I always thought the hardest thing would be saying goodbye.  But I thought wrong. The moments that are creeping in right before we say goodbye are harder. The times when we know that goodbye is inevitable are harder. The times that linger around our feet as we divide our stuff. They’re harder. So much harder that I started to lose my breath.

This feels too much like a real divorce. And I hate it.

The day after our last filming, Yong Seon and I promised to meet at our house. Our honeymoon house, I insist calling it that way. Because what other name is better? That house is full with our happiness and laughter. We haven’t passed our honeymoon phase when we stayed at the house, yet here we are, already separated. No longer husband and wife.

The moment I stepped into the house, there was this wave of nostalgia that greeted me with a sour smile. Even though it had been only one day, but I could already imagine how the following weeks would feel like. It’s true that both of us promised not to be strangers. How could we? After everything.

But the thought of not meeting her on regular basis, not being able to hear her genuine laugh and I can no longer steal a hug or not-so-secretly hold her hand, I would miss that. I would miss her presence. She had filled a huge gap in my life that I never thought I have. I always thought that my life is fine, with only friends around and not family. But then she came, as a broadcast partner at first, but then she slowly grew on me. Her consistent presence, and how she insisted that she wanted to treat this on-screen relationship - or whatever this is - like a real one, I was struck.

She is always shy. But behind her shyness, she is very caring and attentive. She put her all in this, which then made me realize that what once started as a broadcast job, ended as a broken heart. At least, on my part.

Yong Seon came when I was sitting outside on the terrace, reminiscing the day when both of us sitting in the inflatable pool, sharing our hearts and writing on our memory book.

That day, she told me that both of us fell in love slowly with each other, and that her feelings started to change when she noticed the way I took care of her. I couldn’t help but thought, ‘Did you really fall in love with me?’.

Because I did. Deeply.

“Oppa,” She called me as she walked inside the apartment. She noticed my shoes by the door and went to the terrace to look for me, “You’re here.”

“Annyeong, Yong Ddong-ah.” I forced the smile, trying to put on a happy face. But she’s not Solar if she couldn’t notice it right away.

“Come on,” She stood in front of me and pet my hair like I was a puppy, “Don’t be like that. Your genuine smile looks better on you that this one.”

“I’m not in a good mood today.” I pouted.

“But I’m here.” She smiled, “That’s something.”

I took her hands and hold them in mine, “This is a terrible idea, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think so.” Her eyes were glued on our intertwined hands.

“Why?”

“I get to see you. That’s why.” She answered while looking directly in my eyes, “If I can see you, then everything should be fine. Right, Yoon Ddong?”

I laughed at her answer. Surely, she knew how to make everything bright again, “Kim Yong Seon, there’s no camera around. Stop being so cute or I’ll kiss you.”

“Why not?” She shrugged her shoulders and looked around the room, “Like you said, there’s no camera here.” Teasing me, she was.

I was taken aback by her answer. So surprised that I couldn’t find any word to reply. I just sat there, looking into her eyes as she smiled meaningfully. Oblivious by the moment, one second later, she grabbed my hand and pulled me inside, “Come on, let’s take care of our stuff.”

“This poster,” Yong Seon took the poster of people’s colorful thumbprints from our wedding day, “Can I have it?”

She looked at the poster closely, as if remembering that sunny day when we finally became one. She smiled slightly, unaware that I was standing beside her, noticing.

I love that day, professionally and personally. As someone who had been in the WGM panel for quite some time, nobody had ever done a wedding like ours. Everything was personal to us because we did everything by ourselves. And personally, what’s not to love about that day?

The weather was nice. The mood was perfect, as perfect as she was. My song, her song, our song, the people around us, the flowers in her hair, her subtly trembling hands, the secret