Siyeon is strong. Contrary to what others may think about her, Siyeon is mature and strong, despite being young. No doubt, she cries often, at trivial stuff even, like whenever Minkyung suggested to watch a sad movie when they had sleepovers at Jieqiong’s house. Siyeon always ended up bawling, leaning into someone’s embrace and blowing her nose into innumerable tissue papers. Still, she’s stronger than most people her age. She didn’t cry when she took a bad fall down the stairs and had to be hospitalized for a few weeks. She didn’t cry when a group of boys beat her to a pulp just because they thought her shoes were funny. She didn’t cry when her parents announced that they would be migrating overseas, leaving her alone at Seoul, simply because she had to finish her studies.

Siyeon is also dependable. Maybe it’s because she was raised as a single child, or maybe it’s because she was used to living alone, but people depend on Siyeon. When Siyeon first met Nayoung during her elementary school days, she thought that Nayoung was the more reliable one, being the older of the two. But as they start to know more people and expand their circle of friends, Siyeon finds herself being depended on. She takes care of Kyla, the youngest of the group, but the rest of the girls, despite being older than her, often go to her for help. Siyeon likes being dependable, but as she looks at Nayoung, she thinks that it’s also nice to at least have one person to depend on.

However, Siyeon is a worrywart, and everyone who knows her well is aware. Despite the several attempts in trying to portray herself as someone nonchalant and uncaring, Siyeon worries. Beneath the strong front that she puts up with, she worries. Siyeon thinks that trying to fight for survival in a zombie apocalypse would multiply the number of worries she has in her mind, but instead, she finds herself letting go of several things, overlooking things that she used to spend the entire night thinking about.

As she settles herself a few meters away from the rest of the girls, a string of thoughts start to form in her head again. Siyeon thinks this is why she likes keeping watch alone, because it gives her time for herself. She has a baseball bat within her reach, but as she cranes her neck to look up at the twinkling stars above, every worry seems to wash away, and she lets herself get lost in her own thoughts once again.

//

Siyeon looks up to Nayoung ever since their first meeting, both literally and figuratively. The older girl has characteristics that scream perfection. She’s well mannered, self-disciplined, honest, caring, selfless, and Siyeon could go on naming more of her positive traits for hours. Simply put, Siyeon has never met someone more ideal than Nayoung, and she’s never expected the older girl to play such a significant role in her life.

Becoming from mere acquaintances to close friends was an easy and quick process, considering the fact that they had many interests in common. Forming a friend group, or a clique, as Yebin would call it, had also been a natural process, and Siyeon can never be more grateful for the other eight girls in her life. She sticks to Nayoung most of the time, however, simply due to her insecurities about trusting newer friends, and Nayoung has been her closest friend for the longest time, but when Eunwoo comes up to her one day, Siyeon thinks that there may be things about her own self that she can’t seem to understand.

Eunwoo tells her that she looks at Nayoung the same way Yebin looks at Minkyung, and it is obvious what the other girl was implying. Eunwoo says that Siyeon is in love with Nayoung, but the younger girl brushes her off, rebutting the comment with a promise that they are nothing but the best of friends. Eunwoo, obviously, doesn’t buy it, but she does drop the subject, and tells Siyeon that there is someone she’d like to introduce to the clique.

The introduction happens at lunchtime the next day, when the eight of them gather at the cafeteria, waiting for a dramatic entrance they would’ve expected from Eunwoo. Sure enough, Eunwoo comes into view almost an hour late, dragging a girl none of them have seen before.

“This is Jieqiong,” Eunwoo says cheerily, patting Jieqiong on the back before she introduces her eight friends individually.

Jieqiong is shy, Siyeon notes, but that doesn’t mean she’s unfriendly. She strikes up conversations easily, and Siyeon also learns that Jieqiong is a new transferred student from China. She’s integrated into the group within a week, and Siyeon likes Jieqiong, likes how their conversations are always interesting without ever seeming dull, but Siyeon also takes note of how Jieqiong puts more effort into talking to Nayoung than any of them, but she tries to think that it’s because Nayoung is more shy around strangers, and often requires the other party to take the first initiative.

Jieqiong soon announces to them that she’s joining the student council group one day, and while the others congratulate her, Siyeon tries to hide the slight hint of jealousy on her face, tries to ignore the thought that Jieqiong might have joined the student council group because of Nayoung who, far from coincidental, happens to be the president of the student council. Siyeon thinks that by ignoring everything, it helps alleviate all sorts of concern, but she soon regrets, because maybe, she should have done something.

They gather at the cafeteria as per usual, but this time, Siyeon observes, Nayoung and Jieqiong are nowhere to be found. She tries to indulge herself in her food instead, but the prickly feeling doesn’t stop and she’s itching to say something.

“Are Nayoung and Jieqiong not eating with us?” she asks soon enough, and she catches the way Yebin and Eunwoo exchange quick glances. Yebin then shrugs. “Student council work, I guess.”

Siyeon nods, and understands, but that doesn’t make her feel any better, doesn’t make her forget how Nayoung has been spending less and less time with her these days. Scarfing down her food, she politely excuses herself from the group, and gets up to return her tray before she makes her way to the student council room. She knocks on the door, hears Nayoung granting her access before she flings the door open.

Siyeon doesn’t miss the shock on Nayoung’s face before she regains composure, and she wastes no more time.

“The rest are having lunch at the cafeteria,” she says, impatiently waiting for the older girl to come up with an excuse.

“I’m, uh, not hungry,” Nayoung replies, eyes darting from Siyeon to the stack of papers on her desk, “Go ahead without me.”

Siyeon feels anger boiling within her, but she holds them all back and keeps her pride. As if on cue, Jieqiong strides into the room, holding two boxes of bentos, bumping into Siyeon’s shoulder before she lifts her head up, looking into the younger girl’s eyes, and Siyeon’s anger returns.

“Oh,” Jieqiong exclaims, looking from Nayoung to Siyeon. The former now has her eyes glued to her table, and Siyeon can’t take it anymore. She turns around, and walks away.

//

“Hey.”

Siyeon snaps out of her thoughts as she turns her head to the side to see Nayoung settling down beside her. She offers a smile in return, one that is slightly crooked, slightly cheeky.

“Hey yourself.”

Nayoung laughs, and Siyeon does the same with her. It’s been a long time since she’s seen the other smile wholeheartedly, and when she finally does, Siyeon feels all warm and fuzzy inside.

“What were you thinking about?” Nayoung asks, her gaze softening as she looks at the younger girl. It is this very look that has the ability to make Siyeon weak, breaking her shell and making her want to give it all up to the other girl, so she looks away before she falls into the trap.

“Just recalling our lives before all of these happened.”

Siyeon notices the way Nayoung stiffens, and although her selfish side is rejoicing, she does feel bad for the older girl. She keeps mum, however, letting her curiosity get the better of her as she waits for Nayoung’s reply.

“I’m sorry,” she says after a moment of silence.

“It’s not your fault,” Siyeon immediately argues back, and suddenly all the other things don’t matter anymore. Kicking aside all her previous thoughts, she lets herself look at her old friend, the one that has always been by her side since they were little.

Jealousy. Anger. Desire. All the feelings that have been building inside of her somehow vanish into thin air. Nayoung doesn’t reply as she looks back at her, and Siyeon thinks that maybe, she’s just been immature and petty all this while.

They sit side by side in silence, both of their eyes staring straight as they rest their chins on their knees and hug their legs tight. It’s almost as if they’ve taken a trip back to the old days, where it was just the two of them, always sticking together and enjoying each others’ company. Siyeon starts to forget that they’re in the midst of a catastrophe, as she silently wishes to have the ability to rewind time. As selfish as it may sound, she desperately wants to go back to the days where it was just the two of them.

The silence didn’t last long, however, when they both heard the shuffling of feet and the crushing of dead leaves on the ground. Instinctively, they pick up their weapons and spin around, only to heave a sigh of relief when they see Jieqiong walking over.

“Sorry,” Jieqiong smiles sheepishly, scratching the back of her head. “I kind of need to pee.”

“I’ll come with.”

Nayoung stands up almost immediately, and turns to Siyeon, reaching out her arm as if she wants to do something, maybe ruffle her hair like she always used to, or maybe offer a pat on the back. But then she retracts her arm, and smiles at her instead, but she doesn’t look into her eye. Siyeon flashes her a smile, tells the both of them to be careful, and assures Nayoung that she can handle well alone. She watches as Nayoung gives her a quick nod, before jogging over to join Jieqiong. She also watches when they interlace their fingers together, walking farther into the woods. She mentally berates herself for her stupidity, laughs at her wishful thinking, and a lone tear trickles its way down her face, only for it to be hastily wiped away. Siyeon turns around once again, but this time, she doesn’t walk away, she stays and accepts.

//~//

A/N: I know I promised a more plot-driven chapter, but as I was writing, I also thought of how I could create a character that readers can empathize with. Rather than Nayoung or Jieqiong or any of the other members, I thought Siyeon would fit better as the main character for this chapter, simply because we all (or most of us) knows what it feels like to be insecure and emotionally unstable at times. Also, it is common for us to try to put up a brave front whenever we’re internally weak, and the feeling of nostalgia and being all alone is easy to relate to. Nayoung is another character that I’d like to go detail into, but for now, I hope you all enjoyed this rather short chapter on Siyeon.

Also, Pristin is finally debuting!! It all feels so surreal, but what on earth was Pledis thinking when they gave them stage names??? It’s like a mix of Japanese/Hawaiian names lol, which I will take a long time getting used to. Anyhow, their debut is happening and I’m dying to speed up time to mid-March.