when i woke up my hand immediately landed on the space beside me. the space he once filled didn't even capture his warmth. ah yeah, it's been days. now it's cold. i rolled over and buried my face on his pillow. still his scent. my heart begun pounding. a mixture of joy and pain. i'm quite a masochist at times. wanting to remember how he feels but knowing he can't be here. i got back into laying on my side. staring at his space the way i stared whenever he's asleep. his face burned at the back of my brain. my eyes became blurry and i feel warmth streaking down. tears. huh,so i'm still capable of tears. i've been crying for days hoping my eyes will dry, hoping the pain will be wiped away with it. i guess there is still more. 

i forced myself to get up. there is still a day ahead of me. i closed my eyes and played in my brain his daily greeting 

'Good morning. i love you, kookie' 

i clutched at my shirt. i want to claw my heart out. it's clenching too much it hurts. silently i mutter  

'good morning taetae. Don't forget your breakfast and meds'.

 i know he can't hear it. but i hope he remembers as i do. he often forget. i love reminding him but it worries me now because i am not the one there anymore. Just a good 20 minutes of my waking hour has passed and darkness is already creeping up. these thoughts i have. but i shook my head. no. he wouldn't like that. that will make him sad. shaky breaths escaped me as i try to ease myself. my legs trembling a little as i walked up to the bathroom. the first thing i see is an unrecognizable man on the mirror. outgrown hair tousled messily, not even the good kind of messy. eyes puffy and dark circles showing. i think i became paler. a bit ghastly to be honest. i would be in panic at any normal day. but honestly, now i've lost my every reason for anything. 

author's note: so i'm back. and i'm sorry because my comeback story wouldn't be much. it is not promising for it is only made to express the pain of losing someone so precious. sorry if it'll be depressing. but this is just to share. and for some people to start thinking and showing how much they love their respective others. i hope this will help and enlighten. don't lose the only person who made you whole. 

love lots,