“There’s no sun today, Hyuk-ah. I can’t see it.”

“That’s because it’s 4 in the morning, you idiot.”

There’s a deep chuckle at the other end of the line and Hyukjae smiles to himself.  He adjusts the scarf on his neck, bundling himself on the thick blanket and warming up his palms with his fourth mug of hot chocolate.  He shouldn’t be taking this much sweets at 4 in the morning but he’s also trying to keep himself awake so there’s not really much of a choice.  A few faint booms reverberates the otherwise quiet apartment, some people still lighting up the sky with firecrackers at this time apparently. His family are long asleep in their beds, taking the night early after the New year countdown to be up and awake for tomorrow’s church. He should probably be asleep himself but certain sacrifices have to be made.

“I told you to call me when it’s time.” A tired voice comes through the phone once again, followed by a yawn and Hyukjae would’ve felt guilty, truly he would, except he was bored and Donghae have woken him up on ungodly hours for more times than he could count so nope, not guilty at all. Though he knew Donghae should be up early in the morning too, the first day of the year falling on a Sunday but, well, whatever. He’s thinking of his new year’s resolutions and being selfish at times should perhaps be included in the list.

“I don’t think I would even see the sunrise from my apartment.” Donghae mumbles and Hyukjae thinks so too. They’re not going to see the sun filtering through the clouds together, the world waking up and greeting them a new day, a new year. They could, sure, but morning festivities and Sunday family time make the trip to Han River quite a chore. Plus they’ve already agreed on not meeting for the sunrise, they’ve spent Christmas together anyways, but then again, some annual traditions are just hard to ignore.

They can’t make it to the river, but they can settle on warm blankets, warmer chocolates and before daybreak phone calls while they sit on their own homes as they wait for the first day of another year.

It’s a far cry from being cuddled up in the car and trying to stay awake, battling the cold as they look at the frozen cold river, holding hands as they quietly pray for a good year ahead while searching for the sun in a rather cloudy morning but.. they are together.

Somehow.

And this can do for now.

“I can’t believe it’s 2017 now, can you?” Hyukjae asks instead and there’s silence for a few moments he thinks Donghae fell asleep.

“Yeah, I’ve known you for half of my life and this year I would know you for a year more than I didn’t.” Donghae answers, voice still rugged and rough with occasional sniffs as if he has been asleep this whole time. “I will be with you for more than I wasn’t, can you believe that? That’s crazy.”

He’s mumbling, Hyukjae thinks fondly, always mumbling when he’s on the brink of falling asleep or tired. Hyukjae would’ve felt guilty, truly he would, but he doesn’t feel like it when Donghae is being cute.

“I will also be with you for real this year. Like, not for a few hours or a few dates. Like for real, real,” Donghae falters and oh. What a sap. It doesn’t seem like he’s going to add anything after that and Hyukjae chuckles , leaning back on his couch as he looks out the window, the world still dark and cold.

“Just a few more days, right?” He says and Donghae grunts, like saying yes, or maybe, or no it is still months ahead, you’re an idiot.

“It’s going to be a while and I’m so sleepy,” Donghae says, totally ignoring the question, a quiet shuffling is heard in the background as if he shifts from his current position, “Keep talking so I won’t fall asleep,” he then orders because he’s a brat who is always used on having his way.

“You’d fall asleep even when I keep talking,” Hyukjae comments.

“You would still talk anyway.” Donghae answers and he’s not wrong.

“I would, wouldn’t I?” Hyukjae answers, a faint smile back on his lips. It never really left. Not when he’s talking to Donghae.

“You would,” Donghae flat out responds followed by another yawn.

Donghae is always used on getting what he wants, but then again, Hyukjae is the biggest enabler there is.

So Hyukjae talks. About nothing, about everything. He filled Donghae in with how the family celebrated New Year’s eve, despite the video call he had with Donghae himself and his family while they’re doing the countdown. He talks about watching MBC’s Gayo Daejun, about feeling a little lonely because they weren’t there with the boys, of trying to figure out if he has greeted everyone a happy new year, if he has sung Sungmin a happy birthday just enough.

“You have, stupid. You kind of flooded the group chat.” Donghae replies, as if he didn’t flooded their band’s group chat with photos of his face Ryeowook threatened to leave.

“I miss them,” Hyukjae says instead, “It’s noisy and there are days I can’t handle them but... they’re family. And I miss them.”

“2017 has barely started and you’re already crying Hyukjaeyah.” Donghae says with a snicker because he’s rude.

“You’re crying too.” Hyukjae utters because if he’s crying Donghae would surely follow up.

“I don’t cry anymore. I’m a grown man.”

“Sure baby.”

“You’re getting bad at this,” Donghae chuckles all of a sudden, “Usually you have teased me for fifty times by now on how I can’t function properly without you, can’t even stay awake without you keeping me up and all I’m having is one sappy and cheesy Lee Hyukjae at, um, 5:13 in the morning.”

He’s right. But Hyukjae still doesn’t say anything.

“You really miss it do you?” Donghae says, his voice gentle. “And not just the boys, but the stage, and the lights, and the fans..,” Donghae makes a long yawn, sniffing and sighing on the other line. “You miss it all.”

“Of course I do.” Hyukjae admits, but it’s not like Donghae doesn’t know that. He has expressed it a lot of times, be it in his actions or his words. And even when he doesn’t say a thing, show a thing, Donghae gets him just by the sheer change in his tone.

He misses it all. But.

“But mostly I miss having to share it all with you.” Hyukjae adds because it’s true.

“Ew, you’re gross.” Donghae mutters but Hyukjae doesn’t need to see him to know there’s a smile on his face. Toothy and shy and all because of Hyukjae.

And well, he misses him. He misses the light squeeze on his arm as everyone starts counting down, the sudden pull so their bodies collide with each other’s as the clock strikes 12. The quiet seconds with their arms tangled up while the world celebrates, a short, warm moment of just the two of them. Just being each other’s and only each other’s before he gives Donghae back to the world.

That’s... Hyukjae misses it.

“I can’t wait to see your dumb face everyday all over again,” Donghae mumbles. “I can’t believe 2016 flew so quickly. You’re right.”

“I’m always right.” Hyukjae comments, thoughts coming back to now.  Donghae scoffs.

“Can’t even wow you with my smooth and sweet talking skills,” Donghae bites and Hyukjae laughs.

“That’s because you’re going to steal my line.”

“No I won’t,” Donghae defends, voice getting a little higher and as if remembering his family’s asleep he whispers, “I really won’t.”

“Okay how would you say ‘Two years is nothing compared to the forever I’d spent with you’ differently?” Hyukjae teases and ah, they’re probably a bit more awake now. Donghae’s blushing probably. He always does when Hyukjae talks about the future. Or when he’s plain cheesy.

“I’d say ‘Two years is nothing compared to the eternity we’re spending together.’”

“That’s the same.”

“No it isn’t I’m not finished,” Donghae defends and Hyukjae rolls his eyes, still smiling.

Always smiling.

“Two years is nothing compared to the eternity we’re spending together, the rest of my life I’m gonna spend with you even if you’re an idiot. And you snore. And you have smelly feet.”

“Yeah, do go on,” Hyukjae amuses him, because when did he not.

“No that’s it. That’s my line.”

“Wow, so smooth and sweet. You can write for a drama.”

“I know right.”

It’s stupid. It’s nonsense. It’s nothing yet it’s everything.

Hyukjae heaves a sigh.
 

“Wow.” Donghae says asudden.

“What.”

“You’re happy.”

And well, that’s not wrong.

Give it a few years back, Hyukjae would still be surprised with how much Donghae can read him. How despite being so oblivious with many other things, Donghae can sense what’s going on with a mere change in his tone, the slight twitch of his eyebrow, the tad hitch of his breathe.

Donghae knows. He always knows.

“Of course I’m happy, it’s a new year.” Hyukjae replies.

“You’re happy because of me.”

Yeah.

“That’s not wrong.” Hyukjae says.

“You’re happy because I make you happy.”

“Hmmm.” Yes.

“You’re happy and I make you happy and you’re so in love with me.” There’s a wide grin on Donghae’s face right now, Hyukjae can tell.

Because as much as Donghae knows him like the back of his hand, Hyukjae has him engraved in his memory like his favourite dance. It doesn’t need thinking, never unfamiliar. Every expression is like every move, imprinted in his system, carved in his mind. And wow he’s sappy as , but he guesses being in love makes you like that.

“Yeah, please do go on.” Hyukjae says, pressing the side of his head on the back of the couch, eyes train on the sky outside. The sun hasn’t risen yet, but there’s the faint hint of light and it’s a start.

“You’re happy and I make you happy and you’re in love with me and you’ll come see me now because you miss me.” Donghae giggles at that, the teasing evident in his voice. And something else. Perhaps a challenge.

“Wow.” Hyukjae scoffs. “Somehow I feel like you really mean that.”

“Maybe.”

“It’s annoying because you’re the one who told me we shouldn’t watch the sunrise in the first place.”

“I didn’t say anything about watching the sunrise-”

“You did.”

“-just now.” Donghae sighs and Hyukjae knows he just rolled his eyes. “Seriously Hyukjae can’t you wait until I’m done speaking. So rude, and not the kind I like.”

Donghae has the nerve to reprimand him about cutting people off when he does that 8 out of 10 times. But oh. Oh.

I didn’t say anything about watching the sunrise just now.

Hyukjae groans and Donghae has the nerve to laugh. Boy knows he got Hyukjae at the palm of his hand.

“Donghae it’s almost morning,” Hyukjae whines.

“I’m just saying it. It’s not like I’m telling you or asking you to do it.”

“You’re right.”

He’s right.

Hyukjae gets up and takes his coat and keys anyway.

//

“There’s no sun today, Hyuk-ah. I can’t see it.”

Hyukjae hums, warm blanket wrap around himself and a warmer Donghae in his arms. He got his chest pressed on Donghae’s back, the two of them staring out of the huge glass window from Donghae’s apartment. The clock reads a quarter before 7, the city already light up in a quite cloudy morning of January 1.

It’s a far cry from the tired bodies cramped up in a car from the just finished year end event from the night before, from the selcas and SNS posts shared to their fans, from the cold yet beautiful Han River and beds of white snow.

Hyukjae has to leave in a few minutes to spend time with his family and eventually they have to go back in their own respective posts to serve the country. It’s still months ahead before this become an everyday thing like it used to be.

But this, this soft, stolen moments together.

This can do for now.

“I see it now.” Hyukjae answers, eyes on his boyfriend and Donghae stares back at him, hair black and cropped like his and all grown up, the beginning of a smile on his face.

It never really left.

“Ew, you’re gross.”

Yeah, Hyukjae thinks. But he guesses being in love makes you like that.

Love me on Twitter: @_ifallelsefails.

Also cross post from AO3 :)