3. Ace of Spades

 

Jinyoung.

 

That was his name. Jinyoung. Jin-young. He wanted to repeat it to himself a thousand times. In fact, when got home he probably would, accompanied by hidden, giddy laughter. He didn't know if it was a common name in Korea or not, but it somehow fit the person in front of him. Or maybe Mark had just wanted to hear it so badly that his feeling of satisfaction lent it beauty.

 

He had a thousand things he wanted to say to Jinyoung, but the most important one had to come out first.

 

“Why did you leave?” he asked.

 

Jinyoung was still holding his hands, looking dazed enough to where Mark wondered if he'd even heard the question to begin with. He seemed to be mouthing something to himself. Based on the shape of his lips, Mark wondered if it was his name. Mark. Mark.

 

“I left...” Jinyoung finally murmured, shaking his head as if to snap himself out of it. “I left because I wanted to stay too badly. And when I want things, I don't get to keep them.”

 

Mark nodded. That made sense, based on what Jinyoung had said previously about his jobs. “In that case. Why did you come back?”

 

“Because. That ends today. I'm keeping this.” His fingers tightened slightly around Mark's. “My turn. What you wrote on the sign... did you mean that?”

 

Mark nodded.

 

“Good. Because frankly, I'd feel like a pretty big idiot right now if you weren't thinking of me as much as I was thinking about you. Which is a lot. Pretty much all the time, and-” Jinyoung's mouth snapped shut. “Sorry. I'm rambling again. Because of the adrenaline. I'm actually not normally like this.”

 

“It's okay,” Mark said softly. “I think I'd like both sides of you.”

 

Jinyoung blushed. “T-thank you.” He swallowed. “Um. I get a second question, don't I? Can you tell me... when you found me, what were you planning on doing?”

 

Mark considered. “I haven't actually thought far ahead. But I was sort of thinking... I'd open up a line of communication. Hope this was the fated event you promised me. And then...change my life so it isn't just me, but me and you instead.”

 

“Wow. That was smooth. And good. Really good. 100% also what I want. But I feel like I should warn you. My life is pretty much a mess right now. If I can't get a steady job after this internship, my parents are probably going to try and haul me back to Korea. I'm also broke, I mean really broke. I tried to play off losing that five dollars, but that five dollars was kind of a big deal. I'm really hoping having this work out—between us, I mean—means I can make the rest work, too, but I can't guarantee that. Even so, even though I can't really give much of anything, I really, really want to get to know you better. Because... well, you're you. You're the only thing that has calmed me down in ages, on top of being beautiful and majestic and magical.”

 

“This is you calmed down?” Mark asked with a smile.

 

“I don't mean that kind of calm. I think my heart may be beating faster than last time. I mean, you somehow make me think like everything will be okay.”

 

“And won't it be?”

 

Jinyoung tilted his head.

 

“Things like the economy and the job market aren't your fault. But you're trying hard and not giving up. You want it to work. And maybe it will or maybe it won't, but if you're ready the moment it matters, you won't miss out on it. I think someone like you will definitely be fine.”

 

A smile slowly blossomed on Jinyoung's face. “You really mean that.”

 

“Of course I do. You keep saying you're a mess, but the more I look at you, the more put together you seem to me. You know what you want to do and you try to do it, even if you fail. How awesome is that?”

 

“Well. Meanwhile there's you who doesn't think he's as incredible as he so obviously is.”

 

“Obvious, huh?”

 

“Right. I mean, you don't even feel like anyone else. Whenever I'd go to The Little King's, I'd know whether you were there or not right away. Because you're just different. I bet a lot of people are constantly staring at you and you don't even know it.”

 

Mark shrugged.

 

“See? There you go shrugging like it doesn't matter. But just because you see yourself as solitary doesn't mean you fade into the background. I think it just makes you stand out more. Like you're this center of calm in all this chaos. Of course it stands out in New York.” Jinyoung paused. “I'm...kind of getting too passionate about this, aren't I?”

 

“A little.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Don't apologize. It means it's something you like about me, right?”

 

“...yeah.”

 

Mark smiled. “Then it's good.”

 

“Yeah.” Jinyoung grinned again, then looked down at their hands. “Er, should we be letting go by now?”

 

“It's cold and I don't have any gloves, so let's not.” Mark gave his hands a gentle squeeze. “I'm glad you think so much of me already, but really, I'm not so amazing. I'm not good with people. If you had been anybody else running off after a short meeting, I wouldn't have cared.”

 

“So...I'm supposed to be turned off that you'd normally do that, but didn't do that for me? I'm actually quite flattered.”

 

“I'm just kind of worried that the 'not good with people' thing will rear up any minute now.”

 

“I bet you it won't.”

 

“Really? Are we really going to be throwing money down on this?”

 

“Nope. I'm five dollars short, plus the ten dollars for that random guy's dry cleaning, I'm sorry. But I figuratively bet you that your bad with people thing won't cause any major, deal breaking problems in the first year of us knowing each other. If the first year goes well, I'll consider extending the bet.”

 

Mark's eyes widened a little bit at Jinyoung already anticipating a year together—no matter how you looked at it, they'd barely spent over a few hours with each other (though perhaps the time they had spent thinking about each other could be counted). He wasn't sure where all this faith in him came from, but in a way, he also felt that kind of faith in Jinyoung. It couldn't be just any kind of person who had made him feel this way. Finally, finally, it had to be the right person.

 

“You said 'deal breaking',” Mark said. “So what exactly is the deal?”

 

“Well, you said you wanted to get to know me better.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“So... we're going to be going on dates, or doing date-like things, I assume.”

 

Mark nodded.

 

“Then... going on dates. That equals dating.” Jinyoung suddenly got a panicked look on his face. “That is what we're leading up to, right? We're holding hands, but you're not just going to say you meant all of this in a friendly way, are you?”

 

“Wait, you didn't realize I do this with all my friends? That's how it was with Jackson. I saw him across the subway platform, ran across the entire station and just barely made it inside the car as it was pulling away from Grand Central, then I got on my knees and asked him passionately to be my friend right in front of everyone.”

 

“You did?”

 

Mark laughed loudly. “No. Are you kidding me? My parents begged me to hang out with him when he moved into our neighborhood. I just wanted to play Playstation.”

 

“Oh. So...”

 

“Of course I'm interested in dating. Just a warning, though, I don't know if I can make it like the first time you saw me again. I'm probably not the kind of person who can be confused for a forest spirit more than once.”

 

“For some reason, I think you're going to make it magical somehow.”

 

“Want to find out?”

 

“Right now?”

 

“The night's still young. The Little King's may be closed, but I know somewhere that isn't.”

 

“So you're taking me?”

 

“Do you want to go?”

 

Jinyoung ran his thumb against the length of Mark's. “There's nothing I want more.”

 

0

 

Jinyoung stared at the bowl of ice cream in front of him. “In the winter, though?”

 

“Yeah. No better time to get brain freeze.”

 

“You say that as if it's something I'd want.”

 

“You want to know about me. I like ice cream.”

 

“So do I. But being freezing, not so much.”

 

“Then sit over here.” Mark pointed to the seat next to him.

 

“Snuggling already?”

 

“I was thinking close proximity body heat would be enough, but if you insist.”

 

Jinyoung smiled a little, revealing the eye crinkles Mark liked so much. “Let's not push it. I don't like to be showy. You know, I was planning on asking Jackson for your name from the beginning, but because I was 100% sure he'd broadcast it to everyone if I did, I chickened out.”

 

Mark grimaced. “Trust me, he did. Everyone in our friend circle knew I was looking for you. Jackson wrote several songs about it, too. 'Mark Has A Crush'. 'Mark Is In LOOOOOOVE'. 'Mark Is An Idiot Who Can't Even Get Someone's Name After An Hour With Them'.”

 

“You'll have to sing them for me sometime.”

 

“No thank you.” Mark took a spoonful of his Chunky Turtle Explosion (which never failed to give him a mental picture of a fat turtle blowing up), relishing the freezing sensation in his body. Everything that happened that evening had made him so warm that he could barely stand the heat of it anymore. Even the lingering effects of his cold seemed to be going to some far off place.

 

He'd only been gone from The Little King's twenty minutes after writing his sign to Jinyoung—still Crazy Person, back then—when Jackson had called him.

 

“Dude, you're a lot smarter than I give you credit for sometimes,” he'd said.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“You need to get back here ASAP.”

 

Mark had practically dropped his cell phone. “He's there?”

 

“Maybe. You'll just have to come see for yourself.”

 

“Jackson, you better not be pulling my leg.”

 

“Don't mention the word 'leg' around me. I'm hanging up.”

 

“Wait! At least tell me what's going-”

 

“Just get here. Ta-ta.”

 

So Mark, who'd already gotten on the subway to Bay Ridge, had to get off at the next stop, head back in the opposite direction, and make a mad dash for The Little King's.

 

To his surprise, he found both the shop and the rink emptying out when he got there.

 

“Jackson has gone insane,” Mrs. Wang explained.

 

“What's he doing now?”

 

“He literally just gave out every single one of our free hot chocolate and skate rental tickets to get people to agree to leave the shop early. Mind you, he also had to go into the bistro across the rink to get the skaters who'd started there to vacate. I don't know how he did it, but they actually left, too. My son is too charming for his own good. I don't even want to know who he sold his soul to to make that happen. But I do want to know how he expects to compensate for a shortened business day and all those freebies we'll apparently be giving out.”

 

Mark had shrugged guiltily. Whatever Jackson was doing, he was surely doing for Mark's benefit, even though all Mark wanted was to see the person he'd been desperate for and get his name. There was no need for a spectacle, though that's how Jackson would want it done, were it happening to him.

 

But Jackson hadn't told him much of anything. He'd pretty much just shoved him onto the rink, ambiguously saying something like “Just wait and see.”

 

So Mark had waited, not even able to skate the way he normally would. All he could do was stay still and wait for his long awaited Crazy Person to arrive.

 

And then he had. Jinyoung. The same person right beside him, digging into his ice cream and shivering from the cold.

 

Mark smiled. He still felt warm all over. He wondered if that feeling of warmth would ever go away, now that he'd finally found it.

 

“What is it?” Jinyoung asked, tilting his head.

 

“Are you enjoying your ice cream?” Mark deflected. He'd tell him the truth about what he was thinking soon enough. Like Jinyoung, he knew it was all moving a little fast and he wanted to savor it a little. He wanted Jinyoung to have no doubts that he really meant it when he said it.

 

“It's good,” Jinyoung said, nodding. “Cold. I think my hands are going to freeze over again.”

 

“We'll have to fix that later.”

 

“I was hoping you would say that.” Jinyoung's lips curled upwards. “Since we're doing 'getting to know you' right now, can I ask you something?”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Do you like sledding?”

 

“Yeah? Why?”

 

“Just thinking about potential next dates. Are you free tomorrow? I never got to ask where you worked.”

 

“At a bank.”

 

“Oh, so you can solve my money problem!”

 

“And break a few laws in the process, sure. But yeah, I should be free. Are we going to go sledding? After you complaining about being cold?”

 

“There's that one place with the lodge with a fireplace and hot chocolate bar. The hot chocolate's not as good at The Little King's, but the atmosphere is good.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Sitting...talking...getting to know each other...so on...” Jinyoung flushed a little. “That is, if you want to.”

 

Mark grinned. As if he wouldn't. “Of course. It's a date.”

 

0

 

Jinyoung was still shivering by time they finished their ice cream, so Mark had an excuse to hold his hand as they walked back to the subway station (which he'd been planning on doing regardless). Compared to Manhattan, the streets in Brooklyn quieted down a lot faster, so they could at least be semi-alone as they made their way back.

 

Which was how Mark now liked it. A world of one wasn't enough anymore, but he didn't need all of the rest of the world rushing in. A world for two was just right. The two of them walking by themselves under the endless night sky, millions upon millions of souls existing around them, but never coming close enough to shatter the magic between them.

 

It took a minute for Mark to realize Jinyoung was staring at him as they walked. Just connecting their hands felt so overwhelming that he wasn't thinking of making eye contact just then—and was in fact kind of shyly looking away—but when he chanced a glance over, he caught Jinyoung's smiling eyes directed towards him.

 

“What?” Mark asked self-consciously.

 

“You said I wouldn't confuse you for a forest spirit again,” Jinyoung said softly. “But here you are, as unreal as ever.”

 

“You're not going to run off again, are you? This isn't a dream.”

 

“Not technically. But it is to me. A dream that's finally coming true.”

 

---

 

 

The best part about dreams that were actually real was that you didn't necessarily have to wake up from them. You could keep going from one beautiful moment to the next, and even when things got a little rough along the way, at least the reality you existed in could promise you a better tomorrow. The world was brighter and held more color, and as you moved from day to day, there was a vibrant force pushing you along, making you want to do and be more, and most of all live and love harder.

 

Jinyoung's beautiful, dreamlike moment hadn't gone anywhere on him or turned disappointing. In fact, it just kept getting better and better. From their ice cream date, they'd gone sledding and enjoyed the lodge's fireplace with their cups of hot chocolate. They'd talked for hours until the lodge management shooed them out to make room for a tour group passing through. Jinyoung didn't get any of the 'so on' he'd eluded to, unlike several of the other couples there who'd made out quite spectacularly to warm up once inside. Still, it was only the second date. 'So on' would come later.

 

From the sledding date, they'd gone out for ramyeon, and the next date was karaoke in K-Town followed by heaping buffet plates at Woorijip. Then another date in Central Park. And another at a bowling alley.

 

Mark's 'bad with people' thing never surfaced with Jinyoung. He never even lost the slightest bit of the luster Jinyoung had seen in him skating alone at the ice rink, even though he was now showing a variety of more human sides to himself. That almost made him better in Jinyoung's eyes. Rather than loving someone perfect and unapproachable, it was far more satisfying to be with someone who made cute little slip ups now and then and who stammered a little when Jinyoung touched him and couldn't always come up with the perfect thing to say, even if the emotions he felt could already be seen perfectly on his face.

 

If he had one complaint, it was that Mark was very serious about taking it slow. He had no qualms about holding hands or pulling Jinyoung close when it got cold, but anything more than that, he seemed reluctant to do. It was almost if he was afraid of spooking Jinyoung or causing him to run off like he had the first time. Jinyoung was still cursing himself over that. It had been such a stupid reason to run, but it had affected Mark nonetheless. It had made him think Jinyoung was a little bit afraid of being in love.

 

And maybe Jinyoung was a little bit afraid. Trusting in anything that wasn't a guarantee was by nature a little terrifying in its own way. That didn't mean he wanted to flee at the first signs of Mark trying to take things further. He wished Mark didn't get so shy around the time when they were splitting up for the night and could possibly give each other a goodnight kiss, though they had yet to do so, or didn't hesitate so much to lean into Jinyoung fully when he crept closer. Mark had his own comfort zone to break out of, of course, but Jinyoung hoped none of his determination to move slowly was because he thought that was what Jinyoung wanted.

 

Jinyoung definitely wanted to fall more in love with Mark and savor the entire process as he did so. But he also wanted the complete connection. Everything was changing because they had found one another, just as the ace of spades Mark had drawn promised, but he wanted to put a stamp on it. He wanted any proof he could get that the dream wouldn't suddenly vanish and things would go back to the way they always had been.

 

0

 

His mom had paid for a new phone to replace his lost iPhone, which Jinyoung was incredibly grateful for.

 

He kind of wished she would stop calling him so much, though.

 

“Jinyoung, your father has an opening in his company back home. If you want, your application will be considered.”

 

“Jinyoung, have I told you there's a real need for people with English skills back in Korea?”

 

“Jinyoung, has anything at all progressed in your internship?”

 

That was his real fear. Not about loving Mark too much or going too fast. But that he would fall so much in love with Mark and then have to wind up leaving because he could no longer afford to stay.

 

They had another date planned for that night—Time's Square, though Mark hadn't been specific about what exactly they were going to do there—and Jinyoung was wondering if he should tell him then. The deadlines were mounting. If he couldn't secure something after his internship, he wouldn't be able to remain not just in New York, but America in general. He would have made and missed and remade a connection only to be pulled away from it by circumstance.

 

He was in a black mood during his internship because of that. He had to get it out of his system so he wouldn't carry it with him when he was with Mark later in the evening. He wanted to enjoy that moment to the fullest and not spoil it with anything extraneous.

 

“Jinyoung,” one of his fellow co-interns said, dropping by his desk. “The supervisor wants to talk to you.”

 

Great. Jinyoung sighed. The last thing he needed was a performance review when he was already in a bad mood.

 

Still, he slunk down the hallway to his supervisor's office. They'd had a good discussion about Jinyoung's career path the first time his mother had fussed about him coming home, but this company was pretty elite. Having a Master's degree was the expectation, and Jinyoung couldn't afford any more years of school.

 

“Sit down, Jinyoung,” the supervisor said, pointing to the chair across from his desk. Jinyoung dutifully took it.

 

“I've thought a lot about what we talked about last time,” he continued. “Trust me, it gives me no pleasure to shut out good workers because of two years difference in education. And I'm also aware the price of schooling here isn't what a lot of international students are used to.”

 

Jinyoung nodded. That was putting it lightly.

 

“It's unfortunate, but we can't accept you as a permanent hire during this round of hiring. But there is this...” He slid a brochure to Jinyoung. “I'd like you to consider it. The competition for this will be tough, but I'd say you have a decent shot at it. And having your graduate school tuition paid for? Can't ask for better than that. Having work experience and the required Master's degree? You'd be a shoo-in for a position here if you complete that, particularly if the big boss extends your time in the internship program, which I'm sure he would if you secured this deal. It's worth trying, right?”

 

Jinyoung accepted the pamphlet with shaking hands. This was no guarantee either. But it was something. If you're ready the moment it matters, you won't miss out on it, Mark had said. And this was something he couldn't miss out on. This was his big chance to stay.

 

Jinyoung ran a tongue against his lip, trying to catch his breath enough to speak. “Yes,” he said softly. “It's worth trying.”

 

0

 

The excitement and anticipation of the opportunity in front him left Jinyoung with a somewhat numb and lightweight feeling in his body. Time's Square was as packed as ever, but he didn't really notice any of the people around him. All he could think of was that things were really changing. One good thing really was leading to another. He didn't have this in the bag, but he genuinely felt that with Mark's faith as a motivation—and his own increased faith in himself after meeting Mark—that this was something he could do.

 

He'd already pretty much done the impossible, anyways. Finding the person meant for him in a city of millions and finding him a second time after losing him once had to be an accomplishment of its own.

 

He glanced at his cell phone once he made it deeper into the Square. I'm on the red steps, Mark had texted. Jinyoung thought of the female police officer and smiled. It was too bad Toys R Us had shut down. Apparently the muffins there could have worked even more magic.

 

Jinyoung crossed the streets to the red steps and glanced up. He immediately found Mark somewhere near the middle, jumping a little in place to keep himself warm while waiting for Jinyoung. He was buried under a coat and scarf, and there were plenty of other blondes surrounding him, but he still stood out as if a spotlight was pointed directly at him.

 

Jinyoung caught his breath. He was always catching his breath when it came to Mark. Getting to know him better didn't diminish his impact on Jinyoung or make him more accustomed to how good being around him felt. A smile found a way onto his face at the mere sight of him every time.

 

Jinyoung climbed up the steps, waiting for the moment when Mark also noticed him. Mark's eye contact was more subtle, but Jinyoung could pinpoint from Mark's smile the exact moment he laid eyes on him. Like Jinyoung, he couldn't hide the expression that rose on his face, and as soon as Jinyoung saw the shift cross his features, his heart would beat erratically in his chest in response.

 

It wasn't possible for him to walk away from that smile anymore. And he wouldn't let himself, come what may.

 

He took the hand Mark reached out to him and made his way up to the step where he was standing. “Hey, Forest Spirit,” he said.

 

“You wanted to know my name so badly, and now you never use it, Crazy Person,” Mark said with a laugh.

 

“It's your fault. Mark is a very human name for such a spirit as yourself.”

 

“Whatever.” Mark pulled him down to sit on the steps. “So how was work?”

 

Jinyoung shifted a little. “Well...”

 

“What is it?”

 

“I was going to tell you something tonight, but now it's become a little complicated.”

 

“If you feel you should tell me, tell me.”

 

“Remember how I mentioned about my parents wanting me to come back home if I can't get a job after my internship? Well, that's still a pretty present possibility. I don't want to keep reminding you of that, obviously, because if I were you, I wouldn't want to date someone who could move a gazillion hours away at any moment. I mean, actually being there for a person is an important part of being in a relationship, right?”

 

Mark nodded.

 

“So. It's a concern. And now I could potentially have the opportunity to be hired at the company I'm interning for now if I'm able to get this fellowship that will fund my graduate school tuition. I'm going to work so hard to make that happen. Unbelievably hard.”

 

Mark nodded again. “Of course you will.”

 

“But. You should still know that there's still that possibility I won't be able to make it. And if that does happen, well... I probably won't be able to be here anymore.” Jinyoung bit his lip. “I can't let that happen. I'll do my best, I really will.”

 

Mark leaned slightly into Jinyoung's shoulder. “You know something? I thought about this already, since you mentioned it early on. And you know what I think?”

 

“What?”

 

“You've already proven that you're not someone who goes without coming back. So if you have to go, you have to go. But you'll be back.”

 

“You're saying that quite confidently.”

 

“That's because I was pretty not confident at all about you looking for me when you left the first time. But you did. So the same follows this time, I think.” Mark looked up. “I'm not exactly the kind of person who would go off looking for someone right away, you know? I didn't exactly want another person, until I wanted you. And that just happened because of you being you.”

 

“I won't run off and find someone else either,” Jinyoung said quickly. “There has to be a limited number of magical people who were able to grace the Earth. I was lucky to find just one.”

 

“There you go calling me magical again.”

 

“You've yet to convince me that you aren't.”

 

Mark shook his head. “Anyways, I bet you'll get that fellowship.”

 

“You think?”

 

“Yeah. You'll have me helping you, too, won't you?”

 

“Will I?”

 

“Yes. From now on.”

 

Jinyoung smiled. Mark was usually the shyer one about making eye contact, but now Jinyoung suddenly found it difficult to look at him. He turned instead to the view in front of him, the cars honking on their way to wherever they were going, the flashing ads, the tourists posing with a Statue of Liberty on stilts, the glowing lights of shopfronts. It was a busy world, and millions upon millions of important things were probably happening here and everywhere, but in his heart, this felt like the biggest thing of all. Whatever came next, he wouldn't be enduring it alone.

 

“How lucky does a person have to be?” Jinyoung murmured to himself. “The first thing the universe lets go right for them is something as good as this.”

 

“How lucky do two people have to be,” Mark corrected him. “It wasn't just you.”

 

“I know. That's exactly it. That's exactly it.”

 

Jinyoung finally turned back to Mark, his eyes glistening a little, brightened by all the lights in the city surrounding them. There were dozens of people sitting beside them, a group of college students taking selfies to the left, a little kid jumping up and down the steps in front of them, an arguing couple behind them, and tourists with a map unfolded to the right. But Jinyoung didn't hear a word they were saying when he was looking into Mark's eyes. He could only see, hear, and feel him.

 

“Are you sure you're real?” he whispered, leaning closer to Mark's warm body. “I don't think normal people are capable of doing everything you've done to me.”

 

“If I'm not real, you're not real either.”

 

“This is a city of dreams. Maybe we aren't.”

 

“Maybe. But this at least is.”

 

Mark leaned into Jinyoung, eyes fluttering shut. Whatever he'd been waiting for seemed to have been found in that moment. He cupped Jinyoung's cold cheek and kissed him slowly, as oblivious to the rest of the world as Jinyoung himself was. He broke away for a brief moment, his exhaled breath collecting between them in a cloud before being dispelled as he leaned back in take Jinyoung's lips in his. The touch was given slowly yet powerfully, much like how Mark did everything. There was no need to rush something that came this naturally. It came when it needed to, and it felt all the better for Jinyoung for having waited for it. Warmth flooded him, and his heart surged in his chest in a way that was almost painful, yet unbearably sweet.

 

And it was real. A humbling, beautiful real.

 

 

 

 

 

A/N: Ahh, I'm usually pleased with how my 3-4 chapters stories turn out, but they end so soon. I feel like I just started publishing this yesterday.

I guess I'll just have to make my next story, a lo~nger multi-chap, yes? ;) ;) ;)

In the meantime, thanks for leaving me lots of support and feedback, it means a lot :D If you want to talk to me in the meantime, don't forget you can leave me an ask, and I can ramble back at you <3