Following days, Yixing was strictly ordered Jongin to stay in bed, as much the younger dismay. At first, Jongin almost slept for twenty hours per day, but as the days passed, his health was getting better. The brothers took turns to take care for the teleporter, and helped him through rehabilitation. The overused power damaged Jongin’s brain, and the brothers feared if it might mess up with his memories. So to strengthen it back, they had to think something to keep Jongin’s brain operated.

Baekhyun and Minseok were taking care of him that day. They pampered the younger like Sehun, fed him his favourite soup, and read him some books, although it made Jongin drowsy. It was passed noon, they decided to play a chess. Minseok was on Jongin side, helping the younger to beat Baekhyun. Jongin never liked chess, but it helped him to keep thinking.

“This goes over here?” Jongin placed the black bishop to the most right side of the board, while Minseok nodded.

Baekhyun grinned slightly, as he picked up his white knight, and moved closer to the opponent’s line. “Check.”

Jongin frowned deeply, and Minseok switching his glance between the younger and the board. It took Jongin quite some time. He wanted to move his pieces, but afraid of getting lose. His finger hovered around to choose one of the piece to move, and in the end, he moved his rook to block the white knight. It caused Baekhyun to smile when he moved his white bishop to the position, and announced ‘check mate’.

The younger slightly widened his eyes, probably didn’t see that coming as he leaned back on the bed and gave a tired sigh. Man, playing chess did make him exhausted.

“You did well so far, Jongin. I give you that. You alright?” Baekhyun asked, and the younger nodded tiredly.

“It’s too early for you to take a nap. Let’s play something else.” Minseok said, and couldn’t resist giggling when he saw the younger pouted.

Baekhyun smiled lightly before taking out a box under the bed. It’s a box of a hundred puzzle pieces. “Let’s play this.” He said as he turned the box over, and the pieces fell on the bed.

With three people collecting and matching the pieces, it made the job easier. Jongin tried his hardest to find the perfect fit for the puzzle he was holding. Sometimes he asked his brother if they find similar image parts, and sometimes he looked for them by himself. It took longer than he should, when it was passed thirty minutes, he began to yawn unconsciously. Baekhyun was busy matching the puzzle pieces, while Minseok was helping with finding the matching parts from Baekhyun’s pieces. As Minseok not paying attention on the teleporter, he felt someone was leaning against his shoulder. He stopped to see Jongin had already dozed off, but little distracted by the breathing that tickled his neck.

“Um... Baek? I think it is nap time.” Minseok called the light wielder.

Baekhyun glanced up to see the sleeping latter curled close to the oldest. The view made him smiled. He cleaned up the puzzle pieces back into the box, as Minseok settled Jongin in bed. Right before they left the room, Baekhyun planted a small kiss on the younger’s forehead before uttering ‘rest well’. Jongin needed to sleep a lot.

***

The next time, Jongin woke up, it was night. He tried to shift his sleeping position, since he felt uncomfortable, but soon he noticed his bed was cramped than before. That moment, he realized he wasn’t alone. He caught Chanyeol was lying next to him, and their eyes were locked into each other.

“S--sorry, did I wake you up?” Chanyeol nearly stuttered.

Jongin shook his head. “I slept enough.”

“You should be. You’re resting and healing after all.” The taller began to play with Jongin’s hair. Without warning, Jongin went closer to Chanyeol, as he let him continued playing with his hair.

“But I don’t want to go back to sleep. It reminds me so much of my coma.” With that said, Chanyeol stopped, as he listened to the younger. “You have no idea how lonely I am. This is the first time ever I admit to say, I’m afraid of the dark. I couldn’t see anything. I don’t have anyone with me, and the worst part? I heard things that I’m not supposed to hear.”

“Oh, Jongin...” Chanyeol felt the pity, as he wrapped his arm around the younger to pull him close.

They stayed like that position for a long time, but neither of them started talking or even sleeping. Jongin had a question that would trigger Chanyeol, and he chose to stay silent.

“Do you have something in your mind?” Chanyeol asked. Jongin didn’t expect the question, but since he asked. There’s no use to keep secrets.

“I... I heard what you said to Junmyeon few weeks ago. You blamed yourself on what happened to me.” He felt Chanyeol froze. He thought he had freaked out the older, and he didn’t want that. “Everything that happened back there wasn’t your fault. Mistakes happen all the time. We did try our best.”

Chanyeol sighed lightly. “Then why? Why did you do that to yourself? It’s not like you.”

Jongin took a deep thought on this. He is not the type who sacrifices for nothing. “I don’t know.” He closed his eyes when he recalled the voice in his head. “But I heard a voice telling me to do it. It was terrifying.”

“A voice?” This was news to Chanyeol. Ever since Jongin woke up, he never talked about it.

“The voice told me... that I’m useless.” Jongin swallowed a lump in his throat. His voice was more shaken. “That I couldn’t save anyone. My power is so plain and simple. It said I was the cause of their--- their deaths. I--“

“Shh... No, Jongin. You did nothing wrong, the voice did. Your power isn’t simple. It took huge amount of brain energy to teleport to a place. You told us before.” Chanyeol couldn’t help to the younger’s hair, while Jongin curled closer to the older’s chest. He was terrified by the voice.

He stopped shaking when he felt the older shifted away, before being scooped up in bridal style. He looked up at Chanyeol curiously before he was placed nearby the window. Then, he knew what Chanyeol was doing when he looked up the night sky, thousands of stars sparkled before him. He was immersed by the beauty, and recalled that he haven’t seen the stars for quite some time. They’ve been quiet again, and Jongin didn’t recognize Chanyeol had been staring at him. Until one moment, Jongin caught him touching his hair again.

“I didn’t know you’re falling in love with my hair. How sneaky of you.” He teased, and Chanyeol snorted.

“That’s not it. Your hair color changed.”

Jongin raised his eyebrows. “It does?”

“Yeah. It’s ash grey. Looks good on you.” Chanyeol smiled when Jongin tried to pull his bangs to his view.

“Oh wow, it is ash grey. I need a mirror.”

He chuckled. “You have to wait till morning for that. Now that reminds me, it does look similar to what happened to me long ago.”

Jongin looked up at him. “What is it?”

Chanyeol smiled painfully, and Jongin felt bad when he asked. “My hair stayed red after I went berserk.” He turned back to the stars, and he breathed out. “It was when we lost Yifan.”

The incident clicked Jongin. Chanyeol was on the edge when Jongin was in coma because of this. It happened to him before, which he fell into coma for almost two weeks. Jongin remembered clearly when Yixing was helpless during that moment, as he stayed on Chanyeol’s side almost every day, monitoring his health. Jongin silently leaned on Chanyeol’s shoulder. The silence indicated the conversation was over. They watched the stars above them for the longest time as they waited the crack of the dawn.

***

Jongin didn’t remember he was in bed when he opened his eyes. Chanyeol could probably carry him to bed when he was sleeping. He was greeted later by Junmyeon and Jongdae. Today’s session was taking a walk around the cabin area. The cabin? Yes, that’s right. Jongdae told him they’re teleported to the nearest empty cabin during the escape. If not, they might end up getting lost in the forest without a shelter. Junmyeon helped the younger up from the bed, and Jongin took baby steps to the door. He admitted it’s been a month he hadn’t used his legs, he almost forgotten how to walk. With his wobbly legs, he walked out from the room, and this was the first time he could see the layout of the cabin.

They have couches and tables in their living room. There weren’t many frames hanging on the wall like used to be. Junmyeon said they had to dispose all the animal heads on the wooden wall. Yixing hated them. That would explain why there’s so many flower pots around the cabin. He was then greeted by his brothers, who were waiting for their breakfast in the kitchen. Kyungsoo was cooking, and Sehun was helping. Again, it was rare to see Sehun doing the help. Jongin sat on the chair and waited his breakfast to be served. While the others were having delicious toast, Jongin’s food was quite special, and different. He ate a good amount of beef bacon, eggs and carrots. He slowly chewed on the food, letting the appetizing taste went into his throat. Once his plate cleaned, he thanked Kyungsoo for the food, before he was escorted out from the cabin by Junmyeon and Jongdae. Jongin finally able to see what’s around the cabin, and he didn’t expect to see the calm forest.

“When you first brought us here, we were panicking that you sent us nowhere.” Junmyeon said as he carried the younger’s arm around his shoulders.

“After you passed out, we searched around for a shelter. We thought he could just camp outside, but luckily for us, Baekhyun found a cabin just further in the forest.” Jongdae pointed out as he escorted them.

Jongin nodded silently before he looked around. He knew it was just a walk, but he was curious about where they were going. “Where are we heading?”

“A place to calm your mind. You’ll love it.” Junmyeon smiled, and obviously Jongin trusted his leader.

The further they went in, the more Jongin get used to walking. He told Junmyeon he can start to walk by his own, but Junmyeon won’t let him. He began to hear a flow of water splashing against the rocks, and that’s when he lit up.

“Is that water?”

“Close. It’s a river. That’s how we get our water resource.” Jongdae pointed the huge rock in front of them.

Jongin smiled wider, and he was eager to approach the cold water. Junmyeon helped him sat on the edge of the river, and removed Jongin’s shoes. Jongin slowly dipped his foot in the river, before he felt chill in his brain. He couldn’t help but laugh at the cold feeling. He felt so refreshed and awake. Junmyeon and Jongdae joined later, and before they could even relax in the coldness, Jongin lightly splashed the water at his brothers. They thought Jongin did it as a joke, but it turned out the brothers starting to have a water war. They splashed everywhere, letting their clothes soaked wet. Even Jongin fell in the shallow river, laughing out loud.

“Oh, look what have you done.” Junmyeon stood up to look at his drenched clothes.

“I haven’t taken bath yet, and I feel much better. It works.”

The brothers were glad that Jongin looked much alive this time. The teleporter’s face was full of color and smiling brightly. They helped him back to his feet, before moving to the other location. It’s too early to go back, so they thought they could use the time to show another good place to lie down under the sun. Jongin was surprised to see flower beds not far from where they left. There were white, yellow and blue flowers mixed up, and they were blooming beautifully.

“Yixing set these up. We almost argue about we don’t need flowers in the cabin, but he didn’t want to listen. In the end, he made more over here. Just don’t ruin them.” Junmyeon made a face.

Jongin slowly made his way the flower beds and lay down, facing the sun. “Should have told Yixing this is a good idea. I sense no harm doing it.”

The brothers joined him bathing the sunlight, as their clothes started to dry. Jongin was blinking drowsily as he slowly snuggled on his older brother beside him. Jongdae watched softly at Jongin, easily captured his heart on how Jongin acted like ten year old boy who needed protection. He warped his arm around the sleepy younger safely, slightly remembered the younger had to rest a lot instead of staying awake. Once Jongin fell asleep, the brothers brought him home without worry.

***

Two days passed, and Jongin was eager to use his ability. Yixing once again strictly forbidden him to use it, as he kept saying ‘it’s not the time yet’. However, as much as stubborn Jongin was, he already stood outside the cabin. His confidence showed up on his face. Kyungsoo and Yixing went after him, and they decided not to stop him.

“If anything happens to you, I’ll block your power, and you’re grounded from going out your room.” Yixing warned him, and the latter pouted cutely.

Kyungsoo pursed his lips slightly. It was true Jongin’s condition wasn’t the best, but forgetting how to use the ability is much worse. Jongin hadn’t used teleportation for more than a month, and with Kyungsoo and Yixing there could help if something went wrong. Kyungsoo pointed Jongin to try teleport to him within three steps away from where he was. Teleportation requires full focus in mind, telling Jongin from where to where he needs to teleport. The hardest part of all was to bring himself into the dimension where no one ever been before, and if he makes a small mistake, he could be trapped.

Jongin took a deep breath before staring at Kyungsoo, sending an eye contact. Kyungsoo nodded in return, mentally telling him that he can do it. With all the confidence, Jongin closed his eyes, focusing on the spot near Kyungsoo. A few moments later, he vanished with a loud pop.

He felt his body being swallowed, and honestly, when he did it for the first time, it felt so terrible. His mind was a bit of haze as he slowly opened his eyes, but he was shocked to see there’s nothing but darkness around. He didn’t fall into the state of panic. In fact, he did know about the ‘blank space’ he went for the several times. It only happened when he wasn’t focused enough or couldn’t find the destination he wanted to go. However, staying too long in the blank space might cause him hallucinations and achluophobia. He needed to get out of there as soon as possible. Closing his eyes for the second time, concentrating to teleport back to the beautiful lone cabin. But then a voice came.

‘Weak’.

It’s back. The harsh voice was back.

‘Useless’.

Jongin bit his lower lip, and his body shook terribly.

‘Worthless.’

Jongin’s eyes shot open, and his breath was rigid. He could see the light, but the vision was poor to see everything. There were muffled voices, but he was panicking to hear them.  Hands cupped on his face, before a voice saying to focus on the face. Wait, who’s face? Jongin blinked many times before he began to recognize the face. Kyungsoo was staring down at him, and he was intensely worried for some reason.

“Jongin, can you hear me?” Kyungsoo’s voice was shaky.

Jongin’s eyes wavered until they stopped at the second face from his side. Yixing was frowning at him. The chinese brother placed his hand on Jongin’s chest, as if he was observing the latter’s health.

“He’s panicking. Jongin, please relax. Take a deep breath, and let go. Come on. We’ll help you.”

Yixing instructed and Jongin did. He followed Yixing, as they took a deep breath, and exhaled. Jongin felt the panic slowly with ease. When his mind was sane again, he found out he was on the ground, cradled in Kyungsoo’s arms.

“W--what happened?” Jongin stuttered tiredly. He didn’t realize he was drained so much.

“You disappeared. As in ‘really’ disappeared, but you didn’t come back.” Kyungsoo said as gently as he could. “At first, we thought you made it, but we couldn’t see you around us. We were worried something might happen to you. Then I’m not quite sure how long, you did come back, but you passed out.” Jongin felt the older’s arms holding him tighter. “We went to check on you. Your body was so cold, and pale. Your pulse was weak, as if your energy got drained. Yixing has no choice but to heal you. I-- I don’t know what do to. I could only watch.”

The guilt filled in Jongin’s chest. He made his favourite brother deadly worry about him, again. If only he could fight back his stubbornness, this won’t be happening. Jongin leaned closer before reaching for the brother’s hand, just to hold it tight. “I’m sorry I made you guys worried. I should have known my power isn’t ready for this. I’m really sorry.”

None of the brothers blamed for Jongin’s mistake. Yixing patted the younger’s head, feeling pity for him, as he ushered him to go back to the cabin. True to Yixing’s words, he didn’t allow Jongin to wander out as he pleased after what happened. Of course, Jongin was bored, but he understood so well that he still needed more rest. Sometimes he wondered if he put too much burden on his brothers.

***

That same night when the full moon was visible up in the sky, Jongin was unable to sleep. He was afraid the voice might haunt him during sleep. He got out of the bed and took a seat near the window to watch the moon. It’s been long since the escape from the facility, he almost not recognize the beauty of the moon. He loves to watch it alone. It made him feel at peace, but he couldn’t help recalling the harsh voice. He was so alive, but yet, this voice made his heart sank.

Weak, useless, worthle--

 “Jongin?”

The latter turned around to see a tall figure standing still by the opened door. He was too plunged by his own thought, didn’t hear the other was coming.

“Sehun.” Jongin’s voice softened.

The wind wielder closed the door behind him, before approaching to the teleporter. “Why are you still awake? It’s late.”

“I can’t sleep. What about you?“

“Can’t sleep either.” That was all Sehun manage to say, as he took a seat next to Jongin. He looked at Jongin with worry, since Jongin was utterly quiet. “Something’s troubling you?” Jongin shook his head, but Sehun could see through his lie. “You were passed out this evening. Kyungsoo was worried, and Yixing was having a hard time to heal you. You are thinking through this again, aren’t you?”

The teleporter shook his head again, but Sehun didn’t say anything. He knew Sehun was waiting him to continue. “I’m having this weird dream lately, Sehun.” He looked down as he fiddled with his own fingers. “There was a voice telling me how useless I am, and it kept coming. ‘Teleport is a simple thing’, it said. Somehow I found what it said is true. Even with this power, I failed everyone. I kept thinking how deserve I am to be living through this world, even with this simple power. But in the end, I couldn’t save any of them.” He clenched his fist, and the tears were hot in his eyes. “What’s the point to have this power then? I don’t deserve it. I bet someone else out there did better than me.”

Jongin was stunned when a pair of arms wrapped around him. Sehun pulled him close, letting the teleporter’s head rested on his shoulder. “You did what you can, Jongin. We have these powers because we’re chosen. Of course, we do want your power instead, since teleport is a really cool ability. But you deserve it more. You’re born for it. We understand when you said teleport is a simple thing. To me, it’s not. Your power is complex. Your power easily drains you a lot every time you use it, which is why you need your rest. We understand when you couldn’t save someone beyond your limitation.” Sehun gently pat the older’s hair. “Ignore the voice. They’re wrong. They want you to feel wrong. You did what you can. But you have to remember that you’re not alone. You have us on your back, because we care. We’re your brothers.”

Jongin shifted to lean closer to the younger. His head buried deeper in Sehun’s shoulder, so he could cry. Sehun was right, and crying always made him better. Sehun felt his shoulder getting damped, as he gently rubbed Jongin’s back, letting the teleport to cry more. Things have been hard for Jongin, and he understands. When Jongin had stopped crying, Sehun broke the hug to see his face. Jongin’s eyes were red and puffed from crying. Sehun could only smile gently, as he reached to cup on the teleporter’s face.

“We all love you, you know?”

The small comment enough to make Jongin chuckled. “But I recalled you love me the most.”

Jongin didn’t lie when he saw Sehun blushed a bit. “I said that once.”

“Just once? So I’m not your most lovable person now? Maybe my crying face is too ugly for you.”

Jongin was about to turn away, but easily pulled by Sehun. He did not expect that their lips were sealed right away. His eyes were wide at first, but as soon as he realized what was happening, it clicked his mind that Sehun was still in love with him. It was since they lost Luhan and Tao, Sehun was having a hard time to keep himself to stay alive. Jongin was always by his side since then. Until one day Sehun confessed that Jongin is pillar of his life. In fact, being the same age as Sehun, he’s easily being closest to. Jongin accepted his love while the brothers adored every time they‘re being together.

The kiss broke, as Jongin watched affectionately at his young lover. Sehun moved to wipe the dry tear trails. It was unnecessary, but Jongin easily leaned on the touch. Then Sehun slowly reached for Jongin’s hand, leading him back to bed. They never say a word, but Jongin was pretty much tired at this point. Sehun tucked him in bed before he joined him. Jongin was lying close to Sehun, as the younger caressed the teleporter’s hair gently. Jongin wanted to stay awake, but his eyes forced him to close. He wanted to spend time more with Sehun that night, but he wasn’t going to worry anymore. When he’s awake the next morning, he has faith the wind wielder will be there with him.

“Sleep, Jongin.” Sehun planted a small kiss on the teleporter’s forehead. “Sleep.”

And he did. The harsh voice never came back that night. He’s slept peacefully.