»A beautiful sight, we´re happy tonight. Walking in a winter wonderland« the radio blurred quietly as Jin placed the last plate onto the drying rag. The mountain of dishes shifted slightly and he let out a loud curse, catching a large pot before it hit the floor. It was incredible how many dirty dishes 7 boys could produce. He had almost forgotten how much work those guys could be. Ever since their debut, they had an ajumma coming over to help out, but since it was Christmas Eve she was having the day off. Not that they really celebrated Christmas, like in all those American movies or something, but after all their successful promotions this year, Bang PD-nim had given everybody a free Christmas Eve, including them.

A soft smile found its way on Jin´s face, as he drained the sink. It had been a while since they last had gotten a day off and it almost sounded like a dream not having to worry about any schedules until the next day. If it just wasn´t for the annoying dishes. However, he had to admit, it was kind of his own fault. Namjoon had offered to order Take-out, but Jin had insisted on doing the cooking. It was Christmas after all and since the members didn´t get a chance to go home, he had wanted them to be able to at least enjoy some home-cooked meal, even if it wasn´t their mothers´. After all, he didn´t mind doing so. He like preparing food for the members, but damn, he hated doing the dishes. He should have insisted on a rule like “the cook doesn´t have to clean up” or something, but instead he had ended up with pile of dirty dishes thanks to his bad luck in rock-paper-scissor. At first Jimin had given him a hand, but when Taehyung had asked the other vocal to watch a movie with him, he was left alone rather quickly.

Finally having finished wiping down the counter, Jin placed the cloth over the heater before throwing a glance at the clock near the door. Heck, it was already half past seven. He was supposed to be leaveing 45min minutes. So much for his plan to take a long, warm bath and paying special attention to his make-up. Obviously a short shower would have to do and he quietly cursed the day for not having more than 24 hours. Giving the kitchen one last look over, Jin quickly made his way to the bathroom. The Maknae line´s laughs could be heard next door and he couldn´t help but smile fondly. As annoying as they could be at times, they were not only amazing artists but great people as well and he was lucky to have debuted with them. He wasn´t sure he ever told them enough. However, times like this, especially with holidays around, also reminded him off all the friends they weren´t allowed to debut with and it always left him with a hint of sadness. The industry really could be cruel at times. Quickly shaking his head, he decided that Christmas wasn´t the time for such depressing thoughts and that it would be better to hurry if he didn´t want to be late for his date.

Not even half an hour later, Jin was standing in his shared room, a bunch of clothes thrown onto his bed carelessly. He had showered in record time and put on just a hint of make-up, but now he was left with no idea about what to wear. So far, he had tried on three different outfits, but he wasn´t satisfied with either of them. Just when he was about to try on the next set of clothes, Yoongi, who had been silently playing with his tablet until now, sat up on his bed, an amused expression playing across his mostly emotionless features.

»You know, he won´t care for what you´ll wear, Hyung. «

»I know. I just want to find the best, but there is just too much to choose from. « Jin whined, motioning to the mountain of clothes on his bed, gaining an amused head shake from the younger.

»Just keep it simple. He´ll be happy enough to see you, no need for anything special to wear. «

»You´re right. « he chuckled, thinking of the bright beagle smile the other always send him when they got a chance to meet up.

A quick glance at the clock told him to hurry up and Jin quickly settled for a pair of tight black jeans, ignoring Yoongi´s knowing smile. He spent a few minutes on a choice of sweater, in the end settling for a wooden, bright red one. It kind of fitted the joyful Christmas atmosphere. Finally, being satisfied with his reflection in the mirror, Jin quickly grabbed his coat and scarf, wrapping it around his head so that it covered most of his face. Luckily the night was cold enough to not call any attention being bundled up like that. Scarfs just were a much better as disguise than the facemasks they wore ever so often. By now they almost screamed “idol” and using them as disguise often ended up, having the opposite effect than intended. Pulling his hat as deep into his face as possible, so that only his eyes kept showing, he quickly grabbed his wallet and keys before heading to the door. He ignored Yoongi´s suggestive “have fun” and was about to leave the dorm, when Namjoon appeared behind him with a bright smile on his face.

»You´re leaving, Hyung? «

»Yeah. You´re going to be ok, right? « Jin asked carefully, not wanting to question the younger´s ability to take care of things. He knew perfectly well, that their leader had no problem taking care of the kids and if they were being too much Yoongi would be around as well, but he still couldn´t help but worry each time he left them alone somewhere.

»We´ll be fine. « With a soft chuckle, Namjoon pushed him out of the door. »For any case of emergency, we all have you on speed dial. Now get going. You don´t want to keep him waiting. «

Jin just nodded at that. He knew how impatient the other could get when he had to wait.

»Send our greetings « the leader called after him before closing the door and Jin quickly made his way down. Luck seemed to be on his side, as there didn´t seem to be any fans hanging around their building and the first cap stopped right in front of him. Giving the driver the address, he shortly checked his disguise in the car´s rearview mirror, before leaning back and letting out a soft sigh of relieve. If there weren´t any major traffic jams, he would arrive right in time.

Focusing his attention on the city lights flashing by, he nearly jumped in surprise when his phone dinged with the ring tone set for the one special person. Opening the message as fast as possible, he tried to not feel too disappointed as he read the one sentence.

I am sorry, but I´ll be late.

It wasn´t that he minded the other being late, but it had happened way too often before, not only from the other but from himself as well. It would normally start with a simple: “I´ll be late” from one of them but, more often than not, it ended up in: “I won´t be able to make it” and the promise to reschedule. Typing a quick answerer of going to be waiting, Jin felt cold gather at the pit of his stomach as he feared to get stood up ones again. He knew the other wouldn´t be doing it on purpose, but he still wondered why things couldn´t work out for them even on a day like that. After all it was Christmas eve, the time of supposed to be miracles.

Arriving at the mall, he considered his options. He could either stay outside in the shadow of some corner and freeze his off, or he could go inside and take the risk of being recognized. A quick glance into the mall reassured him, that it was surprisingly empty and he decided it was worth the risk. Maybe some window-shopping would keep him distracted from the doubt that kept creeping up at the edge of his mind.

He passed a big toy store and a sad smile found its way onto his lips. He had planned to take his boyfriend there tonight as a Christmas presents, buying him whatever he wanted but if being late took as long as he suspected, they wouldn´t have the time before the mall closed. Trying not to dwell too much on it, he tried to convince himself that it didn´t matter if they did it another day, he quickly continued his walk around the mall. He passed a few closing stores and even though he really liked the new collections, it was an almost empty CD store that caught his interest and coaxed him to enter.

Their own album was stored right at the entrance way, being advertised by an almost life-size cardboard standup of the seven or them. Jin didn´t pay it any attention, he had seen it enough times by now. Instead he made his way through the rows of CDs, trying his best to avoid both, the other customers and the clerk. It was a simple black CD that caught his attention. It wasn´t one that screamed for attention but the slight, delicate decoration and golden writing on its cover gave it a delicate, artistic feel. He had seen it many times before, in fact owning a copy himself but he still liked it all the same. Gabbing the sample piece, he flipped through the photo book, not being able to stop the butterflies in his stomach, as he came across the page of his giant boyfriend. The photographer had done an amazing job. The clothes showed off the younger´s tall, lean body and the angle was chosen just right to make his sharp jaw bones stand out effortlessly. Not being able to help himself, he let his fingers travel over said bone, the butterflies only intensifying. Jin swallowed hard at the thought of how long it had been since they last had gotten a chance to see each other. He missed his boyfriend so much and he wasn´t sure what he´d do, if he didn´t get a chance to kiss the taller at least once today. Before he could spend any more thoughts on it however, the clerk made his way in his direction and he quickly placed the CD back onto the shelf before leaving the store.

After leaving the store, Jin continued his walk through the mall, but nothing caught his attention. He was feeling lonely and the closer to closing time it got, the more he lost hope of still being able to see the person he most wanted to at the moment. Fifteen minutes to closing time, he finally couldn´t take it anymore, as doubt clouded his mind. Leaving the mall, he once again wondered if they had made the right decision to become idols. Sure, he loved what he was doing, that he could make a living, doing something he loved and he couldn´t be any happier for the other to finally have debuted, but both of them being busy on constant schedules, just made things so much harder. Was it this hard for everybody, or was faith jus against them? He refused to believe the later, but lately he felt more and more like that was the case.

Refusing to even think this way, Jin was about to call over a taxi, just wanting to go home and find some comfort in s, when long arms wrapped around his middle. He nearly let out a squeak of fear, but instead a long sigh left his lips when a warm breath touched his ear, followed by a soft whisper by his favorite voice.

»Hey, Princess. «

»Seungjun, you made it. « Jin wasn´t able to keep the relieve out of his voice and for a second he didn´t care, who might see them, as he turned around in the taller´s arms and buried his face in the crock of his neck.

»I am sorry. Manager-Hyung suddenly called for a meeting after practice and I could only get away now. « Seungjun´s voice carried so much guilt that Jin couldn´t help but tighten his arms around the younger.

»Anything wrong? « Worry shimmered in the older´s eyes.

»No, he just wanted to talk about the schedules next month. « he felt Seungjun letting out an annoyed huff. »What kind of Grinch does something like that on Christmas eve? « He grumbled, causing Jin to let out a laugh.

Taking one last deep breath, the older pushed himself away from his boyfriend, still laughing, the relieve of being able to meet, keeping him light-headed. »The one that happens to be your manager. « He winked playfully, getting Seungjun to laugh along with him.

Still laughing, they made their way away from the main street into a less busy one about a block away, before they could catch any attention. When he finally stopped laughing, Jin turned towards his boyfriend with a bright smile on his face.

»So, did you have dinner already? «

»Yeah, at least manager treated us to food while torturing us. What about you? «

»I had dinner with the members. I was gonna bring you some, but they cleared it all. « Jin send the younger a regretful smile and immediately had to restrain himself from cooning over his cuteness, when a pout found itself onto Seungjun´s face. He wished he could just kiss that cute expression from the other´s lips, but he knew it would be a foolish, self-destructive action and therefore he quickly looked away. »How about we get something for dessert though. « He suggested hoping it would do the job.

Seungjun´s smile that followed, found its way straight into the oldest heart, as Jin felt little tingles running up his spine. This smile never failed to brighten his day and he never found the right words to explain how much he loved this side of his boyfriend. Desprite the first cool expression, Seungjun often was like a giant baby, getting excited about the smallest of things and it always made his heart beat wildly. In fact, it had probably been the thing that had caused him to fall for the giant in the first place. However, his thoughts got interrupted quickly when Seungjun started walking down the road in search for food, calling out for him over his tall shoulders.

They ended up with some sweet bread and Matang, before entering a small, quiet park. Since they never knew for sure when they would get a chance to meet up, they had settled for not planning anything for their dates. They would just see where things went and so far it had always been amazing. The park seemed almost empty and it screamed of a possibility to spend some time together, without having to worry too much about getting recognized.

Talking about nothing in particular, they followed the curvy path around the park, the only person they came across being an old woman walking her dog. After a while, they sat down on a small bench that overlooked a huge part of the park. The night air was freezing by now and Jin was sure he was gonna regret it later, but he couldn´t wipe the smile of his face as he listened to Seungjun excitingly telling an episode about Heejun and Jihun making a big mess out of the dorm´s kitchen. However, he was quickly distracted by the way their knees and shoulders touched slightly, sending warmth all throughout his body, while his heart accelerated its pace. He couldn´t believe his body still reacted like the first time they touched. Their current state probably wouldn´t even seem as more than conincidental touching to others, but to him, it meant a lot. Yet, it wasn´t nearly enough and he slowly felt the earlier doubt return.

They hadn´t gotten a chance to meet for a whole two months and even now they had to act like mere friends, when all he really wanted was to snuggle into his boyfriend´s broad chest and let go of all the stress that came with being an idol, wanted to get kissed by the giant´s soft lips until he couldn´t worry about anything anymore. When they had been trainees together, Seungjun had always been there to comfort him, but now being idols and in different groups and even companies, it wasn´t possible anymore. When they had decided to persue their dreams, even when it meant to be at different companies, he had known it would get complicated but he hadn´t expected it to be that hard. How were they supposed to keep a relationship, if they only got to meet up a few times a year, apart from the longing video calls they shared late at night? How were they going to enjoy their rare hours together if they always had to be on guard to not getting found out? Maybe they should have broken up the moment they knew they wouldn´t be able to join the same group. Sure it would have been painful, but maybe it would have been for the best. His own thought startled him and he quickly tried to push it to the back of his mind. He couldn´t even imagine not being with Seungjun but still, the doubts kept coming back to him like a boomerang.

»Do you have to go back to the dorm tonight? « Jin knew he sounded desperate, but he really needed to kiss his boyfriend right now, needed him to chase away all those thoughts he didn´t like having.

»I only have to be back tomorrow. You want to go home? « Seungjun sounded hopeful as well and Jin couldn´t help the happy smile at the word home. It was a little too much to say to their little hideout, they had rented a few months ago, but he liked it anyway. It was just a little 1-room apartment, including a small kitchen and bathroom, but it was enough for them. It was their only chance to get some time just for them and Jin was still glad they had decided to do it.

»Do you want to go first or shall I? « Nodding, he looked at his boyfriend questiongly. They always went separated so no one would see them but this time, Seungjun immediately shook his head.

»Neither. We are going together. «

»But…« Jin tried to protest but the younger just shook his head again.

»It´s Christmas and I am not going to miss any of the time I am having with you. Besides if people see us, we´ll just say we were going to see a mutal friend. We are not going separated! « Seungjun´s tone was stern and Jin just kept quiet. The last thing he wanted was for them to waste their time together by disgussing something like that.

Obviously accepting his silence as a positive answer, the taller pulled him off the bench but to Jin´s surprise he didn´t let go of his hand. Immediately Jin felt himself stiffen but the taller´s hold around his hand only tightened so he didn´t pull back. Instead he gave his surroundings a quick look over and when he couldn´t see anyone, he threated their fingers together. The gesture itself was comforting and the warmth from Seungjun´s hand seeking into his was all the reassurance he needed, as a soft sigh left his lips.

The way to their apartment took a while and Jin was starting to be impacient. He finally wanted to be alone with his boyfriend. The moment the door of their little hide-out closed behind them, their lips were on each other, moving along each other as if they were starving. Before they even came up for air, their coats were already on the floor and Seungjun was pushing him towards the bed. Letting out a deep moan when their tongues finally met, Jin was sure that he would be way too busy to worry about anything for a while.

About an hour later, they were sitting in the bathtub together. It was a little too small for two grown-up men, especially with one of them being a freaking giant, but Jin couldn´t care any less. The soft bubbles and warm water caressed his skin and Seungjun´s long and strong fingers seemed to work magic on his tense shoulders. A soft Christmas song was playing on his phone and a little Christmas-tree was glistening on the window-shield.

»How did that even get there? « he asked curiously, as he motioned towards it, not bothering to move any more than his head.

»I stole it back from Jihun a few days ago so I brought it here. To be honest, I was hoping we´d get a chance to come here. « Seungjun confessed and Jin could imagine the slight blush dusting his cheeks. However, he couldn´t suppress the hint of jealousy at the mention of the other´s leader. He had seen enough videos and read enough fans comments to know, they were extremely close and touchy with one another. It wasn´t that he thought Seungjun would cheat on him, but he often wondered if the younger would be better off if he dated , instead of someone he got to see so rarely.

He must have stiffened or something, because Seungjun halted the attention on his shoulders.

»What´s wrong, princess? «

»Nothing. « he didn´t want his boyfriend to know how troubled he felt about their relationship sometimes.

»Come on, I know there has been something on your mind the whole day now. Tell me. « Seungjun´s voice was coaxing as he continued the massage on his shoulders.

For a moment, Jin contemplated what to do. He didn´t want to hide anything from his boyfriend, but he also didn´t want the younger to think that he doubted their feelings. However, when Seungjun just stayed silent, thumps still pressing into his shoulders and seeming like he would be totally content if he didn´t get any answer at all, he knew he wouldn´t be able to keep it to himself for much longer. Taking a deep breath, he lowered his head slightly as he finally spoke out loud what he had been wondering about lately.

»Are we doing the right thing? « he all but mumbled. He heard Seungjun take a surprised in-take of air before two arms were wrapped around his torso, pulling him against his boyfriend´s chest. A soft kiss was placed on his head before the younger spoke up, voice almost cautious.

»Does this feel wrong to you? «

»No! « God, how could being in Seungjun´s arms ever feel anything but completely perfect and right. »It´s not what I mean. Are we doing the right thing being idols? «

»Did something happen? Are you not happy with it anymore? « Seungjun sounded more than a little confused and Jin quickly shook his head.

»No, I love it to being able to sing on stage. It´s a dream come true. «

»Then we are doing the right thing! « There was no doubt in his boyfriend´s voice but Jin didn´t feel nearly as convinced.

»What about us? « he felt his throat tighten and immediately the arms around him tightened as well. »How are we gonna keep this stable if we rarely get to see each other? How are we completely gonna enjoy our time together if we have to be on guard every time we get a chance to meet? How are we going to withstand having to hide this forever? « A tear rolled down his face but he didn´t care. It seemed so hopeless and yet he didn´t want to let go.

»Hey, it´s ok. « Seungjun carefully forced his head up slightly so that he was able to lock their eyes. »It´s going to be better. I know it´s hard right now, but it´s going to be better. I promise. Things will change and someday society will expect us for who we are. «

»What if they don´t? «

»We won´t be idols forever, Princess. « Seungjun´s hand cupped his cheek and Jin immediately leaned into the contact. »When the day comes were we feel like it´s enough, we´ll just go somewhere where we will able to be together. «

»Where? «

»It doesn´t matter. I´d go wherever you´d want us to. « he pecked the older´s lips softly before connecting their eyes again. The honesty in his gaze send a shiver down Jin´s spine. He knew Seungjun meant it and slowly he felt the other´s confidence about this seep into his own mind, but there was still that doubt that lingered.

»What if someone finds out? «

»Then we will deal with it together. I know it is hard like this, but I am not going to let you go. I love you, Princess. «

»I love you too. « Before he had a chance to say anything else, Seungjun connected their lips again. It was a slow kiss, conveying everything words were never enough for. Slowly, Jin felt the doubt being pushed from his mind. As hard as it was to manage both, being an idol and their relationship, Seungjun always managed to be there, having his back, loving him and that was enough for him to believe they could keep going.

»Thank you. « He muttered at their lips finally parted and Seungjun pulled him even closer to his chest.

»It´s ok. Just, next time you worry about something, tell me and we figure something out together. «

Jin just nodded at that, earning him a lingering kiss to his neck.

»To face unafraid, the plans that we´ve made, Walking in a winter wonderland. « his phone blurred softly, as he slowly closed his eyes, enjoying the warm feeling that started to spread through his body as Seungjun started to rain butterfly kisses onto his neck. He let out a long sigh as realization came to his mind. No matter that they didn´t see each other often, that they had to be careful even then, he knew, as long as they had each other, they could face everything and there was nothing for him to worry about.