Gary's a coward, a huge one.

He's not going to lie, it had been his plan all along. When they first proposed Running Man to him, he only agreed because it was meant to last for a year or two. No variety show lasted longer than that, with rare instances such as Infinity Challenge or Happy Together (both coincidentally or not Jaesuk's shows), and he didn't think that he would gain fame and popularity for it. He didn't think that he would gain relationships that could never be replaced either.

There's something about running every Monday that stops him from being himself though. He's not an athlete, Jongkook is. He's not a comedian, Jaesuk is. And he's definitely not a romantic, not a ladies man.

After the plans are set, and talks are made, he struggles to find the right words. He can't find a way to tell them together, so he wants to find them separately.

First it's Jaesuk, a hyung he had come to look up to and go to for support. He's half the reason why he's letting it go, and the other half why he can't, and is still guilty amidst it all.

"I couldn't stop you even if I wanted to." Jaesuk says, when the two of them meet just before filming, the earliest people on set. "You mustn't let the show hold you back, Gary."

"It's not." He replies stubbornly, a response embedded into his head, a lie said thousands of times.

"But it is." Jaesuk says gently, the two of them watching the crew rushing around to set up. "Music is the other half of your life, and you've been neglecting it. Don't worry anymore."

The nation's MC is doubtful though, but he can't admit it. The falling ratings make him feel as though he hasn't been trying hard enough. It saddens him to let one member go, but he doesn't want his dongsaengs to suffer anymore.

"Be gentle with that one." Jaesuk finally speaks up as the cast piles into the waiting area, nodding at their only female member, who was still half awake. "She's the most emotionally attached."

As they come closer, Gary nods, one so subtle Jaesuk would have missed it if it wasn't for the look of guilt on his face.

 

He plans to go to his hyungs first, so Sukjin's next. He shocks the latter by showing up unannounced at his house, on a weekday no least.

"Gary? What's going on?" Sukjin asks when they enter his living room, Hyunwoo awkwardly getting up to finish his homework in his room.

Gary waves and greets Soo Jung, who also follows Hyunwoo in with a concerned look. "I wanted to let you know that it's settled."

"Ah." Sukjin nods in understanding. He had always been supportive of Gary's decisions, no matter what. "Have you told her?"

"No."

"Then you've come here for nothing." The older man sighs, patting Gary's back. "You know she's the only one in the dark."

"I'll tell her soon." Gary promises, guilt laced in his tone.

"Perhaps, it's good to start afresh." Sukjin mused, lightening the mood. "Good for you, good for her."

"I hope so." He murmurs in response as Sukjin offers to get some refreshments for him to stay a little longer. He would have declined, but he doesn't know when he'll get another opportunity like this again.

 

Jongkook is easier. He lives in the gym twenty four seven, so he catches him there. The moment he steps into the gym, he spots Jongkook lifting weights looking deathly heavy, probably twice or thrice what he would lift if he actually bothered.

"You're not here to work out." Jongkook sharply says the moment he spots Gary.

The look on the rapper's face must be obvious, because the gym rat softens. "You're leaving."

"Yes."

"I would have thought so." Jongkook says easily. "You had that look on your face the last time we met."

"Oh."

"No one's blaming you, Gary." Jongkook assures him as he lifted the weights, doing intense sets that scared Gary just by watching. "But have you told her?"

"Hyung, why does everyone ask me that?"

"Maybe because she's part of the reason?" Jongkook snaps back, placing the weights down with a heavy thud. Watching his dongsaeng closely, he sighs, softening his tone. "Your music comes first, and yes, the show will most likely be a mess once you're gone, but sooner or later, we all need to go on our own separate ways."

They've discussed this before. Both of them are musicians, even if Jongkook looked more like a gym instructor than a singer. They both know how hard it is to juggle the show and their music careers. The only difference lies with their only female member, and Gary can't bring himself to admit it.

Jongkook sighs again, patting his dongsaeng firmly on the back. "It's not easy, and you have our support. Just remember us when you've won a Grammy or something."

"Yes, hyung!" Instead, he goes for a cheerful response, ignoring his thoughts.

"Now leave me alone." Jongkook says as he easily picks up the weights again, looking as it he might start juggling them if he could. "I still have a couple of sets to go. Or would you like to join me?"

"I'm going, hyung!"

 

By right, he should have gone to Dong Hoon first. After all, he's the one who persuaded him to join the show all those years ago. If not, he'll still be that guy from Leessang, the one who didn't get into a scandal, but still the same one hardly anyone notices.

He's hesitant to visit Ha Ha as his house, with Byul being pregnant with their second child and Dream being in the mood to constantly throw tantrums. But he does anyway, because he's aware of the dwindling days before the big announcement.

To his credit, Dong Hoon isn't surprised. Dream's asleep and Byul's out with her mother, so he welcomes the rapper in. But it turns out Sukjin had done his share of gossiping, and Dong Hoon's well informed before Gary even opens his mouth.

"I'm not angry that you told Sukjin hyung first." The shorter man started, and immediately, Gary knows he's doomed. "He just didn't know you didn't come around to mine yet."

"I'm sorry, nonetheless."

"Hey." Ha Ha stops his guilty. "I don't think I've apologized myself yet."

"For what?"

"Reacting like a jerk. I just didn't understand why you would leave." Dong Hoon pauses, and they head to his cooler for a beer or two. "But hyung, music's your first love, I'm being selfish to think that we could continue this forever."

"It's just, remember at the beginning, when the ratings were and we would just laugh about how our lives were going nowhere? But now everyone watches us. I felt betrayed that you would mention leaving when the show made more of a success you are now than before."

Gary hangs his head low, listening to his dongsaeng talk sense for once, instead of having an awkward tension around them. He swigs his beer slowly, tasting the cool alcohol's bitterness. It felt almost like old times, late night sessions when they were both bachelors.

"Hyung, I wouldn't want to see you upset anymore. Plus you and Jihyo walk around each other like its a minefield waiting to explode." Dong Hoon mentions her, and his heart beats faster.

The shorter man must have spotted his expression though, because he yells out, "You haven't told her?"

"No."

"Why not? I wasn't angry when you told Sukjin before me, but you should have at least told Jihyo first!" Ha Ha's angry again, looking at him with disbelief.

"It's complicated." Gary answered, and Dong Hoon's sigh was enough for him to add, "I'm planning it differently for her."

"Of course." Dong Hoon softens, holding up his beer can. "But hyung, here's to the unknown future, you make sure you sort this out."

Just like that, Gary was transported back to the old days, and he raises his own can to his best friend's.

"Of course." He echoes back.

 

With the upcoming news out on Wednesday, he doesn't have much time before telling Jihyo. Kwangsoo's another matter, because they've talked before, but Jihyo wasn't in on the secret. Then he chickens out, and calls Kwangsoo and Jihyo at the same time to meet up at his restaurant. Jihyo is awkward and reluctant, until he promises to treat her and swears that Kwangsoo would go as well.

Eventually, Jihyo's not suspicious, instead she happily orders her food, but Kwangsoo's concerned and tensed, catching Gary's eye several times. When the food arrives, instead of digging in like Jihyo, Kwangsoo places his chopsticks on the table, serious, "Hyung, what do you want to tell us?"

Gary pales, realizing that his plan to include Kwangsoo for moral support was about to fail. By then Jihyo had stopped eating, suspended in mid chew.

"What's going on?"

The giraffe looks at Jihyo, and then back at Gary. "You didn't tell her?"

Gary forces himself to ignore the urge to roll his eyes, hearing the same phrase from the fifth member within the week. In frustration, he settles for grabbing Kwangsoo's hair, but Jihyo slaps his hand away before he does.

"Tell me what?" She asks with a dangerous edge to her tone, Kwangsoo shocked and a little scared that his noona would defend him.

"Um, I've got to call my manager, you guys have a nice chat!" Kwangsoo flees before the pair get a chance to react, running out of the empty floor reserved solely for them.

Once alone, her stance deflates, and their back to their old awkward self. She doesn't want to go back to eating until she hears the news, but he doesn't know how to break it to her either.

"Spill it."

"Huh?"

"You've told everyone but me, right?" She whispers, the hurt evident in her tone. He's immediately ashamed, wondering how she even knew the rest have heard.

"I'm not good with conversations."

"You're not good with conversations when I'm around."

She's folding her arms, the meal in front of her long forgotten. Her hair's down, long and wavy past her shoulders, just the way he likes. If she wasn't glaring at him, he would have been in a trance, mesmerized by her simple beauty.

"I'm leaving the show." There's no sugarcoating anything as painful as he departure, no matter how hard he tries to find the right words.

"Oh."

"Oh? That's it?"

"What else do you want me to say?" Jihyo fumes, stabbing her chopsticks into her rice bowl. "We had a pact, don't you remember?"

He does. Stick it out till the end, together as seven. It's part of the stabbing guilt that kept him from considering to leave months ago. But sooner or later he can't ignore his feelings and leave his actual career alone.

And then her shoulders are slumped, and she looks dejectedly into her bowl. "You weren't supposed to leave just because I said no."

He doesn't want her to cry, but he thinks maybe she will. Sometimes Jihyo is hard to tell; women all are and he's a man after all.

"If you had said yes, I would have stuck around until the end of the year." Gary admits, watching her closely. "Jihyo, maybe I need some time away. Then I won't bother you anymore."

"Oppa-"

"You're right, seven years is pretty long. You'd think I would have given up by now, but I can't. I se