have any romantic feelings towards her. I don't think I ever did" says Yerim before reaching for a steaming dumpling.

"Then why are people still talking about you and her so much?"

"Because we dated for a year, probably. Or because she was my best friend before we dated. She always had a big part in my life. People assume just because she still means a lot to me it means I'm not over her" explains Yerim. They rarely talk about their past. It has been two weeks since they started dating and not much more had happened. They are both busy.

"We came out at the same time. Tried to go out together, to see what it'd be like to date a girl. But also because people wanted us to. I didn't love her that way" continues Yerim.

Joohyun nods, eating her dumplings.

Yerim doesn't know how to convince her that she likes her. She doesn't know how to be in a real relationship.

They're standing in front of each other later, by the door of Yerim's dorms.

"Are you sure you want to date me?" asks Joohyun.

Yerim grabs her hand.

"I want to touch you. I want to kiss you, I think about you all the time. You don't ever leave my thoughts. I like you, so much," says Yerim, and there's a short pause before Joohyun steps closer and presses her lips on Yerim's.

"That's good" says Joohyun when she pulls away a few seconds later. She smiles. Yerim melts.

She stands in front of the door, checking the adress once again.

A month of dating, and she had no time to visit Joohyun's apartment, in between the walks by the river, the multiple dates at restaurants and movie nights. Maybe Yerim is a bit scared too.

She texts her that she's in front of her door and it takes only a few seconds for Joohyun to open the door for her.

"I thought you'd be here earlier, it's dark outside now!" says Joohyun as she pulls her girlfriend into a hug.

Yerim smiles as she hugs her back. She hadn't realized it's almost midnight. She was actually quite distracted as she was walking to Joohyun's apartment, and she stopped to get candy, because she was hungry.

"I'm sorry for intruding," apologizes Yerim, and Joohyun pecks her lips before she completely pulls her inside and closes the door behind them.

"I invited you, it's okay! I like you being here more than being alone," protests Joohyun. She helps Yerim get rid of her coat, hanging it in her closet.

"I don't think I can help much with your homework, but I'll be watching TV, so come to me if you need anything. This place is small, but you can use the kitchen table" says Joohyun, quickly showing her girlfriend around the small apartment. She kisses her before going back to the living room.

Yerim lets her bag fall to the floor next to the table, her eyes roaming around the room. The walls are bare, the furniture simple. Everything is in one room, the kitchen, the living room and the dining room, the bedroom and the bathroom being in separate rooms. Everything is clean. A few fashion magazines are on the kitchen counter, piled up nicely, Vogue and Elle with fancy covers. On the fridge, there's a picture of Joohyun's younger sister, or so Yerim assumes. There's also a picture from one of Joohyun's magazine shoots. It's also Yerim's favourite, she has bought the magazine and hung the picture by her desk. There are little heart stickers on the dinning table, and it makes Yerim smile. With a glance at the living room, she can see that colorful cushions cover the couch. The whole apartment is very Joohyun somehow. Kind of bland, seeming very simple, but with hidden treasures to find after the first look.

Yerim wasn't expecting to be visiting Joohyun's home that soon. What happened was that the restaurant in which she spent most nights studying started closing early. Most of shifts at the grocery store were until 10pm, which was the closing time of the school library, and Yerim's unpleasant roommate either invited friends over until late at night or went to bed at 9pm, complaining nonstop when Yerim opened a lamp to do her homework. Joohyun then invited her over when she got a call from a panicked Yerim who didn't know how'd she be able to go finish all of her work without anywhere she could study.

She sits down in front of her books, starting to work.

"Did you eat dinner?" asks Joohyun from the living room, and Yerim looks down at her books, unable to lie. Joohyun is shutting off the television, coming closer. "I'll make you something, just focus," she says, and Yerim smiles at her.

How Joohyun believes she could focus on homework, it's a mystery. With her girlfriend standing only a few feet away in the kitchen, Yerim is completely distracted.

Joohyun first looks inside the fridge, taking out a few ingredients. At some point, she raises her hands up to tie up her hair, gracefully combing through her midlength strands to form a high ponytail. Her pale neck, the curves of her shoulders, her ears, they are all exposed. Yerim bits her lip. Joohyun rarely has her hair up.

"I know you're looking at me" says the older girl from the kitchen.

Yerim looks away. "I wasn't."

Joohyun playfully scoffs and goes back to cooking. Yerim does her best to focus.

Is love a gradual thing? Does one fall in love suddenly, or is it little by little? Yerim believes she's been in love since her first date with Joohyun, yet every day it feels like she loves her more. Was she in love the first time? Is she on her way to love Joohyun? Or is it just that there is no limit to love? Yerim wishes she knew, so she could label her feelings. She likes-loves Joohyun in a way that feels grandiose but not to her maximal capacity yet.

"What are you thinking about?" asks Joohyun as she puts down in front of Yerim a plate of fried rice.

"I wish I knew," she answers, digging into her food.

Joohyun sits in front of her, pulling one of Yerim's textbooks towards her.

"Do you like it?" she asks, skimming through the pages as if it would suddenly turn interesting.

"I do like it. School. I like learning. The college experience, not so much."

"Sometimes I wish I'd gone to college," admits Joohyun.

Yerim looks up from her food and stares at her girlfriend for a long time.

"Are you happy?"

Joohyun's eyes widden at the question. Her eyebrows furrow as she thinks.

"I am. I love dry cleaning, and being a model is fun for the time being." Her eyes light up as she continues. "The lady who owns the dry cleaning place where I work says that when she will retire in a few years, she would like me to buy the place."

Yerim cheers for her. "As long as you're happy, then there's no need to regret."

Joohyun thanks her.

Yerim sleeps on the couch that night because Joohyun refuses to let her walk back to the dorms that late.

Yerim and Joohyun are on the couch in Joohyun's apartment. The younger girl is laying her head in her girlfriend's lap, enjoying the feeling of Joohyun's finger gently running through the strands.

It's the end of the movie; the leads are kissing in the train station and Yerim yawns.

"It's getting late," says Yerim, because she has an 8am class and it's a little longer to get to school from Joohyun's apartment.

She sleeps over a lot, two or three times a week, on the couch. She's uncomfortable around her roommate and Joohyun always insists she comes. They've been together 3 months now. They spent Christmas together, Joohyun inviting her to a nice restaurant. On New Years they were with friends, sharing a kiss as the clock striked 12.

February came around and with it came wandering hands and hot kisses. It wasn't really overwhelming lust; they both wanted to wait for the right moment to do anything more, but it didn't change the fact that they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. When they were sitting by each other when they went out Yerim's hand rested on Joohyun's thigh, and if they went sitting in front of each other they would play footsie, laughing to themselves. They'd hold hands all the time, and kiss in Joohyun's car until Yerim really has no choice but to leave. Sometimes Yerim risks her hand under Joohyun's shirt and lets her finger run on girlfriend's skin until they both decide that it's enough.

Yerim knows there's something Joohyun wants to ask that night because her eyes can't stay on her, and she keeps fidgeting. She gives her time to get ready to ask whatever she wants to ask. She prepares for bed, puts on her pajamas and washes her face in the bathroom. She sits on the couch, checking her phone until Joohyun coughs, leaning against her bedroom's doorframe.

"Would you like to sleep in my room tonight?"

Yerim knows there's no hidden suggestion behind her proposition so she accepts, following her to the small room where a dresser is pushed against the wall and a single bedside table is squished between the wall and the bed.

Joohyun claims her side next to the bedside table, so Yerim climbs on the other side with a smile. She's been waiting for Joohyun to let her sleep by her side.

Joohyun closes the lights and as soon as she's under the covers Yerim is coming closer, putting her arm around her waist.

"You're warm," she says, hugging her girlfriend and Joohyun only laughs.

"If you wanted this, why didn't you ask me?" asks Joohyun as she turns her head towards Yerim.

"I thought you wanted to wait."

"You're younger, and I'm scared of going too fast. What if I make you uncomfortable?" wonders Joohyun.

"I'm young but I'm not exactly unexperienced," protests Yerim.

Joohyun gives Yerim a warm smile. "I know but I wish you would set the pace."

Yerim doesn't mind doing so, she tells Joohyun.

"Next time we should just talk about it," proposes Yerim. Joohyun hums in agreement, starting to fall asleep.

Yerim goes home at the end of February to celebrate the lunar new year with her family but her mother still insists they eat together for her birthday on March 5th. Her father's too busy. He's always working, so it's supposed to be just the two of them, and Yerim believes it's the perfect occasion to introduce her girlfriend to her mom.

Joohyun's a bit apprehensive but Yerim reassures her; her mother is fine with her uality and is a very warm person. Joohyun is still worried anyway.

They meet in a restaurant Yerim's mother likes. The woman is already sitting at a table, reading through the menu.

"Mom!" greets Yerim, and she hugs her mother as soon as they reach the table.

Joohyun is standing behind her, a bit awkwardly. Yerim introduces them and they shake hands.

Yerim automatically takes Joohyun's hand under the table.

"You're a very pretty girl," says Mrs. Kim.

"She's a model," Yerim says before Joohyun has the time to thank her girlfriend's mom.

The conversation goes on with Mrs. Kim question them. Where did they meet, and how long ago, where Joohyun is from, and how her family is. She doesn't react badly about Joohyun not going to college, but she makes sure she has future plans. It's only awkward once, when she asks how old Joohyun is.

"26 years old," she answers, withholding the fact that she was turning a year older at the end of the month, and Mrs. Kim's eyes widen. Her gaze goes to her daughter, then back to Joohyun.

The silence feels heavy, and Yerim's mother's eyes seem to say a lot. Yerim's turning 19, and the only person she's ever dated is Saeron. Of course her mother is worried, because Joohyun is older, and all mothers want to protect their kids.

"And you're treating her well?" she asks Joohyun.

"I'd never hurt her."

Yerim smiles at her girlfriend and wishes she could tell her just how much she loves her.

"I want to trust you because I feel like you're a good person," admits Yerim's mom. "And if Yerim is happy I could never do anything against this happiness unless it could cause her harm."

Joohyun gives her a genuine smile, and it takes a while for Yerim to understand her eyes are tearing up.

"Are you crying?" she asks immediately, moving closer and taking her girlfriend's face between her hands. There are a few tears welling up in her eyes.

"Your mom is so nice," explains Joohyun, a small smile painting her lips. "I wish my mom was like this."

Yerim laughs softly, kissing Joohyun's nose before letting go of her.

"How did it go when you came out?" asks Mrs. Kim, because she's always been curious of how other parents react.

When Yerim told her mom she was gay, Mrs. Kim told her she would always love her no matter what. Yerim's dad turned a bit colder, a little bit more awkward, but there was always her mom to make her feel like everything was okay.

She didn't know how Joohyun's parents had reacted, but she knew it hadn't gone well from the few times Joohyun mentioned her family. Yerim never asked about it because she wanted to be sure Joohyun was ready to tell her. 

"I came out to them after I finished high school. I had dated a few people at that point, but nothing serious," no one like Yerim, her eyes say, "and I thought it was time to just tell them. My mom always talked about how excited she was for me to get married and have kids, and it always made me feel bad. Like I'd be a disappointment to her. But I hoped she loved me enough to understand."

Yerim squeezes her hand, her thumb caressing her skin softly.

"It turned out she didn't. She said I was doing this to embarrass her. I moved to Seoul after I got a job to work as a model and I've been living here ever since. We haven't been in contact, but I do talk to my sister often. I send their the magazines I am in, and wish for their happiness."

Joohyun is smiling even if she doesn't even have a reason to. Yerim feels her love grow even bigger than it already was, and she knows she wants to be by Joohyun's side for as long as the older girl wants her to.

Yerim's mom is endeared, and Yerim knows she doesn't have to worry about her mom not liking Joohyun.

Later, as they sit in the car in front of Yerim's dorm, Joohyun voices out her worry.

"Aren't you mad? That I never told you about my family before?"

"I'm glad that I know now. But it's your choice to tell and I will patiently wait until you are ready to tell me everything about you," says Yerim. She's overwhelmed with love and can't help but lean forward to press her lips on Joohyun's. They kiss until it's getting late and the car is cold, their lips swollen and Joohyun has to go to work.

"I'll see you tomorrow," says Yerim, and parting ways feels almost heartbreaking, even though it's only for one night.

The first time she says it, it's an accident. It's Saturday morning and neither of them have work, so they're celebrating by making pancakes in Joohyun's apartment. Joohyun's birthday is in a few days so they planned out of date night at home, with takeout and a nice movie as requested by the older girl.

They're in a playful mood. Yerim keeps slipping her hands under Joohyun's pajama shirt, and Joohyun laughs, slapping her hands away. It's the first time in a while they can have the morning to themselves, without anything to do later. The late morning rays of the sun come in through the windows, brightening the room. Yerim's heart is light, as if she's flying.

She accidentally puts eggshells in the batter, and Joohyun is laughing, trying to find them in the mix.

"Just let me do it," Joohyun demands, but Yerim knows she doesn't really want to do it on her own.

"These pancakes can't be good unless I'm helping you. Because the main ingredient has to be love, and I love you," she protests without realizing, and it's the first time, but she doesn't know why. She didn't tell Joohyun she loved her at first because it was too early, and at some point she was doubting that Joohyun was at that level yet. When it became obvious they both were Yerim just waited for the right moment that never seemed to come.

Joohyun's smile fall, but it seems to be out of shock.

"I love you too," she says, and the mood turns more serious as their eyes meet.

It's an accident, but Yerim can't regret it. It feels right to let the words come out of the mouth, roll off her tongue and hit Joohyun full force.

Joohyun reaches up, pushing a strand of Yerim's hair behind her ear, and she smiles again. "I love you so much."

They stare at each other for what feels like forever. Yerim is trying to convey her affection, and she hopes Joohyun can feel it.

"I've been meaning to say it for a long time," admits Yerim.

Joohyun laughs. "Me too," she whispers.

From that moment on all their texts, their calls and their goodbyes end with I love you. Yerim says it before she goes to sleep, and when she wakes up in the morning. She tells Joohyun when she smiles at her and Yerim finds herself overwhelmed with feelings she's not used to feel. It's love, but not love like she's used to. Love used to hit her full force like a wave, but now it's a warm, fuzzy feelings. Love spreads through her, from her toes to the tips of her fingers. Sometimes it makes her dizzy, because it's so much.

Sometimes she gets scared it's not going to last, but she looks at Joohyun and hopes it never ends.

She sits on the counter as she lets Joohyun finish preparing the mix. Soon they're sitting in front of each other at the small table.

"It's your birthday," says Joohyun, and Yerim is confused because it's Joohyun's birthday, not hers.

"What?"

"The password. For the door."

Yerim catches on, falling open as she stares at Joohyun.

"You're giving me the password?" she stutters a little.

"You can come whenever you want."

Yerim smiles at the implication of this. Joohyun trusts her, and she wants Yerim to feel at home in her apartment.

It's the end of the semester and summer vacation is about to start. Joohyun is in Yerim's dorm room, helping her pack all of her stuff. Yerim is moving back home until the new semester.

"I talked to Sooyoung, and she says she knows people that are looking for a roommate next semester," Yerim annonces slowly, and she stares at Joohyun. She waits for her reaction, but Joohyun's face stays blank.

"You're in my apartment 5 days a week though," says Joohyun after a while as she's folding Yerim's clothes nicely into her suitcase.

It's true that she's always at Joohyun's apartment. Yerim even has a drawer in Joohyun's dresser, and a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. It's partly because she dislikes her roommate, but also because she sleeps better with Joohyun by her side and she misses her when they aren't together.

"Indeed," is all she says because she's waiting for Joohyun to say what she wants to hear.

"Maybe you could just move in with me," suggest Joohyun and Yerim smiles at her.

"I thought you'd never ask!"

They've been dating for more than 6 months and she knows it's still a bit early to move in together, but it would just make everything simpler. They could split the rent and save money to go on dates, and Yerim, whether she officially lives with Joohyun or not, will always be over anyway.

They realized after some time of cohabitation that they rarely fight. Sometimes they argue about small things, but it has only turned serious once or twice. Yerim knows that they can live together and that it won't have any negative effect on their relationship. She knows Joohyun is as serious about their relationship as she is; they started talking about a future together.

Yerim can imagine it. She'll work in an office, and when Joohyun retires from modelling she'll buy the dry cleaning place and they can move into a nicer apartment, bigger, with more rooms. Maybe they'll even adopt a kid one day, who knows. Yerim is still only in college, so there's still a long way to go.

She hopes Joohyun is by her side for as long as they love each other.